Progeneration

Progeneration: noun. The widening of the gene pool through a selection of partners with few genetic similarities; the opposite of degeneration. Contrary to popular belief, interracial marriages are not the epitome of progeneration. In fact, neither is fornicating with potatoes. The closest example to the epitome of progeneration (in reproduction with living species) would be producing offspring with comb jelly. As for inanimate objects, progeneration can well be achieved by producing offspring with a brick.

Fragment XXII

The company soon realised, however, that the problem of jam was not the greatest problem while trapped in a box somewhere in the orbit of the Sun. The first person who dared open this topic was Mrs Hurst.

"I do not know about you," she said, "but despite the presence of so many bottles which have pacified my husband, my own bodily pleasures do not seem quite satisfied."

"What exactly are you trying to tell us?" Mrs Horst inquired.

"Merely that I am in serious need of bowel movement after which I hope my husband will still be willing to quench my other bodily thirsts."

"Well I never!" Exclaimed Lady Catherine at such an overt display of nineteenth century sexuality.

"If you will," Interrupted Babbage, "I have equipped this box with a wonderfully elaborate latrine system which flushes faeces through a trombone-shaped set of pipes after which your excrement shall be fired into space at the speed of an unladen swallow. I have made this calculation right now, allowing for the lack of air resistance. In the presence of air, the speed of your faeces would be that of a swallow laden with the weight of a hollow coconut."

At that comment, Mrs Hurst swiftly moved towards the room Babbage had indicated, skipping over the body of Lady Catherine who had fainted about halfway through the explanation.