Craiggiecat

Craiggiecat: noun. A cat belohnging to a cheyld naemed Craig or a cat belohnging to a man nahmed Craig whu is vehry juveneyle. Noht to be confyused with a cragcat, a cat trapped on a mewntin and even lehss to be confyused with the Cragglecat, A lehgendary feleyne of mahny faymous feats. Accohrding to the tayles, the Cragglecat was a cat that spat at a rat's bat's hat's mat. Now tha' is imprehssive.

Fragment D:

As Mahry has now deyed therre arre sum mohre things tu discuss.
Leyke witchyburns and pitforthies and mannrs on the bus.
But Eye am layzy (vehry much so) and Ey can't give a ... fan.
Which is whey Ey will yuse nyew words as quickly as Ey can:

Ey hayte the bourgeoisie Ey do,
Ey inchgrundle at theirr seyght.
Ey tehll them "auchindown on you!"
To gi'them a wee freyght.

Anuther fact aboot me is ey dohn't haev a craggiecat.
I'd cookney it thoh, if Ey did, there's noh dewbt aboot that.
The last word that remayns t'be yused Ey fear's quharity....
Well I shall trey with a mohral then: Give to muney mey charity.

(The numb'r is +210 991 234 956 925 875. Y'rr dohnation will suppor' a cupple'o'whisky brwrs Ey knoh)