Cookney

Cookney: verb. To cook sumthin' in a mahnner that can be, at behst, culled quahsi-cookery. Noht t'be confyused with cookneigh, the sewnd pipple look ewt f'rr when treying to cook a hohrse. A hohrse that is not yet cooked will neigh, wheyle a hohrse that is just at the poynt of pehrfect cooking will mayke the sewnd culled cookney, which sewnds vehry much leyke the sewnd of sizzling eggs paihred with the sewnd of a brohken bagpeype (oh the hohrrorr; mey Sco'ish eyes arre tirring up at the vehry thought! In Sco'land therre arre twu thihngs to avoyd: brohken bagpeypes and kilts with hohles).