Regreat

Regreat: noun. A feeling of great sadness, repentance, or disappointment that is usually experienced either at the end of a year or at the end of one's life. It is very uncommon for a person to not experience regreat during these times and someone who does not come across this should seek out a doctor immediately. The most famous recorded usage of this word is in the last words of the famed poet John Keats, who on his death bed famously uttered: "Such regreat, were it not for my poetry, I'd have..."

Subnay

Subnay: noun. A preternatural fear of the underground and underground transportation that is found in about 0.0948% of the world's population. This fear is identifiable by a reluctance or outright refusal to enter subways or metros, accompanied by a distrust of basements and manholes. The disorder can be treated by small doses of dopamine injected while the patient is listening to John Cage.

Qyxz

Qyxz: preposition. This word was created in 1998 by Scrabble Extraordinaire Jonathan Squizzle, who needed a way to beat the previous record of most points earned for a word in Scrabble, which he succeeded in doing by combining this word with qualms and earning an extraordinary 1673 points in the game altogether. Mr Squizzle promised to explain to everyone what the word actually meant, but unfortunately he was found dead only 5 minutes after the game ended in a nearby lavatory. The cause of death was never revealed to the public and to this day remains a source of some controversy.

Pleisure

Pleisure: noun. A calm and relaxing experience. That's it.

Ghoat

Ghoat: noun. A phantom goat. Ghoats appear most commonly cheese. It doesn't have to be a specific type of cheese or even goat cheese, any cheese will do. The ghoats will then proceed to surround the cheese with an atmosphere of utter despair and hopelessness leading anyone who approaches the cheese to become suddenly mellow and inattentive. Ghoats have been observed since the late 1800's by various ghost-hunters, but none have yet managed to catch a ghoat. 

Quaintance

Quaintance: noun. A person you know but try not to associate with, because they're a bit strange and not in a good way. This word was created by C.S. Lewis in his later years after he'd had a falling out with J. R. R. Tolkien and needed a word to describe and degrade him amongst their Oxford colleagues. He thus created the word and then publicised it and its definition across the university before flying a poster claiming "Tolkien is my quaintance" from the Radcliffe Camera.

Christunkind

Christunkind: noun. As is commonly known in educated places full of wise people, in many parts of Mainland Europe on Christmas Eve the presents are delivered by Christkind, rather than Santa or something ridiculous like that. What is less commonly known is that if the person was naughty or the positives simply didn't outweigh the negatives, then their presents will be delivered by the Christunkind and the presents can include anything from coal, scorpions, poisoned apples, Bob Geldof to coal coke.

Present in air quotes

Present in air quotes: noun. You know...one of those presents that you have to then smile and thank the person for, even though it's totally gonna be a regift or end up in the bin or back of a closet. You can usually recognise presents in air quotes by the fact that they are soft when wrapped, oddly-shaped, smell kinda funny or that aunt you never talk to is shaking her head vigorously while you open it and when you get the seventh piece of tape off she smiles so wide that you can see the back of her tongue.

Bóbl

Bóbl: verb. To create a word with an excessive number of vowels and then proceed to ignore the majority of the vowels anyway, in some cases even substituting in invisible vowels, that originally weren't even in the word. Bóbling is a tradition that was adopted into English from French during the Norman Conquest and has since been a pain in the neck for all sensible people.

Tinsle

Tinsle: verb. To cover all surfaces and the insides of all objects with annoying, glittery madness (not intentionally, mind you) while trying to create an atmosphere of love, peace and harmony. Tinsleing is usually a risky process and should only be attempted while wearing at least a level 4 Hazmat suit. There have been at least 8 recorded cases of people suffocating or suffering major bruises and haemorrhages caused by tinsleing. 

Christmas hedge

Christmas hedge: nouns. In certain arid countries/counties/regions/towns/communes/villages/hamlets/conglomerates/arrondissements the plants do not grow nearly tall enough to function as Christmas trees and since import tax would be crippling to such economies, Christmas hedges are instead the preferred solution. They even have their own traditional decorations, such as the giant lamb made of pudding, tears and balsa wood that is placed on top of the hedge.

Yuletide

Yuletide: noun. What happens when you open a cabinet of Christmas decorations and remember that earlier in the year you'd 'cleaned' it all up simply by shoving all of the decorations into the cabinet and then quickly closing the door. As the yuletide comes rushing up at you, you think about the holidays, family, whether it's all really worth it and just how much eggnog one is legally allowed to buy in one go.

Wester

Wester: noun. The proper name for Christmas, as proposed and supported by the bishopric of Antioch. There are various fascinating things about this that we could enlighten you with, but perhaps the most interesting, is the fact that although Antioch was abandoned 500 years ago, the Bishopric of Antioch somehow manages to continue to support Wester to this day. How exactly it manages to do this remains a mystery.

Myrrrh

Myrrrh: interjection. The sound that a motorcycle, powered by the aromatic resin from a number of small, thorny tree species of the genus Commiphora, makes when running over an elderly gentleman with a walker and someone else's liver in his back pocket. If there is no elderly man involved, then the interjection used there is simply "Myrrrr"

Cometh

Cometh: noun. A small solar system body composed entirely of illegal drugs, which when coming close to a star heats up and begins to spew a gas, which could give a herd of hippopotami a high. These unique objects are extremely rare, astronomers have so far observed (and remembered) only 4 in all of history. The closest one is the Leibeck-Strauss-Donald Comet near Alpha Centauri. This fact also puts an interesting spin on the well-known O'Neill play "The Iceman Cometh"

Resursection

Resursection: noun. The ability that a select few people have, in that they are able to make a specific part of a dead creature come back alive. This part can then remain living indefinitely, if the superpowered human remains focused on it, but the moment the concentration lapses, the part of the being returns to being very much dead. This power was employed to determine that Prince Philip really had nothing to do with that crash.

Mange

Mange: verb. To do that thing with your hands, where you kinda cup them together so that they hold liquid, but only for like 5 seconds, because surprise, surprise there are holes (your fingers don't fit perfectly together) and so it's practically useless, unless you're transporting the liquid like two feet.

In reality, mange is a terrible skin disease common amongst mammals and can even affect humans. No joke. This is serious guys.

Menger

Menger: noun. The phenomenon when a farmer can no longer have a trough act solely as a trough and so adapts it to have multiple other uses, such as holding clothing or a saddle, split into two halves with one half for oats and the other for 5% milk, carrying a baby or reinforcing it so that it holds liquid iron.

Raindeer

Raindeer: noun. A species of deer known to only emerge from their cave burrows during rain or thunderstorm. It has been reported that during particularly powerful storms, raindeer come out into meadows and perform a ritualistic dance, which then extends the duration of the storm for an additional 47 seconds. Interestingly raindeer do not come out during typhoons, hurricanes or tornadoes and it is not known why that is.

Thistletoe

Thistletoe: noun. An unpleasant inflammation of the foot caused by stepping on some thistles or stinging nettles. There is no known scientific cures, but there are multitudes of folk treatments. These include placing your foot on a hedgehog, inhaling dried cow's milk, pouring lukewarm water into one ear and out the other, or the least popular method, being intimate with an orangutan.

Advantage

Advantage: noun. Yet again, an incorrect definition has been spread amongst the masses. The actual definition of this word is the fact that age is a boon in almost all social situations and in interacting with other people. Advantage is the fact that it is more likely you will be more respected or it's more likely you will be taken seriously if you are older. Advantage is social tenure.

Adventage

Adventage: noun. This word has two mega-super interesting meanings.

1. The period before the advent, which signals the coming of the Advent, as cardboard full of chocolate and bagels of pine needles begin to appear in supermarkets.
2. A characteristic of the advent that makes it better than other times of the year. For example, snow.

Subtculture

Subtculture: noun. A type of culture, which is extremely hard to spot or notice, making it seem as if there isn't any culture at all, when in fact it very carefully and stealthily permeates everything, enveloping all in a cloud of subtculture. Countries which are thought to have subtcultures, include the USA and yeah...

Singuessing

Singuessing: noun. A form of singing, where the singer can't actually remember the words to the song, so simply makes sounds that vaguely resemble the song, but in reality make no sense whatsoever. Singuessing is common in karaoke bars and in cars with radios all over the world. Interestingly it has been found that singuessing is mocked in every culture in the world, making it part of one of the few truly global phenomena.

Portmantneau

Portmantneau: noun. Also sometimes spelled "portmantno". This is the word used, when someone takes two words and combines them in an absolutely horrifying manner, creating a lexicological abomination that causes hernias in dictionary-writers everywhere. The word is usually exclaimed at a volume of at least 500 dB, megaphones can be used if necessary or if your vocal chords are puny! Har har.

Active paranoia

Active paranoia: noun. A psychological distinction, which merits hospitalisation or institutionalisation. Someone exhibiting active paranoia is one, who acts upon his paranoia, for example by developing securitis or raving on about secret government helicopters and the sheriff's secret police. Passive paranoia on the other hand, is perfectly normal and in fact expected in all humans; it is though to be the ninth characteristic of a life.

Securitis

Securitis: noun. A common disease affecting middle-aged men, characterised by an uncontrollable desire to triple or even quadruple the security of their abodes, houses, flats, apartments, caravans, bungalows or villas. The disease was first identified by the World Health Organisation in 1995 and has since been extensively studied. These studies found that the disease does not seem to occur in Botswana and that the aetiology of the disease seems to biological in origin.

Scrabble

Scrabble: noun. A collective noun describing people, who make no effort in the game of Scrabble to come up with interesting or unique words, but instead look for easy opportunities to score points by taking advantage of the bonuses and making short, but point-heavy words. The scrabble were forbidden from entering the French National Scrabble Championships, which was made very clear by the large sign above the door, which looked similar to the following:

CHAMPIONNATS NATIONAUX SCRABBLE

NATIONAL SCRABBLE CHAMPIONSHIPS

ALL WELCOME

NO SCRABBLE ALLOWED

Missspeech

Missspeech: noun. When you are speaking and accidentally say a word incorrectly, instead saying a word that sounds similar or is in some way connected. The first recorded occurrence of missspeech is from the Bible, when Noah says to his wife: "How many cows do we need? Obviously, spoon." Now the missspeech is very much understandable, Noah clearly meant to say 'four', and forks have four prongs, forks are also a type of cutlery, just like spoons. So there.

Misspeech

Misspeech: noun. A word, phrase or sentence that is simply wrong and doesn't at all fit into the context of a prior conversation. For example, imagine the following conversation between 'M' and '3':

M: D'ya know there are olives that grow underground in South Sudan?
3: Really? That's amazing! Do they still taste like olives?
M: What the hell are olives?

In the above conversation, M's response to 3's question is a misspeech, because it is clearly wrong and makes little sense.

Mopy

Mopy: adjective. Describing something which has the characteristics of, or resembles a mop. This word was created by the renowned author Jeanne Rejaunier, who employed it in her pivotal work: "The Ghost of Broom Closet 9", which focused on the protagonist, John Henry William, attempting to understand the complexities behind the apparent haunting of a public library by the ghost of a mop with a severed hand attached.