Spermanent

Spermanent: adjective. Something that results from sperm and is permanent, such as stains, babies, and ruined political careers. The word and its adverbial form was popularised by a 1990s US sexual education video, which involved an ostensibly ‘hip’ man in a tracksuit preaching abstinence to teenagers. Towards the end of the video, the man pauses in his rapping, looks at the camera and says with a knowing smile that sex is bad because “babies are spermanent,” following the joke with an uncomfortably long wink and nod. The man was later identified as the famous foot model Pedro de Pedmonte, whose life goal since the 1990s has been to erase this embarrassing episode from his haunted memory. 

Woktheist

Woktheist: noun. Someone who worships woks, not to be confused with a ‘pantheist,’ someone who worships pans. What? You don’t like this word? You think it’s stupid? You think it requires very little skill to come up with a pun like this? Ok, look, I know my pun game hasn’t been that good lately and, well the truth is, I’ve just been going through a rough patch. My cat dumped me, I started drinking… it got so bad, I started waking up on other people’s couches… I don’t even know how I got there… once, I woke up next to a drag queen called Cassandra who said I slept with him – her – but I don’t believe it… I went to rehab and when I got back, my cat was back at my house with a weed habit… I took her back in out of the goodness of my heart and you know what happened? The bitch left me and took all of the money I was saving for that new tomato sauce they’re offering at Wallmart – no, not Walmart, I mean Wallmart; you know, that cheap Polish knockoff version? Forget it. Anyway, no, would you stop thinking about today’s word? I know, it’s stupid! Yes, yes it was meant to be a pun. Ok stop, I feel really embarrassed about this already, you don’t have to make it worse.