Mechuggun

Mechuggun: noun. A mechuggun is a firing weapon used to target insane people or insane animals. During the relatively recent mad cow epidemic, mechugguns were used to shoot laughing gas at cows, making them seem even more insane than they already were. This expedited the process of getting compensation from the state, as some relief programmes involved distributing monetary 'refunds' proportionate to the perceived insanity of the cow. Entire committees dedicated to determining compensation were thus fooled, leading to the bankruptcy of several British villages.    

Indianer

Indianer: adjective. To be Indianer is to have more characteristics associated with Indians than another person. The word is a bone of contention for many Indians, as those inland claim to be Indianer than those on the borders and on the coast, owing to their geographical position in the "heart of India." As well as this, many Native Americans calling themselves Indians resent the argument amongst Indian Indians, claiming that they themselves are Indianest - the reason for which is not quite clear.

Tennisy

Tennisy: adjective. To be similar to tennis. The word can be used in sentences such as the following, found in Encyclopaedia Athletica: "Sports using racquets, such as squash, badminton and racquetball are all remarkably tennisy. Other sports in which objects are used to hit balls, such as cricket, croquet and billiards, are somewhat less tennisy but still more tennisy than sports in which balls are handled without objects to hit them with (football, basketball and rugby). The least tennisy sports are the ones in which balls are not used at all, such as judo, darts or chess and even less tennisy than these sports is everything other than sport. But for those who do not like sport, there is sport."

Kentuckyucky

Kentuckyucky: adjective. To be kentuckyucky is to be similar to Kentucky, in the same way that to be kentucky is to be similar to Kent. The US states all vary in their levels of kentuckyuckiness with Kentucky being the obvious leader in this area and Tennessee being a relatively close second.

Illinoise

Illinoise: noun. An illinoise is a sound that makes people feel sick or somehow unpleasant. What is or isn't an illinoise varies from person to person, as people have different tastes in tones as well as their amplitudes. Thus, whilst some people find cacophonous accords unpleasant to the point of being illinoises to them, others willingly pay to see the live version of American Idol.

Ohigho

Ohigho: noun. An ohigho is something high in the middle and round on both ends, such as not Ohio. Something that qualifies as an ohigho is a monster truck from side view or an anaconda that is defecating a bowling ball, eating another one and trying to digest a vertically positioned tree.

Verimont

Verimont: adjective. The word verimont is used to describe something very mountainous, for example Nepal or Austria. There are multiple ways to determine whether an area is verimont, as opposed to not so mountainous and not mountainous at all. One of these is simply counting up the number of mountains in a given area, but that is largely deemed a very lazy method by most geographers. The preferred method of measuring how verimont an area is is dividing the number of mountains by the extent of the area itself. The only weakness of such definition is that a number of geographers don't know the difference between a mountain and a hill.    

Vampsheer

Vampsheer: verb. To vampsheer is to harvest the canine teeth of a vampire, usually by sawing them off. Whereas in the past, vampsheering was a precaution ensuring that vampires would not be able to suck the blood out of people, modern mass-production has made it possible to keep vampires in pens and vampsheer them about twice per year. Vampire enamel can reach up to one US dollar per kilogram and is often used to make those little thingies on the ends of shoelaces. 

Mainia

Mainia: noun. Mainia is a medical term for abnormally elevated arousal levels owing to the awesomeness of Maine. Maine is the Northernmost part of New England and, as any truly patriotic American would tell you, it borders on nothing and more nothing up until the North Pole where Santa Claus lives. Such proximity to eternal Christmas, of course, naturally predisposes individuals to Mainia. 

Chusette

Chusette: noun. A chusette is the female equivalent of a chuser, an archaic version of the modern word "chooser" - someone who has the power to choose or someone who unnecessarily prolongs the process of choosing. According to new historical evidence, the name Massachusetts derives from a very unlikely but possible sequence of events related to this word. When John Smith was saved by Pocahontas from being killed in 1607, one of Smith's comrades built a memorial bearing the words "To Pocahontas, the massive chusette" in reference to Pocahontas' unclear affections towards men and her race in general. However, during the 1608 flood in the area of Virginia, part of the stone with the engraving "massive chusette" was carried by torrents of water all the way to Plymouth where it was found in 1620 by an unknown pilgrim and mistakenly taken to be the name of the area. The pilgrims, religious as they were, did not question the origins of the writing, as they were convinced that God himself gave them the land and decided to name it "Massive Chusette" in his everlasting wisdom.  

Rhodeo

Rhodeo: noun. The rhodeo (which fittingly originated in Pennsylvania, which is right next to New York, which is right next to Connecticut, which is right next to Rhode Island) is a game of uncertain etymology. The game consists of jumping on the back of a Rhodesian ridgeback and spanking it with the palm of one's hand for as long as possible until the ridgeback shakes its rider off. Despite the sentiments of the authors of this blog, the rhodeo has been criticised more often for the unfairness of its rules than for the blatant animal abuse it entails. This is because only one Rhodesian ridgeback is used for the entire competition and thus wears out completely by the time the third contestant mounts it. This is why the highest level of the podium for the winners is extremely wide so as to house everyone who went after the second contestant, with the first and second contestants usually ranking second and third, irrespectively.  

Connectacut

Connectacut: verb. To slash, rip or tear someone or something in a way that connects cuts, rips or tears incurred at an earlier time. For example, if a rug is torn in two places and a dog bites at it until there is a ridge connecting the two torn tears, we can say that the dog has connectacut the rug. In a similar way, if a murderer stabs someone in the left hand and then in the right hand, he can connectacut his victim by tracing along the body with a sharp object in a fascinatingly lively game of "connect the dots."  

NY-hate

NY-hate: verb. To NY-hate is to despise and act in a spiteful manner towards the city of New York or anything directly associated with it. People who NY-hate are called NY-haters and the word itself can be pronounced either "En-why-hate" or "knee-hate." Overwhelmed by the massive propaganda in the form of t-shirts, caps and cups bearing the words "I love NY," people who have had a more negative experience of this city (me and my sister, for example) have been pushed towards the edge of society and convinced that there must be something profoundly wrong with their brains. Luckily, the internet age has enabled this minority to gain international recognition, leading to the WHO erasing NY-hatred from the list of psychological diseases in 2010 and elevating it to the status of a "remarkable genetic trait" in the year 2014.      

Pensinveinia

Pensinveinia: noun. Pensinveinia is the medical term for having pens or parts of pens in your veins. Doctors tend to distinguish between temporary pensinveinia (for example when a tattoo artist's hand slips and jabs a vein with ink) and long-term pensinveinia (for example when someone comes up to you and sticks a pen in your artery). Pensinveinia can be very dangerous, especially when the pen is inserted into the vein in its complete length, width and height, thus causing death.  The process is quite complicated, so we won't examine it at length; just take advice from the doctors we consulted and never write again.  

Gnujersey

Gnujersey: noun. A gnujersey is, contrary to popular belief, a type of warm attire worn by gnus. While at hearing the word, most people assume that a gnujersey is a jersey made of gnu skin, this is rather silly as gnu skin is not a good material and the word is consequently rendered useless. Gnus themselves, on the other hand, need jerseys for the cold mornings on the plains.

Deliwear

Deliwear: noun. The word deliwear has two common meanings:
1. The clothes one wears while in a delicatessen shop.
2. The wrappers on the products in a delicatessen shop.
While it would appear that the name Delaware has something to do with deliwear, the sound of these two words is a complete coincidence. In fact, the word deliwear is more closely related to the word delhiwear, the clothes one wears in Delhi.

Marryland

Marryland: verb. To marryland is, as the word indicates, to marry land. This word is usually meant to be taken in a strictly metaphorical sense, as demonstrated by a sentence found in The Complete Encyclopaedia on the Chechen Life by Bulat Bulataev. It states that a Chechen woman is, from the very day of her birth, locally marrylanded and subsequently expected to stay within ten kilometres of her village for the rest of her life.This word is not to be confused with the noun merryland, which denotes a land with a high percentage of happy people, i.e. not Chechnya.

Huhwhy

Huhwhy: interjection. The word huhwhy is a contraction of the words "huh" and "why" and is usually followed by one question mark and one exclamation mark. Used to express surprise and bewilderment, the word huhwhy is where the name of Hawaii comes from. According to sources whose anonymity we are legally bound to protect, the name stuck following a conversation of the first white colonist with a Hawaiian tribal leader. This conversation has been reconstructed by the US department of culture and can be found here:

Tribal leader: Here, we worship the gods of the volcano.

Colonist: Huhwhy?!

Tribal leader: Because they are the ones hold the power to destroy us.

Colonist: Huhwhy?!

Tribal leader: Because our country is found on a tectonic plate passing over plumes of heightened volcanic activity (which are also known as hot spots) and the rising magma from beneath the earth's crust often bursts through, thus forming a volcano with gently sloping sides, as opposed to Plinian volcanoes which are cone shaped and occur on destructive plate boundaries.

Colonist: Huhwhy?!  

Tribal leader: Nevermind. Would you like to ride a plank of wood on the top of twenty feet tall waves?

Lasker

Lasker: verb. To lasker is to dance in order to get warm. Similar to the tarantella, the lasker is the name for the dance done by laskerers while laskering, the conjugations for this action being "I lasker, you lasker, he/she/it laskers, we laskeren, you laskeren, they laskeren." Devised in the north of Alaska on a cold winter evening in 1969, the lasker is in three-four time signature and is usually played prestissimo.

Merecat

Merecat: noun. A merecat is only a cat. Do not worry, it is a mere cat. It is not a meerkat, but a merecat and it does not usually stand on its hind legs. Truly, I say to you, merecats are not meerkats and woe be to him who says otherwise, for he doth defy the holy covenant between felines and suricates. Where were we?

Backmammon

Backmammon: noun. A backmammon is someone who hoards parts of the game backgammon and not, as popular belief has it, people's backs. Within the game itself, backmammons attempt to collect both their own pieces as well as the pieces of their opponents, often tipping the game against themselves by doing the latter first. The only accepted form of backmammony within the official rules of the game is revelling in the collection of game pieces that are not on the board anymore. Outside the game, backmammons collect backgammon sets or the parts thereof and put them around their house in prominent places.  

Asfixia

Asfixia: noun. The medical term for inability to fix things. It is customary to distinguish between physical and psychological asfixia. Physical asfixia is when a creature has no means to fix a particular problem. For example, people suffering from haemophilia have physical asfixia in regard to their blood not clotting. Psychological asfixia is when a creature has the means to fix a particular problem, but is mentally unable to do so. For example, some psychologists argue that Jehovah's Witnesses have psychological asfixia in regard to blood transfusion as a method of saving lives.    

πRomania

πRomania: noun.  The word πRomania has several commonly used meanings, the most frequent of which, as indicated by a survey filled in with the help of a minstrel and a wee white bunny, are the following:
1. Half the circumference of Romania. That is to say, one half of Romania's circumference, no more no less. Three quarters are too many, while one third is too little, excepting that it is part of the half already. Five sixths are far out.  
2. Immolating round objects. Usually, such phenomena are indicators of the violence inherent in a largely autocratic system and do not occur in anarcho-syndicalist communes.  
3. A constant urge to set fire to Romania.

Inflamingate

Inflamingate: verb. The word inflamingate is perhaps the most misused word of all time. Some use it to denote the inflammation of a particular object using a flamingo. Some use it to describe the inflammation of the flamingo itself. Some even go as far as using the word as a preposition, the meaning of which is either meant to be "inside a flamingo in a gate" or "inside a flaming gate." However, the real meaning of the word inflamingate is to emulate the behaviour of a flamingo. Inflamingating is to flamingos what impersonating is to humans, with the sole exception that flamingos do not shoot each other to death with automatic rifles and seldom eat rotten fish. 

Mishappen

Mishappen: verb. To mishappen is to happen in a wrong, bad or unplannedly negative fashion. The word can be used in sentences like "the fireworks mishappened; they did not want to go off and when dad came to relight them, they exploded in his face." It is also very useful for commenting on the political status of quite a few countries, for example: "Despite high hopes, democracy mishappened in Russia following the year 1991." 

Unplannedly

Unplannedly: adverb. The word unplannedly is the adverb derived from the more commonly used adjective "unplanned." It can be used in sentences such as "the authors of this blog unplannedly came up with this word whilst writing tomorrow's post." The word unplannedly is synonymous with the words "inadvertently," "unintentionally," or "unwittingly," but covers a somewhat larger scope in meaning, as exemplified by the previous sentence which would convey a slightly different message if the word unplannedly was replaced by any of these.  

Swaglish

Swaglish: noun. Contrary to popular belief, Swaglish is not an amalgam of English and Swahili. Nor is it a language spoken exclusively by hipsters with a lot of swag. In fact, Swaglish is a combination of the two: A hip and trendy cross between English and Swahili used by very cool people (to whose coolness the creators of this blog can only look up to with their mouths wide at a 45 degree angle). An example of Swaglish in a conversation is the following:

"Habari gani?"
"Very njema"
"So yesterday usiku was gani?"
"Oh, like, sooo nzuri."
"I nahitaji to talk nawe 'bout the big habari: my dada's gettin' married."
Notice that the second speaker does not confuse "dada" for a hip and trendy word for "father" and correctly assumes that it refers to the first speaker's sister.
"Well it was 'bout nafasi. She's almost ishirini na tano - that's almost menopause!"
The conversation very appropriately ends here, as the first speaker is duly offended and leaves.  

Postsident

Postsident: noun. A democratically elected leader of a country which no longer exists. To be a postsident, one can be elected as a president and then lose the country one was elected in, or one can be directly elected as a postsident (though no one is quite sure what that might be good for). An example of a postsident was Edvard Beneš who, after the Nazis invaded Czechoslovakia, fled to Britain where he headed a government in exile and was incorrectly addressed by everyone as 'president.'

YOLAMTAITYTAN

YOLAMTAITYTAN: noun. A Hindu, Jain and Buddhist life philosophy founded on the teaching "You Only Live As Many Times As It Takes You To Achieve Nirvana." Being an Asian rendition of the Western YOLO (You Only Live Once), the philosophy of YOLAMTAITYTAN teaches that we should live our lives to the fullest, as there is a limit to how many lives we will receive. The only difference to the idea of YOLO is that YOLAMTAITYTAN stresses the importance of a second chance based on the assumption that an unfulfilled person will reincarnate over and over again until he or she is fulfilled and achieves Nirvana.

Cobaltic

Cobaltic: noun. A country other than Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania that has a shore on the Baltic sea. With the term "Baltic State" confiscated and rabidly protected by the Estonians, Latvians and Lithuanians, other countries with Baltic shores have come up with the term Cobaltic to distinguish their individuality. The Cobaltic States are Finland, Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Poland and Russia.

Cobalt

Cobalt: noun. A new and popular music style created by the synthesis of blues and heavy metal. With the trademark characteristics of strong rhythm, a melancholic vibe, screeching singers and devil-worship, Cobalt is very popular among depressed rebelling teenagers who want to show their parents their discontent in a slightly more moderated way than by becoming full-fledged heavy metal listeners with faces of devils tattooed on their bums.