Papear

Papear: noun. An easily combustible, green, biotic material used for inscribing things in green pens. This pea product is essential for the functioning of secret services in countries such as Saudi Arabia and Mauritania, where green papers (being regarded as unfinished flags) do not arouse any suspicion and can well be used for sending secret messages.

Peariod

Peariod: noun. A length of time (usually between the end of winter and early summer) during which a pea plant begins and ends its life cycle. Contrary to popular belief, a pea does not "have an issue" monthly during its peariod and does not, therefore, have to be locked up for seven days and proclaimed unclean. 

Peadophile

Peadophile: noun. A person with a strange attraction to young peas. More often than not, this attraction will be strictly culinary (or at least "that's what they all say") but there are cases of people admitting to having wished at some point in life to take their young peas to "the next base." Thankfully for legislators around the world, peadophiles tend to squish their young peas when attempting to propose to them, which saves quite a couple of pages on wedding laws.

Hippea

Hippea: noun. A hippea is a pea adhering to a counter-cultural movement rejecting the mainstream values of Western society. Hippeas will jump out of pea soups, fight for their brothers and sisters of different pod skins and smoke one's marijuana to no end. Which reminds me: where did I put the pink fluffy dragon that almost killed the neighbour's unicorn?

Chickenpea

Chickenpea: noun. A pea used for chicken-fodder.Yes, this is how low this blog has sunk. In fact, anyone reading this blog must not only come to the conclusion that the authors are insane, but that anyone reading the blog regularly must be insane as well. We would, therefore, be very much obliged if you could donate to our foundation "Insane Bloggers in Need" to help us overcome our absinth, marijuana, cocaine and Baltic tea problems. 

Chicpea

Chicpea: noun. A pea with a smart, casual and understated fashion sense that some would describe as trendy or even trendsetting. First cultivated some eight thousand years ago, chicpeas have developed an impressive variety of styles from gangpea (cool and chilled) and sporpea (active and optimistic) to pemo (depressed and masochistic) and peath (depressed and bloodthirsty).

Sahoarder

Sahoarder: noun. Someone who selfishly hoards the Sahara desert for reasons not entirely understood by the Western scientific community. The word Sahoarder became popular in the world of journalism after Mohammed VI of Morocco proclaimed the following memorable line on the Moroccan occupation of Western Sahara: "We shall not give up one inch of our beloved Sahara, not a grain of its sand." This rather cliche quotation earned the king the title of the number one Sahoarder in the modern world.

Merloin

Merloin: noun. While many people are of the opinion that merloin is simply a misspelling of the word merlion (a mythological creature which has gained substantial popularity in Singapore), a merloin is actually a body part of merpeople and sea cows. In merpeople (at least according to Walt Disney), the merloin is the lowest part of the body with recognisably human characteristics. In sea cows, the merloin is said to be the most delicious part of the animal. This is a hoax. Sea cow meat is incredibly disgusting, which is why angry sailors drove Steller's sea cows extinct in the belief that such unholy excuse for food should not roam the seas. A similar fate met the dodo bird.  

Pimpess

Pimpess: noun. A pimpess (sometimes also called a pimpette) is a woman that provides her customers with prostitutes. Contrary to one popular misconception, a pimpess is not the same thing as a 'madam,' as pimpesses are generally regarded to be more masculine and more obsessed with golden chains. Contrary to another popular misconception, pimpesses do not just provide females with access to male prostitutes - they do transgender too.  

Flankre

Flankre: verb. To flankre (or flanker in US English) is to feign a blankre - a blank stare - in order to either avoid conversation or to get a look at something one should not be looking at, all the while appearing to be deep in thought about something else. The word flankre can be used in sentences such as "I sat in my car flankering at the dead body on my windshield, hoping that the policeman would not come over to make conversation" or "the woman flankered at her boss' flawless abs and slobbered a little."

Blankre

Blankre: noun. A long expressionless gaze in one direction caused by absent-mindedness, often also called a blank stare. Blankres (or Blankers as they are called in America for God knows what reason) are an oddly frequent occurrence especially among children, married couples, unmarried couples, people in contact with idiots, senile people and the dead. Often, blankres are associated with having no clue what is going on, which is quite frequent among the aforementioned people, particularly the dead.  

Powlured

Powlured: Adjective. For a word to have a new plural for every power of 2 that defines the quantity of the word. For example: 1 spouse, 2 spise, 4 spises, etc. This was originally used as a military tactic to quickly communicate the size of enemy forces; an example of how this is used to communicate size: instead of saying that there are 13 boxes; one would say that there are boxeses, boxes and a boc.

Promoice

Promoice: verb. Supporting the right of a person or animal to make a choice in a matter concerning them. Many promoicers will support a convict's right (or promoice a convict) to choose between a death sentence and a life sentence. Staunch promoicers, however, will break into barns asking chicken if they want to be set free.

Prolactactive

Prolactactive: adjective. Controlling a situation with the cunning use of lactation. The word prolactactive can be used in sentences such as the following: "The prolactactive mother was able to settle the uncomfortable situation involving annoyed plane passangers and a crying infant by stuffing her breast into the child's face." 

Clothesbury

Clothesbury: verb. A religious practice involving the day to day burial of clothes for exhumation the next time they are needed. Clothesburying continues to be very popular among cultures in which people who are hanged, and consequently clothes that are hung, are a reprehensible insult to the earth. Whereas in the modern world, people use clothes hangers to hang their clothes, people espousing clothesburial use special clothesburiers - special sealed containers that can survive in the ground for hundreds of years.  

Crispianity

Crispianity: noun. A religion worshipping the wonderfully soft crunchiness of crisps. According to crispianity, all idolatry concerning this heavenly meal is welcome, as it reportedly encourages greater love for the almighty crispessence, a holy force in all humans which (when sufficiently nurtured) enables them to become one with the almighty crunchiness.  

Jugnaut

Jugnaut: noun. An unstoppable force with a jug on its head. Most jugnauts come into being after people attempt to stop juggernauts by restricting their vision with containers. However, jugnauts soon turned out to be far more dangerous than juggernauts, as they had even less foresight than the latter and would run around in wild fury. Luckily, they soon died of starvation due to their inability to remove the aforementioned jugs from their heads, instead attempting to force food through different orifices.

Horrorosous

Horrorosous: adjective. The word horrorosous is one of the first words with which Spanish enriched the English language. The adjective, coined by Spaniards and Latin Americans struggling with learning English, at first denoted the state of something being horrible or horrifying. However, as time went on and the word was assimilated into English, it gained the meaning of "something so horrible or horrifying that it might as well have originated from a horror film."

Bunburied

Bunburied: adjective. One of these two mutually non-exclusive events:
1. The state of a bun under the surface of the earth.
2. The state of temporarily being rid of one's responsibilities through the invention of a dreadful invalid.

Leggy

Leggy: noun. An organised military force with a specialisation in kicking and firing arms using their legs. Leggies are most commonly used by countries where animal warfare plays an important role in foreign conflicts and in countries with high amounts of radiation. It is a common misconception that leggies fight using other people's legs. Such warfare would be very unhygienic and morally questionable, especially if the legs are still connected to their owners.

Mobileisation

Mobileisation: noun. One of the ultimate signs of the end of the world: the mobilisation of mobile phones into Satan's army to fight against their righteous owners (or alongside their rebellious ones) in an epic battle. Mobileisation was a relatively late addition to the unofficial Prince Philip Bible and is still rejected by the majority of the Christian world with the exception of the Anglican denomination which has stated that "the belief in mobileisation is an individual decision among our adherents."

Stabbilisation

Stabbilisation: noun. The act of making someone or something less prone to overturn by stabbing it (often from different sides). The word stabbilisation originates from the defence of Brutus and other Roman senators after their collective murder of Julius Caesar, saying that they were merely trying to prevent Caesar from bleeding too much in one way or the other so as to achieve his standing upright. The defence of the first senator who stabbed Caesar is unknown.

Incensitiveness

Incensitiveness: noun. A state of detachment from worldly pains and pleasures due to excessive oral consumption of incense. People temporarily in the state of incensitiveness are called incensitive. People in a state of permanent incensitiveness are most probably dead.

Wrungle

Wrungle: verb. To wring something so forcibly that it turns into a figurative jungle. The word wrungle is most commonly associated with compulsive hand-wringing, a neurotic dysfuntion causing people to tangle their fingers together in such a manner that it often becomes necessary to surgically remove them. That is, the people from the hands, not the hands from the people. After all, the fingers do not deserve to be punished for their owner´s idiocy. 

Uranation

Uranation: noun. The word uranation has two quite commonly confused meanings:
1. The act of transforming something into uranium.
2. The act of turning someone (such as Abraham, Isaac or Jacob) into a nation, uranation being derived from the words "you´re a nation" which sounds an awful lot like some sort of strange spoof phone call you get at twelve o´clock in the evening: "We haaaave a winner! Congratulations, Isaac from the Land of Canaan, God has just confirmed uranation!!!"  

Critterion

Critterion: noun. An official requirement in the annually revised Guidelines for Critter Categorisation - a document used to distinguish critters from non-critters - ensuring that non-critters do not creep into the Critter International Association. The critterions are as follows:
1. Must be living.
2. Must do things that a critter usually does as defined by the newest copy of the Collins dictionary. 

BiYOLOgy

BiYOLOgy: noun. The science dealing with the living of two lives according to the rule "you only live once." While the connection would seem paradoxical at first glance, most modern philosophers acknowledge that certain specific cases do make biYOLOgy relevant to the real world. This attention from the great minds of the philosophical world also happened to lead to the inadvertent creation of the word biYOLOlogy: the study of the science dealing with the living of two lives according to the rule of YOLO.

The cases in which biYOLOgy is relevant to the real world are the following:
1. When a person leads two parallel lives.
2. When Hindus are right... but wrong.
Clearly the second case is the far more frequent one.   

Bullymea

Bullymea: noun. A medical condition manifesting itself in overt willingness and even strong desire to be bullied by someone, hence the words "bully me" being contained in this highly scientific term. While modern psychologists are quite agreed that the main causes of bullymea include masochism and conformity, psychologists such as Sigmund Freud were of the opinion that "penis phallic object ****ing penis and much more penis is penis squared."

Brabanter

Brabanter: noun. The exchange of playful and friendly remarks with the senator Brabantio from Shakespeare's play Othello. Other than that, there is very little to say about this word as it does not seem to describe a realistic scenario - Brabantio is in a bad mood from the beginning to the end of the only act he appears in. 

Airid

Airid: adjective. Regions labelled as airid have very large areas of open space. It is no coincidence that most regions considered airid will also be arid. In fact, the popularity of the latter word in characterising practically the same area has led to the de facto extinction of the word airid in the English language.

Malariarea

Malariarea: noun. An area with a limited or higher risk of malaria transmission. The vast majority of malariareas (collectively known as the Malariamegarea) is within the tropics of Cancer and Capricorn with relatively few incursions northwards or southwards. However, it would not be correct to view the entirety of the area enclosed within the tropics as a malariarea. In fact, the geographic term Malariamegarea takes into account countries within the tropics which have successfully combatted malaria and altitudes (such as the high slopes of Mount Kilimanjaro) at which the risk of contracting malaria is as high as the risk of contracting it in Switzerland.