Contra-diction

Contra-diction: noun. Diction used to oppose an argument or thought. This category of words was first defined by Jost Trier in his well known and public debate with Pope John XXIII, where they debated whether planting rapeseed along with maize in one field was a feasible and sustainable mode of farming. Trier used this sentence during the break in the middle of the debate: "His Holiness uses contra-diction, that would be laughed at even by Nero."

Airsmith

Airsmith: noun. A being from ancient Greek mythology, airsmiths were the children of the gods Hephaestos and Nemesis and they created Zeus' lightning bolts after Hephaestos got bored and also maintained the clouds, which worked as support structures for Mount Olympus. They are the inspiration behind the name of the popular American rock band Kiss.

Rainarrow

Rainarrow: noun. The ammunition/missile for a rainbow.

Dredful

Dredful: adjective. Describing something which is causing or involving great suffering, fear or unhappiness and is also entirely and completely red. Examples of dredful things include: Mars, the number 12, Chairman Mao's Little Book, and Tomatoes without their stems.

Rafter

Rafter: noun. The common definition of this word is of course the wooden beam used in roof support, but the word was originally meant to describe someone who operated a raft. How the definition of the word changed so drastically is actually a fascinating tale, unfortunately we can't relate it all in the limited space we have here. I can only reveal that it involved two men, a duck, an earthquake and seven storks.

Blaim

Blaim: verb. To blame oneself. This word was introduced into the English language at the same time as 'blame' and was intended, so that people wouldn't have to use the added word 'oneself' or 'myself', when they wanted to blame themselves, they could simply use blaim. Unfortunately what the creators of the words, two monks by the names of Jesse and Wilderhelm, didn't think of, was the fact that both words were pronounced exactly the same and thus hadn't solved the issue of having to use 'oneself' or 'myself' at all.

Demenish

Demenish: verb. A sociogeographical phenomenon where the ratio of men in a population decreases rapidly for unknown or inexplicable reasons. The word was first used by the renowned illiterate theologian John Savage in his seminal 1845 work, "Figs and such", where he referred to the sudden change in the behavior of oxen, "The population of locusts in Kent has been suddenly demenished, which has led some to speculate about the potential implications for combine harvesters."

Disinterrested

Disinterrested: adjective. Describing something or someone, who/which has been dug up after having been buried, but who simply doesn't seem to care, mostly likely due to having given up on life. An example of this occurred in 1882, when the poet Emily Dickinson had been buried after being found in her room, seemingly dead and it only later turned out she had simply been having a nap, however after having been dug up again, Dickinson was only upset that her nap had been disturbed by the digging up.

Funcomfortable

Funcomfortable: adjective. This one seems pretty self-explanatory. Yes, this is a definition (entirely factual ones, mind you), but this seems unnecessary. Here, why don't you give it a go? Think up a definition for funcomfortable, write it down on a piece of paper, fold the piece of paper into a beautiful paper flower, place the flower gingerly into a small box, wrap the box in tin foil, attach an address for a friend you haven't spoken to in at least 92 days, mail the box to the person and then never think about it again. Ever.

Funtastic

Funtastic: adjective. Describing something which quite literally does not possess a single fault; something that is entertaining and awesome and doesn't cause harm to anyone/anything. This word hasn't been properly used in connection to anything since the time of Atlantis, which some say is a reflection on today's world, but I don't really see it. Inappropriate uses of funtastic have included using it to describe Donald Trump's hair, John Oliver, that one guy at a party who looks like he's looking off into the distance, but is actually looking at you and your friend points it out and you suddenly feel both giddy and funcomfortable at the same time.

Slothsome

Slothsome: adjective. Used to describe something that is ridiculously inefficient, in expending a pointless amount of energy to achieve a task that is ultimately pointless. Examples of things that could be described as slothsome, include sloths, organizing a desk, lawn-mowing, living life to the fullest, and physical exertion.

Monogramme

Monogramme: noun. A single metric unit of mass equal to one thousandth of a kilogramme. This word can only be used to describe something that weighs exactly one gramme, for example: "That feather is a monogramme." Uses of the word that do not align with this philosophy are a punishable offence with fines up to four turkeys.

Marder

Marder: noun. This word has too meanings, neither of which relate to tanks.

1. The process of creating a martyr by killing someone, because of a cause they are supporting or believe in. The International Association has decreed marder to be one of the stupidest things humanly possible, as creating a martyr is never a good thing.
2. A special room adjoining the kitchen which is used solely to store marmalades and associated marmalade products. This room does not accept jams.

Greace

Greace: verb. To apply greese to a surface or object. Greacing is actually the national sport of Macedonia, but remains surprisingly unpopular in Albania, where its application as a sport is seen as vile and unholy. It is extremely difficult to properly greace, as it requires years of careful training and practice.

Greese

Greese: noun. An oily or fatty matter, which originates from southeastern Europe. The earliest example of this can be found in a less well-known work by Herodotus, in which he details a process through which Retsina becomes initially drinkable and then turns into a surprisingly useful greese, which can be used as an adhesive, sealant, insulator and many other fascinating applications.

Squary

Squary: adjective/noun. This word has two separate meanings, each with their own distinct pronunciation.

1. This definition of the word has a pronunciation that rhymes with "carry". It means to resemble a square in shape. Therefore something with sides of equal length and angles of 90 degrees could be referred to as very squary. On the other hand something spherical would be thought of as extremely unsquary. 

2. This definition on the other hand has a pronunciation that rhymes with the Canadian "sorry". It means the target or object of a hunt or pursuit that also happens to begin with 's'. For example if a group of men are taking pitchforks and torches to the house of a man named Simon, then Simon is their squary. This is also of course true of animals; sloths and squid are examples of common types of squaries. 

Cloyster

Cloyster: noun. A covered walkway usually in a convent or monastery, which is in the shape of a rough oval with one side more squary than the other. Cloysters were particularly common in medieval Andorra with over three hundred being constructed in the span of three and a half millennia.  A popular phrase that originated from that time is: "The world is my cloyster." This saying referred to the never-ending turmoil and misery of life and the seaming inability to escape the endless tedium.