Dangleface

Dangleface: noun. Dangleface is a very offensive insult (or an insulting offence if you will) that is used to humiliate old people, fat people, people with stretchy skin and certain types of goats. Certainly, dangleface is a quite logical insult to the afore mentioned types of humans but less so to the goats. While some goats may have dangly faces, not many goats do, which is why some linguists have conjectured that the term dangleface was extended to goats because of the wattles that are present in some of their species. This explanation has its flaws though, especially considering that though wattles do dangle, they do not grow on the face but on the neck. Another issue that others have taken with this theory is that it does not explain why this insult has never been applied to other animals possessing wattles such as chicken, cassowaries and Lithuanian pigs. 

Arbotrary

Arbotrary: adjective. An adjective describing the completely random placement of trees, bushes and hedges. While a rich, aristocratic family would never want its garden to be described as arbotrary, a good mathematician or theoretical physicist will always appreciate something that comes close to perfect arbotrariness. This theory, of course, assumes that aristicrats will not become mathematicians or theoretical physicists, which is seldom untrue. When this, however, does happen, it depends on how nartured the individual is and which way, therefore, he or she will lean. More often than not, an aristocratic mathematician or physicist simply becomes insane trying to find a balance between randomness and aesthetics, not realising that sometimes, the most random thing can also be the most beautiful. The moral of this story is: love the platypus.

Fragment 12:

"Well in any case," Herb said, "considering how much you value my opinion Christina, I don't think my expertise is necessary."
"Neither do I," she replied, "but I haven't come to you for an opinion. You see, I know you are quite a kraine who thinks that saying minsk while slurping down a bowl of spaghetti makes the action itself very posh-"
Herb wanted to speak - he couldn't just let Christina lat his reputation - but he wasn't allowed, for Christina kept on talking of things that appeared quite ingermane to him.
"But I need your help with getting rid of it."
"The waterman?"
Christina nodded, "Yes, Herb. I was thinking. You yourself look quite badger-like and I need to dispose of this - after all, it is very expensive and I'd never forgive myself if something happened to it. Anyway, we put both of these things in the equation and it's obvious: I need you to infiltrate the denmarket and sell it there.

Lauream

Lauream: noun. A mass honouring a person with an award for outstanding creative or intellectual achievement. Laureams can only be organised and conducted by the Pope or the Pope Emeritus. In fact this is the only thing of virtually any value that a Pope Emeritus can do, giving at least some substantiality to otherwise an entirely meaningless title. Interestingly Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI has not taken advantage of this and remains an entirely powerless figure of politics...I mean honourable and distinguished in retirement. The last lauream was conducted by Pope John Paul I in the 26 days he reigned as pope. There are various conspiracy theories that he was killed because he refused to provide a lauream for the great Emma Bunton, distinguished singer of the renowned group known as "Spice Girls".

Pennyy

Pennyy: adjective. Something that resembles a penny. While the definition is easy enough to understand, the pronunciation is less so. Some people stress the last vowel, some people simply make it longer and some don't pronounce it at all, claiming that the two ys cancel each other out. This, however, is only a small sample. Other pronunciations include the following: "peeny," "pinny," "pennnyyy," "pinyin" and "pe'y."

Transjacketite

Transjacketite: noun. A person, typically a man, who derives pleasure from not dressing in clothes appropriate to the opposite sex. One might think that most of society is a transjacketite, but that is not necessarily true and one might be surprised just how many people there are in the world, who do not like to wear clothes at all. Transjacketism was founded in 1874 by the reigning monarch of the British Empire, who was displeased an annoyed at the emerging trend of people running around Buckingham Palace stark naked. The policy was rejected by the royal family, when Queen Elizabeth married Prince Philip, but by then it had become a very popular trend. In fact transjacketites made their movement an official religion in 1995, and became famous as the worshipers of "The Great and Powerful Overlord Cardigan".

Spongekin

Spongekin: noun. Spongekin is used to denote several objects:
1. Something similar to a sponge.
2. A sponge-like pumpkin.
3. Spongebob's extended family.
4. A cool rapper name - book it before someone else does!

Verbial

Verbial: adjective. Something relating to a verb in the present tense, third person, singular, nominative case. One may think that this is very specific, but actually a study conducted by the University of Sumatra showed that this is in fact the second most popular form of nouns in the English language. It is only preceded by the present tense, first person, singular, nominative, which suggests just how self-centred humans are, just saying you know...Verbial is most commonly used amongst verbologists who themselves are most commonly found on a peninsula of Svalbard, where they have been banished to by "regular" people for being, and I quote, "obnoxious, unbearable, annoying and just huge pains in the f****** ars*.

Grrreat

Grrreat: adjective and verb. There are two possible definitions for the word and depending on which one it is one wants to use, the pronunciation changes.
1. The adjective (yes, the one that may have been INCORRECTLY used on the cereal box) is read as "great" with a long "r." Contrary to popular belief, it is not simply a synonym for the word great; it is a word that denotes food liked by tigers, i.e. meat and stuff (someone should really conduct an experiment to see whether tigers actually like cereal).
2. As a verb, the word is read as "grrr, eat!" and is often used by tiger mothers to force their offspring to eat.

Redundonym

Redundonym: noun. The word made up by one to convey a concept that already has a word. An example is: "unsmart" instead of "unintelligent". These stop being redundonyms and simply become synonyms for a word if they are recognized by language authorities such as this blog. This recognition doesn't necessarily have to be admitted by the official, but if you claim your word is a synonym rather than a mere redundonym and the official has not recognized it; the others will never believe you.

Fragment 11:

Or so he thought; but as Christina kept talking Herb found himself perfectly capable of believing these theories, partially because his moronometer was not showing any appreciable readings above background stupidity, however he chose not to. Adding to her theories Christina revealed that the waterman statue was newly frenchised, claiming it was necessary, and claimed that it was, in fact, not a statue; instead it was a real, fossilized waterman. Herb insisted that Christina tell him what she was planning, she replied sarcastically "To make longer lasting gum", they stared at each other for a while as Herb's patience with her sophisticity decreased in idiomatic size before Christina spoke again. She spoke as if Herb was the world's most idiomatically large nerb, "To break the loop of course!" As if she was somehow aware of the sentence that was later used to describe her actions in this blog, she proceeded to taunt Herb for being such a nerb. Herb was wandering why the waterman's frenchising was necessary, but didn't ask out of fear that Christina would say he was incredibly jarjarian.

Pulsh

Pulsh: noun. A pulsh, derived from the words "push" and "pull" is a person who doesn´t quite know what he or she wants - one could say that a pulsh is someone somewhat wishy-washy. From this noun, we can also derive the verb pulsh, the interjection pulsh, the conjunction pulsh and the adjective pulshy. The first of these obviously denotes the active participation in a state of ambivalence, while the fourth is quite logically used to denote a pulsh. The third, given the meaning of the word, is a conjunctive form that can really be used instead of any other conjunction, whether that is "and," "with," "however" or "or." And obviously, the second is simply used as a whispered exclamation of confusion, which many people couple with the word "it," producing the euphonically euphemistic exclamation of "pulsh it!"

Unfamous

Unfamous: adjective. As opposed to "famous" and "infamous," as the name indicates, unfamous is anything but famous. Despite the fact that this word exists, many prefer to incorrectly use the word "infamous" (something that is famous for bad reasons) to express the meaning of the word unfamous. The ignorance of these people is truly astounding, which is why our bloggers recommend them to write down at least ten times daily the following sentences:

"Infamous does not mean not famous. It means famous for bad things. The word I wish to use is unfamous. I pledge my allegiance to unfamousness."

As a side note, no one actually knows how to pronounce the word unfamous. Some prefer to say the "famous" part in it as it would be read alone by itself, while others prefer to read it like they would read "infamous," just with a "u" instead of an "i." It may be because of this dilemma that not many people use it.

Crishpy

Crishpy: adjective. The word crishpy is a good example of an untraditional adjectival onomatopoeia. As opposed to many words, crishpy actually sounds like what it means - the very opposite of crispy. According to a crisp (or chip if you are anything but British) expert we consulted, crishpy is the label for a disgustingly, moist, old and soggy crisp that makes the sound "kplshhhh" when you bite it, rather than what a crisp is really supposed to sound like: "crunch." 

Punderful

Punderful: adjective. ERMERGERD!!! Puns are great!!! Life is punderful, everything is punderful! Do you want to hear something punderful? Alright:

Why is there a dead cat on Mars?
Curiosity killed it.

Fleight

Fleight: noun. Goods transported by aircraft, helicopter, zeppelin or hot air balloon. Most cargo which was transported between continents in the 19th century was fleight, since teleportation hadn't been invented at that point in history yet. There were major companies created around fleight amongst them Airgo and Go-go-cargo. It was also a major source of income for various empires because they could impose heavy taxes on fleight. In fact profits made from taxes on fleight were so great that they practically fuelled the German empire into the First World War and the appealing chances being presented attracted all the intelligent and brilliant scientists, who were vital to Germany in World War II. In fact it were these reasons, amongst others, that the world-famous book "How fleight started the Second World War..." was written about and because of.

Punny

Punny: adjective. This word has two commonly accepted definitions which most people don't realise, often mixing them up willy nilly:
1. The quality of being a pun.
2. The quality of being like a pun.
Clearly, there is a major difference between these two meanings and people should be more careful and discriminate in their usage of the word so as to not offend anyone.

Catcher

Catcher: noun. An alternate word for a container, which collects a liquid that has been poured from a pitcher. This word is most commonly used in US English and has entered the colloquial language there. One must be very careful not to use the word with someone of not US origin, because that will most definitely leave them confused and in many cases also very angry. The word was initially used by Mark Twain in his essay called "Why I Hate Baseball", where he generally ranted about tupperware and cutlery, while making loose metaphors, similes, analogies and synecdoches to the sport mentioned in the title.

Fragment 10:

Herb was indeed delighted to see his Christina again and offered here some cauliraddish as a welcome. Unfortunately Herb wasn't aware that Christina was allergic to cauliraddishes and that this allergy has lead to her being imprisoned 35 years ago in a time-locked trans-dimensional prison operated entirely by sentient tissue boxes. This meant that Herb's offering was received with a harsh dose of starcasm and didn't improve the strained relationship between the friends. Christina wanted to get away from Herb as soon as possible (that wouldn't work out very well for her, but Christina didn't know that yet) and so she got to the point. Christina had come because she needed his help. She required his expert opinion on this, she said as she took out a faded statue of waterman from what appeared to be 3 millenia ago. At that moment Herb's hopefullessness was indeed very high. He had hoped that Christina's arrival would mean a calmer day, but instead she seemed to have gotten herself involved in the crazy theories, which claim that the entire existence only lasts a year before repeating. Herb did have some sempathy for the people with such theories, his life did indeed at times seem monotonous and repetitive, but he couldn't possibly believe their ludicrous theories.

Sniffogram

Sniffogram: noun. A report on the various smells and sniffs that can be found in a specific area. Sniffograms are the foundations for the science of odourology and reading them has become a complex and precise art form. They have been described as a cross between a bar chart and a pie chart. All sniffograms must have at least 17 different colours represented as well as using all the letter of the alphabet. Anything that does not fulfil these requirements cannot be considered a sniffogram but is merely a "report on smells". The first sniffogram was created by Sir Humphry Davy in 1812 who used them in his efforts to determine the chemical nature of chlorine, nowadays known for its distinct smell.

Plectrumiscuous

Plectrumiscuous: adjective. The quality of being very selective in choosing things. Not to be confused with the word petrimiscuous, the quality of being sexually attracted to rocks and having statues for partners. A predecessor to the now more popular synonym "picky," which was regarded as a slang while its counterpart was the commonly accepted form, plectrumiscuous is still used amongst musicians as a clever pun, though little recognised elsewhere. A less common definition for the word plectrumiscuous is simply "something that resembles a plectrum," which is not half as exciting or a good pun either.   

Diaryah

Diaryah: interjection. The sound produced by a person when he discovers his diary after arduous searching. The word was first used in literature in 1678 by John Bunyan in his infamous novel "The Pilgrim's Progress". The word was used by the major character after discovering his cheese and milk in a pantry, it was apparently a typo. Oxford scientists have warned that the word should not be confused with diarrhoea, as that could have disastrous consequences for diaries worldwide.

Buarn

Buarn: noun. A burnt down barn. It could be burnt with or without cattle, it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. As the grand Sophist philosophers say: "The world's a buarn and all the men and women merely burnt cattle."

Penpen

Penpen: noun. Something which is almost a pen. In the production in the writing utensils known as pens, the stage in the middle of the process is known as the stage of penpens. Essentially this means that the pen has almost been completed, however it is still incomplete and therefore cannot be officially called a pen. Similarly this word can also be used to describe things, which resemble a pen very closely, but in fact aren't pens. For example a pencil could be called a penpen since it is very similar however it is not the same as a pen.

Lishp

Lishp: noun. A lishp is a quite uncommon speech impediment that manifests itself in a manner almost exactly opposite to a lisp. While a person with a lisp usually can´t make the sounds "s" and "z," a person with a lishp can´t make the sounds "sh" and "zh" (as heard in the words "ship" and "courgette"). A possible cause of this impediment is the lack of a tongue, teeth or mouth, but also the inability to raise the front of one´s tongue to alter the way air exits the mouth. It has been proposed on several occasions that the words lishp and lisp should switch their meanings in order to make them pronounceable by the people who possess them, but these plans have been sabotaged every single time by some inhumane monsters that are evidently amused by scenes where people with lishps and lisps try to explain their diagnoses to others and fail every single time as they are confused for their lisp or lishp possessing counterparts.

Archfriend

Archfriend: noun. In effect, the word archfriend is quite similar to archfoe but completely different. One would probably expect that an archfriend is a very good friend in the same way that an archfoe is a very bad enemy... and one would be absolutely right. Now go on; we know you want to: go and give your archfriend a big hug! And, if you´re a Christian, go and hug your Archfoe too (careful, they may bite).

Fragment 9:

Herb cautiously opened the door, but to his big surprise, his visitor was neither a member of the hambourgeoisie nor Albert, but his old archfriend Christina (please don´t ask how the best friend of a man can be a woman. Our blog-writers are very tolerant of all people groups no matter how strange they may seem to you... well alright, maybe not of Mormons, Calvinists and the North Korean Kim family, but other than that, you could be a hippie gay pink bunny transvestite and we couldn´t care less. Although personally, I´ve never seen a pink bunny so maybe I would care a little... but definitely not because of its habits or its sexual orientation, just its fur colour, which isn´t to say that I´m racist, but just inerested. In a purely scientific fashion that is - just genuinely interested in seeing a pink bunny. Not that there´s anything wrong with pink bunnies - I´d be equally happy to see a yellow, green or red bunny. Although I think there is a breed of bunnies quite close to yellow so maybe I´d be interested more in seeing a pink one after all... but not because yellow isn´t good! Cheetahs are sort of yellow (and black, white and African) and I still love them. The point though, is that the only reason I would be interested in seeing a hippie gay pink bunny transvestite is because it´s pink and not the traditional black, white or brown, which isn´t bad, just not as atypical and and and... come on!!! Wouldn´t you like to see a pink bunny if you had the chance???) Anyway, at seeing Christina, Herb was delighted. He hadn´t seen his ardwolfatic friend for a very long time - in fact, he could remember exactly the last time he saw her on the 25th of August. She was preparing a babyloam for her garden, although personally, Herb found the mixture far too battery to make proper babyloam. Quite foolishly, he decided to speak his mind about that to her and was promptly outvited, after which he spent a year on snuffins trying to eat his way out of his human miserability.

Slikely

Slikely: adverb. Slightly likely. In statistics slikely is an official term which is used to denote something that has a probability between 50% and 52% of happening. Clearly this is a very narrow range and therefore not many things can be considered slikely. For example the chance of rain on the 25th of March 1993 could be considered slikely, as well as the probability that a koala will fall on an innocent tourist's head has also been calculated to be slikely. The branch of mathematics known as absulutism, not to be confused with absolutism, believes that slikely should be removed from statistics, as well as all other terms for probability, except for certain and impossible, since absulutists believe that everything in the universe is either certain or impossible.

Idleatry

Idleatry: noun. The undue praise or downright sacrilegious worship of laziness that is often associated with Hedonism and sometimes with Epicureanism. According to a Catholic Church official whom our bloggers have unofficially interviewed, Idleatry is viewed by Rome as something even worse than the seven cardinal sins: a cardinally sinful ideology. It is because while laziness (or, as the terminology goes, sloth) is a single offense that may but does not have to have lasting effects, Idleatry (as a style of life) encourages the repetition of this deadly sin and therefore leads to eternity in Hell in an estimated eight and a half out of ten times.

Additction

Additction: noun. An addiction to addition. This is a very common ailment that befalls mathematicians, both professional and amateur practicians of mathematics. Common symptoms consist of an obsessive need to add together things which are completely unrelated and where the result is of absolutely no use whatsoever. An example of this is for example adding up the number of ducks in a pond along with the number of blades of grass next to the pond. There is a famous case from the British Isles where the Professor of Mathematics of Birmingham University died of additction while attempting to add the number of leaves on a tree together with the number of hairs on a death-metal fan's head.

Redundandundandundandundancy

Redundandundandundandundancy:::::::: noun, that is to say, the word of today´s post is a noun - the noun being the word that the noun is and the word that the noun is being a noun too. Redundandundandundandundancy is the state, the form and the shape - that is to say, the ultimate being - of something, that thing being an object or some sort of either concrete or abstract thing, that is, in some peculiar way or another, rather and quite redundant, superfluous, unnecessary or long-winded. It, the it referring to the word redundandundandundandundancy, of course, is different, or rather variating, from the word redundancy simply in magnitude, that is to say, in the power of the word, the post of today referring to the largest and strongest form of the word redundancy. Simply and uncomplicatedly put, something that is redundant can, but does not have to be redundandundandundandundant, while something that is redundandundandundandundant has to also be redundant in the same way that a red dress may be the reddest dress but does not have to be, while the reddest dress must be red at all occasions. That, and just that with nothing less and nothing more, is the definition, that is to say, the meaning, of the word redundandundandundandundancy.    

Stormage

Stormage: noun. A type of storage which is resistant to storms, but also inclined towards leaking. Whether this means that the contents of a stormage must be liquid or not is uncertain. One might think that the definition of a stormage is contradictory, however the leaks that occur with stormages cannot be considered storms, so all is fine. Stormage is most commonly used by the United States Statistics Bureau, which uses the handy feature of stormage, since all the data that doesn't fit the trends and can't be used for correlations simply leaks out.

Battery

Battery: adjective. Something that has the qualities of batter. While seldom heard in this context, the word battery was very frequently used in Britain during the Second World War, when resources were scarce and the writers of cookbooks decided that instead of advising housewives to make proper batter, they should just instruct them on how to make things battery - with similar qualities to standard batter, but more accessible.

Ardwolfatic

Ardwolfatic: adjective. The property of being unlike an aardwolf. A completely ardwolfatic creature would be large, macro-herbivorous, cold blooded and aquatic among other properties that are not shared by an aardwolf. This word was found carved in stone tablets in South Africa, it seems aardwolves were the only animals that the tribe had a name for, and to describe other animals they needed to describe how it was unlike the aardwolf. Many have tried to create the ardwolf, a perfectly ardwolfatic creature but have failed due to the fact that they always seem to be missing something, there are also issues concerning the definition of "creature" and whether by simply being alive the ardwolf would be aardwolfatic.

Fragment 8:

Herb decided that he should improve his new device to account for him being a nerb, but first he should get the lunch he had been planning to have for so long. He opened the fridge and made himself a dirtwich from the verdurating materials in his refrigerator. While none of this would act on his thurst, his hunger was made significantly satisfieder after the meal. He was startled when he heard a knocking at the door, he was sure it wasn't Albert but had some fear that it may be yet another group of Hambourgeoisies having heard of the group he encountered earlier.