Banduo

Banduo: noun. A musical term used to describe a band, which is composed solely of two members. Examples of this include The Black Keys and The White Stripes. However originally the word was used to explain the machine used to give rubber bands their stretchiness and bendiness. It is unknown why the meaning of the word changed so radically, but it did so around 1822. The word has also been used in some parts of Vatican City as an alternate spelling of the banjo. The Papal Office has on many occasions refused to give any explanation as to why this is and it shall probably forever remain one of life's mysteries.

Abtract

Abtract: adjective. Describing something or someone who or which comes from an area of indefinite extent. Generally this word is used to describe either people who come from the American "Mid-West" or fauna and flora from rainforests. The word was first used by the humorist Mark Twain in a speech he gave to the newly founded University of San Francisco which was titled: "On the Nature and Philosophy of Benign Cacti and Abandoned Box Cars in the vicinity of Nevada". The speech holds the record for greatest number of hospitalisations due to the speech to this day.

Pristiner

Pristiner: adjective. From the often unused words belonging to a group of redundant expressions, the word pristiner seems to be the least used and the least known. Unlike the more common words like idealer, gooder or normaler, pristiner is actually the only one that was ever accepted as a proper expression. In fact, it wasn´t too long ago that everything was judged on a scale from pollutedest to pristinest, but with the influence "the greens" have had over popular media, all of the stages in between these two polar opposites were destroyed in the minds of the public, leaving only the superlatives that soon degraded into simple adjectives, remaining lifelong enemies at opposite ends of the spectrum. Pristiner, therefore, is only one of the words in the long list that involves words such as polluteder, moderately impristined and semipollutedlike, all of which have dropped out of common use when the already mentioned greens managed to convince everyone that there is no such thing as partially polluted and partially pristine. This deviated black and green view of the world has, according to professor Sprout of Cucumbershire University, led to the retardation of the English speaking public in the same way that Waltzing destroyed the Austro-Hungarian Empire with its decadent movements and inappropriately seductive closeness of dancing pairs.  

Verdurate

Verdurate: verb. To verdurate is to turn green, whether this change is permanent, temporary or moderately temperate. Verduration is quite common in plants during early stages of growth and spring, and also in some species of tree frogs which gain their bright green colour as time progresses. Contrary to popular belief, simply painting something green cannot be classified as verduration - this process requires chemical change, meaning that even some types of oxidising metals could be termed as verdurating. Verduration is no less common in humans than it is in plants - some would even say that it is more so, as people have been known to verdurate when sick, jealous, disgusted, frightened or when suffering from rare skin diseases. Though mostly impermanent, these examples of verduration are so common that some have forgotten that the word verdurate can also be used in connection to plants and metals.  

Fragment 3:

He missed. It is not surprising though that he failed at disposing of the hambourgeisie with his invention. The fact is that the scientist was a nerb with modern technology, which was quite the disadvantage in school as his name was coincidentally Herb and other children would always call him "Herb the nerb." No wonder he took an immediate dislike to the hambourgeoisie - their delicately patterned bread seeds on their deliciously baked crusts filled Herb with verdurating envy because of the knowledge that he could never be as legsome as this wonderful societal class. It was in his failure that he realised what he had stowed away in his brain a long time ago - he wasn´t nartured to become a scientist. Nor was he nartured to even be named Herb. How often had he asked himself if his name couldn´t have been Nettle or Bush or Tree... or even Fungus! But to no avail. After all, some questions aren´t meant to be answered (which in Herb´s case was very true as there was no one to answer it for him - his parents died in an unfortunate accident involving several infuriated aggronauts and a stolen snuffin).

Antihypothesis

Antihypothesis: noun. A prediction which will with absolute certainty not occur in an experiment or simulation. Antihypotheses are the foundation of chaos-simulation, a fairly new and modern branch of mathematics and computer science, which many hope will lead to the discovery of a self-replicating tomato as well as an infinite toilet. No one is certain how these brilliant inventions will be used, but there are several laboratories on each continent (including Atlantis and Antarctica) which are working to develop the technologies. It is thought that the self-replicating tomato could potentially solve the tomato-famine, which has plagued Uzbekistan.

Macedonical

Macedonical: adjective. The potential word was subject to several discussions before the final ruling of the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language decided that Macedonical would indeed be a word and should be used in whichever documents relevant to it. To be quite clear, Macedonical and the name derived from it denoting a Macedonical person, Macedont (not to be confused with mastodont), refers to the country of Macedonia, also called FYROM (Former Yugoslav Republic Of Macedonia). It was created in an attempt to mediate the dispute between Greece and Macedonia over the name Macedonia as both the country and a region in Northern Greece are called Macedonia. To the dismay of the Macedonians, the Macedonts have, according to the claims of the former, quite callously stolen the name and historical figures associated with it, like Alexander the Great, and used it for their own evil schemes. The MREL decided that to satisfy both Greece and Macedonia, the latter could retain the name Macedonia, but its people would have to be renamed to Macedonts and any adjectival usage would have to be changed to Macedonical which is why the decision was boycotted by the FYROM government, which said that the costs of changing road signs would be far too high for the Macedonical economy to cope with. Good ideas are simply not welcome in this world.

Macrophone

Macrophone: noun. A device that converts sounds into electrical signals, unlike a microphone these devices are enormous and are only capable of detecting sounds at a volume that standard speakers are unable to reach. Similar, smaller, devices that would allow extremely loud noises to be recorded can be made but they are not truly macrophones but are modified microphones, similarly a 10m by 10m by 10m that was capable of recording sounds at volumes that can by recorded by the average microphone would be a modified macrophone.

Greak

Greak: adjective. The alternate, more efficient and more linguistically congruent way to say (or write) the word greasy. There is not much deep logic behind the word; the same way there is Greece, there is also Greek and therefore, there is also grease followed by greak. Don´t dig deeper than that. Please. Spare yourself the nerves. And the feelings of invisible lemurs. 

Proversation

Proversation: noun. A formal, and often forced, exchange of thoughts and ideas. This term is most commonly used when referring to an uncomfortable exchange of information with one’s self, this is likely because the speaker would like to avoid conveying the idea that they are generally awkward or are uncomfortable speaking to others present. Those lacking in proversation skills will often be experienced in areas such as small-talk. The world’s longest recorded proversation was between Paul, John, Stephen, Roger, and Edward (All 1 person referring to himself with these names, no last names were given). This man talked for 36 hours, witnesses explained that every second of it felt like there was some ulterior purpose to the conversation and that the very few pleasantries were quick and didn't have the slightest pretense of sincerity.

Twolip

Twolip: noun. We were wondering for a long time whether we should really put this word on the blog for its offensiveness to the human race, but after finding out that it is a very tuned down translation from the universal bird language, we decided that it was way less offensive than some other words we already posted or mentioned anyway. A twolip, therefore, is the English translation of the bird insult to humans stemming from the fact that we have two lips as opposed to a beak. In fact, twolip seems to be the only thing birds ever say when humans are around, so no one´s actually sure if twolip is really an insult or whether it is just something trendy they´ve picked up and repeat for the fun of seeing humans getting very annoyed at it.

Istanbulate

Istanbulate: verb. To invade a city and rename it to Istanbul, a suprisingly common phenomenon throughout history, as the name Istanbul translates to "in the city," which, when one doesn´t know what to name a city, often seems to be the most popular alternative to ... well... nothing. 

Fragment 2: 

 

This particular first of January instead, this scientist faced a great obstacle in the presence of a very obnoxious group of hambourgeiosie, desperate to sell their deliciously-artificial products. As one who believed in the freedom of hot dogs and the potential of the proletariat, the scientist was quite disconcerted by this and prepared to shoot the hambourgeiosie to the moon with his newest invention.

Bulgeate

Bulgeate: verb. This word has two possible and widely different meanings:
1. The first is the more common one, but not the original one: to grow a bulge or become bulging in either a literal or figurative sense.
2. The second is far less used but the word was invented with this meaning: to suddenly turn Bulgarian without any former warning. This phenomenon used to be quite common in the previous century and scientists have never quite understood it - perhaps because all those studying it either disappeared or Bulgeated themselves. 

Amitanity

Amitanity: noun. The state of being someone's aunt. Although one might think that this could be one of the most useless words ever to exist, one would be wrong to think that. Amitanity is extremely important in some cultures, such as the Fon people and the Bariba people of Benin. In those cultures amitanity can determine marriage, education, social status and size of papaya. Whether one's aunt is a good or bad aunt to have is determined by the amitanity of that aunt and so on. This means that at some point it all lead back to one or two aunts, but that is all just speculation.

Mold

Mold: verb. To mold is to do the opposite from moulding: to make something incompatible with its surroundings or turning it unsmooth (or perhaps doing the former through the means of the latter). One can, for example, mold a militant Atheist child by putting him in a Christian school, or perhaps even better, putting a militant Christian into Saudi Arabia. Both actions would most probably result in a grave form of molding beyond repair. The word was invented after the disintegration of the USSR, when it was found that the country of Moldova would most probably not go back to rejoining Romania as it had been, as foreign press reporters said, molded by Russia.

Micaroni

Micaroni: noun. A form of dry pasta made from durum wheat. These are usually cut into miniscule hollow pieces. This is less common than the larger version, macaroni, due to the fact that macaroni is larger and generally less frustrating to handle. The first recorded use of Micaroni was in 1646 as a result of OCD: a man accidentally cut a piece of macaroni and had to cut all the other pieces to the same size. He found that pieces of this size were very hard to deal with as they were difficult to manipulate with an eating utensil, so he made sure never to make that mistake again.

Expensive

Expensive: adjective. Describing someone who had been thoughtful in past, but now refrains from the painful process of thinking and instead enjoys the freedom of an empty mind, potentially with some elevator music. Being expensive was especially frowned upon in 18th century France, nevertheless some of the greatest thinkers and minds of that era were proponents of being expensive and greatly profited from doing so.

1-Year Anniversary

As some of you may have noticed, if you were observant enough, today marked the 1-year anniversary of our blog. This means we have invented/created/rediscovered/updated 365 words (there wasn't a leap year). Through this we would like to thank you for enjoying our blog, whether you'd followed from the start, or had picked it up somewhere along the way. We hope we've provided at least some merriment and amusement to you and will continue to do so in the coming year as well. As a special bonus we will be posting not only a new word, but also sections of a convoluted and confusing tale each week, with each section containing one of the words from the previous year.

Anniverse: noun. A parallel universe discovered by Galileo Galilei in the year 1641 and the first universe discovered that is directly (as opposed to twistedly) parallel to ours. What is specific about this universe is that in it, every event has to have been preceded by the same event which has happened infinitely-many times before and has a period of exactly one year.

Fragment 1: 

On the first of January, there is always a scientist (whose name is sadly untranslatable to our language unless, of course, you are fine with stuffing your tongue into your appendix) who spends two hours in the lab ununununiumising and then decides to go out for lunch.

Flagship

Flagship: noun. Contrary to popular and naval belief, flagship is not the leading ship of a navy, but rather the worship of a flag, often conducted by the members of various nations who are to a certain extent super-patriotic. There are various rituals which can be considered flagship. Amongst these is the bowing down to a flag after waking up, sacrificing newborn calves to a flag at sundown or the covering of a landscape with a single flag. Some people consider flagship dangerous, but the police has issued reports which assure that flagship and flagshipers are completely and entirely harmless. 

Wallrus

Wallrus: noun. A slug-like animal known to live inside walls and feed on wallpaper. These creatures were first discovered in the wreck of a house in 1973 in Colorado. A house had collapsed under mysterious circumstances, which were explained when an infestation of wallri had been discovered in the walls of the house, having eaten the supports out of desperation and lack of wallpaper. Since then the animals have been included on various lists of most hideous creatures in the Universe, easily competing with Vogons, Bith and the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. The leading expert on these critters is Dr. T. Apeworm, who has published various academic papers on the topic of these dangerous and yet fascinating beasts. 

Convertionsation

Convertionsation: noun. A discussion or speech about the possibility of a changing of beliefs or ideals. Convertionsations are most commonly held in churches, mosques, gurdwaras, synagogues, temples and Fla coffee shops. They generally involve two people solely, the convertionsationist and the convertionsationee. A large number of studies have been performed on convertionsationees and various infographics and statistics have been produced. These include: the average age of an convertionsationee is 23.432 and they most often come from Poland. 

Draculaic

Draculaic: adjective. Something/someone that/who is infamous for being cruel past human comprehension and/or likes to suck blood, whether that is figurative or not. One person known for being quite Draculaic is Dracula, also known as Vlad the Impaler. Interestingly though, he is not regarded as Draculaic in his home country Romania, where he is revered as the protector of the people. Another historical figure who could be regarded as Draculaic is Nicolae Ceaușescu, who figuratively sucked the blood of his own country, leaving it financially devastated.

Disclaimer: The fact that both Vlad the Impaler and Nicolae Ceaușescu are of Romanian nationality is purely coincidental. The authors of this blog would like to say that we are not picking on Romanians, but our utterly random generator for Draculaic personalities gave us these two and that´s that. 

An example of this word in context is the following: "my mother-in-law is Draculaic. So is this leech stuck on my forehead and this vampire bat happily sucking away on my backside."

Kraine

Kraine: noun. The word kraine is a common insult among ornithologists often said to people who are skinny, tall and have bendy necks. It actually used to be a compliment, as being tall and moderately thin was always something a person could be proud of, especially when coupled with moderately good elasticity. However, after the year 1938 when a certain tall and skinny politician bent over 270 degrees into his own rear end, the word turned into a very grave insult and it wasn't until now when some historians have tried to rehabilitate this politician that the word was tuned down from harshly offensive to only very offensive. It is the sad fate of the Ukrainians that they named their country while the word was still a compliment.

Volumism

Volumism: noun. A world view that states that the truth of something is relative to its volume. People who follow this belief system believe that they can make something true by saying it loudly; if this doesn’t work it is a sign to them that someone must have said a conflicting statement even louder. Volumists will also believe in things that make loud noises, for example: A volumist will believe without any doubt in the existence of ambulances, but only while there is an emergency. Very strong believers in volumism often end up running into walls in belief that they don’t exist because they are not loud enough. Upon hearing a loud enough thud from the collision some will conclude that someone yelled “Walls exist!” too loudly, while others may yell “Walls do not exist!” at an increasing volume and try again.

Minsk

Minsk: interjection. An exclamation of content from satisfying one´s hunger, minsk is often used in formal contexts where the expressions munch munch munch and gobble gobble gobble are deemed socially unacceptable. A member of a polished society will always replace these vulgar words with the understated and well bred minsk, followed by a very little cough and a delicate wiping of his or her mouth with an even more delicate handkerchief. The word can be used in quite elaborate sentences like the following: "Oh minsk, I am satiated!"

Mosscow

Mosscow: verb. It has recently been found by a group of Bibliologists studying old engravings on stone tablets buried all around the Desert of Sinai that the Ten Commandments as given to Moses had, in fact, been misspelt by a scribe copying them down, concretely articles 3 and 10, which were written down wrongly to such a degree that their meanings were completely changed. Originally, article 3 wasn´t about taking the Lord´s name in vain, but about not doing intravenous drugs. Similarly, article 10 wasn´t about coveting thy neighbour´s ox, but about covering thy neighbour´s ox, which makes all the difference in the world. Article 10 was actually a quite clever play on words that God left in to amuse Moses and his people. It served as a warning against covering the heads and faces of women (as was the custom of some tribes in the region), whom God wittily referred to as cows (as is the common practice today). It also paralleled another custom common amongst the old tribes, which was mosscowing, the ritual covering of cows with moss that God disapproved of. Modern Bibliologists explain God´s disapproval of this practice quite simply. Apparently, it was originally devised as a means to provide camouflage for cows in lush green places, but in the desert, it seemed rather redundant and in fact counterproductive to have cows "camouflaged" by running around sandy dunes with vibrant green colours exposing them to raiders from miles away.   

Stough

Stough: noun. This word sure looks like it should be a word, doesn´t it? Well in fact it is a word and its definitions, according to Webster´s Dictionary of Unnecessary Words are the following:
1. Dough inside a stove.
2. Dough outside a stove.
3. Stowed away dough.
4. Not stowed away dough.
5. A stove in a trough.
6. A stove not in a trough.
7. A stove in dough.
8. A stove not in dough.
The outdated word also used to be an adjective in some contexts, but its pronunciation wasn´t the same. While a stough is pronounced in a way that makes it rhyme with "slow," the adjective stough ends in the same sound as the word tough. In its adjectival form, stough usually pertains to something that is durable while sticky and runny. It can also denote a person who is sticky and runny, for example a running stickman.   

Nerb

Nerb: noun. According to skilled gamers (by whom this word was created), a nerb is a cross between a so-called noob and a so-called nerd. While a noob is someone who is not skilled at doing something (in other words a dilettante), a nerd is someone who goes out of his way to succeed at something through means that others find repulsive, i.e. compulsive studying. In the gamers´ world, therefore, a nerb is someone who, despite excessively studying the theory of game-play, "sucks" when it comes to playing the game itself. The word can be used in elaborate sentences like the following: "U nerb get out of the way," "Pls u stupid nerb, kill the tower, not the minions" or perhaps "Only nerbs would use a charmander against a venusaur," although the likelihood of someone even contemplating doing the last thing on the list is unimaginably low.  

Vilnious

Vilnious: adjective. This word has two commonly accepted definitions which are quite often confused. They are the following:
1. Something that pertains to the city of Vilnius.  
2. Something that has villainous qualities and pertains to the Baltic in some way or another.
Obviously, these definitions can overlap. In fact, if they were written mathematically where the former was represented by "a" and the latter by "b," we could express their relationship as "a is a subset of b." An example of how to use this word in a sentence is: "The Prime Minister of Lithuania has expressed concern that Putin is up to something quite Vilnious."

Lat

Lat: verb. To lat is to fail, spoil or destroy either oneself, another person or an object. The word was invented in connection with the absolutely incomprehensible move by the Latvian government in exchanging one of the most stable and valuable currencies in the world for the Euro, which the English speaking part of the Lithuanian press commented on with the headline: "Latvians lament the latted Lat." The verb lat itself is quite difficult to use in sentences. In fact, the Lithuanian newspaper used it incorrectly, but given it was the word's first occurrence in modern history, it's not much of a tragedy. The declensions go like this: I lat, you let, he/she lits, we latten, you (pl) letter, they litten. However, in the past tense, the word takes the form of: I lut, you lout, he/she lot, we lutted, you (pl) louted, they lotted.

Deceleration

Deceleration: noun. The process of turning a battery, which had been turned into a celery, back into a celery, that is if the original transformation had been successful and the battery did indeed become a celery. Deceleration is an extremely complicated process and all the steps must be undertaken with extreme care. It is also important to make sure that the celery one is trying to convert into a battery was indeed at one point a battery. If deceleration was performed on a celery which is only a celery, it could have consequences ranging from the mass extinction of all celery in the world to a polar bear dying in Qatar. Deceleration can only be performed in labs which have been authorised to perform the procedure and a special machine, known as a decelerator, must be used to ensure that all occurs in the proper order and without any problems along the way.