Jurosickness

Jurosickness: noun. A medical condition whose main symptom is being sick of jurors. Contrary to popular belief, however, there are many other symptoms accompanying this disease, namely higher levels of hormones causing recidivism, oxytocin deficiency, hearing problems and uncontrollable gas. According to recent studies, jurosickness is most common among lawyers, judges and pregnant giraffes and is spread by the exchange of bodily fluids.

Fragment XXIII

"If I may," Said Georgiana, immediately flushing as the attention of the room (obviously with the exception of the fainted Lady Catherine, the drunken Mr Hurst and the defecating Mrs Hurst) turned towards her, "I would... em... I think it would be fitting if we umm... if while we are solving issues concerning bowel movements we could also solve the issue of well... getting back to earth, for a start."

"What a silly idea, child," Said Babbage impetuously, "Ladies and gentlemen, we are the first humans in space! It is our duty as representatives of mankind [note to modern readers: yes, Babbage did indeed say mankind even though the number of females outweighed the number of males in the giant space-box. In the interest of our more gender-sensitive readers, we would advise you to read the word 'mankind' as if it were 'humankind,' as that will forestall obvious misunderstandings concerning this nineteenth century text. Without further ado, therefore, let us let Babbage finish what he was saying] to further our scientific knowledge and broaden the horizons of the human [Ha! He used a genderless word here] mind."

"But what use will this scientific knowledge be," Elizabeth asked, "if we crash into the sun or get consumed by giant space monkeys?"

"Don't be silly," said Babbage in a very patronising manner, "One does not crash into the sun, as it is a sphere made up of gas. We would sooner burn up than crash into anything solid. As for the space monkeys, I doubt that we will run into any of those, for their diet is exclusively made up of giant space bananas and I do not see any of those floating around."

"I say we take a vote," said Mr Bingley, "Those who want us to get back to earth right now shall raise their hands."

Every hand in the room (obviously with the exception of that of the fainted Lady Catherine, the drunken Mr Hurst and the defecating Mrs Hurst) went up. Except that of Babbage.

"Well, then it is quite clear," Said Mr Bingley.

"Yes," Babbage agreed, "Quite, quite clear. You see, the only problem with all of this is that I am the only one on board who knows how to get us back..."