Spermanent

Spermanent: adjective. Something that results from sperm and is permanent, such as stains, babies, and ruined political careers. The word and its adverbial form was popularised by a 1990s US sexual education video, which involved an ostensibly ‘hip’ man in a tracksuit preaching abstinence to teenagers. Towards the end of the video, the man pauses in his rapping, looks at the camera and says with a knowing smile that sex is bad because “babies are spermanent,” following the joke with an uncomfortably long wink and nod. The man was later identified as the famous foot model Pedro de Pedmonte, whose life goal since the 1990s has been to erase this embarrassing episode from his haunted memory. 

Woktheist

Woktheist: noun. Someone who worships woks, not to be confused with a ‘pantheist,’ someone who worships pans. What? You don’t like this word? You think it’s stupid? You think it requires very little skill to come up with a pun like this? Ok, look, I know my pun game hasn’t been that good lately and, well the truth is, I’ve just been going through a rough patch. My cat dumped me, I started drinking… it got so bad, I started waking up on other people’s couches… I don’t even know how I got there… once, I woke up next to a drag queen called Cassandra who said I slept with him – her – but I don’t believe it… I went to rehab and when I got back, my cat was back at my house with a weed habit… I took her back in out of the goodness of my heart and you know what happened? The bitch left me and took all of the money I was saving for that new tomato sauce they’re offering at Wallmart – no, not Walmart, I mean Wallmart; you know, that cheap Polish knockoff version? Forget it. Anyway, no, would you stop thinking about today’s word? I know, it’s stupid! Yes, yes it was meant to be a pun. Ok stop, I feel really embarrassed about this already, you don’t have to make it worse.  

Cannonical

Cannonical: adjective. Something inside a cannon. That’s it. That’s all we got. Look, will you appreciate the pun at face value or do you want a lengthy explanation of it? I honestly don’t know what people expect. Look, it’s funny, ok? Just supply the rest with your imagination. Think of all the ways you can misuse the word. No? Ok. God is this a thankless job. 

Gourdmet

Gourdmet: noun. A connoisseur of good gourds. Contrary to popular belief, gourdmets do not evaluate just the culinary qualities of gourds. While most gourdmets do specialise in this area, there are numerous gourdmets who evaluate gourds in relation to their other uses, for example qua jewellery, kitchen utensils, and musical instruments. Professional gourdmets in these areas can gage the qualities of a gourd by touching it, poking it, sometimes even by tasting it, though forms of contactless gourd-evaluation, such as smelling and sonography, are preferred.

Selbstie

Selbstie: noun. The word selbstie was developed by the Organisation gegen die Anglifizierung der deutschen Sprache (OGDADDS), also known by its English name and acronym: Organisation against the Anglification of the German Language (OATAOTGL). Meant as a purely German substitute for the English word ‘selfie,’ the word selbstie soon came under ridicule among Husserlian phenomenologists, who drew parallels between the word selbstie and Husserl’s exclamation “zur Sache selbst!”, a frustrated attempt to transcend the limitations of the subject and behold the object in and of itself. For Husserlians, a selbstie is an oxymoron, as a picture is about as far away from “die Sache selbst” as can be. For the same reason, the humiliated OGDADDS rejected a subsequent proposal to call selfies dingies, as a similarly vituperative Kantian response on account of the “Ding an sich” was expected. 

Unistance

Unistance: noun. A way of measuring the one-dimensional equivalent of distance. Some have argued that the very concept of unistance is pointless and, understanding no mathematics at all, the authors of this blog have to agree with this quite candid assessment. 

Hydrargumnal

Hydrargumnal: adjective. The word hydrargumnal has several definitions, all of which are also definitions for the word ‘mercurial.’ There is no factual difference between the word hydrargumnal and the word ‘mercurial’ besides the fact that hydrargumnal is preferred by scientists and other snotty purists.

1.      Unpredictable and capricious, quick to change one’s mind.

2.      Containing mercury.

3.      Behaving like mercury.

Perhaps the only difference between the word hydrargumnal and the word ‘mercurial’ is that the word hydrargumnal can never be used to refer to the planet or god Mercury. 

Bitheist

Bitheist: noun. Someone who believes in two gods, no more, no fewer. Two is the number of gods a bitheist worships, and the number of gods worshipped by a bitheist is two. Bitheism is often confused with Manicheanism and other dualist theologies, such as Zoroastrianism, but bitheism is different from these in two ways. Firstly, it is not a religion; it is a belief rather than a system of beliefs, a belief which is shared by and not exclusive to a number of religions. Secondly, it does not prescribe dualism: Bitheism is defined strictly by belief in two gods. Whether these gods represent antithetical values is a further article of faith.

Armitimate

Armitimate: adjective. The word armitimate is an antonym to the word ‘legitimate’ and a synonym to ‘illegitimate.’ To be armitimate is to be unauthorised by law or, less commonly, to be born out of wedlock. The second of these meanings was actually the original. In ancient times, the idiom was that while legitimate successors were ‘born of the leg,’ that is to say, ‘born from between the legs,’ illegitimate successors were ‘born of the arm,’ that is to say, they were brought into the family in the hands of another woman. Some classicist scholars trace the origins of the word ‘legitimate’ to the story of Dionysus, who was incubated in Zeus’ thigh, and was thus ‘legitimately divine.’ Similarly, Oedipus was recognised as the son of Jocasta and Laius by his swollen feet, making him ‘legitimately incestuous.’ The word armitimate, the theory goes, was simply conjectured by later Anglophone scholars.  

Dipthong

Dipthong: noun. A dipthong is the sound made by dipping into a pool or another body of water while wearing a thong. Dipthongs vary to an enormous degree depending on a number of factors ranging from the speed of the dipping to the material and size of the thong itself. Research has shown that heterosexual males find female dipthongs 26% less attractive than risethongs, the sound made by rising out of a pool or another body of water while wearing a thong. Nevertheless, the same study found that heterosexual males find female dipthongs 501% more attractive than male dipthongs (the statistic was the exact reverse for homosexual males) and 4004% more attractive than male diptongs, the sound made by a male dipping into a pool or another body of water while wearing nothing but tongs.      

Dimultaneous

Dimultaneous: adjective. Happening at two different moments. The word dimultaneous is useful in a number of situations, for example in arguments with creationists, viz. the following sentence: "Archaeological evidence conclusively proves that the Jurassic and Jesus' life were dimultaneous." Alternatively, one could also use the adverbial form: "Archaeological evidence conclusively proves that the Jurassic and the life of Jesus happened dimultaneously."

Perpendicularism

Perpendicularism: noun. (In literature) the state of complete non-correspondence in meaning, grammar, metre, or any other literary device. Perpendicularisms are often used by authors for dramatic effect, for example in the story of the Little Red Riding Hood. The backstories of the two main characters, the Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf, contain a range of perpendicularisms. While the Little Red Riding Hood lives in a shack built of corrugated metal and comes from a broken family of eight children with a grandmother addicted to crack, the Big Bad Wolf is an only child born to rich wolf aristocracy, whose dead grandparents bequeathed to him two mansions at the edge of the forest. Growing up in these conditions teaches the Little Red Riding Hood complete self-abnegation: she remains a virgin until her death and never has a single taste of marmalade. Meanwhile, the only values the Big Bad Wolf develops are a firm belief in trickle down economics and social Darwinism, his sense of entitlement leading to rampant sexual desires and an odd old-lady fetish.

Extrospection

Extrospection: noun. Extrospection is the act of examining one's own outward appearance and behaviour. Without realising it, most if not all people extrospect themselves on a daily basis. The mere act of looking into a mirror is extrospection (that is, unless the given individual happens to be a vampire). Often, people also attempt to analyse how they themselves behave while, for example, interacting with other people. Consequently, people who are very extrospective in this regard are sometimes mistakenly called introspective, though admittedly, it is true that people who deem it important to extrospect their actions also tend to introspect their feelings. It is thus rare for an extrospective person not to be introspective and vice versa.

Oppositionalism

Oppositionalism: noun. The belief that the more opposition exists to an opinion, the more valid that opinion is. Oppositionalism is a widespread phenomenon especially among conspiracy theorists, who tend to believe that the opposition their views generate reveals that they have discovered a truth the establishment does not want the world to know. An oppositionalist will often question the motives of their opponents, a frequently cited example being that of vocal atheists. The oppositionalist claim is that if an atheist really did not believe in God, they would not try to convince other people of his inexistence. Hence, the real reason why atheists try to convince people not to believe in God is that they serve the Antichrist, the existence of whom validates one’s pre-existent belief in God.  

Pathology

Pathology: noun. The science of finding paths. There are various types of pathology, though the most important one by far is cartographic pathology, the prime representative of which are applications such as Google Maps. However, pathology is often conceived of in a more abstract manner, as a science of finding the right path in life. Thus understood, almost all philosophies and religions make pathological claims, i.e. philosophies and religions are pathological. 

Ruralism

Ruralism: noun. Belief in the superiority of the rural way of life. Ruralism often entails thinking that urban people are somehow disconnected from “real life,” and that jobs not involved in production or manufacture of goods are not real jobs. Ruralists tend to view themselves as the undiluted ideal of their region or country, with any departure from the rural way of life or thinking being an unpatriotic heresy. It is a popular opinion held within urban communities that many aspects of ruralist philosophy are adopted or maintained out of the mere desire to spite urban dwellers. Interestingly, ruralism is not exclusive to rural areas, as many urban dwellers tend to idealise, indeed even to fetishize, the country and the people living in it.

Petent

Petent: noun. A licence conferring the exclusive right to an invention relating to pets. Nearly 90% of all petents made since the year 2000 have been different flavours of doggy treats, including grass, snow, cat, caviar, coke, cocaine (for dogs in withdrawal), sake, mochi, asparagus, cherry, and the ever-popular fresh poo flavour. The remaining petents have largely been concentrated within the cat-scratcher industry, because scratching poles are boring and any real cat needs to scratch at varying heights, inclines, and curvatures. 

Remonsterate

Remonsterate: verb. To turn someone or something into a monster again, or, perhaps more typically, to restore their monstrous appearance. A wonderful example of remonsterance is when Una orders the disrobing of the false Duessa in Spenser’s Faerie Queene, exposing nether parts that would not be appropriate to show on daytime television. Contrary to popular belief, remonsterating does not have to involve someone else; one can remonsterate oneself, for example as a werewolf would (the voluntariness of such transformation being of little importance). 

Strodent

Strodent: noun. A strident rodent. A strodent is typically very loud and harsh-sounding, or supports controversial opinions aggressively. An example of a strodent is Nigel Farage. My first hamster was also a strodent. She was of the firm belief that the Americans had faked the moon landing and whenever I had friends over, she would argue with them vituperatively, eventually confusing her conspiracy theories and shouting “jet fuel can’t melt steel beams” at the top of her lungs. Needless to say, I didn’t have many friends growing up. 

Maline

Maline: verb. To draw a very bad line. Maths teachers, in particular, are very susceptible to malining, because despite the amount of practice they get drawing lines, the sheer number of lines they have to draw makes it extremely likely that they will make a mistake at some point. After an incidence of malinance, maths teachers typically disappear for great lengths of time, which they spend moping and eating ice cream out of the tub with their bare hands. Sometimes, in particularly severe cases, a teacher will not return to their school, and is spotted within some six months with a fake moustache and a nose job in Cuba.

Special Snowflake Syndrome Paradox

Special Snowflake Syndrome Paradox (SSSP). The seeming contradiction when a person derives a sense of uniqueness and superiority from criticising other people for purportedly thinking themselves unique and superior. 

Gayflakism

Gayflakism: The persistent and unshakable belief that LGBTQ people have an insatiable need for attention and that their efforts to achieve equal rights are in fact attempts at making the world acknowledge them as special snowflakes. People suffering from this misconception tend to have an insatiable need for attention themselves and try to fulfil it by airing their idiotic notions on the internet. 

Trale

Trale: noun. A trite tale. Trales are most often aired at annual family reunions, for example when your aunt Sue recounts yet another one of her shopping exploits during which she, through strategic use of coupons, made 12 quid, ending her story with a dull moral about not getting ripped off by big companies (dignity, no doubt, being a bourgeois concept invented to hold back the struggling proletariat). Or maybe you may think of your uncle James who tells yet another trale of his petty squabbles with local authorities, this time on being allowed to build a useless portico at the back of his house, the moral here being “well it’s my bleedin’ plot o’ land, innit!” 

Memenationophany

Memenationophany: noun. The realisation that the only remaining way one connects to the world and communicates with other people is through memes. Typically, one tends to have a memenationophany between the 70^th and 100^th time one tags a friend in a meme on Facebook, either without commentary, or with a very short one, such as “dis u.” Interestingly, only 20% of all people who report having gone through a memenationophany decide to do something about it, and only 40% of this number actually do. The vast majority simply accept their social awkwardness and proceed to tag a friend in yet another meme. 

Bigotrism

Bigotrism: The misguided belief that one’s politics are primarily determined by one’s attitudes towards the rights of racial and sexual minorities, and not by one’s socio-economic circumstances. People who suffer from bigotrism typically make few useful contributions to public debate, as most of their arguments are based on appeals to abstract issues that their opponents care very little about in the first place, such as basic human rights. Bigotrists tend not to realise the political implications of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs; they underestimate the need to appeal to one’s financial security before one’s compassion for other people.

Twit

Twit: verb. To post an idiotic tweet. People who twit are alternatively called twits and twitters, depending on how derogatory one intends to be. As with all things, it may seem that determining whether one is twitting or not is a highly subjective matter. Luckily, there is but one truth, and being an idiot is not a matter of opinion but of objective fact. 

Memephany

Memephany: noun. A sudden and important realisation about something to do with memes. The most common memephanies are that Pepe is read as “peh-pay” and not as “peep,” that the doge meme is much dead such six feet under wow, that Australia is an actual country and was not made up for the amusement of the European bourgeoisie, that socioeconomic stereotypes perpetuated by meme culture are surprisingly accurate, and that Donald Trump is not a meme but an actual person, and the president of the United States of America at that. 

Gnuisance

Gnuisance: noun. Someone or something annoying in the manner of gnus. A gnuisance makes annoying grunting sounds, smells, kicks, headbutts others, or has a silent g. Much talk has been dedicated to how to pronounce the word gnuisance. After some ten years, the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language decided that the word should be pronounced with a silent g, as that was deemed to be hilariously self-referential. The movement then briefly renamed itself to the Moovment for the Rash-n-lihzeyshun of thee Inglish Langwidge, but readopted its former name once it sobered up in the morning.    

Agnustic

Agnustic: noun. A person who is not sure gnus exist and refuses to take a definitive position on the topic. A common reason for agnusticism is lack of first-hand evidence counterweighed by access to plenty second-hand evidence. Conversely, some agnustics have plenty experience with gnus but embrace a form of Pyrrhonian Scepticism with regards to the world in general. The word agnostic should not be confused with the word agnoustics, the sonic capabilities of a gnu.  

Spiritsuality

Spiritsuality: noun. A proclivity for drinking alcohol. A person who practices spiritsuality is spiritsual and is often called a spiritsualist. My uncle is a self-proclaimed spiritsualist. Having grown up in times of deepest and darkest Communism, he turned to the only publicly accepted form of religion when he was but a teenager. My mum was close to becoming a spiritsualist, but decided that her genetic makeup was not too favourable to a safe sort of spiritsuality. My dad, on the other hand, is a spiritsualist only on Sundays, which is, lamentably, how most people treat religion these days. 

Discribe

Discribe: verb. The word discribe has two definitions, the former being by far the more popular one:

1.      To malign something or someone, usually but not necessarily in print.

2.      To stop a scribe from being a scribe. This can be done in numerous ways, for example by firing them and writing them a very bad review so that they are never hired again. Other popular discription methods include plaguing a scribe with deep existential questions about the value of their work, inducing writer’s block on them, or simply chopping their hands off.

Decomposter

Decomposter: noun. Someone who or something that destroys a compost. A compost is not necessarily destroyed through violent disruption. An irony of the compost is that it can be too good at being a compost, and consequently composts itself. Thus, it becomes its own decomposter. 

Outperator

Outperator: noun. Someone who specialises in removing things. Outperators separate into two groups: Firstly, those who merely change the location of the thing they are removing, for example by moving it outside from inside, and secondly, those who destroy the thing they are removing. The boundaries between the two categories are often flexible, so for example a garbage man may be referred to as the first kind of outperator insofar as he removes garbage from the garbage can, but he may also be referred to as the latter kind of outperator insofar as he brings the objects to be burnt, recycled, or composted. 

Neorxnawanker

Neorxnawanker: noun. Colloquially, a detestable inhabitant of Neorxnawang, the Anglo-Saxon version of heaven. A Neorxnawanker typically brings a lot of trouble, usually through daftness rather than malice. The term should not be confused with Neorxnawanger, the proper name for any citizen or permanent resident of Neorxnawang, though not for green-card holders or anyone applying on any sort of visa, be it a work-permit or a student visa (those wishing to study in Neorxnawang are hereby reminded to print their F-1, I-20, and I-94 documents before arrival or they will be turned away at the gate).

Carnipotent

Carnipotent: adjective. Powerful in the ways of meat. There are several ways in which a person can be conceived of as carnipotent. Firstly, one can have a powerful body, thus wielding great meaty power. Secondly, one can be strongly in control of one’s own body, by being agile. Thirdly, one can be in control of another’s body, for example by being a general in an army or by being a mind-controlling evil genius. Fourthly, one can simply own a lot of meat; a butcher is a classical example of carnipotence. The list goes on for ages and ages, but what is important to note is that carnipotence is most frequently contrasted with herbipotence (power in the ways of plants) and omnipotence (not the traditional concept of all-powerfulness, but simply power in the ways of both meat and plants).    

Duhknow

Duhknow: exclamation. This is an interjection used in a very specific situation. It is applicable, when one is undergoing a psychological test or experiment, where one is being presented with information and has to decide if it is something one 'knows' or one 'remembers'. If the answer is quite obviously that it is something one 'knows', then shouting Duhknow loudly and passionately is an appropriate response that definitely won't annoy the experimenter.

Duhno

Duhno: interjection. An exclamation used when a fact or statement to which the response is quite blatantly negative. Examples of questions to which this would be an appropriate response include: "Ok, sir/madam I'm finished how does this look? Should I cut a little more off the back?", " Excuse me sir/madam, do you have a moment to talk about Jesus Christ?" or "We don't have Coke, but would you like a Pepsi?"

Viend

Viend: noun. A person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, who is also from the city of Vienna, Austria. This can include an imaginary viend or real-life viend, as long as the mutual affection is present and they do indeed originate from Vienna. The rules of this are quite specific and people from villages closely surrounding Vienna or people displaying mutual admiration, but not affection may be fined $300,450 for their false claims of viendhood. 

Infurmation

Infurmation: noun. Facts provided or learned about fur. These can include the origin of the fur, the chemical composition of the fur, the nesting habits of the original owner of the fur, the genus, kingdom, family, species and phylum of the original owner of the fur, the license plate of the truck used to transport the fur, the highway from which the roadkill had been scraped, the states in which it's illegal to redistribute this fur, the number of Buddhist spiritual leaders who no longer respect you because of this fur, the number of floors the fur has lain on before it go to yours, how long shaving all of this will take, what the likelihood that the fur will catch on fire is, why you can't feed this fur to koalas between the ages of 3 and 17 months, who Edward Furlong is, and so much more.

Cardbored

Cardbored: adjective. Feeling so weary and impatient because one is unoccupied or lacks interest in one's current activity, that even an unlimited amount of cardboard would not alleviate the lethargy and disinterest. This is by some considered a diagnosable condition and should be addressed with carefully managed treatment, while others argue that you just have to "go outside".

Haeven

Haeven: noun. An inlet providing shelter for skyships or skyboats. They are usually ideal locations to hide from marauding skypirates. It is said that an opportune haeven may be more beneficial to a skysailor than a fine westerly wind. There is a rumour that the infamous pirate Cloudbeard hid his great treasure between two of his favourite haevens, but unfortunately the location of those has been lost to the winds of time.

Somechotomy

Somechotomy: noun. 
1. A division of something into multiple parts, where the number of constituent parts is uncertain. This is often applicable, when the number of constituents is too large to be countable, such as when a plate shatters, or when the number of parts is in flux, such as the images on a broken monitor.
2. An exclamation used when the division of something into parts is highly significant or impressive; usually used in the phrase "That's somechotomy!"

Elogy

Elogy: noun. A poem of serious reflection, which praises someone or something highly, often used to commemorate the achievements of a recently deceased individual. Elogies are the often ignored member of the trio composed of itself, elegies and eulogies. This fact may be due to the fact that they are often the most difficult of the three to create, due to the emotional discord or dichotomy they can create, as well as the pure skill required to execute them successfully.

Bouleward

Bouleward: noun. A small street, usually consisting of only two lanes, which has been assigned to a larger road, at least four lanes, so that it may learn the proper avenue-ways, so that it may one day become a great lane in its own right and may even aspire to become a highway. A boulewardship for drives usually lasts around 6 years, depending on various factors, such as the economic stability of the neighbourhood and testosterone levels of nearby residents.

Ruminomitor

Ruminomitor: noun. A device that measures the process of chewing cud and overthinking. Every ruminomitor has a feature, where you can set the limit on what is excessive ruminating, and when such a level is reached, the device either administers a strong electric shock or hurls a bowling ball in your general direction, depending on which model you've invested in.

Summ

Summ: adjective. Describing warm and pleasant weather usually accompanied by cloudless skies and warm pleasant winds with occasional powerful storms. It is also an archaic term for the weather of May, although the word was coined in 1919, it was declared archaic by the WORLD WORD COUNCIL® in 1920, one of the last acts of the council before it was disbanded by a young Prince Philip.

Wint

Wint: adjective. Describing cold and unpleasant weather, usually accompanied by snow or sleet/hail and oftentimes strong and biting winds. Also an archaic term used to describe the weather in November. Antonym of the word 'summ'. First cited in a poem written by Bede that has now been lost, but a record of the word being used in that poem had been found in a early 16th century glossary found in a dusty cupboard in Gonville & Caius College, Cambridge, which later burned down in 1854 in a unusual fire constrained solely to said dusty cupboard, from which the book hadn't been moved for some reason.

Frostbite

Frostbite: noun. A bite from the American poet Robert Frost, which causes poetism. A person that receives a frostbite will over time (roughly 3 fortnights) turn into an intolerable, self-satisfied maniac obsessed with trees and dark forests, who constantly carries around loose sheafs of paper covered in incomprehensible scribblings. Cures for the effects of frostbite include drinking Emily Dickinson's tears or wearing Lord Byron's underwear (preferably clean).

Bjenga

Bjenga: noun. A social board game, which involves stacking cardboard boxes, cartons, juice boxes and other assorted rubbish on top of a bin, so as to avoid having to take trash out. Perks of the game include the lack of any additional cost, once you have acquired a bin, and the various skills that are improved during the game, such as spatial awareness, patience, tolerance and time management.
Note: The 'b' is silent.

Misconception

Misconception: noun. An attempt at the initiation of pregnancy, where an egg and a sperm attempt to form a union, but are unable to do so for one of a variety of potential reasons. These reasons can include plain refusal by the egg to participate, the weakness of the sperm cell after its long and arduous journey, lack of self-esteem on the sperm cell's part, or quite simply Jupiter not being in Scorpio.

Responsibillity

Responsibillity: noun. The state or fact of having the duty to deal with and be accountable for bills. Responsibillity is one of the most hotly debated topics in a student house share, as well as in private meetings between Finance ministers and the CEOs of companies they technically definitely don't own. It also goes hand in hand with 'accountability', which we hope is self explanatory.

Nunawhat

Nunawhat: exclamation. A popular phrase expressing confusion often uttered in the northern reaches of Canada. Depending on the intonation the speaker places on the word, it can denote a variety of emotions, however as mentioned it is usually associated with a question mark, an upward intonation and the emotion of confusion. NUNAWHAT?

Cclluubb

Cclluubb: noun. (Pronounced exactly the same as the word 'club') An association or organisation dedicated to people interested in heavy sticks with a thick end, particularly ones used as weapons. The only known cclluubb in the world can be found in Baker Lake, Nunavut, Canada and has given rise to such jokes as "A seal walks into a cclluubb..."

Antiantiism

Antiantiism: noun. The philosophical movement opposed to the idea of the prefix 'anti-' and its uses in vocabulary. The movement was initiated by John Locke in an effort to rid the English language of unnecessary negativity and pessimism. Locke suggested that all words that utilised the preposition 'anti-' were being unnecessarily depressing, as the same idea could be expressed by saying 'opposed to x', rather than 'anti-x'. To be fair, he may have had a point.

Wallet

Wallet: noun. A little pocket or shelf in a wall. This word has been used by masons for centuries, but was only recently added to regular everyday parlance. There was some concern about this introduction into everyday speech, as some suggested that it could lead to the extinction of the word 'nook', however they were reassured by the idea that the phrase 'nooks and crannies' would keep the word alive and well.

Fabrick

Fabrick: noun. Another word for wall. This word was created as part of the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language, where the members attempted to make all semantically related words, also be related structurally. Unsurprisingly, this did not get very far, but fabrick, was one of the few words that potentially seemed like it could actually catch on, given enough time.

Searies

Searies: noun. A number of things of a similar kind coming one after another and relating to one of the following:
1. The sea. For example a series of documentaries about marine animals could be defined as a searies. A series of books about why water is a conspiracy and the seas and oceans aren't actually real would also be considered a searies.
2. Searing. Several articles about particularly strong chilis, lava, the latest pop hits, the surface of Mercury, the boiling point of titanium and my mixtape, would all be considered searies. 
3. Anything scathing or apathetic. For example, several consecutive blogposts, which all seem to be linked by the theme of apathy could be considered a searies.

You-th

You-th: noun. The apparent vitality and young-ness of all those around you, even if they're older than you, after a particularly long and exhausting day/week/month/year/life. In 2020, the editors of the DSM shall discuss whether to add you-th to the list of causes of depression. You-th is most commonly identified by a particularly strong disregard for anyone too energetic or happy about their own lives, but importantly, this feeling has to be stronger than it is on 'normal' days.

Sadbundence

Sadbundence: noun. A phenomenon observed by George Carlin amongst the general English-speaking populace and its vocabulary, of the incredible number of words to describe various aspects of apathy, depression, sadness, agony, acedia, sloth, lethargy, torpor, fatigue, hebetude, inanition, languor, indolence, lassitude, weariness and similar.

Langwish

Langwish: verb. To desire to lose all energy and vitality and simply turn into a pile of dust, because that would be easier than dealing with all of the stressful adult-like things that one has to do in life. Everyone langwishes at least a few times in their life, however very few people have actually gone through with their desire. On the Eeyore scale of Apathy, langwishing is scored just above ennui, but below languor.

Memery

Memery: noun. A special storage space in the brains of people born after 1990 dedicated entirely to the storage and maintenance of memes, most commonly internet memes in the forms of gifs. The main purpose of the memery, is to be able to, at any given time produce a meme appropriate for the current situation or fitting the topic of discussion. Some people's memeries are much better developed than others', this is however based entirely on practice and usage of one's memery. Those who utilise them more frequently have been shown to have a much larger and versatile memery. 

Techish

Techish: noun. The language spoken by stage technicians all over the world. Even if two techies do not share the same native language, through the power of techish, they can still communicate enough to be able to successfully run and manage a production. Unfortunately, not enough research has gone into techish, to understand how exactly this can happen, but the phenomenon is well documented, as early as from the first stagings of Mozart's Don Giovanni, where the Austrian and Czech techies somehow managed to cooperate despite not speaking each other's languages whatsoever.

Posthumorous

Posthumourous, alt. American English spelling posthumorous : adjective. Describing something which becomes funny with the death of the originator, or describing something funny, which is only found or understood after the death of the originator. For example, the book titled 'The Complete Book of Running', which emphasised the health benefits of jogging, was only imbued with a sense of irony after the author Jim Fixx died of a heart attack at the age of 52, while jogging.

Explinate

Explinate: verb. To explain an explication or explicate an explanation. Linguists have offered this as an explanation for what occurs when people go off on a tangent, that's unrelated to what they were originally talking about. Much study has been devoted to the phenomenon of conversational tangents, and so far this is the only explanation that hasn't been disproved by further research. The basic idea is that, a person will postulate an explanation or idea that links two other ideas, but will feel that this isn't sufficiently explained or will subconsciously feel that that train of thought is more interesting, so will instead choose to explinate, leading to the tangent.

Flatflatmate

Flatflatmate: noun. A person who shares an apartment with others and also happens to be two-dimensional. Flatflatmates are becoming increasingly rare in modern times, probably due to the access to instant gratification and feedback provided by social media, leading to a decrease in two-dimensional characters.

Clerkinwell

Clerkinwell: phrase, slang. This piece of late 19th century slang is fairly easy to explain. Many clerks, whether it be law or store, could be found in Victorian England and to many of these, their profession was so key to defining their identity, that when asked how their day had been, they would customarily reply: "Clerkinwell!" 

Hacknee

Hacknee: noun. A knee with pain that has been caused by overuse. Hacknees are most common amongst footballers, bouncers, seamstresses and anyone who has visited the Burj Dubai when the elevators weren't working. The malady was first identified by famed physician Elizabeth Blackwell, and attesting to the greatness of her life, this discovery was one of the least impressive feats of her career.

Shoreditch

Shoreditch: verb. 
1. To pretend that coastlines don't exist and neither do seas or oceans. Some people believe that this is a diagnosable mental disorder, but this has never been confirmed. An example of the use of this word in such a sense is: "'What happened to our inflatable walrus?' 'I shoreditched it away.'"
2. To throw people who are too confident with themselves into a kind of trough or canal, so as to teach them a lesson about ego-centricism and the concept of humility. This technique has uncertain success results.

Campden

Campden: noun. That one tent in the campsite, which seems to be emanating an incredible amount of smoke without having a fireplace and all the cool kids seem to congregate around. Camp dens are usually either miles away from all the other tents or right in the centre of the entire campsite, where everyone can hear and smell everything. It is also common practice for campdens not to be secured properly with tent pegs, so there is a high chance that the tent or part of the tent will fly away some time in the next few nights.

Lactopi

Lactopi: noun. Octopi made up of lactose. Interestingly, lactopi are only ever found in pairs or groups, so the singular version of the word, 'lactopus', doesn't exist. Lactopi are extremely timid creatures and observing one requires incredible patience and endurance. Keen sighters and researchers must spend days in the dairy fields or the milk seas in hopes of perhaps spotting some, but it is never guaranteed and there are those who go through their entire lives without seeing one, or even being aware of their existence.

Sandwichify

Sandwichify: verb. To make a food safe to eat with your hands without getting them dirty, allowing you to gamble while eating. For example the creation of a burrito is the sandwichification of meat or beans, by wrapping it in a tortilla. This process was first created by the Maya, who decided to wrap their chocolate bars in palm fronds, so as to not get their hands dirty while playing an early variant of blackjack. The concept was later independently invented in at least 23 different locations and cultures.

Anguilt

Anguilt: noun. Anguish caused by a resounding sense of guilt. Also an excellent politician-repellent. There are certain active ingredients in anguilt, which politicians find unbearable and in fact, most are unable to even stand within 15 metres of anything displaying anguilt, due to the potential danger of them being infected with anguilt, which would most likely lead to their implosion.

Pintlegudgeon

Pintlegudgeon: verb. There are two meanings to this word:

1. To flip-flop on an issue. Unsurprisingly this word was created by bored political satirists, who needed a particularly long-word to fill the speech bubble on a caricature of Warren G. Harding.
2. To give things names that immediately reveal which part is meant to resemble the male genitalia and which the female.

Garland

Garland: verb. To be garlanded means to be prevented entry into a club, institution, organisation, group, entity or some such without just cause, simply for the sake of being petty. Garlanding also often occurs while one branch of government limits the power and effectivity of another branch of government, something that is technically illegal I suppose, but who cares really, am I right or am I right? Besides in the last year of a presidency the president is technically already on leave, no?

Pushulate

Pushulate: verb. Die out or go into hiding, so as to become extremely rare or scarce. This word was created by Noah Webster as an antonym for pullulate, when he was composing the second version of his dictionary and was horrified to discover, that some moron had come up with pullulate, but hadn't made the obvious logical step to pushulate. Webster was so dumbfounded he requested an executive order from President Monroe to immediately make the word a mandatory part of elementary school curriculum. Although the order was immediately overturned by president Adams, it was still the most consequential part of Monroe's presidency.

Pullchritudinous

Pullchritudinous: adjective. As everyone knows, pulchritudinous describes someone of great physical beauty, and consecutively, pullchritudinous describes someone of such beauty than an admirer cannot help but be drawn physically towards the person, until they are caught in their orbit of attraction. Pullchritude is different from charisma; this is more of a basal, primitive reaction that cannot be suppressed. Only a few individuals in history have been describe-able, as pullchritudinous, and such individuals have had to sequester themselves from society, so as not to cause general public unrest.

Sucinct

Sucinct: adjective. The succinct form of the word succinct. Sucinct is yet another word from the labs of the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language, in their effort to eliminate unnecessary vowels and consonants and generally make life easier for every English speaker. According to some very reliable statistics from the Southeastern Middle Michigan University, sucinct has already overtaken succinct in usage on Twitter, Friendster and Grindr.

D(earth)²

D(earth)²: noun. A scarcity or lack of earth. This word was created in 2015 at the International Overpopulation Commune and Conference held in the City of Manila. D(earth)² was created to describe the increasing lack of available land for human habitation, as the world population continues to sky rocket (see local maternity hospital). Recent estimates suggest that by 2050 the only available plot of land the size of a reasonable vegetable patch will be available somewhere on the border between the Republic of Texas and the Midwest Federation. 

Brother

Brother: verb. For a male to worry, disturb or upset someone, if they are your sibling. This word was first coined by the renowned actress Jane Fonda in her thirteenth autobiography (all editions include a free exercise DVD and a brochure on how to look youthful in your later years), when she covered the intense period of her life between June 12th of 1949 and September 2nd of the same year. In a passage discussing her youthful involvement with the political left, she mentioned the clear expression of disinterest from her brother, renowned actor Peter Fonda, stating that she was "frankly brothered by it."

Rapism

Rapism: noun. The belief that rape exists. As some logicians may have intuited, this suggests that there is a belief that rape doesn't exist, which is indeed the case, and arapism, is a significant problem that plagues often significant communities, usually consisting of rapists and their relations, or generally people not sympathising or understand the victim's position.

Sweather

Sweather: noun. Weather that causes a person to sweat. The exact characteristics of sweather can never be well defined, due to the variation amongst the general populace in conditions that lead to sweating. For example, those suffering from hyperhidrosis would describe most conditions as sweather, while some particularly resistant specimens would have to be subject to the Sahara desert, before being willing to admit that they even have sweat glands.

Ducktile

Ducktile: adjective. (of a metal) able to be drawn out into a duck-like shape.
(of a person) docile or gullible with a propensity for lowering one's head quickly and suddenly in the face of potential danger or a threat of some form. This word originates in the writings of Ernest Hemingway, who needed a succinct way to describe all those tedious soldier-characters that he filled his books with.

Compunsure

Compunsure: noun. The state or feeling of being panicked and lacking control. The word is credited to the philosopher Lucretius, who in his infamous poem 'De rerum natura' suggests that if you attain a state of compunsure, you are well on your way to achieving a kind of nirvana...or something, we weren't really listening...

Aquacurious

Aquacurious: adjective. Although aquarius are considered a fixed sign of the zodiac, they can under special circumstances, become almost mutable, in which case they are identified as 'aquacurious'. These special circumstances include Uranus being in recession and Mercury in Sagittarius, while Venus suffers from inflation, the Moon files for bankruptcy and the Sun hires an interior decorator to "fix the place up".

Trumpcate

Trumpcate: verb. To suggest that someone is involved in some sort of crime or 'crooked' activity, without having any evidence to show for it, simply to make yourself appear more credible and appealing. This word will be created in the year 2035 by the political commentator Adele Cersei Gonzalez, while giving a lecture on the effects of hate on common sense.

Catkini

Catkini: noun. Much like the batkini, this is a swimsuit, which covers the entire body except for the face, hands and feet, intended to comply with the Islamic traditions of modest dress, with cat ears on top. In fact, the two are exactly identical and this is simply a marketing ploy designed to earn corrupt clothing firms more and more money! Simply put, someone in a dingy office realised that the ears of some bats look exactly the same as the ears of most cats and decided to employ this to his benefit. He probably now sits in a slightly less dingy office.

Batkini

Batkini: noun. A type of swim suit which covers the entire body except for the face, hands and feet, intended to comply with Islamic traditions of modest dress, with bat ears on top. With this adage, when a wearer is requested or instructed to remove the batkini, they can claim to be wearing a Batman costume, which can either be interpreted to mean a costume of the well-known comic book superhero, or a traditional dress from the city of Batman, Turkey, whichever floats the requestors proverbial boat.

Sleevish

Sleevish: adjective. Describing someone, who wears their heart on their sleeve. The word was coined by three years ago by a lonely introvert sitting in a park at dusk, thinking that his sleevishness was the reason for his loneliness, as his overeagerness combined with the need to withdraw after prolonged social exposure tended to confuse people rather than bring them closer. Interestingly enough, he was right.

Re-morse

Re-morse: noun and verb. Two equally interesting definitions for this word:

1. noun. Deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed expressed through some form of encrypted transmission and often through an archaic and obsolete communication technology. For example, sending the following tap code by carrier pigeon would be an example of re-morse: ".... ...   ... ....   .... ..    .... ..    ..... ...."
2. verb. To resend a message in Morse code either because the first message wasn't delivered or because you panicked at the last second, turned on airplane mode, stopped the first message from sending and decided to send something else instead after turning airplane mode back off again.

Disparrot

Disparrot: adjective. The quality of being so different from a parrot, that there really is no foundation for a sensible comparison. For example, an 18 wheeler is highly disparrot, while a toucan isn't particularly disparrot. The word can also be used for making comparisons in its comparative form, as exemplified here: "The recently discovered planet Proxima Centauri b is far disparroter than a Palestine sunbird." The superlative form of the word is only used in opinions, rather than factual writing, as it is extremely difficult to verify the veracity of the claim, mostly because geneticists simply can't be asked.

Pignity

Pignity: noun. The quality of being composed and serious, and also a pig. A pig with pignity likes to wear monocles and top-hats while talking disparagingly about plebeians and espousing trickle-down economics.

Bareheadella

Bareheadella: noun. A cappella in which no one wears any caps or other headcovers (which, as I understand, is the primary purpose of cappellas). Bareheadellas sing without any musical accompaniment, as cappellas do, with one sole exception: they do not wear any caps or other headcovers. Also, the sole difference between the people who sing in cappellas and bareheadellas is that people who sing in bareheadellas do not mind not wearing caps.  

Personella

Personella: noun. A vigorous dance a tarantula makes when it is bitten by a human. Personellas originated in Southeast Asia where eating tarantulas is very popular, and there are consequently many injuries related to spiders, humans, and mastication.

Humanella

Humanella: noun. A disease a tapeworm gets, as a result of which it defecates bits of humans. In fact, it is more of a side effect of salmonella, which makes sense considering a tapeworm eats, sleeps, and exists all of its life inside a human, and so, logically, the only thing a tapeworm can defecate are things found in a human. Come to think of it, the term humanella is rather redundant.

Frigorific

Frigorific: adjective. Absolutely freaking wonderful, so terrific it sends shivers down your spine. Often, people use the word frigorific in connection with cold things, such as ice, snow, and freezers, but this is not necessary. Anything colder than lukewarm will do. An example of this word used in a sentence is "Oh, gosh, Barb, this fridge is ecological, elegant, oh it's absolutely frigorific!"

Apothecare

Apothecare: noun. The attention one gets at a drugstore or in drug-related issues. An example of the word used in a sentence is "The patient who went to the drugstore did not receive proper apothecare and subsequently turned into a newt." The word can also be used as a verb, as in "I went to the drugstore, but they didn't really seem to apothecare about me."  

Sealot

Sealot: noun. A person who is very passionate, even fanatical about seas. Contrary to popular belief, a sealot is not a parking place in a harbour, so there you have it, Frank, and shut the hell up. 

Yabbit

Yabbit: noun. A rabbit that yaps a lot or has some other annoying tic. Most rabbits are actually yabbits, which should not really surprise anyone who has kept one such insane, disgruntled, spastically masticating bundle of nerves.

Istence

Istence: noun. The primordial state of not being. The only thing that can uncontroversially be said of istence is that it is negated by existence, though even this idea is coming under fire with some denying istence altogether. Others, of course, deny existence, but that's a whole new can of worms. Philosophers who speak of istence separate into two groups. Some do not believe istence is possible, or that if it is, that it is not relevant, as an istent object would be a contradiction. Others believe in istence, but split into many factions over what it is. Professor Rockyfjordson of Oslo University writes that an object qualifies as istent only insofar as none of what will constitute it exists. Professor Prunedanishsen of Copenhagen University, however, rebuts this theory, claiming that even such an object would technically be in existence if we accepted Professor Hawthorne's argument about temporal parts.

Xex

Xex: noun. Fornication in which the participants lie perpendicularly to each other. Xex can be performed by any number of people, provided they make one or several cross shapes with their bodies. It can also be performed by any combination of sexes, as the Republican party has formally renounced spying on people in their bedrooms last week. From now on, it has declared, homosexuals will be discovered by a series of tortures and exorcisms.