Contra-diction

Contra-diction: noun. Diction used to oppose an argument or thought. This category of words was first defined by Jost Trier in his well known and public debate with Pope John XXIII, where they debated whether planting rapeseed along with maize in one field was a feasible and sustainable mode of farming. Trier used this sentence during the break in the middle of the debate: "His Holiness uses contra-diction, that would be laughed at even by Nero."

Airsmith

Airsmith: noun. A being from ancient Greek mythology, airsmiths were the children of the gods Hephaestos and Nemesis and they created Zeus' lightning bolts after Hephaestos got bored and also maintained the clouds, which worked as support structures for Mount Olympus. They are the inspiration behind the name of the popular American rock band Kiss.

Rainarrow

Rainarrow: noun. The ammunition/missile for a rainbow.

Dredful

Dredful: adjective. Describing something which is causing or involving great suffering, fear or unhappiness and is also entirely and completely red. Examples of dredful things include: Mars, the number 12, Chairman Mao's Little Book, and Tomatoes without their stems.

Rafter

Rafter: noun. The common definition of this word is of course the wooden beam used in roof support, but the word was originally meant to describe someone who operated a raft. How the definition of the word changed so drastically is actually a fascinating tale, unfortunately we can't relate it all in the limited space we have here. I can only reveal that it involved two men, a duck, an earthquake and seven storks.

Blaim

Blaim: verb. To blame oneself. This word was introduced into the English language at the same time as 'blame' and was intended, so that people wouldn't have to use the added word 'oneself' or 'myself', when they wanted to blame themselves, they could simply use blaim. Unfortunately what the creators of the words, two monks by the names of Jesse and Wilderhelm, didn't think of, was the fact that both words were pronounced exactly the same and thus hadn't solved the issue of having to use 'oneself' or 'myself' at all.

Demenish

Demenish: verb. A sociogeographical phenomenon where the ratio of men in a population decreases rapidly for unknown or inexplicable reasons. The word was first used by the renowned illiterate theologian John Savage in his seminal 1845 work, "Figs and such", where he referred to the sudden change in the behavior of oxen, "The population of locusts in Kent has been suddenly demenished, which has led some to speculate about the potential implications for combine harvesters."

Disinterrested

Disinterrested: adjective. Describing something or someone, who/which has been dug up after having been buried, but who simply doesn't seem to care, mostly likely due to having given up on life. An example of this occurred in 1882, when the poet Emily Dickinson had been buried after being found in her room, seemingly dead and it only later turned out she had simply been having a nap, however after having been dug up again, Dickinson was only upset that her nap had been disturbed by the digging up.

Funcomfortable

Funcomfortable: adjective. This one seems pretty self-explanatory. Yes, this is a definition (entirely factual ones, mind you), but this seems unnecessary. Here, why don't you give it a go? Think up a definition for funcomfortable, write it down on a piece of paper, fold the piece of paper into a beautiful paper flower, place the flower gingerly into a small box, wrap the box in tin foil, attach an address for a friend you haven't spoken to in at least 92 days, mail the box to the person and then never think about it again. Ever.

Funtastic

Funtastic: adjective. Describing something which quite literally does not possess a single fault; something that is entertaining and awesome and doesn't cause harm to anyone/anything. This word hasn't been properly used in connection to anything since the time of Atlantis, which some say is a reflection on today's world, but I don't really see it. Inappropriate uses of funtastic have included using it to describe Donald Trump's hair, John Oliver, that one guy at a party who looks like he's looking off into the distance, but is actually looking at you and your friend points it out and you suddenly feel both giddy and funcomfortable at the same time.

Slothsome

Slothsome: adjective. Used to describe something that is ridiculously inefficient, in expending a pointless amount of energy to achieve a task that is ultimately pointless. Examples of things that could be described as slothsome, include sloths, organizing a desk, lawn-mowing, living life to the fullest, and physical exertion.

Monogramme

Monogramme: noun. A single metric unit of mass equal to one thousandth of a kilogramme. This word can only be used to describe something that weighs exactly one gramme, for example: "That feather is a monogramme." Uses of the word that do not align with this philosophy are a punishable offence with fines up to four turkeys.

Marder

Marder: noun. This word has too meanings, neither of which relate to tanks.

1. The process of creating a martyr by killing someone, because of a cause they are supporting or believe in. The International Association has decreed marder to be one of the stupidest things humanly possible, as creating a martyr is never a good thing.
2. A special room adjoining the kitchen which is used solely to store marmalades and associated marmalade products. This room does not accept jams.

Greace

Greace: verb. To apply greese to a surface or object. Greacing is actually the national sport of Macedonia, but remains surprisingly unpopular in Albania, where its application as a sport is seen as vile and unholy. It is extremely difficult to properly greace, as it requires years of careful training and practice.

Greese

Greese: noun. An oily or fatty matter, which originates from southeastern Europe. The earliest example of this can be found in a less well-known work by Herodotus, in which he details a process through which Retsina becomes initially drinkable and then turns into a surprisingly useful greese, which can be used as an adhesive, sealant, insulator and many other fascinating applications.

Squary

Squary: adjective/noun. This word has two separate meanings, each with their own distinct pronunciation.

1. This definition of the word has a pronunciation that rhymes with "carry". It means to resemble a square in shape. Therefore something with sides of equal length and angles of 90 degrees could be referred to as very squary. On the other hand something spherical would be thought of as extremely unsquary. 

2. This definition on the other hand has a pronunciation that rhymes with the Canadian "sorry". It means the target or object of a hunt or pursuit that also happens to begin with 's'. For example if a group of men are taking pitchforks and torches to the house of a man named Simon, then Simon is their squary. This is also of course true of animals; sloths and squid are examples of common types of squaries. 

Cloyster

Cloyster: noun. A covered walkway usually in a convent or monastery, which is in the shape of a rough oval with one side more squary than the other. Cloysters were particularly common in medieval Andorra with over three hundred being constructed in the span of three and a half millennia.  A popular phrase that originated from that time is: "The world is my cloyster." This saying referred to the never-ending turmoil and misery of life and the seaming inability to escape the endless tedium.

Raphal

Raphal: adjective. Raphal people love fish and healing, sometimes healing fish or even healing using fish. Never tell a Raphal person that you are sick while they are holding a fish. Odds are that they will slap you with it or tear it apart and smear it all over you.

Urial

Urial: adjective. A Urial person loves light, art, and flaming swords. Despite their love for clarity and brightness, Urial people tend to be the ones surrounded by the greatest mystery. Their identity is often difficult to place, confused, and sometimes even neglected in an inundation of conflicting accounts. Remind you of anyone? No? Didn't think so.

Michal

Michal: adjective. To be Michal is either to keep wondering who is like God, or to be like or pertaining to the archangel Michael. Being like Michael tends to entail inflicting righteous violence on unsuspecting and suspecting victims alike, and acting very self-entitled about it.

Gabrial

Gabrial: adjective. In a very literal sense, to be Gabrial is to rely on God as the source of one's strength. However, the word is usually used in the sense of 'like or pertaining to the archangel Gabriel.' People called Gabrial tend to wear linen, dress in white, carry around horns, dictate books, and give unwanted news.

Onany

Onany: noun. The word Onany, derived either from the German "Onanie," the Spanish "Onanismo," or the French "Onanisme," is the act of pleasuring oneself sexually (also known as "the M-word," "the rustle mustle," "the naughty game with one's private bits," and "the no-no dodo"). To commit onany is to onanate, and a person who onanates is an onanator (which, despite its intimidating sound, does not come with any superpowers). Whichever language it derives from, Onany ultimately traces its origins back to the "sin of Onan," though commentators argue over whether Onan's sin consisted in spilling his seed or disobeying God. While the latter seems to be the more plausible and more scripturally justified opinion, the idea that the sin of Onan consisted in spilling his seed has found very militant supporters in many churches, which apparently thrive on telling people what not to do with their dingle-dongles.

Disabel

Disabel: verb. To disabel is to permanently reduce the functionality of a person to nothing. The word comes from some of the earliest Latin translations of the book of Genesis, which went something like this:

8 Now Cain talked with Abel his brother; and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him.
9 One could say that made him pretty... disabeled! 

For one reason or another, this cheesy pun was eventually dropped in favour of a rather redundant dialogue between Cain and God, both of whom of course knew what had occurred, one by virtue of his involvement, the other through his omniscience.

Serpend

Serpend: verb. To serpend has a range of meanings:
1. To dispose of a serpent, e.g. in the sentence "I had the pest control serpend my house."
2. To move in a serpent-like fashion, i.e. through undulation and coiling. "The snake serpended to the smooth rhythm of the rumba."
3. To be dependent on a serpent, e.g. "It serpends: how big was your child the last time you saw it and could it fit into a medium sized anaconda?"

Ovidation

Ovidation: noun. A period of high productivity in the life of a poet. Some poets have Ovidations often, while others may not have an Ovidation their entire life. Some poets have Ovidations in regular cycles, while others Ovidate in a completely haphazard fashion. It is the tragedy of many poets that their Ovidations do not necessarily increase their poetic productivity, but productivity of very irrelevant kinds, like in curling, sex, or blueberry-picking.

Aighnneeasse

Aighnneeasse: unknown. The word Aenneeasse is a product of an experiment with the English language devised by Lewis Carroll. Carroll postulated that any word in the English language could be doubled in length using common spelling conventions without changing the sound of the word at all. Using the English spelling of the name "Aeneas" (six letters) to demonstrate the concept, Carroll showed that the word Aighnneeasse (twelve letters) makes the word twice as long without changing its sound at all. Carroll repeated this experiment with many other words, such as shoe (schueuet), ale (eighle) and a (uh or ey, depending on the pronunciation). However, Carroll ran into an insurmountable problem with the word "thought." The word "thought," Carroll said, was already so full of letters it didn't need that it did not fit his hypothesis. A year later, he attacked the problem again, saying that any word in the English language could be written in a simple way (unless it was written in a simple way already), and this simple spelling could then be doubled in length while keeping the pronunciation. For example, the word "thought" can be simplified to "thoht," which can then be expanded to the twice as long "thouwghtte." None of the words Carroll came up with during the experiment, however, were given definitions, and so they roam the world to this day, homeless monsters from the darkest nightmares of a truly evil Doctor Frankenstein.

Telemaniac

Telemaniac: noun. A person obsessed with long distances and anything connected to them. Telemaniacs love long-distance friendships, travelling, and fathers lost at sea. Their condition is called telemania and when they fly into a rage, they are referred to as telemaniacal. The opposite of telemania is anchimania, which is an obsession with things that are nearby and is recommended over telemania by nine out of ten psychiatrists.

Scyll

Scyll: noun. Scyll, pronounced the same way as the word "skill," is expertise with regard to controlling dogs. A person with scyll is called scylled. The word scyll derives from Scylla, a nymph who, according to certain classical sources, was transformed into a monster with dogs growing from her body. One could hardly get more scylled than Scylla unless one were actually a dog.

Aeolous

Aeolous: adjective. Windy, gusty, breezy, etc. The word aeolous derives from the name of the Greek lord of the wind: Aeolus. According to legends, he owned a sack containing all the winds of the world. Describing the weather as aeolous makes one sound very classy, even intellectual.

Kirkular

Kirkular: adjective. When a motion is described as kirkular, it is circular and has magical effects. The word derives from the name of the Greek witch Circe and is not spelled with two Cs, because then people would read it as "sir-kyoo-lar", which would break the convention according to which the witch's name is read as "Kir-kay", following the Greek pronunciation. Although this post might sound too rant-like, please do remember to read the witch's name as "Kir-kay" and remember that when she transforms Odysseus' crew into pigs, she does it with a kirkular wave of her wand.

Lotophagy

Lotophagy: noun. The word lotophagy has two meanings, both derived from Homer's Odyssey:
1. The literal meaning of the word lotophagy is simply the consumption of lotuses. One needs to practice lotophagy on a regular basis, however, to be called a lotophagian.
2. Doing pleasurable but unproductive things over what is necessary or important. A form of procrastination, lotophagy tends to be one of the most serious, as a lotophagian is a procrastinator so deep in their procrastination that they no longer feel any shame, and consequently, no need to stop.

Odystance

Odystance: noun. An odystance is a constantly changing and indeterminate length of space between two points. The most famous example of odystance is the journey of Odysseus' homecoming (or "nostos" in Greek). While at some points in the story, it is absolutely unclear where Odysseus is in modern geographic terms, at other points, Odysseus jumps from being really close to Ithaca to being blown back by the winds of Aeolus' sack, and therefore even farther than he was before.     

Parisan

Parisan: adjective. Pertaining to anyone of the name Paris. The word parisan was devised by the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language (MREL) to avoid confusion between the city of Paris and Paris the person. What the movement forgot to mention when it coined the word was how it should be pronounced. This is why there is a huge divergence today between people who say "pah-ri-sun," people who say "pah-ris-en," and those who say "pah-rye-sun." 

Briseisless

Briseisless: adjective. To be briseisless is to be deprived of some symbol of honour, or "kleos" in Greek. For example, one is called briseisless when one's degree is revoked or when one's Olympic medals are taken. Briseisless people tend to end up sulky, unemployed, or - especially in the modern world - candidating for president of the USA.

Andromake

Andromake: verb. To build up someone's masculinity. The word andromake comes from Homer's Iliad, in which Andromache, the wife of Hector, is used to reinforce the character of Hector, showing him as a loving husband and father, as well as a valiant fighter. Thanks to Andromache, Hector seems to become the most complete character and the best male role model in the whole work, thus making the word Andromake all the more relevant.

Pentheance

Pentheance: noun. The obstinate refusal to show penitence, also known as apenitence. Pentheance, or apenitence, is very different from unpenitence, which consists of revoking one's former penitence and going back to pentheance. The word pentheance derives from the character of Pentheus, who refused to acknowledge Dionysus as a god and was ripped apart by his own mother under Bacchic rage. 

Bacching

Bacching: noun. Support, whether material or emotional, given to thespians by the great god of theatre, Bacchus (also known as Dionysus). Bacching can take any form, from little gifts of wine and grapes to Bakkheia, a blinding rage that clouds the mind and grants superhuman strength. It is unclear whether the Hulk suffers from Bakkheia, but given the apparent lack of connection between him and Bacchus, this is quite unlikely.

Electral

Electral: adjective. An electrifyingly exciting character or person, just like anyone but Electra in Aeschylus' Oresteia. Unlike the word she gave birth to, Aeschylus' Electra is terribly bland, never really giving a satisfying explanation for her loyalties other than consuming self-righteousness. This is why Jung came up with an even more unsatisfying explanation for her behaviour, attributing it to attraction to her father and subsequent animosity towards her mother. Be it as it may, Aeschylus' Electra is partially responsible for her mother's Clytemnestran fall, for which she shall never be forgiven... at least not by me.

Agamemorable

Agamemorable: adjective. Memorable for all the wrong reasons. The word is not entirely synonymous with the word infamous, as agamemorable tends to have pathetic connotations, rather than the evil connotations that seem to tack onto the word infamous. Agamemorable people, rather than being remembered for being good or bad, tend to be remembered for being unfortunate. Examples of such people include Agamemnon, Don Quixote, and my personal favourite: me.

Orest

Orest: noun. The recovering of strength thanks to favourable court rulings. Examples of the word used in a sentence include:
"The defendant gained orest after the judge pronounced him not guilty of stuffing salmon in people's trousers."
"I am hoping that after taking it to court, I will get some orest from this whole divorce and multiple murder."

Cassandraconic

Cassandraconic: adjective. Something - often a punishment - is called cassandraconic when it is not only harsh, but also somehow clandestine or not entirely evident to other people, which adds to the torment of the sufferer. As opposed to draconic punishments, such as public decapitation or flogging, cassandraconic punishments have an added psychological dimension. Examples include the curse on Cassandra that made other people disbelieve her prophesies, the curse on Zechariah that made him dumb, or the curse on Echo who could then only repeat the ends of what other people said.

Clytemnestran

Clytemnestran: adjective. A Clytemnestran character is a tragically misunderstood, usually female character, who is negatively portrayed or receives negative treatment for resisting dominant powers. The epitome of Clytemnestran is, of course, Queen Clytemnestra, who takes revenge on her husband for killing their daughter Iphigenia. She is murdered by her son and is portrayed very negatively throughout the whole of the Oresteia largely because she dares exert this power over male characters. Another Clytemnestran character in classical literature is Arachne, who speaks against the wrongdoings of the gods and is punished by being transformed into a spider. A more modern example of a Clytemnestran character is The Queen of the Night from the Magic Flute, who loses a desperate fight for her daughter and her former power against an evil misogynist cult led by the severely deluded Sarastro.

Iphigenial

Iphigenial: adjective. To be iphigenial is to be genuinely happy while ignorant of an impending catastrophe. Such was the case of Iphigenia, the daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra, who was told that she would get married, but was instead led down the isle to a sacrificial ceremony. The words iphigenial and iphigenially can be used in sentences such as the following: "The game of the iphigenial children involved poking an electric outlet with a fork" or "The tourist iphigenially pranced around the minefield."

Oedible

Oedible: adjective. To be oedible is to have the potential to be eaten, but it should rather be left alone. Sadly for the word oedible, most people use this term with very inappropriate sexual connotations, saying that, for example, Oedipus' mother was oedible. In non-sexual conversations, the distinction between eatable and edible has largely rendered the word oedible unnecessary.

Haimony

Haimony: noun. The precarious appearance of serenity maintained by a person right before going down the path of no return. The word Haimony originates from an ancient treatise about the character of Haimon from the play Antigone. Haimon appears perfectly unperturbed even with the impending death of his betrothed, but his composure devolves very fast after a heated conversation with his father who sentenced her to it. It is clear at that point that Haimon's composure was merely played - a haimony. 

Miskreont

Miskreont: adjective or noun. A miskreont is a person who acts within temporal laws but against the divine. Although similar in some ways to an ismenist, a miskreont actively goes out of their way to break divine laws, whereas an ismenist will only break divine laws if in contradiction with temporal laws.

Ismenism

Ismenism: noun. As opposed to an Antigonist, an Ismenist is a person who, though usually abiding by religion, will choose temporal law over religious law when the two are in conflict. An Ismenist is not exactly a secularist, as the latter term tends to imply complete separation from religious matters, which is not the case of Ismenism. In the story of Antigone, Ismene is the person who goes along the path of least resistance and forsakes religion when it would mean acting illegally.

Antigonism

Antigonism: noun. Antigonism is the belief that religious laws have precedence over temporal laws. An Antigonist will not necessarily live a monastic life and actively follow all religious commandments, but when religious laws and temporal laws conflict, an Antigonist will always follow religion. Thus, an ancient Greek Antigonist would, for example, bury dead relatives even when the practice was prohibited by a king.

Unlive

Unlive: verb. To hit the 'undo button' on life. Sadly, no one has yet found the unlive button, so humankind and all other organisms are still subject to boring old death. The difference between unliving and dying, however, is possible to conjecture and is very simple. Whereas dying is the natural end that living tends towards, unliving is a reversal of the living process until there is no life. So, while a corpse is left of a person after dying, only abiotic matter is left after unliving. 

Sedude

Sedude: verb. To seduce someone in a very manly manner. Sedudion is typified by a lot of (1) muscle-flexing, (2) misogyny, and (3) frequent use of the words "dude" and "bro." Examples of sedudion in practice include the following three scenarios:

1. A man walks up to a lady in a gym and, in an effort to display his physical prowess, tears off his own arms.

2. A man calls a waitress and tells her to bring him a sandwich.

3. "Hey dude... you wanna hang out, bro, with me and the guys, dude? We can do somethin' really manly, dude, like, uh, ... gettin' really hammered and going to a strip club? Whaddya say, brah?"

Queueueue

Queueueue: noun and verb. A queueueue (pronounced kyoo-yoo) is a queue about double the length of an average queue. To queueueue is to stand in such queue. Intuitively, a que (pronounced keh, like in Spanish) is a queue half the length of an average queue, a queueue (pronounced kyoo-eh) is a queue one and a half times longer than an average queue, and a queueueueueue (pronounced kyoo-yoo-yoo) is a queue three times longer than an average queue. To make these distinctions clearer, we include a table with the queue names, pronunciations, and lengths:

Name	Pronunciation	Length
Que	Keh	½ of a queue
Queue	Kyoo	A queue
Queueue	Kyoo-eh	1½ of a queue
Queueueue	Kyoo-yoo	2 queues
Queueueueue	Kyoo-yoo-eh	2½ of a queue
Queueueueueue	Kyoo-yoo-yoo	3 queues

You get the picture. Since you were probably wondering, when the length of the queue is indeterminably great, the correct term for the queue is "screw it, ain't nobody got time for that."

Gud

Gud: adjective. Something worse than good. The word gud perfectly encapsulates the way people say "good" when they are not entirely content (and perhaps a little irritated) with some situation. The "oo" sound heard in "stood" or "understood" turns into a curt "u", as in "put" or "foot." An example of the word gud used in a conversation is the following:
"Hey, I'm throwing a party."
"Nice, can I bring my dog?"
"Only if you have to..."
"Then I'm taking my dog."
"Gud."
"What do you mean?"
"Just what I said: good."
"No, I distinctly heard you say gud."
"What's the difference?"
"Read this blog post again, you dolt."

Okayish

Okayish: adjective. When something is okayish, it is on the verge of being okay (or ok), but not entirely okay. While it is possible for something to be okayish in the sense that it is almost better than okay, most things called okayish tend to lean towards being bad, or simply "not okay" in the negative sense of the word. An example of the word being used in a sentence is: "Well, I guess dinner with only one of your parents is okayish." Notice that you will probably have read the word okayish as "okay...ish," which is an okayish way to read it.    

Daduous

Daduous: adjective. The quality of being like a dad. When one is daduous, one has greying hair, recounts bad jokes, and goes through midlife crises. Many people are at least partly daduous and quite a couple are completely so, even without having children or being a man. What this proves is the aptness of the saying "mind over matter."

Skunky

Skunky: adjective. Being skanky and like a skunk. There are multiple ways in which one can be skanky and there are multiple ways in which one can be like a skunk. All of these often overlap. The word skanky usually refers to physical or moral dirtiness, while skunks tend to be dirty only physically. However, skunks, have plenty of characteristics apart form that, such as black-and-whiteness, smelliness and cuddliness. So, an example of skunkiness would be the morally corrupt and black-and-white haired Cruella de Vil or a dirty but cuddly dalmatian.

Automato

Automato: noun. Unlike a tomato, which ripens on a plant, an automato is a tomato that ripens by itself. Cases of complete automatoism are extremely rare - if at all existent - as seeds tend to germinate into plants and not directly into fruits. However, it is often the case that when a young tomato falls off a plant, it can still ripen, thus becoming an automato.

Thoughtmato

Thoughtmato: noun. A device that looks like a tomato and actually is a tomato. The typical user of a thoughtmato thinks it has more functions than a tomato, and is thus willing to pay over 50% more money to obtain one. However, the truth of the matter is that the only real difference between a tomato and a thoughtmato is - in the words of the great Bernard Shaw - not how it behaves, but how it is treated. Some see tomatoes as inferior to thoughtmatoes because they treat them so, and always will. As the good consumers they have been conditioned to be, however, they never question any of this.

Thomato

Thomato: noun. A Thomato is a tomato belonging to a person named Thomas. The crazy thing about the word Thomato is that there is no audible difference between that and the word 'tomato,' which makes for a very confusing world. Secret: one of the authors of this blog may or may not have unwittingly used the word Thomato all his life, even in reference to normal tomatoes.

Litteral

Litteral: adjective. Pertaining to a litter (of animals) or litter (as in garbage). Because of this ambiguity, it is often difficult to decipher whether a person referring to a cat as litteral means to say that it is one of many siblings, or that it is trashy. Just for your information, a cat can be referred to as trashy when it dresses in skanky clothing, hangs around in bars, or acts suspiciously like the characters on Jersey Shore.

Dicken

Dicken: verb or noun. There are four commonly accepted definitions for the word dicken.
1. Verb: To become a phallic object.
2. Verb: To become a jerk.
3. Verb: To become fatter, derived from the German adjective 'dick.' 
4. Noun: Diced chicken, sometimes also known as chicen.

Wattley

Wattley: adjective. When something is wattley, it looks or acts like a wattle - the little fleshy bit hanging from the chins of animals such as chicken or cassowaries. The word wattley can be used literally and figuratively. For example, someone's chin might be called wattley in the literal sense if it can be taken and flapped about in an amusing fashion. On the other hand, the word wattley can also be applied figuratively to a person who is indecisive or ambivalent, to use the technical term: wishy-washy.

Goaleal

Goaleal: adjective. Pertaining to a goal or goals. In Aristotelian terms, when something is called goaleal, it is an end in itself, e.g. happiness. When something is only worth pursuing as a means, it is called meanial (not to be confused with the word 'menial,' though there are some commonalities between the two terms). We can thus efficiently say what it took Aristotle five years to say in the Nicomachean Ethics, i.e. that bridle-making is meanial to the goaleal art of horse-riding.  

Testify

Testify: verb. In the same way that to ratify is to turn something into a rat and to purify is to turn something into puree, to testify is to turn something into testicles. Though many linguists are of the opinion that testifying should mean turning something into a test, English never was a rational language, which is the only one-o'clock-in-the-morning-response the sad creators of this blog could come up with. 

Necromantic

Necromantic: noun. A person or animal who is asexual but desires a genuine relationship with one or more dead bodies. Necromantics love going to history museums featuring skeletons, mummies or even urns, though some subsets of this broad spectrum of people, such as zoonecromantics, are equally happy to see nature museums instead. If a specimen is old enough, the person or animal desiring a meaningful relationship with it is called palaeoromantic and not palaeonecromantic, as that would be somewhat redundant.    

Diggle

Diggle: verb. To diggle is to dig a little. Diggling is one of the favourite pastimes of dogs who get reprimanded for digging and have to, therefore, resort to a more clandestine form thereof. The interviewees we summoned for this post have however, reported that it is exactly the very illegality of digging that makes diggling so appealing. The only solution, they say, is to get it out in the open, despite the adverse effects to the well-being of our backyards.   

Dink

Dink: verb. Dinking is the technical term for taking care of marijuana plants. The word dink follows the pattern "I dink, you dink, he/she/it dinks; I had dunk, you had dunk, he/she/it has dunk; I dank, you dank, he/she/it dank."  A person who dinks is called a dinker and his or her job usually consists of watering pots and the joint weeding of green grass, herbs and buds.

Alreadythereness

Alreadythereness: noun. A key concept in Platonic philosophy denoting the state of something which is, very philosophically put, "already there." An example of alreadythereness as a quality is Socrates' argument that all knowledge is present in the soul waiting for its proprietor to re-discover it. Thus, all "new" information is not really "new," but in a state of alreadythereness, which seems to make life sort of boring. 

Comitatism

Comitatism: noun. Pride and patriotic sentiments for one's county or the national equivalent thereof, such as Kreis, megye or shahrestan. The word comitatism comes from the Latin word "comitatu," which is roughly the equivalent of an English "county." Comitatism usually is, in terms of size, greater than urbism (pride for one's city), smaller than provincism and statism (pride for one's province and state, respectively) and even smaller than nationalism (pride for one's nation or sometimes country). This distinction however, while covering the basics, has plenty exceptions. A proud Singaporean, for example, could be called an urbist or a nationalist, whereas a proud citizen of Beijing could be an urbist or provincist and a proud Berliner could be an urbist or statist. There is little overlap, however, between comitatism, provincism and nationalism, making marketing strategies based on affiliation far more bearable for everyone. 

Murdererer

Murdererer: adjective. To be murdererer is to have murdered more people than someone else. The word murdererer is not to be confused with the word murderouser, as the former pertains to actual killings carried out, whereas the latter is concerned with the mere lust for doing so. So, whereas we would call Shakespeare's Tybalt murderouser than Romeo, we would definitely call Romeo murdererer.

Confushe

Confushe: adjective. To confushe is to put someone in a state of bewilderment using the teachings of Confucius (also known as K'ung Fu Tzu, in which case the word is rendered confutze). One can use the word in very lame jokes such as the following: "I was very confushed when our teacher of ancient philosophies told us about the concept of filial duty. I mean, did your computer document ever give you thanks for being its father?"

Well we warned you it was very lame, so don't complain.

Confuse

Confuse: verb. Besides the traditional definition of the word "confuse," to confuse is also to put two fuses next to each other in an electric circuit. Whilst some may view confusion as useless and even confusing, confusion is often pleasing to those who have an eye for symmetry and like to see two of everything exactly mirroring their counterparts in electric circuits. That said, one should not be confused when one's confused fuses both blow at the same time, rather than offering double protection, as confusion is a condition that tends to convolute already confusing and complicated cases.

Cowgaze

Cowgaze: noun or verb. A cowgaze is a vacant expression usually bestowed by stupid people upon those of higher intellect. Besides 'giving one a cowgaze' one can also just 'cowgaze,' using the word as a verb. This enables us not only to construct the sentence that "Sarah Palin gave the evolutionary biologist a long and very unpleasant cowagaze," but also that "Donald Trump cowgazed at the news reporter whilst trying to figure out whether the Turkey he was being asked about was the country neighbouring Syria or the delicious meal he had for lunch." 

Feminym

Feminym: noun. A feminym is most usually the feminine version of a noun. For example, the noun "actress" is the feminym of the noun "actor," the noun "duchess" is the feminym of the noun "duke" and the noun "Dress" is the feminym of the noun "Dr" (as in Doctor and Doctress). It is also possible, though less common, to use the word feminym to distinguish between verbs seen as masculine and their feminine counterparts. For example, some languages grammatically distinguish between men marrying and women marrying. In this context, both the Swahili word "aliolewa" (she married) and the Czech words "vdala se" (she married) are feminyms to the words "alimuoa" (he married) and "oženil se," respectively.    

Hamdwichburger

Hamdwichburger: noun. The word hamdwichburger has two very different meanings:
1. A hamburger filled with ingredients usually put into a typical English sandwich, such as boil, toil, tears and sweat. 
2. An inhabitant of the lost city of Hamdwich which sank (into the ground) somewhere between the cities of Ipswich and Woodbridge, probably near the A12 some two hundred years ago.

Sandburgerwich

Sandburgerwich: noun. A sandburgerwich is sandwich bread filled with things that are normally put in hamburgers, such as ground beef, gherkins, cocaine and other addictive substances. Sandburgerwiches are commonly eaten at the Ascot horse races, a custom that began during the Victorian era, symbolising how being German inconspicuously came to form the centre of royal life - much like hamburger ingredients the a sandwich - with the arrival of Queen Victoria. 

Singural

Singural: noun. A singural is the Ural equivalent of a yodeler. The plural form of the word singural is singuralim, because it is fitting in the context of certain Hebrew writings, despite the fact that the word was not derived from Hebrew. Several sects based around the Ural Mountains claim that during the Final Judgement, the singuralim will "descend from the high mountains carrying harsh judgement upon mankind, as well as salted peanuts," which is written in the Apocalypse of Tobias, also known as the man with bird poop in his eyes. As is evident, it is unclear from the text whether the singuralim will be carrying salted peanuts or whether they will be judging them, spurring very passionate theological debate.

Plular

Plular: noun. A plular is a darn big load of plums. Pluralism is not too popular in plulars, as that would be singularly peculiar. 

Regreat

Regreat: noun. A feeling of great sadness, repentance, or disappointment that is usually experienced either at the end of a year or at the end of one's life. It is very uncommon for a person to not experience regreat during these times and someone who does not come across this should seek out a doctor immediately. The most famous recorded usage of this word is in the last words of the famed poet John Keats, who on his death bed famously uttered: "Such regreat, were it not for my poetry, I'd have..."

Subnay

Subnay: noun. A preternatural fear of the underground and underground transportation that is found in about 0.0948% of the world's population. This fear is identifiable by a reluctance or outright refusal to enter subways or metros, accompanied by a distrust of basements and manholes. The disorder can be treated by small doses of dopamine injected while the patient is listening to John Cage.

Qyxz

Qyxz: preposition. This word was created in 1998 by Scrabble Extraordinaire Jonathan Squizzle, who needed a way to beat the previous record of most points earned for a word in Scrabble, which he succeeded in doing by combining this word with qualms and earning an extraordinary 1673 points in the game altogether. Mr Squizzle promised to explain to everyone what the word actually meant, but unfortunately he was found dead only 5 minutes after the game ended in a nearby lavatory. The cause of death was never revealed to the public and to this day remains a source of some controversy.

Pleisure

Pleisure: noun. A calm and relaxing experience. That's it.

Ghoat

Ghoat: noun. A phantom goat. Ghoats appear most commonly cheese. It doesn't have to be a specific type of cheese or even goat cheese, any cheese will do. The ghoats will then proceed to surround the cheese with an atmosphere of utter despair and hopelessness leading anyone who approaches the cheese to become suddenly mellow and inattentive. Ghoats have been observed since the late 1800's by various ghost-hunters, but none have yet managed to catch a ghoat. 

Quaintance

Quaintance: noun. A person you know but try not to associate with, because they're a bit strange and not in a good way. This word was created by C.S. Lewis in his later years after he'd had a falling out with J. R. R. Tolkien and needed a word to describe and degrade him amongst their Oxford colleagues. He thus created the word and then publicised it and its definition across the university before flying a poster claiming "Tolkien is my quaintance" from the Radcliffe Camera.

Christunkind

Christunkind: noun. As is commonly known in educated places full of wise people, in many parts of Mainland Europe on Christmas Eve the presents are delivered by Christkind, rather than Santa or something ridiculous like that. What is less commonly known is that if the person was naughty or the positives simply didn't outweigh the negatives, then their presents will be delivered by the Christunkind and the presents can include anything from coal, scorpions, poisoned apples, Bob Geldof to coal coke.

Present in air quotes

Present in air quotes: noun. You know...one of those presents that you have to then smile and thank the person for, even though it's totally gonna be a regift or end up in the bin or back of a closet. You can usually recognise presents in air quotes by the fact that they are soft when wrapped, oddly-shaped, smell kinda funny or that aunt you never talk to is shaking her head vigorously while you open it and when you get the seventh piece of tape off she smiles so wide that you can see the back of her tongue.

Bóbl

Bóbl: verb. To create a word with an excessive number of vowels and then proceed to ignore the majority of the vowels anyway, in some cases even substituting in invisible vowels, that originally weren't even in the word. Bóbling is a tradition that was adopted into English from French during the Norman Conquest and has since been a pain in the neck for all sensible people.

Tinsle

Tinsle: verb. To cover all surfaces and the insides of all objects with annoying, glittery madness (not intentionally, mind you) while trying to create an atmosphere of love, peace and harmony. Tinsleing is usually a risky process and should only be attempted while wearing at least a level 4 Hazmat suit. There have been at least 8 recorded cases of people suffocating or suffering major bruises and haemorrhages caused by tinsleing. 

Christmas hedge

Christmas hedge: nouns. In certain arid countries/counties/regions/towns/communes/villages/hamlets/conglomerates/arrondissements the plants do not grow nearly tall enough to function as Christmas trees and since import tax would be crippling to such economies, Christmas hedges are instead the preferred solution. They even have their own traditional decorations, such as the giant lamb made of pudding, tears and balsa wood that is placed on top of the hedge.

Yuletide

Yuletide: noun. What happens when you open a cabinet of Christmas decorations and remember that earlier in the year you'd 'cleaned' it all up simply by shoving all of the decorations into the cabinet and then quickly closing the door. As the yuletide comes rushing up at you, you think about the holidays, family, whether it's all really worth it and just how much eggnog one is legally allowed to buy in one go.

Wester

Wester: noun. The proper name for Christmas, as proposed and supported by the bishopric of Antioch. There are various fascinating things about this that we could enlighten you with, but perhaps the most interesting, is the fact that although Antioch was abandoned 500 years ago, the Bishopric of Antioch somehow manages to continue to support Wester to this day. How exactly it manages to do this remains a mystery.

Myrrrh

Myrrrh: interjection. The sound that a motorcycle, powered by the aromatic resin from a number of small, thorny tree species of the genus Commiphora, makes when running over an elderly gentleman with a walker and someone else's liver in his back pocket. If there is no elderly man involved, then the interjection used there is simply "Myrrrr"

Cometh

Cometh: noun. A small solar system body composed entirely of illegal drugs, which when coming close to a star heats up and begins to spew a gas, which could give a herd of hippopotami a high. These unique objects are extremely rare, astronomers have so far observed (and remembered) only 4 in all of history. The closest one is the Leibeck-Strauss-Donald Comet near Alpha Centauri. This fact also puts an interesting spin on the well-known O'Neill play "The Iceman Cometh"

Resursection

Resursection: noun. The ability that a select few people have, in that they are able to make a specific part of a dead creature come back alive. This part can then remain living indefinitely, if the superpowered human remains focused on it, but the moment the concentration lapses, the part of the being returns to being very much dead. This power was employed to determine that Prince Philip really had nothing to do with that crash.

Mange

Mange: verb. To do that thing with your hands, where you kinda cup them together so that they hold liquid, but only for like 5 seconds, because surprise, surprise there are holes (your fingers don't fit perfectly together) and so it's practically useless, unless you're transporting the liquid like two feet.

In reality, mange is a terrible skin disease common amongst mammals and can even affect humans. No joke. This is serious guys.

Menger

Menger: noun. The phenomenon when a farmer can no longer have a trough act solely as a trough and so adapts it to have multiple other uses, such as holding clothing or a saddle, split into two halves with one half for oats and the other for 5% milk, carrying a baby or reinforcing it so that it holds liquid iron.

Raindeer

Raindeer: noun. A species of deer known to only emerge from their cave burrows during rain or thunderstorm. It has been reported that during particularly powerful storms, raindeer come out into meadows and perform a ritualistic dance, which then extends the duration of the storm for an additional 47 seconds. Interestingly raindeer do not come out during typhoons, hurricanes or tornadoes and it is not known why that is.

Thistletoe

Thistletoe: noun. An unpleasant inflammation of the foot caused by stepping on some thistles or stinging nettles. There is no known scientific cures, but there are multitudes of folk treatments. These include placing your foot on a hedgehog, inhaling dried cow's milk, pouring lukewarm water into one ear and out the other, or the least popular method, being intimate with an orangutan.

Advantage

Advantage: noun. Yet again, an incorrect definition has been spread amongst the masses. The actual definition of this word is the fact that age is a boon in almost all social situations and in interacting with other people. Advantage is the fact that it is more likely you will be more respected or it's more likely you will be taken seriously if you are older. Advantage is social tenure.

Adventage

Adventage: noun. This word has two mega-super interesting meanings.

1. The period before the advent, which signals the coming of the Advent, as cardboard full of chocolate and bagels of pine needles begin to appear in supermarkets.
2. A characteristic of the advent that makes it better than other times of the year. For example, snow.

Subtculture

Subtculture: noun. A type of culture, which is extremely hard to spot or notice, making it seem as if there isn't any culture at all, when in fact it very carefully and stealthily permeates everything, enveloping all in a cloud of subtculture. Countries which are thought to have subtcultures, include the USA and yeah...