Kingoodie

Kingoodie: noun. An ehnviable traiht passed ohn thru genehtics that is prehsent in wun particular family, for example parple eyyes, grayceful necks or three hands. The word is noht t'be confyused with the word kinggoodie, a sarrcastic rehference to "Good King Wenceslas" whu almohst sohld his country to the Gehrmans, but will forehver be remehmbered as the gey whu trudged thru snohw to giv a fyuw coihns to a peahsant.      

Moonzie

Moonzie: adjective. Pertaihning t'the moon. Unleyke the word "moony," the word moonzie has noht yeht been corrupted bey mohdern slang that tarn'd the dehfinition of "moony" into somthin mohre leyke "loony." As t'the word itsehlf, mahny pipple feynd it dihfficult t'imahgin how to yuse it in a seh'nce, bu' it is isierr than it looks, which shall be dehmonstrayted in the fohllowing example:

"Hey, look at that Buzz, we should bring this moonzie rock back to Earth."
"It's moon rock Neil, stop being so moonzie."
"Ermergerd Buzz, you're doing the same thing to moonzie as what happened to 'moony!'"

...

As yu can see, nune of these sehn'ces yused the word moonzie correhctly... mahybe it rilly isn't that easy to yuse it.   
   

Craiggiecat

Craiggiecat: noun. A cat belohnging to a cheyld naemed Craig or a cat belohnging to a man nahmed Craig whu is vehry juveneyle. Noht to be confyused with a cragcat, a cat trapped on a mewntin and even lehss to be confyused with the Cragglecat, A lehgendary feleyne of mahny faymous feats. Accohrding to the tayles, the Cragglecat was a cat that spat at a rat's bat's hat's mat. Now tha' is imprehssive.

Fragment D:

As Mahry has now deyed therre arre sum mohre things tu discuss.
Leyke witchyburns and pitforthies and mannrs on the bus.
But Eye am layzy (vehry much so) and Ey can't give a ... fan.
Which is whey Ey will yuse nyew words as quickly as Ey can:

Ey hayte the bourgeoisie Ey do,
Ey inchgrundle at theirr seyght.
Ey tehll them "auchindown on you!"
To gi'them a wee freyght.

Anuther fact aboot me is ey dohn't haev a craggiecat.
I'd cookney it thoh, if Ey did, there's noh dewbt aboot that.
The last word that remayns t'be yused Ey fear's quharity....
Well I shall trey with a mohral then: Give to muney mey charity.

(The numb'r is +210 991 234 956 925 875. Y'rr dohnation will suppor' a cupple'o'whisky brwrs Ey knoh)

   

Inchgrundle

Inchgrundle: noun. Therre arre twu pohssible dehfinitions for the word inchgrundle:
1. A big grundle (a grundle collohquially being defeyned as a small grumble).
2. A queyte short ... path to a futboll arena.   

Auchindown

Auchindown: interjection. An exclamahtion wun maehks when encewntering a vehry stuck up and snohbby indivijual (or in the werse cayse, a grup o'thehm). Dereyved frum the phrahse: "Oy, chin dewn," auchindown becayme knohn as a far morre poleyte exprehssion, thoh no wun rilly knohs whey. 

Quharity

Quharity: unknown. The ohnly word in the Ehnglish language tha' scorres an extra tehn poynts in scrabble. This is in addihtion to its other greyt achivmint: It is wun of the vehry fyuw werds in scrabble that dohn't requeyre another vewel after the letters "qu." Sadly, no wun knohs wha'it minns. 

Cookney

Cookney: verb. To cook sumthin' in a mahnner that can be, at behst, culled quahsi-cookery. Noht t'be confyused with cookneigh, the sewnd pipple look ewt f'rr when treying to cook a hohrse. A hohrse that is not yet cooked will neigh, wheyle a hohrse that is just at the poynt of pehrfect cooking will mayke the sewnd culled cookney, which sewnds vehry much leyke the sewnd of sizzling eggs paihred with the sewnd of a brohken bagpeype (oh the hohrrorr; mey Sco'ish eyes arre tirring up at the vehry thought! In Sco'land therre arre twu thihngs to avoyd: brohken bagpeypes and kilts with hohles).

Pitforthie

Pitforthie: noun. A pitforthie is the naem one culls an unwon'ed gift that did not cohst its giv'rr the sleightest ehffort or muney. Originayting from the wunce cohmmon exprehssion "pit for thee," the word draws on the utter lack of valyue of air in the grewnd, espehcially when symbohlically givn to sumwun. The word c'n be yused in seh'nces leyke the fohllowing: "Mey muthr gaev me underwearr for mey berthday... what a pitforthie! It's not leyke ey actually wear underwear under mey kilt!"

Witchyburn

Witchyburn: noun, verb, interjection. The word witchyburn yused to be yused soh friquintley, that it gaihned sehvr'l dihfrent minnings thru teyme:
1. As a noun, the word witchyburn decreybes the festihvities assohciated with barnin' a witch, as the fohllowing seh'nces shohw: "We'rre going t'haev a witchyburn! Darling, bring the pohpcorn."
2. As a verb, the word descreybes the actions of a witch barnt at staehk. It is a cohmmon misconcehption that witches sihmply burn. Witches do barn, but whehn the word "witch" is not explihcitly mehntioned in the seh'nce, it is nehcessary to say that she witchyburns. An example of this is in the twu fohllowing seh'nces: "The witch is barning. She is witchyburning!"
3. As an interjection, the word witchyburn is a vehry meyld currrseword, yused in sentences leyke: "Oh witchyburn, Ey forgoht to tell you that the risson we never had kids is bicause I had a vasehctomy."

Bogbain

Bogbain: noun. The cause of doom f'r bohgs. Thoh mayny pipple do noht leyke bohgs, sceyentists haev actully fewnd tha' bohgs are so-culled "carbon sinks." Wha' they doo is tha' thehy sihmply consyumm mohre cahrrrbon deyohxeyd than thehy prodyuss, thehrebey lohwering the amewnt of greenhews gahsses in the a'mosphirr. Sihmply put: bogbains arre bad (which is not ull that supreysing, as the larrgest cause of bohg destruhction is hyumankeynd). As a seyd nohte, the word bogbain is not t'be confyused with the word bogbrain, a queyt offehnsiv insult if y'r nahme happns to be Peter.

Fragment C:

Soh onwards from the inver did that Li'le Mahry goh.
She pick'd a clova on the wayy (it's strahnge, but i'was soh).
"Wherr are ya goin' li'le lass?" A strayngr as'd her nigh.
"Ey'm goin' off t'a driry bog," She tiftily repleyed.

Her intehntions therrr werre truly bad,
Rosehearty she was not.
She was a bogbain (yes, it's sad),
Spolit bogs with ohgre snot.

Queyte clohse to therre she lick'd a methlick,
"Ooh it taysts leyke candy floss!"
She lick'd it to the vehry stick,
And slipped on a peyle of denmoss.

I' was in frunt of a badger's hohle,
Built bey the badger king himsehlf,
And Mary flew in, mayde a roll,
And bang'd her hid on a shehlf.

She blehd out and deyd, but do not creye!
Roseworthy she was not.
As what they say is: "eyye f'r eyye,"
She was a mohnster with ohgre snot. 

Yes that wee Mahry, Oh queyte contrary,
Was not a good evil plan hatcher,
And soh the mohral to this poem is:
Death to Margret Thatcha!
... Oh wayt...
 
 

      

Roseworthy

Roseworthy: adjective. Sumthin' tha' is werth a rohse. With prevyuss preyces of rohses in the very dihstant past, to cull sumwun roseworthy was rilly a cohmpliment, whereas now, with the devaluahtion of rohses, culling sumwun roseworthy ohnly makes thehm werth sumthin a wee mohre than a rat's beheynd.     

Rosehearty

Rosehearty: adjective. An objehct, anim'l, concehpt or pehrs'n that has eyther or bohth of the following quahli'ies:
1. A hart queyte li'erally maed of rohses.
2. A luving personali'y.
As wun may queyte cynically (bu' nehverthehss truthfully) conclud, the ferst dehfinition is bey far more frequently yused than the sehcn'd.   

Clova

Clova: noun. A twu livved clohverr. Yusually, clovas come intu being thru the lohss of one liff of a three livved clohverr. Somteyms, howehver, clovas arre the result of a four livved clohverr losing twu livves. At this, some styupid mathmatihcians would, thereforr, conclud that bey spli'ing a four livved clohverr in half, one wuld geht two clovas. This is obviously not tru thoh, as that wuld involve the spli'ing of a clover's stehm, which wuld mohst leykely result in its deahth. Occahsionally, clovas appir as a result of genehtic myutahtions, althoh this accewnts forr ohnly aboot 0.1 per cehnt of all clovas.     

Denmoss

Denmoss: noun. Moss that groews in dehns. Dill with it.

Tifty

Tifty: adjective. The quahli'y of being soh thrifty up to the poynt that one starts yusing leh'ers excehssively frugally. Sum actually boahst of tiftiness as a seygn of mehrit, bu' dohn't beliv thehm: it stahrts with a leh'er, continyus with another and after twehnty yrs of a slohwly detirriorayting marriage, y'r significant otherrr won't say a singl word to yu in four weeks.     

Methlick

Methlick: noun. A lickeable stick of metamphehtamine. Methlicks arre knohn to sum becauhse of the metamphehtamine creysis of the neyntin ehties, whehn it was fewnd out that in order to heyd their illegal loot, drug dealers disgueyesed theihr drugs as salt licks, lidding to a dramatic incriss in the numbers of prancing sheep, dazing lambs and funnily taysting mutton.

Broomfield

Broomfield: noun. Bewahre and hid this mehssage fast, as the authohri'ies may sun ban this pohst! Brooms arren't maed! It is ahll a governmehntal liey! In fact, they grow on broomfields and the gohvernment marks them up tehrribly befohre sehlling thehm tw'us. If y'ev'r tuk the teyme to saw off a part of y'r broom and stihck it in the grewnd, yu'd feynd that it will begihn grohwin' into a broomtree that will give yu ohffspring aboot tweyce a yirr. Hurry and trey it out!  

Fragment B:

The inver, thehrfore, Mahry left,
(without seeing the aquahorthies),
She was aboot to do a theft,
Which she lehrnt frum a wartled man's cohrses.

She wan'ed to steal a baldyquash,
She nohtic'd leying nearbey,
She wanted to, but shewted "Gosh!
There's a culsalmond abuve mey theigh!"

And soh she killied it huntly when,
She suddenly reahleysed:
"This mur'dr maehks me a bainshole then!
A filling that maehks me paraleysed"

So is there a mohral this fragment dos yield?
Perhaps, Ey do think thehr is wun:
Rather than steal, invehst in a broomfield,
Which satisfeys ehvrywun. 

Aquahorthies

Aquahorthies: plural noun. Wee hohrses that live in the wa'errr and haev tehrrible lisps. The reyson whey they arre wri'en in theyr plurl fohrm is that they are vehry sehldom sin as individyuals. In fact, sohme consihder aquahorthies t'be one geyant cehntrally controlld ohrganism.

Baldyquash

Baldyquash: verb. To baldyquash is to saprehss hairless pipple and othr ohrganisms that d'noht haev hairr. This word is noht t'be confyused with baldysquash, a pohpular Aberdohnian drink mahde by bald men out of squash plants, or altehrnatively, a drink mahde of squahshed hairless Aberdohnians. Back to the orihginal word thoh: it is shocking t'see the amount of baldyquashing that happens newadays. Ey've nohtissd a darrn number'o plonkers whu go around laffin' at hairless peruvians (Ey mean the dohg brid, not bahld Peruvians, tho Ey'm shurr that pipple discrihminate agaihnst them tu).  

Bainshole

Bainshole: noun. The word bainshole, altehrn'tivly spehlt baneshole, is the doom of sumthin that indyusses doom. For exahmple, a kneyfe stabbed into the back of a Rangers fan is culled a bainshole, as it is the doom  of a doom-fill'd pehrsn. The word is to be rehd as "bains-hole" and not as "bain-shole," as the lahtter pronunciahtion culd be confyused with the word bainshoal, the doom of a grup of fish, pohssibly bey a grup of dohlphins. Neythr is the word to be confyused with the word brainshole, as that is an aynchunt pit for stohring unyused braihns, which arre queyte ohf'n fewnd leying around Ehdinbra.

Culsalmond

Culsalmond: noun. Bohth of the dehfinitions of the word culsalmond arre queyte naughty, soh pliys luk awayy, if yurre easily offehnded.
1. A salmon in sumwun's rear end. Dohn't ask how it goht therre - they wohn't wish to ahnswer ahnywy.
2. A bactirria of the genus salmonella passing thru y'r rear end.
This noun is noht t'be confyused with the verb culsalmoned, which is the past tense of the nouns listed abohve being indyuced upon sumwun. 

Killiehuntly

Killiehuntly: verb-adverb. The yuss of the word killiehuntly is far mohre cohmplicayted than its actual dehfinition, which is: To kill bey hunting. As the word is a verb-adverb, it has to be sehparated when it ihsn't in its infihnitive fohrm. An exahmple of it is the fohllowin': "Ey killied this zebra huntly." Fyuw pipple knoh, that the song Killing me Softly was orihgin'lly culled Killieng me Huntly, as mard'rr bey hunting is far easier than mard'rr yusing sohft ohbjeycts leyke gummy bears and sponges.  

Wartle

Wartle: noun or a verb. The word wartle has two diff'rent minnings that arre wrih'en belohw:
1. As a noun, the word referrs t'a wee war' or what some would cull a baybe war'.
2. As a verb, the word referrs to the ahction of veylently sehtling dispyuts with turtles.
It is a myhst'ry how the town of Wartle go'its name, bu' consihdering the lack of turtles in Scohtl'nd and the abundance of wahrts, Ey meyself am of the opinyun that the ferst dehfinition has sumthin' to do with it.  

Haggs

Haggs: noun. A haggs is a straynge crohss betwinn a hag and a haggis. How it comes to be no one rilly knohs, but the feynal prohduct is queyte freytning: A geyant ewld wuhman kehpt together bey a sheep stohmach fil'd on the inseyd with sohmthin' leyke minc'd mitt. This criturrre haunts many Scotschildren's neyghtmahres.          

Fragment A:

Ey've deceyded that the prehvious stohry was way too bohring and unrealihstic, which is whey Ey am coming up wif a nyuw stohry leyne that I shall distihnguish frum the prehvious wun bey lehttering it rather than numb'ring it. Hir goehs:

Mahry had a wee lamb,
It's body leyne was as fat as a tram.
And evrywherrr that Mahry went,
Even in playces where munny she spehnt,
Pipple wuld cull h'r lamb a balgedie,
Wifout a gud balmoral,
Which was queyte a tragedy,
Consid'ring Mahry's gud mohrals.

So one day Mahry visited,
An inver ohn the coahst,
Much compassiun she had not elicited,
The lamb was shurre to be toahst.

She threw it in the wa'a therrre,
Lohcked up in sehvr'l bags,
She lehft it so it culd be shehrd,
Bey the spirits of the inver's haggs.    

 

Balgedie

Balgedie: noun. A beli'led trahgedy concehrning spherical objeycts, such as balls and the leyke. A trahgedy concehrning balls tha' is no' beli'led is simply culled a balgedy. One can beli'le i' bey either mayking the ball phyhsically smahller or bey making fun of the trahgedy i' was concehrned in. An example of the word balgedie yusd in a seh'nce is: "Sue had a ball. The ball fell under a car and pohpped. 'Haha!' Laffed Jack, tarning the situation into a balgedie with his cruel mohckery of Sue's predihcament.          

Balmoral

Balmoral: noun. The word Balmoral has two vehry dihfrent minnings:
1. An ohral balm - a crimm that y' haev to smir on y'r mewth.
2. The mohral of a bahll - A hihdden didactic mehssage in a sphearical objeyct.
PS: It is pohssible to haev an ohbjeyct that fulfills both of thees critehrians.

Inver

Inver: noun. As this is mey fihrst blog pohst, leht me introdyuss a vehry pehrsonal tohpic to me: the Scoh'ish deyalehct. Ey will dehdicate mey teyme ohn this blog to prohpagate the Scoh'ish cause and show the werld the increhdible richniss of ewr lehnguegue. To begihn wif, Ey shall introdyuss the weydely used but not understud word inver, which is dereyved frum the Gaelic word "inbhir," meaning sumthin' leyk "ehstuary." The word inver, is, therefore, the Scoh'ish attehmt to maek those styupit nuts in England understand what we rilly mean whehn we say Inverness, Invergloy or Inverglen.    

Notice to Readers

We would like to take this opportunity to announce a very important occasion concerning this blog to our readers: A deposed Namibian king has recently sent us an email offering us twenty million dollars in return for flying to his secret hideout in the Namib desert where we shall be employed as story tellers for his sons, daughters and Pepe, his pet chihuahua. Obviously, we could not let such a situation pass us by and, since we presume there will be no internet connection where we are going (the King's email was, presumably, delivered by a carrier pigeon - or a pigeon carrier? - to a transcript factory in the outskirts of Windhoek),   we can no longer write new words on this blog. For this reason, we have hired a Scotsman (I believe his name happens to be Peter, but it might just as well be Pe'a, because of his weird pronunciation) to write the words for us. Do not worry... we have plenty money to keep doing so for the next few hundred years.

Antiantiantism

Antiantiantism: noun. Discrimination of and prejudice against aged or somehow outdated ants. Not to be confused with anti-antiantism, the movement set up in reaction to an elderly ant rights protest, the so called Antiantist Renaissance. The matter becomes even more complicated when confronted with aantiantianism, the neutral stance towards the discrimination of elderly ants, and aantiantism, the neutral stance towards aged ants in general. The most confusing part of this, however, is the fact that antiantism and antiantism, both spelled the same way, are two completely different things. While the former denotes adherence to or support of elderly ants, the latter denotes complete aversion towards all ants. From this, it can logically be deduced that although the word antiantiantism most popularly denotes the discrimination of elderly ants, it could also denote an antiquated form of ant discrimination or even ant discrimination against the elderly.  

Cougherrupter

Cougherrupter: noun. A cougherrupter is the most lowly, disgusting and infuriating type of human (if something that repulsive truly can be called human) on this planet. What a cougherrupter does is so despicable that we advise our more sensitive readers not to read beyond this point: A cougherrupter is someone who interrupts plays, operas and other performances with persistent coughing. The horror! Do these people think other pay to hear them dying of cancer, tuberculosis or whatever? And especially during the more quiet parts! We encourage you, when you happen to have the chance, to clobber any cougherrupter to death. It is legal in several American states, so just invent a ploy to get them there and carry it out quickly. Just please don't do so in the theatre (although who knows? You might get a big cheer and maybe even a medal of honour).   

Schizofernia

Schizofernia: noun. The constant feeling of paranoia stemming from the belief that all ferns are out to get you. Schizoferniacs often suffer from auditory illusions resembling the rustling of leaves and olfactory illusions resembling the fresh smell of a temperate forest in the morning. According to professors Wesley and Snipes of Dover University, Schizofernia often ends after a patient's death, though in one case out of ten, the patient still continues to complain of giant evil ferns pursuing them into the afterlife.  

Boredome

Boredome: noun. This is a word, which is considered to be so very interesting, simply because of its many semi-related meanings. Some of the meanings are as follows:
1. A dome within which everyone is bored. This is not necessarily because of the contents of the dome or the structure of the dome, but simply because it is an obligation or requirement that the occupant or inhabitant of a boredome be bored.
2. A dome which is made entirely out of robes constructed by illiterate dyslexics. There is only one case of such a boredome existing on record and it collapsed soon after in an incident involving a wolf.
3. A dome, which has been bored through entirely by some type of borer, whether that be animal or machine. For example a dome in Southern Germany was bored through by several large machines and then covered in yellow paint to become the world's largest half-sphere of Eidam cheese. The citizens of Munich are proud of their achievement to this day.

Fragment 21:

Having received his haircut, Herb felt he was ready to deal with the "situation" in his lab, which had been caused by the stickly Victimator. He returned to the time machine he had been inhabiting for the past few weeks and stepped forward in time just so that he would appear in the lab the moment after he had left earlier that day. During time travel the time machine had a tendency to play music with incomprehensible lyrics and so Herb spent the entire time flyricking. Herb arrived safely in the future...or the past...ermmm...anyways, he arrived safely and realised that his position in the time machine would be wholly undefendable and so he relocated. Herb stationed himself between his experiment attempting to produce a taurate and a machine meant to synthesise lichee. From here Herb felt he would be able to deal with the Victimator once he arrived.

Milligrubs

Milligrubs: noun. A large amount of little snacks which have at least 10 feet. Generally this word is used by entomophagous animals to refer to their afternoon snacks or supper. For a time the word was banned in Australia so that it wouldn't get confused with a popular children's TV show, although to be perfectly honest I've forgotten the name of that, oh well.

Mournithology

Mournithology: noun. The scientific study of birds with lugubrious names such as the crying bird, widowbird or mourning dove. Anticipating the immediate question many readers will have: no, being an expert Marvel fan and loving the character Deathbird does not make you a mournithologist. If anything, it just makes your life very, very sad.

Mammothsept

Mammothsept: noun. A clan of Mammoths. Mammothsepts were tightly knit communities during the Ice Age and the predominant form of social interaction in the Animal Kingdom at the time. They were well known for having Ice Hockey matches between mammothsepts as well as holding incredible feasts, which were in the end always ruined by the Saber-tooths who always poked someone with their obnoxiously large teeth and started a brawl.

Athiest

Athiest: adjective. The quality of being the proudest and most characteristic inhabitant of the Irish town Athy. As of the year 2014, the Athiest person on Earth is the deceased Ernest Shackleton. After all, it is quite difficult to be proud of being an Irishman. 

Malemaroking

Malemaroking: noun. Perhaps one of the most fascinating words in the English language Mallemaroking has this word as a close relative. The much more interesting word mallemaroking refers to the carousing of seamen on board Greenlandic whaling ships. On the other hand the significantly more boring word malemaroking refers to the man crowned King of Marrakesh at the annual Marrakesh disco.

Tableoid

Tableoid: adjective. Something that resembles the table. Yes, you are wondering which table that is. Well wouldn't you like to know. Looks you'll just have to look through the whole world and return home after one thousand years still not knowing which of the tables you saw there was the one that the word tableoid is based on. Either that or you can just forget it. We recommend the former.

Sfear

Sfear: noun. The semi-rational fear of the letter S. It is common practice, although not technically a grammatical rule, to describe how severe this fear is by prefixing it with a word that ends with an S or even the word's homophone "sphere" when discussing a friend's sfear (not by the person with sfear for obvious reasons), for example: Troposfear is used to describe sfear that exists to a lesser extent than stratosfear. Sfear is most common in small, uncooperative children learning to read and it is recommended to force them to learn to read to lower the chances of them suffering from sfear later in life.

Fragment 20:

Herb informed the potato barber of the situation, the barber was horrified by the idea of the extinction of humans in much the way a human would be horrified by the extinction of potatoes and just as a human would assist a potato bringing him/her, the potato barber agreed to help herb. The barber informed Herb that his name was George and agreed to give Herb the haircut he desperately needed, it was guaranteed to cure flouse and a of a quality that other barbers would find extraterraneous; when Herb asked in what sense George meant it was extraterraneous George merely laughed. Whilst making small talk with George during his haircut, Herb got an idea of what this secondary situation was. It would seem that the smashing of the single portato had released the potato population of a small part of a small village, possibly the entire population of 2 or 3 houses. Herb considered the way in which he'd deal with this, he was sure there'd be a simple solution to this going through many antihypotheses before realizing that his haircut was complete. He looked in the mirror and commented on how good a job George did. "Maybe I won't eat all you rogue potato people after all." Herb was very careful not to say.

Lyripippi

Lyripippi: noun. A song created by Astrid Lindgren for her famous character Pippi Longstocking to sing in the various books written about her. Scientists from the University of Uppsala have concluded that in total Lindgren wrote and composed the music for 37 different lyripippis. It is thought that Lindgren loved the character so much that she attempted to bring her to life with a combination of voodoo and incantations, where these incantations became what is nowadays known as lyripippis. 

Ogreless

Ogreless: adjective. The state of lacking an ogre. Not to be confused with the word "orgulous," the state of being excessively proud or even haughty. One might suppose that in the modern world, being ogreless could make a country quite orgulous, but seeing the success Shrek has had at the box office, being ogreless is quite a "no go." For this reason, it is the policy of the European Union to bring the ogre back into the wild from well paid jobs such as politics and law. Needless to say, this is going to cost some money, so please call the European Fund to kindly make a donation.
With love,
Your ogreless Europeans 

Kyprorrhinos

Kyprorrhinos: nouns. Rhinoceroses which come from the island of Cyprus. This may surprise some of the readers of this blog, but at one point in history the climate and conditions were perfect for the existence of rhinoceroses. Unfortunately the conditions were too hostile for virtually any other animal, so the only animal that lived with the kyprorrhinos was a strange and distant relative of the platypus. Unfortunately the kyprorrhinos died out but several historians suspect that a kyprorrhino transported to the island of Minos was responsible for the legend of the Minotaur.

Solence

Solence: noun. The quality of having particularly good manners, making this word the exact opposite of the word insolence. Most probably, this word is derived from the word sol (the sun), as one's good manners can make another's day far more bright. However, it has been suggested by societal cynics that really, the word solence was derived from the word "solvency," which they believe is equally if not more important in the modern world than having good manners. 

Yumentous

Yumentous: adjective. Describing something that smells like egg yolk urine. This word is obviously very similar to the word jumentous, which refers to something that smells like horse urine, but there is a clear difference (the "s" sound in yumentous is significantly longer than the "s" sound in jumentous). One might ask what egg yolk urine is, but I'm afraid that that is a story for another time.

Mondane

Mondane: adjective. Something that is rather dull and boring on the moon because of its ubiquity. What is mondane would also usually be mundane, though there are exceptions - we don't have too many rockets or rovers landing and roaming the Earth and we most certainly don't have an American flag next to several footrpints somewhere on a piece of rock.  Apart from that, what is most common to the moon (rock, not Swiss cheese) is deemed particularly mondane (and probably would be mundane if found on Earth).

Hastlessly

Hastlessly: adjective. To move slowly, and/or without urgency. This is most commonly used to describe when someone is exceedingly hastless, meaning that it is commonly accepted that they should move faster; however they may be hastless for their own reasons that have yet to be announced to the general public for dramatic reasons, because of this people avoid pointing out one's hastlessness out of fear that they may embarrass themselves.

Fragment 19:

A self-referential peace filled Herb's mind as a word used in the past came into being, from his perspective, months after the first use. Herb rubbed his beard and was startled by the fact that he had a beard. He rushed to his shaving room (yes he had a room specifically for shaving in his laboratory), if there was to be any zeqex confrontation Herb thought it would be best to have a look he was comfortable with. On his way there he grabbed a fresh lab coat and soon found himself in a barberqueue, the man in front of him was oddly shaped but unmistakably a barber. Herb soon realized the cause for the barber's odd shape: the barber was a potato person, the "victimator" must have stepped on his portato experiment, luckily Herb learned how to rid himself of any signs he had eaten potatoes in the case of a portato leak, perhaps these potato people could make useful allies. Potatoes, to Herb's knowledge, cannot be subjected to brapse the same way humans can.

Intrafenestration

Intrafenestration: noun. The space between the two frames of a window. Practically speaking this is the area where the glass panes of the window are most often located, but that is not always the case, which is why the word exists. For example there could be wooden beams in the intrafenestration separating the glass panes, or the glass could be missing entirely. Since such horrendous scenarios are a possibility the word has to exist.

Abondance

Abondance: noun. An abundance of bonds, also known as "the investor's Heaven." This word is not to be confused with abonddance, the melody that plays at an investor's birthday party and it is definitely not to be confused with abombdance, the ritual that the group called "The Happy Terrorists" conducts before one of its members blows up ... a balloon.

Anhonorificabilitudinitatibus

Anhonorificabilitudinitatibus: adjective. Describing something without honour. There are several cases of irony that are linked to this word. The first one being the fact that this word used only by Brits in the Modern Age is spelt with "honor", while Brits continue to spell it "honour". This has frustrated Brits to no end and yet they continue to use both words without changing them. A second case of irony is the fact that this word was used by the Western Roman emperor Honorius in his official title. The title goes as follows: "Supreme Emperor Flavius Honorius Augustus the First, son of Theodosius I and Aelia Flaccilla, August Caesar and Consul of the Glorious Western Roman Empire, Anhonorificabilitudinitatibus Pater Patriae"(that's the short version).

Odus

Odus: noun. The state of living somewhere and not being physically forced out of this state of living. It would be logical to conjecture that this word is where the word "exodus" is derived from, but there is not enough evidence to prove this theory. After all, the greatest exodus recorded by ancient scholars would not be a real exodus if it were derived from this word, as the Jews were not physically forced out of their state of living (though they surely had plenty of grievances). 

Hamarthritia

Hamarthritia: noun. Arthritis caused by making a horrible mistake that involves ham. Obviously this word is derived from the word hamartithia which means being likely to make a mistake. Hamarthritia was derived by the Supreme Council of Supreme Medical Specialists of Supremacy simply because of the number of cases that could be described using the word. In total exactly two. Yeah, two. The council was really bored and had nothing to do between 1985 and 2014 and so decided to find the most obscure cases in medical history and create even more obscure names for them. They were eventually stopped in this endeavour by the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language, which fought them in a huge battle on top of Mount Fuji, where the Movement eventually came out victorious after 13 hours of gruesome fighting. Apparently dictionaries are excellent shields against scalpels.

Usurplus

Usurplus: noun. A usurplus is the stolen produce that its previous owner did not need for survival. In Communist theory, the current system run by the bourgeoisie relies on usurplus, as does feudalism and all forms of government apart from the Communist one (yes, Communist theory tends to be quite conceited when it comes to judging other systems).

Ginger

Ginger: adjective. To be more ginge relative to something else. The gingenous of something is relative to the number of words beginning with G that apply to the thing. For example: George; the great, giant giraffe with gout is likely ginger than Henry, the read-headed accordionist. Some argue that being excessively great would count for extra Gs, making them ginger than they would otherwise be, this is a childish argument used by childish people for childish reasons; therefore this reasoning should not be used by anyone who is further than 2/25ths through their life expectancy, otherwise you get 1 G no matter how great you are!

Fragment 18:

Herb headed hastlessly toward the lab and scratched his head confusedly being able to swear that hastlessly has not yet been given official word status. He glanced through a window over at the line of 12 identical and 2 non-identical time machines which had appeared in his lab a while ago from a future in which at least 12 time machines have been invented and, herb guessed, launched through time at random, he thought of something but said nothing of it. An idea came to Herb involving the time machines mentioned earlier and immediately one of the time machines appeared in front of him, he got inside and programmed it to go to the date on which the time machine first appeared. Herb waited several weeks hiding in the machine, and occasionally sneaking out to get food, he now understood why food frequently we went missing in his lab.

Gossypieboma

Gossypieboma: noun. A surgical gooseberry pie accidentally left inside a patient's body during an operation. You would surprised how many cases of goosepieboma are reported every year. For instance in 2008 a gossypieboma was reported every 2.5734 kè (a unit of time used in dynastic China). Interestingly a patient cannot sue a surgeon on account of a goosypieboma because it has been scientifically proven that they aren't dangerous to the human body. 

Apendence

Apendence: noun. While independence describes the state of being liberated from the state of dependence (hence the structure of the word in-dependence), apendence describes the state of never having been dependent at all. There are very few things one could classify as absolutely apendent. In fact, we can't think of any... Oh well, if you can think of something, send us an email.

Midifuscoferuginous

Midifuscoferuginous: adjective. Describing something which is roughly halfway to having a dark rusty colour. This could mean that the object is halfway to rusting, or that it is halfway to its rust having a dark colour, or that only half of this rusted object exists, or that exactly half of the object has a dark rusty colour or the obvious option that the object is exactly half of the dark rusty colour, therefore it is either a dark colour or a rusty colour.

Bassic

Bassic: adjective. The word bassic has several definitions from many different walks of life:
1. Anything pertaining to a double bass (including the player, as this relationship can't really work the other way round).
2. Anything pertaining to any other bass instrument.
3. Anything pertaining to a bass singer.
4. Anything pertaining to the fish called bass.

Antiexsibilator

Antiexsibilator: noun. A machine used in television studios to absorb and remove the collective hisses of a disapproving audience. Antiexsibilators were invented by Walt Disney to give his cartoons more confidence on the stage when they were performing some of their early cartoons in front of a live audience. The machines were such a great success that a large number of people think that Disney's success can be attributed specifically to antiexsibilators. 

Gascream

Gascream: noun. A flavoured, whipped form of dessert made by walking around in a room of freshly scented air with a mixer. It is eaten after the room is compressed to such an extent that it compunds the molecules of this dessert together into a lofty, almost elusive mist that can be attacked with a spoon.

Napthaligenous

Napthaligenous: adjective. Describing something or someone which/who produces smoke after smoking naptha. In many societies this is considered dangerous and therefore illegal, but more liberal societies where idiotic people can risk their lives and most people's attitude is: "See if I care?" and "It's your life, do what you want." it is perfectly acceptable and allowed. It's killed 32,583 people in Switzerland. Napthaligenous people are often green smell faintly of burning meat and are known for their profoundly satirical and surreal poetry in the style of E. E. Cummings.

Fragment 17:

Herb collected his bearings and ran out of his home. He took the shortest way to his lab, which lead him through the smoking ruins of a buarn and a fumic church. There was a smell of prepetrichor in the air and the atmosphere was equally sinister and concerning. He hoped that he could stop this mad plan to kill the entire population of his planet, but he was more outraged about someone being in his lab without his permission. Herb was not an expert in siegology but he was confident he could get into his lab. He'd worked there for as long as he could remember and knew every side entrance and ventilation shaft like the back of his own palm. And he'd spent years studying the back of his palm for a research project, so he knew it very well! Herb knew he had to be careful, for all he knew there could be a zeqex waiting for him at the lab. He wasn't entirely sure what that was, but he was afraid of it.

Dipoldism

Dipoldism: noun. The act of beating or whipping dipoles. This word is not to be confused with dippoldism, which is the act of beating or whipping school children. You can imagine that confusing these two words could have dire consequences. In fact there is a case in the early 2000's in Belarus where a chemistry teacher used the word dipoldism several times in his class, but the government agency that had wired his classroom and was listening in on everything that was said mistook the word for dippoldism and the teacher was arrested and imprisoned for 300 years, without the option of being released due to his death.

Substancial

Substancial: adjective. The quality of having substance. In effect, this word is pretty much the same as the word "substantial," but it is used far less as it makes more sense. Masticate on that.

Imdentiloquent

Imdentiloquent: noun. Pertaining to someone who speaks through someone else's teeth. Generally this word applies to people with dentures or simply to a person who has stolen someone's teeth and used them as his own. Obviously this also implies that the denture-wearing or teeth-stealing person also has a speech impediment, which leads him to speaking through his teeth, rather than much more clearly and eloquently. If you maybe considered that you are an imdentiloquent then there is a 24-hour help line that you can call anytime and there are people there who will listen.

Dominote

Dominote: verb. This word has two quite easily interchangeable meanings which are the following:
1. To win a game of domino.
2. To successfully perform a part in Daniel Auber's opera Le Domino Noir.
Clearly, it is very hard to distinguish these definitions even with plenty of context and so we urge our readers to use this word very discriminately.  

Cleptozoosis

Cleptozoosis: noun. The act of plundering animals. This is the worst crime one can commit in a zoo, ranked hire than murder or even genocide. The United Nations International Court of Justice decreed so in the first ever meeting of the International Court of Justice and it has been upheld ever since. A man was sentenced to death in Belize for stealing a pigeon in a zoo, where the pigeon didn't even belong to the zoo, but was simply flying through. That should give you an idea of what kind of a heinous crime cleptozoosis is.

Capericiousness

Capericiousness: noun. The arrogantly whimsical behaviour of cape-possessing superheroes. An example of such behaviour can be seen in episode four of Living with Superman, entitled Superman has a bad day at the supermarket. Basically, all that Superman does in that episode - well perhaps it would be more accurate to say what he doesn't do - is give a rat's rear end.   

Causeusse

Causeusse: noun. A couch made for two people, where one of the spots is occupied by Dr Seuss. Dr Seuss's publisher at Random House often complained that Dr Seuss was in his office so much that his sofa had become a causeusse and thereby originated the word. Since then only two other examples of causeusses have existed. The psychologist B. F. Skinner claimed that his causeusse with Dr Seuss sitting on it provided the most stresslessness.

Fragment 16:

However Pamela Pike was not in form today. Her acting was mediocre at best and an episode that centred on Pamela's character's creditodebitism really wasn't that interesting. Things did get a lot more interesting when the TV flickered and the programme changed all of a sudden. With horror Herb realised that what was he was seeing on the TV set was his own lab. A rather shy howerella appeared to attempt to explain what was going on, but his stummer really didn't help. He was yanked off stage and a rather imposing man stepped on and exclaimed: "I am the victimator! Starting tomorrow my devilish plan shall be put into action and I will finally rule the world! Tomorrow morning you will all willingly come to this laboratory and undergo a brapse." The TV set flickered and returned to the regular programming, but Herb wasn't paying attention, he was horrified! Global brapses, and conducted in his lab! He wouldn't allow it!

Ultracapernoited

Ultracapernoited: adjective. Describing someone who is extremely drunk and/or tipsy. This word is commonly used in the streets of Glasgow and is strongly opposed by the population of Edinburgh if it comes to visit Glasgow, for it considers the word a disgrace and an abuse of the English language, as well as an abandoning of Scottish heritage.

Skunt

Skunt: noun. A stunt-performing skunk. Considering the possible offense that one may cause by saying this word after words ending with "s," we have decided to leave the definition there and would like to interest you in some speculative facts about economic botany: If anyone ever offers to take you through time to the Netherlands in 1634, telling you that you can only bring one thing along, take a pot of tulips. If you're lucky and don't get mugged, you can sell them, buy yourself a nice manor in Amsterdam and never work again. 

Cagemosis

Cagemosis: noun. A husband being trapped inside a cage by his wife due to an unhappy marriage. Interestingly cagemosis is only illegal in 12 U.S. states out of 50. For example in Iowa cagemosis is perfectly legal and in the town of Algona, Iowa it is actually encouraged if the marriage is an unhappy one and the woman feels that it is the man at fault. If the man feels that the woman is at fault then there is little he can do about it and just be a man and suck it up!

Dreadkey

Dreadkey: noun. Speaking of donlocks, many readers have gotten back to us wanting to know what other locks could be opened by. A recurring question we have received was one about dreadlocks. Well obviously, we must answer that dreadlocks can only be opened by dreadkeys, but what is more interesting than the dreadkeys themselves is what comes out of the former dreadlocks. Their content often includes (but definitely is not limited to) fungi, plants, lice, rice, bugs and small rodents. There have even been cases of eggs hatching in some people's dreadlocks which were followed by furious attacks on their possessors by frantic chicken.   

Colonel Borborygmus

Colonel Borborygmus: noun. A famous arch-nemesis of Batman, who was known throughout Gotham City for using his incredible stomach noises to produce earthquakes capable of toppling buildings. It is rumoured that Colonel Borborygmus was responsible for the earthquake that destroyed Old Wayne Tower and required the construction of what became known as simply Wayne Tower.

Donlock

Donlock: noun. Have you ever wondered what donkeys open? Well, unlike monkeys, who have opposable thumbs and are therefore capable of opening most of the things that humans can open, donkeys have no such thing and so their list of things they could open is considerably smaller. This is why the donkey community decided to start manufacturing donlocks to have the satisfaction of being able to open things others can't open. It is, however, quite a mystery what donlocks actually are as the donkeys quite shrewdly decided to keep all of the information about them to themselves so as to prevent those meddling humans from finding out how it's done. 

Snaked

Snaked: adjective. An adjective describing a snake shortly after it has shed its skin (or, more accurately, moutled). The question that naturally arises from this definition is what time would be deemed as "shortly." To this there is a very simple answer that we retrieved from the Bible, specifically from Peter, 3:8:
"With the Lord a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years are like a day."
It is then up to debate as to whether the specific snake is with the Lord or not to be able to answer the question properly.

Fragment 15:

It happened then that Herb was dressed up like a badger and sent to the denmarket trying to act as inconspicuously as possible. He was able to get a good deal and while Christina was transporting the waterman to the den, he was already headed there with the new owner himself. Getting rid of his obligations towards Christina (who, as was later found out, had snuffins hidden inside the waterman and was duly arrested by the badger who was really an undercover badger agent), Herb walked back home to his verdurating dirtwitches and chicketting companion and sat down contently on his couch to watch a suckerfish soap opera featuring his favourite actress Pamela Pike. 

Colonalborborygmus

Colonalborborygmus: noun. The rumbling sound of gas passing through the large intestine. This word is composed of the words colonal (referring to the colon) and borborygmus, which is the scientific term for "tummy noises". It is what all parents should explain to their children, when their spawn...I mean kids, claim that their "stomach is speaking in tongues".

Ananas

Ananas: noun. It is high time that the English language finally left its silly practice of calling ananases "pineapples," as they have little to do with apples and even less to do with pines. If one looks at a box of juice, one can easily comprehend why it is difficult for foreigners to understand English speakers and vice versa in philosophical discussions on this topic, as most modern world languages use the word ananas rather than whatever else one could call this fruit. The only widely known language that plays this tug of war on the side of the English speakers is Spanish with the term "piña," though it isn't too reliable of an ally as many Spanish speakers also recognise the words "ananá" and "ananás." It suffices to say that the word ananas has nothing to lose but its chains. It has a world to win.

ANANASES OF THE WORLD UNITE!

Batrachophrench

Batrachophrench: adjective. On the 24th of June, 1996 the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language combined the two words French and batrachophagous into one word batrachophrench, so as to eliminate confusion between the two. The main reason for this was that the two words mean literally the same thing, where French refers to a person from France and batrachophagous refers to something feeding on frogs.

Punchkin

Punchkin: noun. There are several possible definitions for the word punchkin. The most popular ones are the following:
1. The act of punching a relative.
2. A splattered pumpkin.
3. A violent munchkin.
There is even a festival in Riga called the Punchkinfest, which comes to a climax when people take out their hammers (some even bring sledgehammers) and start liquidating the pumpkins of the opposing team. Needless to say, many foreign observes have commented that this festival not only leads to the second definition listed above, but also quite frequently to the first and sometimes even to the third (munchkins get very angry when someone splatters their pumpkin house). 

Autohanosiography

Autohanosiographer: noun. One who writes about their own life in a demeaning, degrading and humiliating manner. The word is derived from the Greek word anosios meaning "unholy" and has been used to describe people who lessen their own accomplishments and achievements in their writing. This includes for example the famous novelist George Orwell, who in his autobiography 1984 claimed that he hadn't taken over the entire world, but only about one third. This is an excellent example of autohanosiography in the literary genre.

Portato

Portato: noun. A mysterious opening - some would even say gateway - that is said to be found in potatoes. According to the legends, portatoes lead to another dimension where potatoes rule the world and eat humans in the forms we usually eat potatoes in - mashed, fried, baked, sliced and so on. They even have their own shops where they sell human crisps and fast food restaurants that serve bucketfulls of human chips. It must be said though that just as is the case with the wardrobe leading to Narnia, one cannot simply try to squeeze oneself through a portato upon finding one, as it would most probably just splatter the potato. The people who successfully entered the potato dimension were those who unintentionally stuffed themselves into the potato while trying to eat it.

Antimemorial

Antimemorial: noun. A fancy construction designed in order to make people forget about a certain person or event. These constructions are usually deemed quite ineffective; for example the antimemorial to Guy Fawkes in the vicinity of the British parliament has become so counterproductive that the government decided to rename it to a memorial and hope nobody would notice.

Fragment 14:

"So what you're saying is" Herb said, "that instead of selling the waterman by himself, you are going to sell him in a den because that way you can mark him up more..."
"pulsh it!" Christina exclaimed in whisper; she wasn't quite sure whether to lament Herb's stupidity or to rejoice in the fact that he finally understood.
"So you are now going to buy a den to be able to stick a waterman inside it?"
"No!" Christina exclaimed emphatically "No, no, no! It just so happens that I am a pairess of such den (my dear friend Barry the Badger deceased a week ago) along with my dear cousin, whom I have gotten rid of to be able to claim the inheritance by myself."
"Gotten rid of?"
"Well she was getting on my nerves with all of her constant chicketting"
"Your cousin is a chicken?"
"I was being FIGURATIVE!"
"So what you are really saying is that you killed your cousin, want to dress me up as a badger and put yourself through the danger of being obliterated by the hambourgeoisie all because you want to sell the den of a dead badger with a waterman inside of it."
"Who will be marked up through the process."
"Good Lord!" 

Ananopisthographic

Ananopisthographic: adjective. Describing something which has writing on only one half of one side of a page. This can for example be used to describe the final pages of chapters in books, where the chapter ends on the first half of a page, but the chapter following the aforementioned chapter doesn't begin until the next sheet of paper in the book. In essence the entire previous sentence could be rewritten as "The chapter ended ananopisthographically."

Legato

Legato: noun. A posh term for hitting someone over the head with a leg. This leg must, of course, be isolated from the body, as the opposite would simply be termed kicking (or, in the case that the leg was used by someone else, involuntary kicking). A legato can also be conducted with a fake leg, whether it happens to be made of plastic, wood or some synthetic material. In most countries, a legato is regarded as a violent crime equatable to punching or kicking; however, in Italy, legatos are promoted by the government as a form of cultural heritage.

Agelast

Agelast: noun. Although this word is commonly used to describe someone who never laughs, it also has a secondary and unfortunately much less popular meaning, which means a period of time, which is taking an unusually long time to pass. Obviously this is all relative, since time doesn't have a speed, well it does, but you know what I mean! It's interesting, because obviously this meaning has a lot more sense and can be derived from the structure of the word, but nevertheless the definition for non-laughing person is much more commonly used. The meaning we prioritise as a blog would be used for example in the following sentence: "My God this class is such an agelast."

Sickophant

Sickophant: noun. An ill, wheezing elephant that finds it hard to talk without sounding like a broken vacuum cleaner. It is a sad fact of life that many people confuse sickophants with sicko-phants - elephants with slightly perverted tendencies. Another sad fact of life is that these people also tend to confuse the two terms with the word sickopants, a person whose trousers and underwear suffer from severe leprosy and fall off at the most inconvenient moments.

Socvusopothia

Socvusopothia: noun. An incestuous desire for one's mother-in-law. This word is derived from the Latin words socvusus for mother-in-law and pothos meaning desire. If one combines this theory that mother-in-law is an anagram for "woman Hitler" then the word itself could be interpreted as an incestuous desire for a female version of Hitler and suddenly the word seems quite logical and easily comprehensible.

Bantur

Bantur: noun. A series of uncomprehensible sounds, known to some as "weird Swahili babble," that can be encountered while visiting many parts of Sub-Saharan Africa. The obvious conjecture that many people would make here is that Bantur is simply language used by locals that others do not understand. This, however, is a very faulty conjecture indeed, as bantur is most commonly recorded in connection to tourists who think they can speak the local tongue but end up babbling in a way that no one (not even themselves) knows what they are trying to say, let alone what they are actually saying.

Orbituary

Orbituary: noun. A document of one's death launched into space and attracted by the gravitational pull of an object that has a greater mass than itself. To be a proper orbituary, it has to be attracted to the extent that it begins revolving around the object without crashing into it or being released. A good orbituary goes in circles rather than squares, triangles or dodecahedrons. This circular motion is also preferable over an elliptical one simply because the universe favours symmetry. 

Fragment 13:

"You do realise, Christina, that what you're saying is completely ingermane, right?" Herb said, "After all, you yourself must know that denmarkets are reserved for selling dens and not for getting rid of fossilised watermen."
"Herb, how can you be so Jarjarian?" Christina sighed, "Of course I am perfectly aware of this and I am going to use it to my benefit."
Herb looked at her with an expression of an empty walletta.
"Herb, you obtuse orckid! I want to sell the waterman as a piece of FURNITURE!"
"Oh, well you could have just said that without unintelligibalising everything! Plus, the plan is stupid. Why don't you just sell it normally?"
"You really are having a slow day, aren't you? Alright, let me explain. If I sold the waterman by himself, I would not be able to mark the price up by much now, would I? But if I sold him as a prop in a den, I could mark him up by perhaps even double the price. Get it?"
"That's just stupid."
"No, you're just stupid and you're jealous of my financial understanding prowess." 

Maccubation

Maccubation: noun. The practice of eating or drinking McDonald's while lying down. As everyone knows accubation was the practice conducted by the Romans of feasting while reclining in a leisurely posture. This concept was then updated in the late 1990's by a Mr Ronald M. to suit the modern generation, while preserving an important part of the antiquity. Maccubation has been considered dangerous by some people due to an increased risk of choking, but those people have never had a Big Mac on a waterbed.

Gloggles

Gloggles: noun. Goggles that glow in the dark. Invented in the 1980´s to help old aardvarks in Prague zoo to see at night, gloggles soon went down the toilet of history, as their usefulness began to be disputed immediately after one of the gloggle possessing aardvarks spent a whole week walking against the glass of his aardvarkium and another mysteriously disappeared. It wasn´t until the beginning of the twenty first century when some smart cookies realised that perhaps gloggles could also be worn by humans. The very first one who tried though, a Dutch cyclist living in Bohemia, fell into a river and choked on a trout after only two minutes of using them.

Abecederian

Abecederian: noun. A person who is learning to alphabet soup. One might think that this is the same as the commonly used word abecedarian, which refers to a person who is learning the alphabet. However an attentive person with the use of a magnifying glass may notice that there is a difference in the one, two, third! vowel of the word and the meaning is also distinctly different. A person learning to alphabet soup, or an abecederian (that's the whole point of this blog), is generally between the ages of 3 and 72 and may come from anywhere between Topeka and the small town of Tokyo, Japan.

Aardvarkium

Aardvarkium: noun. A container for aardvarks usually made of glass. While this container may be a temporary "house" to the aardvarks in times when their transportation is necessary, it is more often than not their permanent settlement in the same way that an aquarium is a permanent settlement to fish. A well known example of an aardvarkium is that of the Prague zoo, known mostly because of the fact that many dispute its claim to being a true aardvarkium.

Plossible

Plossible: adjective. Describing something which is so possible it's plausible or something which is so plausible it's possible. It's quite plossible that the word plossible is used every day at least twice in a regular plossible conversation, which is held by people who's existence is quite plossible. Of course one could get quite existential and suggest that their existence isn't plossible, because the likelihood of our existence in this perfect living environment in this perfect spot in the universe is so unlikely, that it's statistically more plossible that we're all just a figment of someone's imagination. We sincerely hope that has improved your day.

Dangleface

Dangleface: noun. Dangleface is a very offensive insult (or an insulting offence if you will) that is used to humiliate old people, fat people, people with stretchy skin and certain types of goats. Certainly, dangleface is a quite logical insult to the afore mentioned types of humans but less so to the goats. While some goats may have dangly faces, not many goats do, which is why some linguists have conjectured that the term dangleface was extended to goats because of the wattles that are present in some of their species. This explanation has its flaws though, especially considering that though wattles do dangle, they do not grow on the face but on the neck. Another issue that others have taken with this theory is that it does not explain why this insult has never been applied to other animals possessing wattles such as chicken, cassowaries and Lithuanian pigs. 

Arbotrary

Arbotrary: adjective. An adjective describing the completely random placement of trees, bushes and hedges. While a rich, aristocratic family would never want its garden to be described as arbotrary, a good mathematician or theoretical physicist will always appreciate something that comes close to perfect arbotrariness. This theory, of course, assumes that aristicrats will not become mathematicians or theoretical physicists, which is seldom untrue. When this, however, does happen, it depends on how nartured the individual is and which way, therefore, he or she will lean. More often than not, an aristocratic mathematician or physicist simply becomes insane trying to find a balance between randomness and aesthetics, not realising that sometimes, the most random thing can also be the most beautiful. The moral of this story is: love the platypus.

Fragment 12:

"Well in any case," Herb said, "considering how much you value my opinion Christina, I don't think my expertise is necessary."
"Neither do I," she replied, "but I haven't come to you for an opinion. You see, I know you are quite a kraine who thinks that saying minsk while slurping down a bowl of spaghetti makes the action itself very posh-"
Herb wanted to speak - he couldn't just let Christina lat his reputation - but he wasn't allowed, for Christina kept on talking of things that appeared quite ingermane to him.
"But I need your help with getting rid of it."
"The waterman?"
Christina nodded, "Yes, Herb. I was thinking. You yourself look quite badger-like and I need to dispose of this - after all, it is very expensive and I'd never forgive myself if something happened to it. Anyway, we put both of these things in the equation and it's obvious: I need you to infiltrate the denmarket and sell it there.

Lauream

Lauream: noun. A mass honouring a person with an award for outstanding creative or intellectual achievement. Laureams can only be organised and conducted by the Pope or the Pope Emeritus. In fact this is the only thing of virtually any value that a Pope Emeritus can do, giving at least some substantiality to otherwise an entirely meaningless title. Interestingly Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has not taken advantage of this and remains an entirely powerless figure of politics...I mean honourable and distinguished in retirement. The last lauream was conducted by Pope John Paul I in the 26 days he reigned as pope. There are various conspiracy theories that he was killed because he refused to provide a lauream for the great Emma Bunton, distinguished singer of the renowned group known as "Spice Girls".

Pennyy

Pennyy: adjective. Something that resembles a penny. While the definition is easy enough to understand, the pronunciation is less so. Some people stress the last vowel, some people simply make it longer and some don't pronounce it at all, claiming that the two ys cancel each other out. This, however, is only a small sample. Other pronunciations include the following: "peeny," "pinny," "pennnyyy," "pinyin" and "pe'y."

Transjacketite

Transjacketite: noun. A person, typically a man, who derives pleasure from not dressing in clothes appropriate to the opposite sex. One might think that most of society is a transjacketite, but that is not necessarily true and one might be surprised just how many people there are in the world, who do not like to wear clothes at all. Transjacketism was founded in 1874 by the reigning monarch of the British Empire, who was displeased an annoyed at the emerging trend of people running around Buckingham Palace stark naked. The policy was rejected by the royal family, when Queen Elizabeth married Prince Philip, but by then it had become a very popular trend. In fact transjacketites made their movement an official religion in 1995, and became famous as the worshipers of "The Great and Powerful Overlord Cardigan".

Spongekin

Spongekin: noun. Spongekin is used to denote several objects:
1. Something similar to a sponge.
2. A sponge-like pumpkin.
3. Spongebob's extended family.
4. A cool rapper name - book it before someone else does!

Verbial

Verbial: adjective. Something relating to a verb in the present tense, third person, singular, nominative case. One may think that this is very specific, but actually a study conducted by the University of Sumatra showed that this is in fact the second most popular form of nouns in the English language. It is only preceded by the present tense, first person, singular, nominative, which suggests just how self-centred humans are, just saying you know...Verbial is most commonly used amongst verbologists who themselves are most commonly found on a peninsula of Svalbard, where they have been banished to by "regular" people for being, and I quote, "obnoxious, unbearable, annoying and just huge pains in the f****** ars*.