Zombism

Zombism: noun. Zombism is a denomination of Christianity created by the synthesis of Abrahamic beliefs and Voodooism. Adherents of this denomination believe that Jesus Christ did indeed rise from the dead, but as a zombie. According to Zombist lore, he then roamed the Holy Land eating the brains of unsuspecting head surgery aspirants who followed him in giant queues everywhere he waddled. Eventually, word reached the leadership in Rome of the newly formed undead army keeping the Holy Land cut off from its water supply by clumsily falling into rivers and aqueducts. The Romans sent in a massive army which slaughtered the already half-dead bodies and then threw them into the Mediterranean Sea. Legend has it that some pieces drifted as far as Jamaica where they were discovered by Josepho Smitho in a golden microwave. When he opened it, the zombie pieces attacked him, ate his brain and Josepho Smitho spent the rest of his undead life travelling Jamaica and preaching a newly formed religion which only made sense in his own head and the heads of his few followers. Apparently, its main tenets were "brains, brains and braaaaaaaaaaains."