Nominative misdeterminism

Nominative misdeterminism: noun. The theory that to avoid the significance of one's name a person chooses a profession which is as far away from the role of his name as possible. Examples of this include a Mr. Baker working in McDonalds' or a Mr. Tailor working as a life guard. The theory has been proposed and supported through studies by researchers at the University of Montana, namely Dr. Hunt, Prof. Spear and Mr. Slaughter.

Transgrass

Transgrass: noun. This refers to the grass in parks, which no one is allowed to step on, despite it being a public space meant for relaxation and the wooden benches aren't really the most comfortable are they? This does not apply to grass one is not allowed to step on in botanical gardens or some such, because there it's understandable. Of course it is a transgression to step on transgrass, one that is punishable by chareing.

Adsorp

Adsorp: verb. To cover one's surface or the surface of an object in a thin layer of honey, so as to attract bees or bears, either will do. This action was perfected in medieval times as a reward for particularly excellent service to the king, usually involving treason or attempted murder. It proved to be economically unfeasible due to the price of honey and so the practice was abandoned by the time of feudalism.

Funtire

Funtire: noun. This word of course first emerged from a misspelling of the word 'furniture' but has since then come to mean various things.
1. The attraction in a playground, which resembles a swing but is much less effective or fun. It's cumbersome and difficult to swing properly and yet bafflingly remains popular in modern playground, despite the elements of 'play'.
2. A joke tire created by the company Dunlop, which when inflated to a certain point would cause the car to feel as if it were on water and driving through waves, rather than on a flat road. The tire was created to cater to people who were bored of regular driving and also seamen, who had unfortunately found themselves ashore.

Libromania

Libromania: noun. The utilisation of books in every piece of furniture in one's home. This is of course caused by an excess of books in one's home and the necessity to 'do something with'em'. There is a surprisingly large number of ways in which one can incorporate books into one's furniture, if one is sufficiently creative. It has also been discovered through libromania that even with the best protection money can buy, books are not water-resistant.

Chare

Chare: verb. To burn slightly or scorch with a candle. Linguists and etymologists have long debated about the origins of the specifications within the word. The current and most prevalent theory is that it originated with the first victim of chareing. It is thought that the man was retelling a rather dull story of a someone being slightly burned or scorched and a particularly bored member of the audience decided to conduct an experiment of his own. Thus the storyteller finished his tale with: "And so the man was chareeeeee..."

Apeary

Apeary: noun. A storage for the apehives of jungle apes. As is commonly known apes like to spend a portion of every year relaxing without having to fear for their lives or gather food. Thus they have very conveniently created a hierarchical system, in which apes work together to create resting apearies for some apes before then rotating, so that by the end of the year each ape has had an opportunity to rest. This complex system created by nature and evolution rivals in quality many of the so-called resorts of the so-called humans in their so-called civilised world.

Meercurial

Meercurial: adjective. Describing a person who is subject to sudden and unpredictable changes of mood or mind, whilst in the Netherlands or its vicinity. The word has been used repeatedly to describe the royal family of the Netherlands, but most definitely does not refer to any form of a debilitative genetic disease, which may have been caused by certain persuasions of royal families.

Veinus

Veinus: noun. In Middle South Asian mythology it is believed that humans emerged from a particularly rich vein in a rock deep underground and then spent the next billion years crawling out, only to emerge and realise they would much rather be back underground. This vein of unusually fertile rock is referred to as veinus [pronounced vein-us]. Nobody knows where the veinus is or the tunnel that the primordial humans emerged from. There is every possibility that the veinus is still spewing forth humans and one day the ground shall erupt with millions of mole-like humans, who have survived on dirt for millennia.

Eartgh

Eartgh: ejaculation. An expression of absolute disgust over a soup. The use of this word has only ever been recorded by authors and journalists as being associated with a particularly unpleasant soup and so in an act of great forwardness, authors of dictionaries adapted the word, so that it could only be used in association with soup. Their reasoning behind this is a matter of speculation.

Marsz

Marsz: interjection. This word is the proper spelling of the often misspelled army command "March!". In fact the word should be pronounced more along the lines of 'marsh' and refers not to walking orderly forwards, but to the holding of the upper body in a constant position without being affected by outer forces to sway one's body. That is why a soldier may be walking perfectly well, but will still be expelled from the army, because he was slouching.

Jupitier

Jupitier: noun. A person (usually a man) who pities the actions of women named June. The reason jupitiers are usually men is due to the natural antagonism between women named June and all other members of the female gender. This is also one of the reasons that a jupitier may exist. Why exactly jupitiers believe that Junes need our sympathies is as of yet unclear, although some historians believe that by analysing the past it is clear that the world will be destroyed by a woman named June and it won't be her fault...probably.

Satturn

Satturn: noun. The process a Sat-Nav (GPS, Navigation system, whatever you wanna call it) has to recalibrate and change the route after the driver has taken initiative and changed the route himself, despite very specific and clear instructions on the part of the Sat-Nav. To try and reduce the number of occurrences of satturns (as it causes pain to the grave of Eleanor Roosevelt), the UCSNS (Union of Conglomerated Satellite Navigation Systems) has made it so, that every time a satturn occurs a penguin dies somewhere in the world.

Uranius

Uranius: noun. The top secret term used by the US government and its intelligence agencies for the top secret US supply of fissile uranium, which is only to be used in the utmost emergencies. There are  3 people in the world, who all have to use their top secret keys in the top secret base at the top secret same time to allow the top secret warheads to utilise the top secret uranium. These keys are held by the President of the Senate, President pro tempore of the Senate and Dan Quayle. What happens when Dan Quayle dies or when a President pro tempore of the Senate isn't currently in office nobody knows, because it's top secret.

Neptuneocracy

Neptuneocracy: noun. This word literally translates from the Greek as "government by fish" (well...maybe not literally). This form of government was particularly popular in Ancient Greece and was maintained on the island of Crete until 1894, when King Torpedo Torpedo XXXVIII was deposed in a revolution led by a congregation of Small Lanternfish, who then all collectively died when their ego was damaged. The neptuneocracy of Ancient Athens also explains their loss against the simple-minded brutes of Sparta.

Humging

Humging: noun. [Pronounced the same as 'humming'] This word refers to the act of someone attempting to sing along to a song without knowing the words properly and so simply mouthing along and guessing what may or may not come next. A person caught in the act of humging very soon afterwards experiences regorse towards his own person, which is quite understandable.

Regorse

Regorse: noun. The feeling one has after they have committed something they initially saw as funny or amusing, but then realised it actually hurt the victim and feel bad about it. Some people may misappropriate this as guilt, but that would be incorrect. Guilt involves compromising some sort of moral standard. With regorse no such code of conduct has been breeched, but the perpetrator still feels bad, despite not doing anything against his moral standards. Some people may see this as simply accidents, but they're just d**** (censorship provided by the ICCBSS).

Teaing

Teaing: noun. The act of preparing a tea bag on a spoon, along with sugar on a shelf and the tea cup in the right place (milk is optional), so that  one can prepare a cup of tea in one fell swoop. It requires a certain level of mastery to be skilled at teaing, there are masters around the world, who claim to be able to teach the techniques necessary. However; it is commonly accepted that only months of meditation and introspection can lead to becoming successful at teaing. 

Axcuse

Axcuse: noun. An attempt to lessen the blame attaching to chopping someone up with an axe. Examples of axcuses in the past have included: "Well I had an axe and I had to do something with it, didn't I?" and "I'd just sharpened it and wanted him to see how sharp it was!" There is a case in the legal annals of Denmark, where a man was acquitted of all his crimes because, "his axcuse was freaking amazeballs!" (translated from the Danish).

Ducktaper

Ducktaper: noun. The end of a duck that diminishes or reduces in size towards one end. It is hotly contested by the ornithological community as to which end of the/a duck this actually is and whether an archetypal duck should be selected, which would be the standard for all other ducks. The Faroe Islands have offered Malcolm the Duck to fill this position and although he is supported by the majority of the Duck senate, the ambassador of Sealand has repeatedly used his veto power to prevent his ascension.

Yyeti

Yyeti: noun. The abominable snowman of South America. Unlike the abominable snowman of other regions of the world, the yyeti has been observed in nature and is a confirmed natural phenomenon on the slopes of the Andes in Chile and Argentina and sometimes Bolivia. However; there is a theory that the yyeti dislike Bolivia, because in the past the Bolivians hunted the yyeti for their fine, warm furs and for their delicious, delicious blubber.

Inthrall

Inthrall: verb. To place into slavery or servitude while being in Scandinavia. This word has often been confused with the word 'enthrall', but quite understandably this is not a switch that wants to make. The word was particularly popular in discussing the history of early Britain, due to the frequent cases of inthralling conducted by Vikings at the time. One may say, "But hold on, Britain ain't Scandinavia!" Of course one would be right in our current time, however at that point in history, there were so many vikings and so few free non-vikings that Britain is a technicality of Scandinavia at that point in history.

Empathitary

Empathitary: adjective. This word is only used in association with the gland that can be found under the basal ganglia and next to the hippocampus. The gland secretes the neurotransmitter and hormone, which is responsible for empathy, sympathy and homeopathy in people. A study conducted by Miller in 1996 showed that certain parts of the population have a smaller empathitary gland than is average in humans; this included Republican senators, bus drivers and journalists.

Socialitis

Socialitis: noun. A pathological need to disconnect from society due to an enlarged empathitary gland, which has been inflamed due to an excess of information about other people's lives, that it shouldn't care about, being presented to it. Symptoms include being called a 'recluse' and a fascination with hermit crabs. As of now there are no known medicinal cures and the only known effective treatment is to spend 37 days living with llamas in the steppes of Patagonia.

Graphingism

Graphingism: noun. The belief that Graph Theory is the best thing in the universe bar none. This belief is upheld and has been upheld by a secret order of discrete mathematicians, who are entirely true to their name. It is said that the symbol of the organisation is a graph with an odd number of odd degree vertices and only those who discover this graph are permitted to join the organisation. Albert Einstein worked very hard to discover the way into the organisation but ultimately failed, which discrete mathematicians have gloated about for years.

Extreordinary

Extreordinary: adjective. Describing something which is entirely usual or regular and has absolutely no interesting repercussions. Rather boringly life is mostly composed of extreordinary moments, which in no way enrich one's life. The philosopher Hume once suggested that life is only enjoyable if a person finds a way to laugh at how pathetic everyone else's extreordinary moments are.

Serendipitious

Serendipitious: adjective. Describing something which occurred or happened by chance and is worth pitying. This may include such unfortunate things as a family with no money discovering a litter of kittens on their door step for them to take care of, or more frivolous things such as seeing someone find a rather large cockroach in their soup and then burning their hand on a hot plate as they retract in shock and bump into a waiter carrying a hot plate by their chair at that very moment.

Candlid

Candlid: adjective. Describing someone who is truthful and honest, while also having a short fuse. Perhaps the most famous example of a candlid person was the famous author Ernest Hemingway. Hemingway was well known for ubiquitously speaking his mind (which led to some rather unpleasant bar fights), but was also extremely short-tempered and easily set-off (which also led to some rather unpleasant bar fights).

Eggnite

Eggnite: verb. This word has two very similar and yet very different meanings.

1. To start a fire using an egg and only an egg. There are only two recorded cases in history of this ever happening, but it is such an incredible occurrence, that a word was created anyway.  One case of something being eggnited was during the great protest against democracy in the Holy Roman Empire and there is some debate among scholars as to whether the fire was caused by the eggs or the torches the protesters were carrying.
2. To set an egg on fire. This is fairly regular canonical practice, performed by priests and the like globally on the 8th of May to commemorate geese.

Quizophile

Quizophile: noun. A person addicted to quizzes to such an extent that they devote their entire free time to doing quizzes. People such as this are most easily recognized by a rapid tick in the left eye, being described frequently as being a "sweaty mess" and smelling distinctly of turnips. Quizophiles are found in highest densities around the outskirts of larger metropolises, but never within the centres of the metropolises themselves.

Musclebrain

Musclebrain: noun. A person who is focused entirely on developing their muscles, sometimes also known as someone who is addicted to exercise. The existence of people such as this has increased exponentially in recent years, A study conducted by Johnson et al. in 2009 suggested that this recent increase was due to a decrease in the size of vital organs, leading to an evolutionary adaptation to try and add the extra lost mass by increasing muscle mass.