Cassoweary

Cassoweary: adjective. When one is overtly tired of cassowaries to the point of sleepiness and subsequent collapse into hibernation at an encounter with one. The Bureau for the Conservation of Cassowaries in Australia states that about one tenth of all rangers working for the organisation suffers from cassoweariness seasonally and over one half of all people who have quit the job have had reprecussions leading to permanent cassoweariness. This condition is incurable and its causes are unknown. Famous celebrities who suffer from being cassoweary include Skippy the Bush Kangaroo (who never starred alongside cassowaries because of his anxiety) and Mickey Mouse, who contracted cassoweariness from Pluto.

Slurprise

Slurprise: noun. The thing that happens when one slurps down a drink, but despite all efforts, the water level rises instead of decreasing. This word could likewise describe the surprise this casues. The word slurprise itself was first used in a quite different context and with a quite different meaning by the infamous composer Gustav Mahler, who claimed that prising a slur out of his orchestra, which he incorrectly jumbled up into slurprising, is harder than stoning a heretic with bananas, both of which he had previously attempted.  

Upgramme

Upgramme: noun. This word has two very distinct meanings, which are used frequently in technology industries and the world of physics.
1. A programme of upgrading. These are very common, and have become more and more common in recent years, as technologies are developed faster and faster. In fact some scientists have begun to claim that we live in a world of a perpetual upgramme. 
2. A gramme or gram, which is added on and increases the overall weight. The word has been recently used in Physics textbooks, because it saves time and space. Generally it has been the recent increase in the price of putting words on paper, that has caused the increase of the usage of this word.

Dogholicism

Dogholicism: noun. A not too famous denomination of Christianity that differs from Catholicism in several key areas. One of these areas is original sin, which Dogholics refer to as "original woof" and the role of the Pope, whom Dogholics choose to follow only if he offers a good amount of dog biscuits. As well as this, marital fidelity, so highly regarded within the Catholic Church, is absolutely beyond the understanding of Dogholics, who will probably jump on whatever has legs and a pulse (or perhaps not even that) with the intention of procreating. However, both of the denominations have a common stance on birth control, as Dogholics don´t have to care for their own offspring for too long anyway.

Porcanket

Porcanket: noun. A blanket made from the skin or skins of porcupines. This famous accessory not only provides immense comfort, but also excellent protection. Possibly the most famous porcanket belonged to the famous Hannibal, who took it everywhere with him as protection against potential nighttime assassins. The authors of this blog would also here recognise the brilliant, but also often overlooked Scipio Africanus, who in the end defeated Hannibal and thereby also took his porcanket, which has since then been in his family for centuries. It is also rumoured that both Queen Victoria and Fidel Castro have owned a porcanket, which has allowed them to escape many assassination attempts.

Sockerel

Sockerel: noun. A vulgar poem mentioning a sock or association football. Derived from the words sock and doggerel, sockerel made its first appearance in a parody of Shakespeare´s play Othello, where instead of finding a handkerchief, Othello stumbles upon Desdemona´s sock and proceeds to hang himself from it, much to Iago´s amusement (in this parody, however, Iago is a parrot, as the play had been inspired by the popular Disney film Aladdin, which had, in turn, also been parodied by the same theatre company, calling it "A laddie" and moving the setting to a rural scottish village, where Jafar and the Sultan bet on a Celtic-Rangers game and use the powers of the Loch Ness monster to alter the score leading to catastrophic consequences. Luckily, the football players eventually run out of energy after a series of several thousand matched penalties - obviously due to rigging - and the Sultan along with Jafar decide to go to a pub and blame Margaret Thatcher). 

Gymbership

Gymbership: noun. A membership to a gym, or a ship made up of large pieces of timber/lumber. Interestingly, the original meaning of the word is the one associated with a gymnasium. In Ancient greece, the word was used to describe being a member of an institution not only for physical, but also intellectual exercise. It was only in the 17th century that sailors and carpenters began to use the word to refer to galleons, frigates, fluyts and barques. The famous critic of everything, Christopher Marlowe wrote an entire book discussing the matter of the word, aptly titled "The Massacre at Paris". The authors of this blog highly recommend the book as delightful reading.

Stumblebee

Stumblebee: noun. A bumblebee that stumbles while walking, possibly because of excessive nectar consumption. A stumblebee is not to be confused with a jumblebee (a bumblebee that jumbles things), a tumblebee (a bumblebee that tumbles), a fumblebee (a bumblebee that fumbles), a grumblebee (a bumblebee that grumbles), a mumblebee (a bumblebee that mumbles), a rumblebee (a bumblebee that rumbles or has consumed far too much liquor), a humblebee (a bumblebee that grovels and is an ideal candidate for priesthood) and definitely not with a bumblebeer (a distilled liquor from bumblebees). Ideally, one should also not confuse stumblebees with slumberbees (bumblebees that take often naps) and stubblebees (bumblebees that have an excess of facial hair).

Pigmalion

Pigmalion: noun. Unlike Pygmalion, pigmalion is what happens when too many ions are present within a pig,  often leading to catastrophic results. The dangerousness of such pig usually depends on how many ions are present inside it and what element they come from. For example, a pig with ten grammes of hydrogen ions is less dangerous than a pig with twenty grammes of hydrogen ions and far less dangerous than a pig containing 30 grammes of plutonium ions. The word itself had been derived from the roots "pig," "mal" and "ion," the "mal" part pertaining to the results of letting such pig into the civilised world.  

Conquerative

Conquerative: adjective. Describing something or someone that enjoys to conquer or often does so. This word has been used by famous historians, such as Edward Gibbon, to describe kingdoms or empires and people throughout history. Very often this word has been associated with the Roman empire, the Mongols and Napoleon Bonaparte. In recent years it has been used with people such as Dan Quayle and Greece.

Maulhault

Maulhault: noun. This word has several commonly acknowledged definitions and bitter disputes exist between the supporters of each. Because of their particular viciousness and unscrupulous threats, the creators of this blog have decided not to put them down at all and make up their own definitions (as they, however, do very rarely - in fact, this is the first time for... a very long time).
1. A jump performed by the Sith Darth Maul that entered universal history after the airing of Star Wars Episode 1. Contests around the galaxy have been held ever since his death to see who the best maulhaulter is, but, as with Luciano Pavarotti, there is only one Darth Maul... at least there was.
2. An amalgamation of the German words "Maul" and "halten," meaning "mouth" and "to hold." This word has reportedly been used as a common threat by German teachers who fled to South America after the Second World War.        

Hleggeflemisch

Hleggeflemisch: verb. The action of quoting or making up a study that had never been carried out for the selfish purposes of whoever the perpetrator is. Before any further progress is made into discovering the origins of the word, the writers of this blog would like to make it known that they deeply deplore hleggeflemisching, especially after the study conducted by the esteemed professor Xióngmāo Fènbiàn (熊貓糞便) of Hǔ cèsuǒ (虎廁所) University in Datong proved a direct correlation between hleggeflemisching and hair loss in adult male impalas. With that being said, it is also necessary to admit that the etymological background of hleggeflemisching is absolutely unknown and will probably stay concealed forever with the rest of the world´s mysteries.

Matealot

Matealot: noun. Although this may sound like a very unusual word, which would have a rather exotic meaning, it in fact has multiple meanings, which have been used quite frequently in the past.
1. The mate of a matelot. For those who don't know, a matelot is a sailor or seaman, look it up! The partnet of this sailor or seaman was commonly referred to as a matealot. 
2. Someone or something, which mates frequently. This is more commonly associated with animals, but has been used previously in conjunction with people, namely William Topaz McGonagall and Judas.
3. Someone, who when playing chess, often and incorrectly declares a "mate", when in fact the game is far from over and they are probably losing.
4. The inhabitant of a small settlement in Trinidad and Tobago.

Consequence

Consequence: noun. Something which is directly or indirectly related to a sequence. This term is only used in certain branches of mathematics, specifically in Number Theory and Combinatorics. The term was coined by famous mathematician Pierre de Fermat, who is famous for his famous Last Theorem. The word is however much more commonly used in its meaning of a direct implication. This means that when asked, only 0.0134% of people will give the mathematical definition of the word, as their answer to what the definition of consequence is.

Ultrantiracism

Ultrantiracism: noun. The social phenomenon that results from overt caution not to offend people of different races. Ultrantiracism portrays itself in many different forms, as shown in the survey made in California a few months ago. The survey, conducted by Enguma Nguruwe, showed that when the regular American was asked to describe a picture of a person with black skin colour, that aspect of their visage was completely left out. Furthermore, over eighty per cent of the test subjects were of the opinion that in supermarkets, an equal amount of black, white and yellow refrigerators should be sold; regardless of the price and profit made by the shopkeepers.

Antishouldism

Antishouldism: noun. A school of thought that refuses the use of the word "should" as part of both formal and informal language.  Antishouldists, as part of their doctrine, do not call themselves antishouldists, but prefer to go by the title doordonotdoists, which is contemptuously pronounced as "Door doughnut do-ists" rather than "Do or do not doists" by the rival group set up to to antishouldists, simply known as shouldists. Quite hypocritically, the very first sentence in the holy scripture of this organisation, written by an unknown monk in the 14th centruy and completely rewritten in the 1970s, states the following: "We jointly advocate that the word 'should' should be crossed out of the dictionary and should nevermore be mentioned." 

Extraterraneous

Extraterraneous: adjective. Describing something, which is a) from a different planet than Earth and b) quite difficult and tiring. Most common example of extraterraneous activities include Vogon poetry and a conversation with a Wookiee or Gungan. Interestingly the word has existed since the time of King Wladyslaw III Spindleshanks of Poland. It originated in the home of a lazy Norwegian fisherman and according to lore, the tale, too long to describe here, involved a herring, too much tea and a very pretty sea urchin.  

Gumgan

Gumgan: noun. A popular sweet widely consumed on the planet of Naboo. Not to be confused with gungan, the indigenous race on the planet and gumgun, a weapon used by them to make their enemies wet and sticky. Gumgan is manufactured in the warm and damp conditions of the marshes on Naboo, giving them an unforgettable taste irresistible for aficionados in this field of sweet making.   

Oun

Oun: preposition. Used to indicate inclusion and exclusion within space, a place or limits. In other words the word is used when something is both "in" and "out" of something. For example: "Air is oun the house." The word was created by Galen of Pergamon, who used it to describe the state of blood after an incision or a cut/bruise. Since then the word has been scarcely used in the medical profession and even less so in others. However the sentence created by famed humorist Lenny Bruce has reignited the favorable flame of this word. The sentence is as follows: "The preposition is oun the noun."

Calvisignation

Calvisignation: noun. The resignation upon doing well in any aspect of one´s life on the basis of the Calvinist belief that all has been set out already. This sociological phenomenon, though common among the afore mentioned religious group, was also quite frequent among ancient Greeks who, upon finding out something terrible at the local oracle hotline, committed mass suicide in order to prevent unpleasant surprises. The irony in that was, of course, that by killing themselves they had actually fulfilled the oracles´ rather vague prophecies consisting of wails and howls and resulting in the conclusion that time would be better spent in the local tavern.

Thermotea

Thermotea: noun. Tea which keeps the temperature it was made at for about 26 hours. This is the brilliant invention of Thomas Lipton, who created thermotea after years of experimentation. However he was extremely paranoid of a rival company stealing his idea and so never revealed the recipe or formula for making it to anyone. Therefore when he died, the process of creating thermotea was lost and people had the opportunity to enjoy the brilliant drink only for about 5 years. Some people believe that when Lipton bequeathed the majority of his possessions to the city of Glasgow, he included the formula for the creation of thermotea with them, and now the mayor of Glasgow is the only one, who can enjoy the drink. However this theory has been declared preposterous by men with lab coats.

Ramboo

Ramboo: noun. The word ramboo has several possible meanings; the most used ones are listed below:
1. A species of red plant growing in the harsh climate of Nepal, China and India, which had been widely replaced by bamboo and now only survives in a few pocketses of vegetation in Sichuan.
2. A word for the misappreciation of a certain ram´s performance in the annual Ramolympic games, an institution set up as a rival to the more famous and popular Goatolympic games.
3. A spooky ghost of a ram that haunts the castle of Anthrax and makes strange faces at the nuns living there. In this particular case, ramboo, can be spelled with a capital letter, but experts in this field of knowledge advocate the opinion that there are more than one ramboos running around the castle and so it would be more politically correct if this spooky ghost of a ram only had a lowercase letter.    

Batctus

Batctus: noun. A word describing a grilled bat stuck on a cactus, a not too popular meal in Mexico. While the cactus itself is not eaten, its prickly exterior allows several bats to be put on it before being spun around above an open fire, much like a gyros. According to natives, a batctus is the most disgusting dish imaginable and its consumption is purely a matter of tradition, the maintenance of which is governed and funded by the UNESCO. Professional batctus eaters are also payed by the organisation to perform the ritual of cooking, consuming and then vomiting in front of tourists and UNESCO even contributed to building signs along major Mexican highways explaining the importance of batcti to natives and foreigners alike. The pronunciation of the word itself is rather complicated for English speakers, nevertheless, many poets have come to appreciate its rhythmic ring. For example the poet William McGonagall wrote the following short poem about the ritual of preparing a batctus:

One morning when sitting on a cactus,

A man - I am sorry to say,

Decided to prepare a batctus,

To brighten his terrible day.

His hand grabbed a bat wing which maybe,

Was harvested in Dundee bay,

He stuck it gently as a baby,

On the spikes of the cactus to stay.

A strong sound from the distance drew near him,

Something that was coming his way,

And the man said to himself looking quite dim:

It was stupid of me, yes a man from Dundee, to prepare a batctus on a railway.

Nocious

Nocious: adjective. Harmful, poisonous and very very dark, with occasional shimmers of things resembling stars. The word is most commonly associated with the dizziness felt and seen after having inhaled Hydrogen Selenide, however it can be and is associated with a wide variety of other things. The term was coined by the Swedish chemist Jöns Jacob Berzelius who was a passionate amateur astronomer, but also a proper chemist.

Ponticy

Ponticy: noun. A policy regarding bridges. One may think that there aren't many ponticies, however that is incorrect as there are over 200 of them. For example Ponticy #166 is: "Thou shalt not disturb the troll under the bridge." The history of ponticies dates back to Ancient times, when they were known as aqueducticies and related to aqueducts. However the Romans had no regard for these policies and so they became largely unknown until their revival asponticies in the late 14th century. 

Plumbet

Plumbet: verb. When a plumber plummets from a very high point or into a very low point or a combination of both. Plumbetting is a very common word, since in some countries, the plumbing on high-rise buildings is accessible only from the outside and so a plumber has to clamber his way up before he actually starts to plumb, both of which is equally dangerous when done on a high-rise building. The first recorded case of a plumbet, however, did not come from a tall building, but from space. In fact, the first plumbet started on June the sixth, 2006 from the International Space Station itself and took several days, during which the plumber involved was able to give his exact coordinates and was caught exactly seventy two hours later in a giant pool of bubble-wrap prepared by the national fire brigade of Uzbekistan, which the ISS happened to be flying over at the beginning of the plumbet.

Sheepwrecking

Sheepwrecking: noun. Contrary to popular belief in New Zealand, sheepwrecking is not the act of wrecking while driving a sheep or multiple sheep at once, nor does it describe the situation when one drives their car, boat or plane into one. Sheepwrecking is, in fact, the act of discriminating against a certain group of animals and thereby wrecking their self-confidence by not allowing them to have a distinct plural form. This applies to animals such as sheep, fish, jellyfish, flying fish, swordfish, angelfish, stonefish, pufferfish, scorpionfish, lionfish, longfish, shortfish, fatfish, slimfish, goodfish, badfish, smellyfish, stinkyfish, platyfish and chicken. This discriminatory phenomenon also occurs in different languages besides English, for example in Swahili most animals, bananas, tomatoes and grandmothers have an identical singular and plural form, but out of the afore mentioned, only the animals can officially file a sheepwrecking complaint (unlike the bananas, tomatoes and grandmothers who can´t file one at all due to reduced mobility).

Schappiness

Schappiness: noun. A word describing the joyous feeling felt by a very small percentage of schoolchildren at coming back to school after the Summer holidays. In fact, the number of schoolchildren that suffered from schappiness was always so small, that until 2001, the World Association for Kidz´ Mental Health based in Brooklyn did not classify it as a condition at all. According to the main medical department of the above mentioned organisation, it is not known whether this condition is hereditary or adopted, however all experts studying it find it puzzling, out of the norm and as one of the researchers working there quite poignantly said: "Well I don´t know too much about this, but after lots´a hard research, I came to the conclusion that it´s totally weird." 

Ramgle

Ramgle: verb. To seemingly speak of nothing, but at the same time viciously arguing a point. In essence the word is a combination of wrangling and rambling, however is evidently very different. One might think that wrangling and rambling are opposites, which would suggest that ramgling is an oxymoron, however that is not the case. We assure you that ramgling is possible and you find people, who very often ramgle. The origin of the word is uncertain, however it is suggested that it was Bertrand Russell, who introduced the word back into common speech.

Runon

Runon: noun. There are several meanings, which are known to belong to this word and have originated in different sections of the plethora of humanness.
1. Something which is not necessarily covered in runes, but does in someway contain runes of some sort. Although one may think that runon actually refers to something, which is on runes, but that would be incorrect.
2. Someone who is currently extremely drunk on rum. The most attentive of observers will notice the lack of correlation is spelling, but this can be easily explained. The word was coined by runon himself, and one who has been extremely drunk on rum, shall understand why the author payed little attention to spelling.