Glueb

Glueb: noun. The remnants of glue inside a glue-stick, once the glue has been exposed to air for too long and is no longer usable as glue. The material retains its adhesive capabilities, but it is no longer in a fine consistency inside being in a strange globular or congealed state. Various inventors have tried to create uses for glueb such as fuel or vaseline, but those have all so far ended in fire, explosions or painful rashes.

Enginering

Enginering: noun. The subset of engineering, which consists solely of the study and development of engines, whether they be steam, diesel, nuclear or hamster. Enginering was pioneered by Aurel Stodola, who didn't really believe in the validity of the other parts of engineering as being worthy of study or investigation.

Pearsimmon

Pearsimmon: noun. A hybrid fruit created by geneticists in 2011, which combined the impossibly annoying shell of persimmons with the awful taste of pears. They were subsequently declared the 'Genetical Failure of 2011' by the International Committee for Human Achievement and Failure, which is chaired by Richard Dawkins.

Carsea

Carsea: noun. The joint commuting of at least 15 people together in a bus. The only difference between a carpool and a carsea is in the number of people that are encompassed in the two different activities. Carseas are particularly popular in the more rural parts of India, where the bus may be the only form of transportation for the entire area and so the carsea may be a necessity for many of the people.

Cryptophony

Cryptophony: noun. The study of the conveying of secret or hidden messages in speech. The field was developed to help the already existing study of cryptography, which however only had meager attempts at actually analyzing speech. Individuals have excelled at making ambiguous phrases convey hidden messages. Cryptophony is based around the analysis of individual fragments of speech, which are referred to as 'trapped cryptophonemes'.

Irrigatation

Irrigatation: noun. Being annoyed about things to do with the artificial watering or land or soil. This is a problem farmers often suffer from, especially if some stupid, GOD-FORSAKEN rodent decides to chew through their pipes and hose so that all of his stupid, stupid plants withers before he has time to go and fix the ENTIRE IRRIGATION SYSTEM.

Poelemization

Poelemization: noun. Polemization about one or more poems. This is a term originating in the 17th century, when the discussion of poetry in literary circles became particularly popular and the term emerged to refer to the monologue delivered by a single person at the beginning of such meetings, which would set the tone and topic for the discussion. Later poets and authors would try to prevent poelemizations by creating seemingly banal poetry, such as 'Sacred Emily' by Gertrude Stein.

Prerequiment

Prerequiment: noun. A requirement or criterion for a presentation. This word is an amalgam of two other words, that has become increasingly popular in recent times, especially in the business world, where a growing need for efficiency has condensed various phrases into single words, with prerequiments being only one example of the multitude of new vocabulary.

Battlemint

Battlemint: noun. A sugary-sweet pill that was taken by knights in the middle ages to calm their nerves and aid them before an upcoming battle. It was believed that the mints had mystical and magical properties, and thus would provide them with the strength necessary to overcome their enemy in battle. In reality, battlemints were one of the most successful and prosperous market ventures that made their creator a John of Reading one of the richest men in the world at the time. In fact it is thought that accounting for inflation and currency development, his wealth at the height of his power would be equivalent to the total GDP of Belgium for 2015.

Stape

Stape: noun. A staple which is coated in a thin film of adhesive, which also makes it sticky. This office supply was developed in the 1950's in the US by Herbert Williams of Reno, Nevada and became an instant success. It was only later discovered that the adhesive Williams was using emitted a surprising amount of beta particles, despite not containing any radioactive substance and to this day remains one of the greatest scientific office-related mysteries.

Horcruxcrux

Horcruxcrux: noun. The important part of a horcrux, which actually contains the part of someone's soul/living essence. Taking a real-world example, when Voldemort used the locket that formerly belonged to Salazar Slytherin, it was only the inside of the locket that contained the actual horcrux, and thus the inside of the locket was the horcruxcrux.

Intravel

Intravel: noun. An interval within an interval. For example, recording the volume of a scream at 1 minute intervals within 10 minute intervals. Intravels are used by scientists especially when measuring complex variables, such as human emotions, bad news and the amount of plastic cups in a plastic cup dispenser. It is thought that Newton was particularly opposed to intravels, as he saw them as unscientific and far too confusing to be worth the hassle.

Intergument

Intergument: noun. In biology, the internal covering of an organ. In Ancient Egypt the intergument of a pig's liver was used to create the equivalent to modern day candy wrappers, which were used to contain particularly savory pieces of honeycomb. This is known from the surprisingly intricate depictions of these in hieroglyphics, and some have theorized that these depictions are the earliest known examples of advertising, which would explain the level of detail and amount of these hieroglyphics.

Beight

Beight: noun. An alternate measurement of a dimension of an object. It was developed by John Dalton as a measurement for the relationship between the radius and the Gaussian Curvature of a sphere. It is now commonly used in topology to confuse puny non-topological mortals, who do not understand the beautiful complexities and intricacies of topology.

Porlific

Porlific: adjective. Describing something which contains multitudes of minute openings in its surface or integument. The term is used mostly by biologists to describe for example various types of fungi and coral. The term has been in recent years expanded to the noun porlifity, which is now an important category in fungus classification.

Imbellishment

Imbellishment: noun. The process of making a bell more durable and sonorous, a process very common in the bell-making industry. The process was actually created by Alexander Graham Bell in a rather hilarious example of nominative determinism. This was after his brilliant invention of the telephone, in what is commonly referred to as his 'Lost Period', when overcome by the success of the telephone, he was unsure how to further himself as a person.

Stelth

Stelth: noun. The careful and inconspicuous removal of a single vowel from a word in someone's document in a word processor. This is a technique often employed by someone's rival in an attempt to discredit or ridicule them in the eyes of someone else. Studies have been conducted to measure the success of stelth in this intended aim, but the results have as of yet been inconclsive.

Alionce

Alionce: noun. A trope often used in science fiction writing is the alliance between an invading alien force and lions, who as the kings of the animals, have dominion over the fauna of Earth. Thus they are able to defeat even the humans. A major part of this trope is the important role of the insects in the defeat of the humans, where they are led into battle by the Prince of Locust. It has been theorised that thanks to the great strength of the insects, the aliens are not in fact necessary to defeat the humans and so the only reason humans are alive today is because the animals have not been given the proper incentive.

Helsinker

Helsinker: noun. This term originates from the now largely forgotten myth/legend of when the god Poseidon entered the realm of Hades in retaliation for losing one of his mortal daughters to Hades' underworld realm. Poseidon used the deadly waters of river Styx to flood Hades' realm, showing clearly that he was the more powerful brother. He then left with his no longer mortal daughter and Hades and Persephone spent the next few centuries with a mop and a bucket.

Dowageress

Dowageress: noun. A woman who has married a dowager, thereby gaining her titles and responsibilities through marriage, and thus entirely legally. A dowageress has yet to exist and is currently only hypothetical in nature, mainly due to the restrictions on same-sex marriage in many countries. This is however due to change quite soon and thus a dowageress is no longer a ludicrous idea, as it may have been viewed in the past.

Sallem

Sallem: noun. This is the unique mixture of herbs and spices developed by Cotton Mather and used to season the witches who were burned at the stake during the Salem Witch Trials. The minister did not encourage cannibalism, but believed that using his unique blend of seasoning the evil witch spirit could be prevented from turning another poor, helpless, innocent and servile woman from also becoming rebellious, independent and free-thinking.

Neroic

Neroic: adjective. A word to describe a suicide, which is preceded by the killing of over a thousand people and includes quoting from a over-quoted work of literature and then proceeding to end a dynasty by the suicide, instilling chaos and panic in the country. An obvious example of a neroic death is the suicide of William Smith who killed himself after having started the Great Fire of London, quoting from Hamlet and then by killing himself ending a long dynasty of Sewer Kings, who had maintained peace in the London canals for centuries.

Beingmas

Beingmas: noun. The festival proposed by Maximilien Robespierre to replace Christmas in Revolutionary France after having removed all other religions and replacing them with the Cult of the Supreme Being, which was obviously better than the Cult of Reason. Beingmas was meant to include such highlights as bread with powdered sugar and water with a slight touch of gooseberry. The idea became an instant hit with the people of Revolutionary France.

Crusaddle

Crusaddle: noun. The specially designed saddles intended for the heroes of the First Crusade, which were specially commissioned by Pope Urban II and meant as a reward. The saddle were decorated by half of all the jewels available to the Vatican at the time. Later realising its mistake the Church bought or demanded most of the saddles back in later years, so that now there are only 3 examples in the world, that do not belong to the Catholic Church. The whereabouts of one of these remains unknown except to a select few, who have guarded it for centuries as the Order of the Bestudded Saddle.

Collapsming

Collapsming: noun. This word refers to the sudden and shocking collapse of the Chinese Ming Dynasty in the 17th century. It also refers to the often used TV trope in which a character accidentally knocks down a priceless Ming dynasty vase, causing embarrassment for himself and awkwardness for all, which is for some reason amusing to the viewers of the television programme.

Pickle

Pickle: verb. To have been defeated by any one of the 8 HMS Pickles. Since 1800 there has been a HMS Pickle serving in the royal navy, however all of them have been so famously small and quite pathetic that being defeated by one became a sign of a truly horrendous captain. Therefore the verb has been used most commonly in the phrase, "You've been pickled!" This is also ironic due to the way in which Admiral Nelson's body was transported to England after the Battle of Trafalgar, in which one of the HMS Pickles took part, but was too small to fight.

Roquefortfort

Roquefortfort: noun. A castle or bastion built entirely out of Roquefort cheese. These structures are most popular in the commune of La Roque-Sainte-Marguerite in an attempt to spite their neighbours of Roquefort-sur-Soulzon, who have a silly monopoly on that awful, awful cheese that nobody eats anyway, so why not use it for forts, huh?

Increedible

Increedible: adjective. The two meanings of this word are in fact completely unrelated:

1. This word was shouted after the Cree chieftain Big Bear fled the North-West Mounted Police in the last military engagement on Canadian soil. Really the word should be shouted at Canadians in modern times for their lack of military engagements.
2. Referring to a personal motto which is so ridiculous and ludicrous or blatantly disregarded that it appears impossible. Examples of this include claiming one's creed to be "I am loving and kind and welcoming of all" while committing genocide.

Funtire

Funtire: noun. 
1. Satire which is aimed to cause verbal or psychological harm to a person. One may think that quite illogical due to the composition of the word, but in fact the word in itself is an example of funtire and after experiencing the word in this way, one should feel some discomfort and drowsiness.
2. A tire which has somehow escaped the wheel it was previously attached to and is consequently roaming the streets free like a bird, ignoring any duties and requirements, living life to the fullest. Funtires are some of the most envied objects in certain US states.

Coulogual

Coulogual: adjective. Referring to something that occurred during the discussion between two zucchinis. According to legend before the arrival of fire, people would produce heat and warmth for protection by encouraging heated discourse between two courgettes, which would eventually become so heated that the zucchinis would quite literally produce heat and keep the people warm. Thus various possible topics of discussion became referred to as coulogual. 

Papear

Papear: noun. An easily combustible, green, biotic material used for inscribing things in green pens. This pea product is essential for the functioning of secret services in countries such as Saudi Arabia and Mauritania, where green papers (being regarded as unfinished flags) do not arouse any suspicion and can well be used for sending secret messages.

Peariod

Peariod: noun. A length of time (usually between the end of winter and early summer) during which a pea plant begins and ends its life cycle. Contrary to popular belief, a pea does not "have an issue" monthly during its peariod and does not, therefore, have to be locked up for seven days and proclaimed unclean. 

Peadophile

Peadophile: noun. A person with a strange attraction to young peas. More often than not, this attraction will be strictly culinary (or at least "that's what they all say") but there are cases of people admitting to having wished at some point in life to take their young peas to "the next base." Thankfully for legislators around the world, peadophiles tend to squish their young peas when attempting to propose to them, which saves quite a couple of pages on wedding laws.

Hippea

Hippea: noun. A hippea is a pea adhering to a counter-cultural movement rejecting the mainstream values of Western society. Hippeas will jump out of pea soups, fight for their brothers and sisters of different pod skins and smoke one's marijuana to no end. Which reminds me: where did I put the pink fluffy dragon that almost killed the neighbour's unicorn?

Chickenpea

Chickenpea: noun. A pea used for chicken-fodder.Yes, this is how low this blog has sunk. In fact, anyone reading this blog must not only come to the conclusion that the authors are insane, but that anyone reading the blog regularly must be insane as well. We would, therefore, be very much obliged if you could donate to our foundation "Insane Bloggers in Need" to help us overcome our absinth, marijuana, cocaine and Baltic tea problems. 

Chicpea

Chicpea: noun. A pea with a smart, casual and understated fashion sense that some would describe as trendy or even trendsetting. First cultivated some eight thousand years ago, chicpeas have developed an impressive variety of styles from gangpea (cool and chilled) and sporpea (active and optimistic) to pemo (depressed and masochistic) and peath (depressed and bloodthirsty).

Sahoarder

Sahoarder: noun. Someone who selfishly hoards the Sahara desert for reasons not entirely understood by the Western scientific community. The word Sahoarder became popular in the world of journalism after Mohammed VI of Morocco proclaimed the following memorable line on the Moroccan occupation of Western Sahara: "We shall not give up one inch of our beloved Sahara, not a grain of its sand." This rather cliche quotation earned the king the title of the number one Sahoarder in the modern world.

Merloin

Merloin: noun. While many people are of the opinion that merloin is simply a misspelling of the word merlion (a mythological creature which has gained substantial popularity in Singapore), a merloin is actually a body part of merpeople and sea cows. In merpeople (at least according to Walt Disney), the merloin is the lowest part of the body with recognisably human characteristics. In sea cows, the merloin is said to be the most delicious part of the animal. This is a hoax. Sea cow meat is incredibly disgusting, which is why angry sailors drove Steller's sea cows extinct in the belief that such unholy excuse for food should not roam the seas. A similar fate met the dodo bird.  

Pimpess

Pimpess: noun. A pimpess (sometimes also called a pimpette) is a woman that provides her customers with prostitutes. Contrary to one popular misconception, a pimpess is not the same thing as a 'madam,' as pimpesses are generally regarded to be more masculine and more obsessed with golden chains. Contrary to another popular misconception, pimpesses do not just provide females with access to male prostitutes - they do transgender too.  

Flankre

Flankre: verb. To flankre (or flanker in US English) is to feign a blankre - a blank stare - in order to either avoid conversation or to get a look at something one should not be looking at, all the while appearing to be deep in thought about something else. The word flankre can be used in sentences such as "I sat in my car flankering at the dead body on my windshield, hoping that the policeman would not come over to make conversation" or "the woman flankered at her boss' flawless abs and slobbered a little."

Blankre

Blankre: noun. A long expressionless gaze in one direction caused by absent-mindedness, often also called a blank stare. Blankres (or Blankers as they are called in America for God knows what reason) are an oddly frequent occurrence especially among children, married couples, unmarried couples, people in contact with idiots, senile people and the dead. Often, blankres are associated with having no clue what is going on, which is quite frequent among the aforementioned people, particularly the dead.  

Powlured

Powlured: Adjective. For a word to have a new plural for every power of 2 that defines the quantity of the word. For example: 1 spouse, 2 spise, 4 spises, etc. This was originally used as a military tactic to quickly communicate the size of enemy forces; an example of how this is used to communicate size: instead of saying that there are 13 boxes; one would say that there are boxeses, boxes and a boc.

Promoice

Promoice: verb. Supporting the right of a person or animal to make a choice in a matter concerning them. Many promoicers will support a convict's right (or promoice a convict) to choose between a death sentence and a life sentence. Staunch promoicers, however, will break into barns asking chicken if they want to be set free.

Prolactactive

Prolactactive: adjective. Controlling a situation with the cunning use of lactation. The word prolactactive can be used in sentences such as the following: "The prolactactive mother was able to settle the uncomfortable situation involving annoyed plane passangers and a crying infant by stuffing her breast into the child's face." 

Clothesbury

Clothesbury: verb. A religious practice involving the day to day burial of clothes for exhumation the next time they are needed. Clothesburying continues to be very popular among cultures in which people who are hanged, and consequently clothes that are hung, are a reprehensible insult to the earth. Whereas in the modern world, people use clothes hangers to hang their clothes, people espousing clothesburial use special clothesburiers - special sealed containers that can survive in the ground for hundreds of years.  

Crispianity

Crispianity: noun. A religion worshipping the wonderfully soft crunchiness of crisps. According to crispianity, all idolatry concerning this heavenly meal is welcome, as it reportedly encourages greater love for the almighty crispessence, a holy force in all humans which (when sufficiently nurtured) enables them to become one with the almighty crunchiness.  

Jugnaut

Jugnaut: noun. An unstoppable force with a jug on its head. Most jugnauts come into being after people attempt to stop juggernauts by restricting their vision with containers. However, jugnauts soon turned out to be far more dangerous than juggernauts, as they had even less foresight than the latter and would run around in wild fury. Luckily, they soon died of starvation due to their inability to remove the aforementioned jugs from their heads, instead attempting to force food through different orifices.

Horrorosous

Horrorosous: adjective. The word horrorosous is one of the first words with which Spanish enriched the English language. The adjective, coined by Spaniards and Latin Americans struggling with learning English, at first denoted the state of something being horrible or horrifying. However, as time went on and the word was assimilated into English, it gained the meaning of "something so horrible or horrifying that it might as well have originated from a horror film."

Bunburied

Bunburied: adjective. One of these two mutually non-exclusive events:
1. The state of a bun under the surface of the earth.
2. The state of temporarily being rid of one's responsibilities through the invention of a dreadful invalid.

Leggy

Leggy: noun. An organised military force with a specialisation in kicking and firing arms using their legs. Leggies are most commonly used by countries where animal warfare plays an important role in foreign conflicts and in countries with high amounts of radiation. It is a common misconception that leggies fight using other people's legs. Such warfare would be very unhygienic and morally questionable, especially if the legs are still connected to their owners.

Mobileisation

Mobileisation: noun. One of the ultimate signs of the end of the world: the mobilisation of mobile phones into Satan's army to fight against their righteous owners (or alongside their rebellious ones) in an epic battle. Mobileisation was a relatively late addition to the unofficial Prince Philip Bible and is still rejected by the majority of the Christian world with the exception of the Anglican denomination which has stated that "the belief in mobileisation is an individual decision among our adherents."

Stabbilisation

Stabbilisation: noun. The act of making someone or something less prone to overturn by stabbing it (often from different sides). The word stabbilisation originates from the defence of Brutus and other Roman senators after their collective murder of Julius Caesar, saying that they were merely trying to prevent Caesar from bleeding too much in one way or the other so as to achieve his standing upright. The defence of the first senator who stabbed Caesar is unknown.

Incensitiveness

Incensitiveness: noun. A state of detachment from worldly pains and pleasures due to excessive oral consumption of incense. People temporarily in the state of incensitiveness are called incensitive. People in a state of permanent incensitiveness are most probably dead.

Wrungle

Wrungle: verb. To wring something so forcibly that it turns into a figurative jungle. The word wrungle is most commonly associated with compulsive hand-wringing, a neurotic dysfuntion causing people to tangle their fingers together in such a manner that it often becomes necessary to surgically remove them. That is, the people from the hands, not the hands from the people. After all, the fingers do not deserve to be punished for their owner´s idiocy. 

Uranation

Uranation: noun. The word uranation has two quite commonly confused meanings:
1. The act of transforming something into uranium.
2. The act of turning someone (such as Abraham, Isaac or Jacob) into a nation, uranation being derived from the words "you´re a nation" which sounds an awful lot like some sort of strange spoof phone call you get at twelve o´clock in the evening: "We haaaave a winner! Congratulations, Isaac from the Land of Canaan, God has just confirmed uranation!!!"  

Critterion

Critterion: noun. An official requirement in the annually revised Guidelines for Critter Categorisation - a document used to distinguish critters from non-critters - ensuring that non-critters do not creep into the Critter International Association. The critterions are as follows:
1. Must be living.
2. Must do things that a critter usually does as defined by the newest copy of the Collins dictionary. 

BiYOLOgy

BiYOLOgy: noun. The science dealing with the living of two lives according to the rule "you only live once." While the connection would seem paradoxical at first glance, most modern philosophers acknowledge that certain specific cases do make biYOLOgy relevant to the real world. This attention from the great minds of the philosophical world also happened to lead to the inadvertent creation of the word biYOLOlogy: the study of the science dealing with the living of two lives according to the rule of YOLO.

The cases in which biYOLOgy is relevant to the real world are the following:
1. When a person leads two parallel lives.
2. When Hindus are right... but wrong.
Clearly the second case is the far more frequent one.   

Bullymea

Bullymea: noun. A medical condition manifesting itself in overt willingness and even strong desire to be bullied by someone, hence the words "bully me" being contained in this highly scientific term. While modern psychologists are quite agreed that the main causes of bullymea include masochism and conformity, psychologists such as Sigmund Freud were of the opinion that "penis phallic object ****ing penis and much more penis is penis squared."

Brabanter

Brabanter: noun. The exchange of playful and friendly remarks with the senator Brabantio from Shakespeare's play Othello. Other than that, there is very little to say about this word as it does not seem to describe a realistic scenario - Brabantio is in a bad mood from the beginning to the end of the only act he appears in. 

Airid

Airid: adjective. Regions labelled as airid have very large areas of open space. It is no coincidence that most regions considered airid will also be arid. In fact, the popularity of the latter word in characterising practically the same area has led to the de facto extinction of the word airid in the English language.

Malariarea

Malariarea: noun. An area with a limited or higher risk of malaria transmission. The vast majority of malariareas (collectively known as the Malariamegarea) is within the tropics of Cancer and Capricorn with relatively few incursions northwards or southwards. However, it would not be correct to view the entirety of the area enclosed within the tropics as a malariarea. In fact, the geographic term Malariamegarea takes into account countries within the tropics which have successfully combatted malaria and altitudes (such as the high slopes of Mount Kilimanjaro) at which the risk of contracting malaria is as high as the risk of contracting it in Switzerland.  

Nominative misdeterminism

Nominative misdeterminism: noun. The theory that to avoid the significance of one's name a person chooses a profession which is as far away from the role of his name as possible. Examples of this include a Mr. Baker working in McDonalds' or a Mr. Tailor working as a life guard. The theory has been proposed and supported through studies by researchers at the University of Montana, namely Dr. Hunt, Prof. Spear and Mr. Slaughter.

Transgrass

Transgrass: noun. This refers to the grass in parks, which no one is allowed to step on, despite it being a public space meant for relaxation and the wooden benches aren't really the most comfortable are they? This does not apply to grass one is not allowed to step on in botanical gardens or some such, because there it's understandable. Of course it is a transgression to step on transgrass, one that is punishable by chareing.

Adsorp

Adsorp: verb. To cover one's surface or the surface of an object in a thin layer of honey, so as to attract bees or bears, either will do. This action was perfected in medieval times as a reward for particularly excellent service to the king, usually involving treason or attempted murder. It proved to be economically unfeasible due to the price of honey and so the practice was abandoned by the time of feudalism.

Funtire

Funtire: noun. This word of course first emerged from a misspelling of the word 'furniture' but has since then come to mean various things.
1. The attraction in a playground, which resembles a swing but is much less effective or fun. It's cumbersome and difficult to swing properly and yet bafflingly remains popular in modern playground, despite the elements of 'play'.
2. A joke tire created by the company Dunlop, which when inflated to a certain point would cause the car to feel as if it were on water and driving through waves, rather than on a flat road. The tire was created to cater to people who were bored of regular driving and also seamen, who had unfortunately found themselves ashore.

Libromania

Libromania: noun. The utilisation of books in every piece of furniture in one's home. This is of course caused by an excess of books in one's home and the necessity to 'do something with'em'. There is a surprisingly large number of ways in which one can incorporate books into one's furniture, if one is sufficiently creative. It has also been discovered through libromania that even with the best protection money can buy, books are not water-resistant.

Chare

Chare: verb. To burn slightly or scorch with a candle. Linguists and etymologists have long debated about the origins of the specifications within the word. The current and most prevalent theory is that it originated with the first victim of chareing. It is thought that the man was retelling a rather dull story of a someone being slightly burned or scorched and a particularly bored member of the audience decided to conduct an experiment of his own. Thus the storyteller finished his tale with: "And so the man was chareeeeee..."

Apeary

Apeary: noun. A storage for the apehives of jungle apes. As is commonly known apes like to spend a portion of every year relaxing without having to fear for their lives or gather food. Thus they have very conveniently created a hierarchical system, in which apes work together to create resting apearies for some apes before then rotating, so that by the end of the year each ape has had an opportunity to rest. This complex system created by nature and evolution rivals in quality many of the so-called resorts of the so-called humans in their so-called civilised world.

Meercurial

Meercurial: adjective. Describing a person who is subject to sudden and unpredictable changes of mood or mind, whilst in the Netherlands or its vicinity. The word has been used repeatedly to describe the royal family of the Netherlands, but most definitely does not refer to any form of a debilitative genetic disease, which may have been caused by certain persuasions of royal families.

Veinus

Veinus: noun. In Middle South Asian mythology it is believed that humans emerged from a particularly rich vein in a rock deep underground and then spent the next billion years crawling out, only to emerge and realise they would much rather be back underground. This vein of unusually fertile rock is referred to as veinus [pronounced vein-us]. Nobody knows where the veinus is or the tunnel that the primordial humans emerged from. There is every possibility that the veinus is still spewing forth humans and one day the ground shall erupt with millions of mole-like humans, who have survived on dirt for millennia.

Eartgh

Eartgh: ejaculation. An expression of absolute disgust over a soup. The use of this word has only ever been recorded by authors and journalists as being associated with a particularly unpleasant soup and so in an act of great forwardness, authors of dictionaries adapted the word, so that it could only be used in association with soup. Their reasoning behind this is a matter of speculation.

Marsz

Marsz: interjection. This word is the proper spelling of the often misspelled army command "March!". In fact the word should be pronounced more along the lines of 'marsh' and refers not to walking orderly forwards, but to the holding of the upper body in a constant position without being affected by outer forces to sway one's body. That is why a soldier may be walking perfectly well, but will still be expelled from the army, because he was slouching.

Jupitier

Jupitier: noun. A person (usually a man) who pities the actions of women named June. The reason jupitiers are usually men is due to the natural antagonism between women named June and all other members of the female gender. This is also one of the reasons that a jupitier may exist. Why exactly jupitiers believe that Junes need our sympathies is as of yet unclear, although some historians believe that by analysing the past it is clear that the world will be destroyed by a woman named June and it won't be her fault...probably.

Satturn

Satturn: noun. The process a Sat-Nav (GPS, Navigation system, whatever you wanna call it) has to recalibrate and change the route after the driver has taken initiative and changed the route himself, despite very specific and clear instructions on the part of the Sat-Nav. To try and reduce the number of occurrences of satturns (as it causes pain to the grave of Eleanor Roosevelt), the UCSNS (Union of Conglomerated Satellite Navigation Systems) has made it so, that every time a satturn occurs a penguin dies somewhere in the world.

Uranius

Uranius: noun. The top secret term used by the US government and its intelligence agencies for the top secret US supply of fissile uranium, which is only to be used in the utmost emergencies. There are  3 people in the world, who all have to use their top secret keys in the top secret base at the top secret same time to allow the top secret warheads to utilise the top secret uranium. These keys are held by the President of the Senate, President pro tempore of the Senate and Dan Quayle. What happens when Dan Quayle dies or when a President pro tempore of the Senate isn't currently in office nobody knows, because it's top secret.

Neptuneocracy

Neptuneocracy: noun. This word literally translates from the Greek as "government by fish" (well...maybe not literally). This form of government was particularly popular in Ancient Greece and was maintained on the island of Crete until 1894, when King Torpedo Torpedo XXXVIII was deposed in a revolution led by a congregation of Small Lanternfish, who then all collectively died when their ego was damaged. The neptuneocracy of Ancient Athens also explains their loss against the simple-minded brutes of Sparta.

Humging

Humging: noun. [Pronounced the same as 'humming'] This word refers to the act of someone attempting to sing along to a song without knowing the words properly and so simply mouthing along and guessing what may or may not come next. A person caught in the act of humging very soon afterwards experiences regorse towards his own person, which is quite understandable.

Regorse

Regorse: noun. The feeling one has after they have committed something they initially saw as funny or amusing, but then realised it actually hurt the victim and feel bad about it. Some people may misappropriate this as guilt, but that would be incorrect. Guilt involves compromising some sort of moral standard. With regorse no such code of conduct has been breeched, but the perpetrator still feels bad, despite not doing anything against his moral standards. Some people may see this as simply accidents, but they're just d**** (censorship provided by the ICCBSS).

Teaing

Teaing: noun. The act of preparing a tea bag on a spoon, along with sugar on a shelf and the tea cup in the right place (milk is optional), so that  one can prepare a cup of tea in one fell swoop. It requires a certain level of mastery to be skilled at teaing, there are masters around the world, who claim to be able to teach the techniques necessary. However; it is commonly accepted that only months of meditation and introspection can lead to becoming successful at teaing. 

Axcuse

Axcuse: noun. An attempt to lessen the blame attaching to chopping someone up with an axe. Examples of axcuses in the past have included: "Well I had an axe and I had to do something with it, didn't I?" and "I'd just sharpened it and wanted him to see how sharp it was!" There is a case in the legal annals of Denmark, where a man was acquitted of all his crimes because, "his axcuse was freaking amazeballs!" (translated from the Danish).

Ducktaper

Ducktaper: noun. The end of a duck that diminishes or reduces in size towards one end. It is hotly contested by the ornithological community as to which end of the/a duck this actually is and whether an archetypal duck should be selected, which would be the standard for all other ducks. The Faroe Islands have offered Malcolm the Duck to fill this position and although he is supported by the majority of the Duck senate, the ambassador of Sealand has repeatedly used his veto power to prevent his ascension.

Yyeti

Yyeti: noun. The abominable snowman of South America. Unlike the abominable snowman of other regions of the world, the yyeti has been observed in nature and is a confirmed natural phenomenon on the slopes of the Andes in Chile and Argentina and sometimes Bolivia. However; there is a theory that the yyeti dislike Bolivia, because in the past the Bolivians hunted the yyeti for their fine, warm furs and for their delicious, delicious blubber.

Inthrall

Inthrall: verb. To place into slavery or servitude while being in Scandinavia. This word has often been confused with the word 'enthrall', but quite understandably this is not a switch that wants to make. The word was particularly popular in discussing the history of early Britain, due to the frequent cases of inthralling conducted by Vikings at the time. One may say, "But hold on, Britain ain't Scandinavia!" Of course one would be right in our current time, however at that point in history, there were so many vikings and so few free non-vikings that Britain is a technicality of Scandinavia at that point in history.

Empathitary

Empathitary: adjective. This word is only used in association with the gland that can be found under the basal ganglia and next to the hippocampus. The gland secretes the neurotransmitter and hormone, which is responsible for empathy, sympathy and homeopathy in people. A study conducted by Miller in 1996 showed that certain parts of the population have a smaller empathitary gland than is average in humans; this included Republican senators, bus drivers and journalists.

Socialitis

Socialitis: noun. A pathological need to disconnect from society due to an enlarged empathitary gland, which has been inflamed due to an excess of information about other people's lives, that it shouldn't care about, being presented to it. Symptoms include being called a 'recluse' and a fascination with hermit crabs. As of now there are no known medicinal cures and the only known effective treatment is to spend 37 days living with llamas in the steppes of Patagonia.

Graphingism

Graphingism: noun. The belief that Graph Theory is the best thing in the universe bar none. This belief is upheld and has been upheld by a secret order of discrete mathematicians, who are entirely true to their name. It is said that the symbol of the organisation is a graph with an odd number of odd degree vertices and only those who discover this graph are permitted to join the organisation. Albert Einstein worked very hard to discover the way into the organisation but ultimately failed, which discrete mathematicians have gloated about for years.

Extreordinary

Extreordinary: adjective. Describing something which is entirely usual or regular and has absolutely no interesting repercussions. Rather boringly life is mostly composed of extreordinary moments, which in no way enrich one's life. The philosopher Hume once suggested that life is only enjoyable if a person finds a way to laugh at how pathetic everyone else's extreordinary moments are.

Serendipitious

Serendipitious: adjective. Describing something which occurred or happened by chance and is worth pitying. This may include such unfortunate things as a family with no money discovering a litter of kittens on their door step for them to take care of, or more frivolous things such as seeing someone find a rather large cockroach in their soup and then burning their hand on a hot plate as they retract in shock and bump into a waiter carrying a hot plate by their chair at that very moment.

Candlid

Candlid: adjective. Describing someone who is truthful and honest, while also having a short fuse. Perhaps the most famous example of a candlid person was the famous author Ernest Hemingway. Hemingway was well known for ubiquitously speaking his mind (which led to some rather unpleasant bar fights), but was also extremely short-tempered and easily set-off (which also led to some rather unpleasant bar fights).

Eggnite

Eggnite: verb. This word has two very similar and yet very different meanings.

1. To start a fire using an egg and only an egg. There are only two recorded cases in history of this ever happening, but it is such an incredible occurrence, that a word was created anyway.  One case of something being eggnited was during the great protest against democracy in the Holy Roman Empire and there is some debate among scholars as to whether the fire was caused by the eggs or the torches the protesters were carrying.
2. To set an egg on fire. This is fairly regular canonical practice, performed by priests and the like globally on the 8th of May to commemorate geese.

Quizophile

Quizophile: noun. A person addicted to quizzes to such an extent that they devote their entire free time to doing quizzes. People such as this are most easily recognized by a rapid tick in the left eye, being described frequently as being a "sweaty mess" and smelling distinctly of turnips. Quizophiles are found in highest densities around the outskirts of larger metropolises, but never within the centres of the metropolises themselves.

Musclebrain

Musclebrain: noun. A person who is focused entirely on developing their muscles, sometimes also known as someone who is addicted to exercise. The existence of people such as this has increased exponentially in recent years, A study conducted by Johnson et al. in 2009 suggested that this recent increase was due to a decrease in the size of vital organs, leading to an evolutionary adaptation to try and add the extra lost mass by increasing muscle mass.

Swahilly

Swahilly: adjective. An adjective used to summarise the fact that the six tallest mountains in Africa are all in the zone under the cultural influence of the Swahili language. The word can be used in mundane sentences exchanged among travellers, such as:

"Kenya is very Swahilly"
"That's a rather redundant sentence. Saying that Kenya is very Swahilly is like saying that Portugal is very Iberian."
"Well all right, Mr Smarty pants, how would you use the word Swahilly correctly in a sentence?"
"I wouldn't."

Notice that in the above conversation, the only correct use of the word Swahilly occurs in the last sentence.

Saphire

Saphire: noun. The word saphire, pronounced "sap-high-err," means to hire a sap (otherwise called plant fluid). We are quite unsure why one would hire the fluid circulating in the vascular system of a plant, so we conjecture you may have been looking for the word SAPhire, the hiring of any of the following:
1. Seminal Acid Phosphatase, an enzyme produced by the prostate,
2. Self-Avoiding Polygon, a mathematical object of geometry.
3. Shrimp Alkaline Phosphatase, an alkaline phosphatase from a species of arctic shrimp,
4. Strong Anthropic Principle, the idea that the universe must inherently produce life,

Outertwined

Outertwined: adjective. While being intertwined is the state of being twisted with or closely connected to someone or something, being outertwined is the state of being absolutely separate or disconnected from someone or something.

Fragment XXIV

Mr Darcy grew red. "What do you mean to say, Babbage?" He demanded.

"Merely that I, as head of this cruise, absolutely reject going back to earth before doing some major work in furthering the knowledge of humanity."

Mr Darcy was about to say something but was interrupted by Mrs Hurst's arrival from the toilet. Being a lady, she immediately recognised the tension in the air and froze in her footsteps, thinking that the tension was caused by her. She stood a moment, deep in thought, until she finally realised what she might have done wrong and rushed back into the bathroom. The company was too confused by this dramatic event to return to its previous conversation.

Only when Mrs Hurst came back the second time did Mary make some stray observation about the plans of mice and men often going wrong, after which Lydia snorted and Mr Wickham yawned. It was then that Mr Darcy realised that Elizabeth's wish for her family to be on board with her by default included his most hated adversary.

Mr Darcy turned even redder.

Mr Wickham turned white.

Mr Collins turned green and vomitted.

Dragon

Dragon: verb. A contraction of the words "drag on," describing what happens when an activity spreads out over a tediously long period of time. Fun fact: the word "a" is the word with the highest letter "a" saturation in the English language.

Horsiculture

Horsiculture: noun. The science dealing with the cultivation of horses and like creatures to make them suitable for helping in agricultural practices. Contary to popular belief, breeding unicorns suitable for agriculture would technically be possible, as the creature which the Bible calls a unicorn and about which the Bible claims it will not plough fields is, by most accounts, not a horse-like creature and either refers to the extinct aurochs or some type of rhinoceros. If horse-like unicorns, therefore, were discovered somewhere on the face of the earth (we would recommend scientists to begin searching at the bottom of Richard Dawkins' garden), there is no known objection as to why they could not be used for agricultural practices.

Rheese

Rheese: noun. The lingering remnant of a cheesy smell on an object that isn't cheese. Rheese can be detected even hours after the concerned subject is no longer in contact with cheese, which is to the great consternation of cheese aficionados whose brains react with unrestrained drive for cheese gluttony even after a single whiff of rheese.  

Bluender

Bluender: verb. To make a mistake, whether grave or innocuous, due to or affecting something blue. An example fitting both these requirements would be confusing a grape for a blueberry and proceeding to eat the latter on account of this mistake. An example satisfying only the first of these requirements would be confusing a grape for a blueberry and making a decision (unconnected to this blunder, of course) not to eat either. An example satisfying only the latter requirement would be choosing the wrong pathway and stepping on a blueberry on the account of the mistake.  

Phallusy

Phallusy: noun. To commit a phallusy (sometimes also spelt phallacy, phallucy or phallicy) means to mistake something for a penis when it is, in reality, something completely different. Phallusies are relatively common while stargazing, talking to friends, looking at clouds or visiting restaurants. Objects prone to being the subjects of phallucies include bread rolls, sausages, Bibles and artichokes (for visual as well as linguistic reasons). One of the strangest examples of a phallusy is James Lacan's essay on why men have phalli while women are phalli.