Onety

Onety: numberal. Onety is an alternative way of saying "ten," only it is far more intuitive for foreigners than learning a completely new word for the same digit with a zero added to it. We can find the first occurrence of the word onety in one of Lewis Carroll´s unpublished manuscripts about the logic-lacking English language:
"Reading an unspecified book, it came to me while reading it that as I read it, my eyes could not be contained because my thoughts were being carried away towards the nature of numbers. I am of the opinion that onety should be a valid alternative for saying "ten," as it would follow the trend of the following tens after it. In fact, now that I come to think of it, I am of the opinion that as well as onety, we should have the word twoty, threety, fourty, fivety and eightty (as sixty, seventy and ninety are already the prevailing ways of saying these digits)."
Well... one can see why Carroll never got around to publishing this manuscript. Nonetheless, this does not decrease the validity of his argument based on profound logic and reason.

Numberal

Numberal: numberal. A numberal, as opposed to a numeral, is a part of speech encompassing all numbers. This is slightly different from the common (but faulty) practice that assigns numbers to parts of speech according to what function they fulfil in a sentence. For example, while the number 100 will be an adjective in a sentence like "I ate a hundred pies for breakfast," it will be a noun in a sentence like "Johnny, tell me what a hundred minus two hundred is." Numberals were invented to make English slightly more logical and are classified by the Halifax Dictionary as the ninth part of speech. 

Forty

Forty: adjective. Pertaining to forts or bearing some resemblance to anything that has something to do with them. A man who looks like a soldier who currently resides in a fort may, therefore, be called forty because of this rather vague definition. However, the word is more commonly used in association with houses that look just a little too bulky and well protected to pass off for normal houses. This has been the case in a court ruling in Britain that ordered a man to pay extra fort taxes for his house featuring a moat with crocodiles and a device that at opening the front door fired a cannon ball at the visitor.  

Taurate

Taurate: noun. The sum of 2 pirates. Taurates are shown in media to operate 2 ships, have 2 peg-legs and 2 eye patches, 2 normal legs and 2 working eyes, and have 2 parrots on their shoulders. Taurates were feared twice as much as pirates, but were often followed by people who hoped to find their treasure, they had twice as much hidden but half as well as they mark the area with 2 “X”s. They were feared 4 times as much as pirates because, not only because they were twice as dangerous, they also looked quite scary with twice the eyes, legs, shoulders, and teeth as a pirate. This leads some to conclude that the fear of a sum of n things is relative to n^z While others claim that it is equal to 3n-2, there is not yet evidence to prove one of these equations over the other but many say that this question will have an answer by the end of 2016 and then walk away enigmatically without explanation.

Copywrong

Copywrong: Noun. A legal ban for a specific artist or publisher to produce certain works. This is often planned by companies to get rid of competition by banning the competition from using specific products whether or not the product has actually been developed or any rights are owned by the first company, this would get rid of competition but not affect smaller companies creating the illusion that the first company is being nice to them. While this is often planned by companies it is rarely executed mostly because governments are reluctant to grant copywrongs to companies especially ones submitted by a source that does not have any rights to the product banned by the copywrong. While it is unusual, in November of 1995, a company producing gravelals shut down because a copywrong left it unable to make money. The company was doing very poorly at selling its footgear, so it started selling a recipe of lemon pie that its employees developed. Soon after production, the company received a copywrong concerning the pie they were selling and were left with no source of income. While it is unclear who submitted the copywrong, a reliable source claims that it was sent by a company that does not own rights to any food products or shoes and would not have any obvious interest in getting rid of the gravelal producers but they did have good arguments for why the copywrong should be passed.

Plancking

Plancking: noun. An old fad amongst young physicists where one would suspend themselves 1.61619926 × 10^-35 meters above the surface of various objects around a laboratory (typically objects that are unlikely to cause any damage).  Soon after this started, there were incidents of people injuring themselves doing it. It became seen as stupid and several scientists spent hours desperately writing equations to show that they did not over-come the atomic forces necessary to get close enough to the object, disproving that they ever plancked.

Feastivity

Feastivity: noun. A celebration which is entirely composed of a large meal, generally of at least 8 different courses, ranging from entrees, second entrees, soups, main dishes, deserts, appetisers, side dishes and hors d'oeuvre. A feastivity can occur for virtually any occasion as long as the meals are appropriately themed, and do not in some way insult that which is being celebrated. Feastivities are very popular in Denmark and Togo, where there are special companies dedicated solely to organising them.

Roboot

Roboot: noun. A large and heavy robotic shoe. These are commonly made as parts for humanoid robots, and are in fact and essential part, because they hold the Ethernet router as well as the radio receiver. This makes them one of the most vital parts of a robot, right after the 6th left rib and the ring finger of the right hand. The largest roboot factory is actually located in a secret location, to avoid the danger of someone destroying the factory and thereby crippling the worldwide robot market.

Juristiction

Juristiction: noun. The official power to make decisions over all things branch, twig, sapling, cane, pole and stake, as well as all things glue, adhesive, fixative and paste. There are few bodies in the world who have juristiction. In fact there is the International Court of Fixative and Twig in Addis Ababa and the International Court of Adhesive and Branch in Nanjing, who have all the power of juristiction throughout the world, which is why all of the relating matters have to be brought before them.

Chewing

Chewing: noun. That which is found in the mouth, after it has been masticated but before it has entered the oesophagus. Chewings are usually very unpleasant in consistency, look, smell and taste, which is why they are so quickly swallowed by the chewee (not to be mistaken with the nickname for the Star Wars character Chewbacca). Chewings should always remain in the mouth and should never be taken out, as that is disgusting and inappropriate.

Gravelal

Gravelal: noun. A type of open-toed shoe designed to be worn on small rock fragments. The soles of these shoes are typically thicker than the soles of sandals and the straps are more rigid. While it would seem simple to tell the difference between sandals and gravelals, a well-worn gravelal can be very difficult to tell from a sandal. Mistaking old gravelals for sandals is a fear shared by many countries, which has resulted in extensive regulation to make sure that shoe manufacturing companies clearly distinguish between the two products so it is clear even as a gravelal ages that it is not a sandal. Many of these companies believe that following such regulation is too much work and instead do not produce gravelals at all, resulting in much of the population not being able to get gravelals which will likely be the cause of up to 14 accidents in the next 10 years. There are UN security and human rights meetings scheduled to address this issue in 2015 that will hopefully result in a productive change of SIR (Shoe-Identification Regulation).

Shaadow

Shaadow: noun. A shadow which is longer than twice the length of that, which it is the shadow of. Shaadows are common occurrences after 6 o'clock, if the sun is still up at that point. Something very rare is a moon shaadow, photographs of those are valued very highly and sold that prices close to $43,000. One must be very careful to not claim that something is a shaadow when in fact it isn't. There are severe punishments, which are implemented when something like that occurs.

Panga

Panga: noun. The word panga has many different meanings, some of which are listed below:

• A panda which has been born somewhere in the vicinity of the Ganges river. Specifically the panda has to have been born within 32.6443 fathoms of the Ganges river.
• Manga all the characters of which are either pandas or pans. However manga which feature only both pandas and pans cannot be called panga as that is a whole separate category of graphic novel.
• A special type of pan which is rectangular and is made specially so that only geese and cashews can be made in it. 

Baurble

Baurble: noun. A Christmas tree decoration made entirely of barbed wire. These decorations are very popular in Kentucky, especially in the Radcliff area. They are made carefully by even more carefully selected 54 year old middle-aged women, with a birth mark on their left thyroglossal cyst, who require special gloves made of anthracene. These gloves are very rare, which means that every year, only 256 and a 1/2 baurbles are made, and these are then shared among the people and horses of Kentucky.

Abasinate

Abasinate: verb. To blind by putting a hot tin basin near someone's eyes. Clearly this something that is done quite commonly, which is why it required a word of its own to describe this action. The word was coined by the famous Cynewulf, who required the word for one of his poems, as it has fewer syllables than: "putting a hot tin basin near someone's eyes". Cynewulf's work is extremely influential, far past the effects and impact of this word, which has now entered common daily use. That is why Cynewulf and his work is recognised yearly on what is known as "Marmot Day".

Exasperaness

Exasperaness: noun. The description of the amount or description of exasperation or how exasperated and tired someone is. This word was created by Thomas Alva Edison, who in a moment of surprising clarity and brilliance and having stayed up for 53 hours straight, decided to use direct current, and later claimed that he had come up with the idea in a moment of extreme exasperaness. That is until Nikola Tesla came up with alternate current and Edison began to claim that he had had the idea in a moment of extreme exasperaness, but not of clarity, but confusion.

Abuntu

Abuntu: noun. A word for what can best be described as "human evilness". This is inherent in all people, but more obvious in some. Abuntu is well-known to the indigenous people of Transnistria, whose life goal is to eradicate the abuntu within them. There are many well known examples of people who embraced the abuntu within them, such as Victor von Doom, Dick Cheney, Lex Luthor and Granny Goodness.

Sempathy

Sempathy: noun. The capacity to recognise the emotions and feelings of other people and then understanding these emotions and feelings, potentially feeling the emotions and feelings along with the people. It is universally recognised that people who suffer from sempathy are at a great disadvantage to everyone else, as they get absolutely nothing done or achieve anything, because they spend their days feeling sorry for other people. Those foolish enough to see sempathy as an advantage have been publicly ridiculed and in some cases flogged.

Disputate

Disputate: verb. To cut off or separate an argument from a larger idea or text. One generally disputates when editing something, and removing that which is unnecessary. If one determines that an argument is out of place, then obviously the argument must be disputated. The first recorded case of a disputatation was in 1852 by Charles Darwin, when he disputated an argument from his upcoming book, which involved platypi and prehensile tailed porcupines.

Moronity

Moronity: noun. The property of being a moron. This can actually be measured with what is known as a “moronometer”. The basic unit for moronity is the duncere. Many new units have been made to measure moronity, but experts say that most of these are over 2 kilodunceres stupid. Alternative moronity units include: the idioter (π centidunceres), the stupiare (6.02*10²⁶ megadunceres), and the moronire (3 decidunceres). In 2006 a test was done on a group of young adults to try to find a correlation between level of moronity to severity of novumverbumquotidianadiagnostaphobia; this test used people with moronity ranging from 5cdn (centidunceres) to 14sp (stupiares), predictably this test revealed almost no correlation with a very slight indication that novumverbumquotidianadiagnostaphobia is inversely proportional to moronity.

Satisfieder

Satisfieder: adjective. The comparative form of the adjective satisfied. This word is often used when it is determined that a person isn't happier, but is satisfieder, which it has been confirmed by a team of highly educated specialists is not the same thing. The word was first used by the author Stephen King, when he learned that some of the changes he had made to the script of the comedy film "It" would be adapted into the actual movie.

Adentical

Adentical: adjective. Describing something which is not suitable in certain circumstances or in relation to something. This word is used to describe something, which is used but makes absolutely no sense, when it is used. For example in the sentence: "The icy beach was so arid.", the word "was" is clearly adentical, and should be replaced with something more suitable. This word was created by the Mexican painter Frida Kahlo, when she learnt of the word "apposite" and assumed that adentical was also a word that existed along with it.

Lichee

Lichee: noun. Lichee is a very common type of undead fruit in the underworld, usually eaten by liches. Although liches are the top consumers of lichee, this is not binding as lichees can also be eaten by zombies  and werewolves. Vampires, however, can not eat lichees since lichees are already dead and cannot be vampirised any further. In appearance, lichees resemble lychees, but according to aficionados, they taste far more "dead." 

Bizzare

Bizzare: adjective. As many hipster American businessmen would tell you, bizz is a very dandy way of saying "business" in a private sphere when wanting to sound very cool. However, Canadian businessmen have taken this expression even further by adding the "are" at the end to lend the word a meaning of "something so bizzy that it´s like... far out, dude." The term bizzare is often used in the maple syrup industry to denote a business that is truly hip and very swag; # yolo. 

Phloemboyant

Phloemboyant: adjective. Describing someone who is very out-going and easily attracts attention, but in an odd or disgusting manner; either by performing odd tricks (strange body contortions), bad humour (disgusting jokes) or by doing things which are considered rude or gross in public (nail-biting). The term was originally used by German playwright and poet Friedrich Schiller, to describe the way in which his friend Johann Wolfgang von Goethe entertained his guests.

Calvanisation

Calvanisation: noun. As opposed to galvanisation, which is the coating of steel or iron with a layer of zinc to prevent rusting, Calvanisation is the process of coating a Calvinist with this material to prevent them from moving. As Calvinists are known for often succumbing to Calvisignation (resigning on life because of the belief that their future has already been determined), some of them have officially started sponsoring other Calvinists to give up on life and - as suicide is deemed wrong - purchase a cocoon in which to reside until death.   

Entrotopic

Entrotopic: adjective. Describing something which is in the middle of two topics in a discussion or argument. Very often people introduce a type of filler, while people are organising their ideas and thoughts, and this is known as the entrotopic. It was originally used in the famous discussion of 1890 between Nikola Tesla and Thomas Alva Edison, where they were discussing their favourite fruits and vegetables. They both managed to agree that celery was the best vegetable, but after an entrotopic, they could not agree on the best fruit. Tesla wanted the kumquat, while Edison was greatly in favour of the passion fruit. Their inability to resolve their differences led to their break up and ceasing of cooperation.

Beforemath

Beforemath: noun. Beforemath is the opposite of aftermath - the word describes the consequences of an occurrence that hasn't happened yet. Although one may think that beforemath would be quite difficult to encounter, it may in fact be ubiquitous. Recent discoveries in the field of physics have proved that there are certain particles that move faster than light. The sometimes accepted conclusion from that, based on Einstein's assumptions, would be that these particles are moving against the flow of time and as such, their movement through the fourth dimension is beforemath, as the thing that caused them to do so is still hanging in the future somewhere. The fact that this phenomenon can be observed appears to disprove the assumption that anything faster than light goes back in time, but theoretical physicists - detached from the real world as they are - seem to take no notice.

Afternight

Afternight: noun. An alternate name for the morning, which is popular on the Isle of Man, as well as Guernsey. In fact, there has been a long on going debate between the islands of Guernsey and Jersey, where the people of the island of Jersey mock the inhabitants of Jersey for their silly usage of the word. It is also important to distinguish between the ways the the word is used on the Isle of Man and on Guernsey. On the Isle of Man the word is only used, if it is currently that time of day when the sentence is being spoken.  In other words you can only use it in the morning. However on Guernsey, it is the other way around, the word can only be used, when it isn't morning. The problem that arises, is that the Isle of Man and Guernsey, do not have the word "morning" and so during the morning on Guernsey, the morning is simply not referred to in the morning, and vice versa on the Isle of Man.

Suckerfish

Suckerfish: noun. Suckerfish is the official term newly recognised by all countries of the commonwealth and the USA, encompassing the Genuses ancistrus, beaufortia, echeneis and all other fish whose main identifying trait is the fact that they suck on things. In order to prevent confusion, the Union of Fish Integrity has put together the following dichotomous key to identify a true suckerfish.

Is the species concerned a fish?
Does this species spend most of its time glued to an object by its mouth?
Is this species whiskerless? 
Does this fish appear too lazy to swim?
If you have answered yes to all of these questions, the fish you have just identified truly is a suckerfish or a Ukrainian politician.

EUphoria

EUphoria: noun. EUphoria, read "ee-yoo-fough-ree-a," is the ecstatic joy (a step up from upbeat joy and a step down from rapturous joy) of being admitted, or at any rate considering being admitted, into the European Union. One can also feel EUphoria just from taking part in the European Union, although that feeling is quite rare. The recent occurrences in Ukraine, for example, are a perfect illustration of EUphoria, since the opposition is so infatuated and frenzied with the idea of being admitted into the European Union, that its supporters decided to break through the police barricade with a bulldozer and ride into parliament on it. Another example of EUphoria is when the Greek minister of finances found out that the EU was going to bail it out of debt with a loan of 34.4 billion euros. Who wouldn't be EUphoric at that...