Haggs

Haggs: noun. A haggs is a straynge crohss betwinn a hag and a haggis. How it comes to be no one rilly knohs, but the feynal prohduct is queyte freytning: A geyant ewld wuhman kehpt together bey a sheep stohmach fil'd on the inseyd with sohmthin' leyke minc'd mitt. This criturrre haunts many Scotschildren's neyghtmahres.          

Fragment A:

Ey've deceyded that the prehvious stohry was way too bohring and unrealihstic, which is whey Ey am coming up wif a nyuw stohry leyne that I shall distihnguish frum the prehvious wun bey lehttering it rather than numb'ring it. Hir goehs:

Mahry had a wee lamb,
It's body leyne was as fat as a tram.
And evrywherrr that Mahry went,
Even in playces where munny she spehnt,
Pipple wuld cull h'r lamb a balgedie,
Wifout a gud balmoral,
Which was queyte a tragedy,
Consid'ring Mahry's gud mohrals.

So one day Mahry visited,
An inver ohn the coahst,
Much compassiun she had not elicited,
The lamb was shurre to be toahst.

She threw it in the wa'a therrre,
Lohcked up in sehvr'l bags,
She lehft it so it culd be shehrd,
Bey the spirits of the inver's haggs.