Vampeerism

Vampeerism: noun. Surviving by feeding on urine left by defenceless victims. A person who practices this occult tradition is called a vampeere (not to be confused with Van Persie, a British football player). The condition is, unlike classical vampirism, not transmitted from person to person via blood, but via urine. Pagan druids would often recount stories of urine drinking monsters that took the souls of the people whose urine they drank, which is why flushable toilets were invented during the Vampeere Uprising in Eastern London. Thanks to this ingenious invention, the vampeere population was absolutely destroyed, also having the good side effect of hygienic waste disposal (which came as an unexpected bonus).