Ruralism

Ruralism: noun. Belief in the superiority of the rural way of life. Ruralism often entails thinking that urban people are somehow disconnected from “real life,” and that jobs not involved in production or manufacture of goods are not real jobs. Ruralists tend to view themselves as the undiluted ideal of their region or country, with any departure from the rural way of life or thinking being an unpatriotic heresy. It is a popular opinion held within urban communities that many aspects of ruralist philosophy are adopted or maintained out of the mere desire to spite urban dwellers. Interestingly, ruralism is not exclusive to rural areas, as many urban dwellers tend to idealise, indeed even to fetishize, the country and the people living in it.

Petent

Petent: noun. A licence conferring the exclusive right to an invention relating to pets. Nearly 90% of all petents made since the year 2000 have been different flavours of doggy treats, including grass, snow, cat, caviar, coke, cocaine (for dogs in withdrawal), sake, mochi, asparagus, cherry, and the ever-popular fresh poo flavour. The remaining petents have largely been concentrated within the cat-scratcher industry, because scratching poles are boring and any real cat needs to scratch at varying heights, inclines, and curvatures. 

Remonsterate

Remonsterate: verb. To turn someone or something into a monster again, or, perhaps more typically, to restore their monstrous appearance. A wonderful example of remonsterance is when Una orders the disrobing of the false Duessa in Spenser’s Faerie Queene, exposing nether parts that would not be appropriate to show on daytime television. Contrary to popular belief, remonsterating does not have to involve someone else; one can remonsterate oneself, for example as a werewolf would (the voluntariness of such transformation being of little importance). 

Strodent

Strodent: noun. A strident rodent. A strodent is typically very loud and harsh-sounding, or supports controversial opinions aggressively. An example of a strodent is Nigel Farage. My first hamster was also a strodent. She was of the firm belief that the Americans had faked the moon landing and whenever I had friends over, she would argue with them vituperatively, eventually confusing her conspiracy theories and shouting “jet fuel can’t melt steel beams” at the top of her lungs. Needless to say, I didn’t have many friends growing up. 

Maline

Maline: verb. To draw a very bad line. Maths teachers, in particular, are very susceptible to malining, because despite the amount of practice they get drawing lines, the sheer number of lines they have to draw makes it extremely likely that they will make a mistake at some point. After an incidence of malinance, maths teachers typically disappear for great lengths of time, which they spend moping and eating ice cream out of the tub with their bare hands. Sometimes, in particularly severe cases, a teacher will not return to their school, and is spotted within some six months with a fake moustache and a nose job in Cuba.