Springle

Springle: verb. To scatter or pour Pringles chips over (an object or surface). This is a trend that was very popular in the 1990's when Pringles Newfangled Potato Chips (which weren't so new at that point) became even more popular, increasing market demand, leading to an overproduction and hence an excess of Pringles in virtually all stores in every country of the world. Due to this excess essentially all food was springled and some went so far as to springle entire towns or cities, due to the amount of Pringles available. The situation was eventually resolved, when the horrible mistake was discovered by the manufacturers, who had spent several months in space thanks to their earnings.

Bedgotten

Bedgotten: adjective. An archaic term for someone who is very healthy despite their advanced age. This term may seem counterintuitive to some, but that's just the late 1500's for ya. The word first appears in poetry composed by a man for William III, as a love sonnet to describe his undying love for the royal. The man also happened to be 76 years old, so the use of the word bedgotten is actually quite apt. It is unknown if his royal highness ever heard the poetry, but scholars have argued that he did and it fact contributed to his untimely death, caused by falling off a horse.

Andor

Andor: conjunction. A newly emerging and increasingly popular connective for sentence, which is the same as 'and/or', but with the slash removed (much like Guns N' Roses without their lead guitarist). The word has the effect of cleaning up the sentence, because it removes the messy and unpleasant punctuation, which one does not wish to have in the middle of formal writing. By removing the slash it can be used in a formal context (again much like Guns N' Roses without their lead guitarist).

Readverb

Readverb: verb. The multiplying persistence of sound after a sound is produced. Unlike reverb, where the sound decays until disappearing completely with readverb the sound continues to grow louder and in strength, so that if it were left unchecked it could potentially surround the entire world. Thankfully every music studio is equipped with an emergency anti-readverberizer, which produces a sound so specific in frequency as to cancel out the readverb, thereby preventing a potentially cataclysmic catastrophe of a global scope.

Wilde

Wilde: adjective. Uncontrolled or unrestrained in terms of literary creation. This word was created by the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language in honour of the great playwright Oscar Wilde in the year 1850, which is interestingly several years before Wilde was born. The word was created to describe the emerging literary creations in the world of novels and poetry, where such risqué material was appearing, such as the showing of ankles.

Graey

Graey: noun. The politically-correct and international version of the colour of elephants or mice (unless they're white) or other gray...er...grey things. This word was proposed by the United Nations in October of 1962, because they had nothing better to deal with. The resolution was passed by the closest vote in United Nations history with 55 votes for, 2 against and 52 abstaining. Obviously this is the perfect solution tot he renowned dilemma; what do you mean greay would be better? You don't know what you're talking about? Shush, this is perfect!

Numerubor

Numerubor: noun. The embarrassment caused by confusing numbers or failing miserably at basic arithmetic. Numerubor is most common amongst students of advanced mathematics or further mathematics in high school and those studying for degrees involving mathematics at university. This is justified, by claiming that such people do not require skills in basic arithmetic, as they have to grapple with much more complicated concepts. However this does not make mistakes any less embarrassing and numerubor any more amusing.

Fragment XIX

As Mr Collins fainted he twisted so that as he fainted his body began falling out the doors of the box, rather than into the box. Mr Bingley shouted in warning and rushed towards the doors from hiding behind Jane to try and catch the temporarily indisposed Mr Collins, but did not reach him in time. Mr Collins' body slipped out of the box and seemed to float off very slowly into oblivion.

However that is not what Mr Bingley watched when he reached the door. As he did so, he got a chance to see what Mr Collins had seen and fainted because of. Mr Bingley was equally in shock, but thanks to a somewhat stronger constitution, he did not faint. To his great amazement floating before the box was a large elliptical silver sphere with golden baroque windows with precious red velvet curtains. He could see into one of these windows and was presented with a exquisitely decorated room of majestic carpets, a large crystal chandelier, as well as a grand fireplace and a mahogany table with chairs. What was most shocking was that at the head of this table sitting very upright was an identical copy of Lady Catherine.

As Mr Bingley observed this a voice suddenly filled the box, "Well I must say it has taken you all an excessively long time to get here and now that you are here I do not understand why you're all still standing there. How long am I supposed to wait?"

Wsstny

Wsstny: interjection. The sound made when one is stung by a bee, while simultaneously placing one's hand on a stove or hot plate. One would think that this would be a statistically unlikely event and hence the word wouldn't be used very often, but contrary to that, the word is used at least 2 times a day and each time in the right circumstance. This is due to the disproportionately high presence of bees around hot plates, as investigated by Smith & Johnson (1976).

Rdlh

Rdlh: verb. To make someone guess a word by removing all the vowels and one consonant and adding a random consonant to the end. As you've hopefully figured out this word comes from the word 'riddle' and is actually an example of itself. This 'game' was created by Benjamin Franklin when he had five spare minutes, while waiting for a plane...I mean ship. Other examples of this include "ncdf" and "rmvgs".

Beautfuh

Beautfuh: adjective. A word used by the ancient Egyptians to describe women they considered beautiful, which may be different from today's standards, because let's face it the ancient Egyptians were a bit weird. The Great Royal Wife Nefertiti was once described as beautfuh by a visiting noble to the palace and the noble was fed to the lions within minutes of having uttered those words to the Great Royal Wife.

Abittdle

Abittdle: adverb. A combination of the words "a little", "a bit" and the letter "d". The word was first used by an employee of the Ford company, when trying to explain to Henry Ford why the first ever Ford automobile had been painted pink and had the word "badonkadonk" written across it in neon green paint. According to records at the time, the employee said something along the lines of, "Sir, I was abittdle inebriated."

Possde

Possde: noun. A group of people who are together to determine the origin of something or someone. The first possde was formed by the first pilgrims of Colonial America who formed one to determine where the turkey that had mysteriously appeared on their metaphorical doorstep had come from. The pilgrims were also determined to find out what the bird was and why it wasn't dead and had instead eaten their grain storage.

Thoraxe

Thoraxe: noun. The two meanings of this word are as follows:

1. An alternative weapon for the Norse god of thunder, Thor. According to mythology in the final battles of Ragnarok, Thor's hammer will finally be broken in a fight against Frost Giants and so to defeat the great snake Jormungandr, threatening to destroy the world tree Yggdrasil, Thor takes up a thoraxe and slays the snake in its path.
2. Thor's thoraxe, will be decorated with thoraxes, which are the middle segments of insects, but with two large blades on both sides. These thoraxes were first seen on the renowned battle beetles of northern Wales, where they almost went extinct due to the dragging weight of their large metal blades.

Dadtacker

Dadtacker: noun. Somebody who blames all of their character flaws on their father. A study conducted by the University of North Dakota found that globally there were significantly more dadtackers than momtackers. The conclusion they drew from this is that men are significantly less likely to take the blame for something, rather than holding themselves accountable. This is completely understandable as men are misogynistic philistines.

Fragment XVIII

Once everyone was up against each other leaning onto one of the walls of the box, it once again shook violently and then returned to an upright position.

"Would anyone care to explain that?" uttered Ms Bingley in a voice that was filled with an unearthly amount of annoyance.
"I'm afraid the only way to find out if something is happening outside, is to open the doors and peer into the void. I assure you it's perfectly safe to open the doors, no one is in danger. Unless, that is, there is something utterly awful and horrifying out there. I can't ensure that." suggested Babbage.

"Mr Collins!"
"Yes, Lady Catherine?"
"Open the doors."
"Yes, Lady Catherine."

Very reluctantly Mr Collins approached the doors. This astonished his wife, because his cautious approach proved that he did have an sense of self-preservation, contrary to what his wife believed. Mr Collins had reached the wooden doors and carefully pushed against them, so that they slowly opened with a creak. A strong light filled the box, presumably coming directly from the sun. Mr Collins looked out through the light, gasped and fainted.

Dromance

Dromance: noun. A close, non-romantic relationship between two or more men/women and at least one dromedary. According to the World Health Organisation, the largest frequency of dromances can be found in the Australian Outback. Even though dromedaries are more present in the Middle East and Northern Africa, there the people are much more likely to keep their distance from the camels, whereas the populace of the outback welcomes any relationship with any living or even non-living thing.

Momtacker

Momtacker: noun. A person who blames all of their character traits on their mother. For example, "my mum picks her nose, and so do I". The word was first used by Franklin D. Roosevelt to describe his daughter Anna, who constantly blamed all of her mistakes in the White House administration on her mother, using the catch phrase "That's how mom would have done it." This prompted Eleanor Roosevelt to spend less time at home, so that her daughter wouldn't have any idea how she would have done something.

Nightfee

Nightfee: noun. When Johann Wolfgang von Goethe created the word 'nightmare' by combining the word 'night' with the Old English word for a goblin, he also created the word 'nightfee', by adding the German word for a fairy, thereby creating a word meant for a pleasant dream. However in an attempt to undermine his work by German artists and authors, who weren't receiving any attention because of Goethe, they worked collectively to prevent the word nightfee from being used in everyday language. They succeeded and the word has since disappeared. However they still died alone, poor and helpless, so sucks to be them.  

Kitchenliver

Kitchenliver: noun. A person who resides solely within his kitchen, due to a fear of all the other rooms within his house. Also a liver, which has been prepared for consumption in a kitchen. This is almost all livers eaten worldwide, except for those consumed during ritual sacrifices. The case of being afraid of some many rooms within one's house that one is forced to resort to ones kitchen has been documented in multiple cases and is considered a very serious disorder by the DSM-IV. What has also been found that the consumption of kitchenlivers is much higher amongst kitchenlivers. 

Chlorocholy

Chlorocholy: noun. The feeling of jealousy mixed with envy, as well as remorse. Similarly to the word 'melancholy', this word comes from what was considered by the Ancient Greeks to be one of the four humours of the human body. It is derived from the Greek for 'yellow bile', and this is very accurate, because that is what builds up in the mouths of those people who are confronted with chlorocholy from other people.

Optimisticker

Optimisticker: noun/adjective. This word has two very distinct, but also very similar meanings.

1. The comparative version of the word 'optimistic'. This essentially means that the word is used to describe, when something or someone is more optimistic than someone else. For example, "The Norwegians are optimisticker than the North Koreans."
2. A sticker which is meant to increase the optimism of those who see the sticker. Motivational posters in the form of a sticker are often considered optimistickers. 

The two meanings of this word lead to such sentences as, "The optimisticker was optimisticker than the other optimisticker."

Bants

Bants: noun. A specific type of pants to be worn during banter. These were created in the early 1800's and were marketed as being for the "perfect and typical Victorian gentleman", as well as "as worn by Prince Albert". It is thought that Queen Victoria herself owned 230 of them. By some mysterious force, which has yet to be explained, or some trickery of science, almost all bants would self-combust exactly 16 months after manufacture. This lead to a rapid decrease in their numbers. The last two known bants in existence are owned by the British Museum and are housed in a moisture-less titanium box, 200 feet beneath the ground with absolutely no monitoring to ensure that they haven't combusted yet.

Fragment XVII

Lady Catherine was in a rather indignant and semi-recumbant position leaning into Elizabeth, who quickly realised what...er...who was leaning against her and jumped back. This caused Lady Catherine to lose her balance and appear for several seconds as if she were about to fall. However she somehow regained her composure and did not lose any of the air of pompous superiority that constantly surrounded her.

"Babbage, where in the universe are we?" she ordered subsequently.
"That is a very apt questions, Lady Catherine. As indeed we are no longer on the world, as we know it. We have entered the far reaches of the great beyond and are now traversing what one could describe as the night sky...", Babbage mused.
"Enough with this poetic nonsense, I asked where we are?!" Lady Catherine interrupted.
"Well, we seem to be orbiting the Sun, that's why it is currently quite warm here." Babbage replied, this time with significantly less grace.
"Why, that is utterly incredible. We've travelled into space, the first people to get to see the entirety of Earth from the outside. Most people haven't even dreamed of this." Exclaimed Charlotte suddenly, she was very much enchanted with what was happening.

Suddenly the box shook rather violently and seemed to tilt, as everyone and their luggage began to slide towards one side.

Mellifused

Mellifused: adjective. Describing a voice, which seems to be drowning in honey. Identifying characteristics of a mellifused voice include gurgling, an inability to pronounce any words properly and yellow-orange gloop in the corners of the lips. The condition is not considered an actual malady by any recognised medical board. It was proposed to the WHO's collective of doctors in 2009, who after consideration for several hours rose in unison and proclaimed, "WE ARE THE MEDICAL BORED!", before subsequently wallowing in their own paperwork and silently screaming for entertainment.

Finesseful

Finesseful: adjective. Describing something or someone which/who is full of finesse and finely tuned skill. This word can only be given by the supreme word overlord (the chief editor of the Oxford English Dictionary) and is an honour bestowed very rarely; on average once every 4.3 years. The last person to receive this honour was the great Jaden Smith, who was given the title in 2013. Mr Smith did not make an appearance at the ceremony, so the title was presented to a person, who looked "a little bit like him", who had been found on the street. The supreme word overlord declined to make a statement about the emerging irony and sarcasm some are beginning to see in the ceremony. Previous holders of the title include William McGonagall and Gerald Ford.

Abridgetization

Abridgetization: noun. The process of abridging a play to make it of a length that doesn't lead to arrhythmia in half of the audience. A study conducted within the Vienna Opera House during a performance of Mozart's 'The Magic Flute' showed that 89% of the audience above the age of 55, which was 85% of the entire audience, suffered severe haemorrhaging in the brain, as their cerebral activity decreased drastically due to limited activity.

Varuables

Varuables: noun. The potential change one could get in rubles in Aruba. This word applies to a very specific situation, the number of occurrences of which can be counted in the single digits. Perhaps the most famous incident of this word coming into play was during Vladimir Putin's escape...er...vacation to Aruba, to which he had taken only rubles and was then confused about the low value of the varuables, as the inhabitants of the island hadn't seen rubles since the time of Leon Trotsky.

Strinkle

Strinkle: noun. A wrinkle caused by excessive stress. These are most common in people with a desk job and extended office hours, as well as lumberjacks on the Arabian peninsula. There has been a movement in the United Nations since the late 1970's, which is attempting to eradicate strinkles, but has so far proved unsuccessful, as no antidote has been discovered as of yet. It has been hypothesised that exposure to direct light from a red giant star would remove any and all strinkles, unfortunately this hypothesis has yet to be tested.

Avrually

Avrually: adjective. Describing something that happens each and every April. For example April Fools happens avrually, as well as Passover, which also happens avrually. Due to the fact that Buddha's birthday also occurs avrually, the word is most commonly used by Buddhists and hence avoided by the followers of other popular religions, so that they are not confused for Buddhists, except for Baha'i, because you know, they're Baha'i.

Woderful

Woderful: adjective. Describing something that is wonderful, because of the woe it causes in either you or someone in whom you can observe the woe. To take a rather drastic example, to Hitler the genocide of the Jews was woderful, because of the woe he observed in their relatives. Specifically because of this example, the word has disappeared from common usage and has since been shunned by the other words beginning with the letter 'w'.

Fragment XVI

Now that everyone and everything important to the passengers was on board of the giant box and the newcomers had the situation, as well as their sudden appearance explained to them, the box was ready to depart. Lady Catherine immediately turned to Babbage, "Well? What are you waiting for? I shan't have any more pointless dilly-dallying. We are prepared and should be on our way."

Babbage moved to the other end of the box and was suddenly surrounded by an aura of importance comparable to that of Lady Catherine, as he turned to his passengers and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, the journey you and I are about to embark on hasn't even been imagined by most people and it shall remain that way for decades more. We shall be pioneers of an era unexplo...Mr. Collins, DON'T TOUCH THAT."

Mr. Collins hadn't understood much of what Babbage was saying, so he decided to make himself more comfortable in his current situation by adjusting some knobs and dials on a control panel, so as to lean himself against it more comfortably. What happened next is statistically speaking extraordinarily unlikely considering the circumstances.

Everyone survived and was in one piece. Mr. Hurst suffered a mild concussion, but that was about it. From the outside it appeared as if the box had stood there without any apparent activity and then suddenly it no longer stood where it was. There was stunned silence aboard/inside the box, wherever that was; until...
"MR. COLLINS, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" shrieked a commanding voice.