Teein

Teein: noun. The chemical that exists in the human body, when during a game of golf the player succeeds in actually delivering the ball into the hole. The chemical is secreted by the pancreas and is essentially an amino acid with an added ketone group, as well as two additional benzene rings. The chemical was first isolated by avid golfer Robert Boyle (chemist in his spare time), after extracting the blood of 345 golfers during their game.

Fragment IX

Lady Catherine emerged from the kitchen looking slightly displeased and Mr. Collins squealed in joy.

“Lady Catherine! But what in the world are you doing here?” inquired Mr. Collins.

“Ah, Mr. Collins, excellent I was looking for you. I am here to oversee the completion of a commission by an employee of mine.” retorted Lady Catherine. A moan came forth from Mr. Darcy as two facts came together in his head. “A much better question, and one you should have answered without me having to ask it, is why in the world you are here Mr. Collins?” Lady Catherine turned her gaze towards Mr. Collins.

“Oh, um, well, you see, ah…” Mr. Collins yet again struggled for coherence.

“I believe I can explain that”, interjected Mr. Darcy, “I had forgotten that I met Babbage at one of your soirees Lady Catherine, but anyhow, we became acquainted and Babbage invited me and Elizabeth to come and see the completion of his creation. Mr. Collins and his wife came just in time to join us. And so here we are.”

“What a tremendously confusing explanation Fitzwilliam. You have much to learn in terms of rhetoric.” reprimanded Lady Catherine and Mr. Darcy did genuinely look hurt by the comment.

At this point Charlotte felt like she needed to interrupt. “Am I the only one, who doesn’t know or understand what this creation or invention is? I must say I’m rather confused.”

“Shush child, we’ll get to that.” silenced her Lady Catherine, “What is much more important now, is that supper is tended to. Elizabeth and Charlotte shall go and help that helpless fellow they call a cook here, while Fitzwilliam shall come and entertain me and my dear daughter, while Mr. Collins takes care of the carriages and horses. That’s why I was looking for you Mr. Collins.”