Usa

Usa: pronoun. The word usa is a modern day jarjarism, a figure of speech adopted from the expressions used by Jar Jar Binks. Most people who use this word do so unintentionally and tend to mean the USA, but the structure of the English language tends to reveal the intended meaning before substantial damage can be done. The word usa is roughly equivalent to the word "you," but it takes years of practice in jarjarism and jarjarian behaviour to develop a fine sense of hearing for when the word is appropriate and when it isn't.

Vir

Vir: conjunction. The word vir is a very curious word as it is never used outside circumstances in which one wants to be understood by some, but not by others. Vir is effectively a code meaning "with" and is specifically used in restaurants and accompanied by a wink. Thus, one can secretly order an alcoholic drink whilst maintaining the appearance that the drink is alcohol free. All one has to do is ask the waiter for a "mojito - vir gin" and make sure that the waiter registers the winking.  

Virginianity

Virginianity: noun. Virginianity is adherence to the Virginian demonym. There is not much to say about this, which is why we recommend our readers to think about something else instead. For example, you could think about Count Dracula visiting a restaurant and screaming at the terrified waitress: "I want your virgin tea!"

Carolining

Carolining: noun. Carolining is the science of designing, creating and maintaining the borders of either North or South Carolina. There are several types of Carolining, the most difficult to learn being Naval Carolining - the science of designing, creating and maintaining interstate and international maritime borders of the two Carolinas - with Interstate Carolining coming at a close second. The third and easiest type of Carolining is Intercarolina Carolining - the science of designing, creating and maintaining both maritime and land borders between the two Carolinas - which is the simplest because no one really cares.

Carolliner

Carolliner: noun. A carolliner is a person who arranges carols in sequences. Carolliners are most frequently found in the music industry and they determine the order in which carols are played on Christmas CDs, Youtube playlists and so on. Their hobbies include fishing and putting the fish in order based on size, dancing to rhythms with ascending time signatures and reading books from the first page to the last. 

Florrid

Florrid: verb. To be florrid is to be fancy to the point of ugliness. While the word was originally used to describe architecture (particularly that of the Baroque era), the simplicity that architecture embraced in the early twentieth century effectively gave the word a choice between change and death. The word florrid survived thanks to the advent of plastic surgery and is now mostly applied to people with bad 'face-jobs.'

Regeorgiatate

Regeorgiatate: verb. The word regeorgiatate has several meanings which are derived from the degree to which the word is taken literally.
1. At the most literal level, to regeorgiatate is to bring the swallowed parts of Georgia back into the mouth. This is a quite natural reaction to eating soil.
2. At at an intermediately literal level, to regeorgiatate is to give back parts of Georgia without really understanding them. An example of this would be a farmer returning a field to another farmer without realising that it sits on top of a massive oil well.
3. More abstract is the regeorgiatation of the state itself - a process whereby Georgia cleanses itself of foreign parts and becomes fully Georgian once more. While this tends to be associated with abstract socio-economic notions, it is sometimes also taken at face-value to denote processes like the water cycle.

Allobama

Allobama: verb. To allobama is to blame everything worth blaming on the US President Barack Obama. An example of this word used in a sentence is: "The citizens of Alabama were very keen on allobaming. From the economic situation to granny's broken fridge, everything was Obama's fault." Less frequently, the word allobama can also be used to refer to the US First Lady Michelle Obama in sentences such as the following: "The Southern Club of Anti-Feminists met for a very productive night of allobaming, during which they arrived at the conclusion that she not only plants 'hardcore stuff' on the lawn of the White House, but also plans to turn the Senate into lizard-men." 

LouisiBANANA

LouisiBANANA: noun. LouisiBANANA is the scientific term for what happens when someone tries to say something interesting about Louisiana, but is interrupted with the exclamation BANANA. These interruptions get faster with every sentence BANANA, and make you think that BANANA the person you are speaking BANANA is a BANANA. Needless to BANANA, it BANANA BANANA BANANA!!!

Kansate

Kansate: verb. To kansate is not, as is commonly assumed among Spanish speakers, to make someone tired, but to rate someone or something according to his/her/its severity in comparison to Kansas. The most famous thing that underwent the process of kansation is Arkansas, the name of which quite evidently derives from the concept of an "R rated Kansas." According to the committee that enacted this decision, Arkansas contains too much adult material to allow the entry of seventeen-year-olds without the accompaniment of a guardian. This adult material includes wheat, rocks, tornadoes, and easily accessible copies of literature with explicit sexual content, such as the Bible.

Homa

Homa: noun. A homa is the mother of a harlot. The word was created by the merging of a very naughty word and the word "ma," making it one of the shortest and smallest "mergers" in the history of English. The word was to be included as a pun in the musical Oklahoma, with the sudden arrival of a confused Spanish speaking tourist claiming that "la homa" is o.k., but it was deemed too daft and was dropped, thus robbing the English-speaking public of a word that never made an appearance anywhere.    

Tex

Tex: noun. The Tex is a special add on tax imposed on Texans whilst in other parts of the USA. Although such discrimination is officially illegal, it continues because of the super-secret Operation Burrito, which was put into action as the result of a dirty and dishonest compromise between the local Texan government and the government of the USA. By consenting to the addition of a secret extra tax on Texans in the other 49 states, Texas hoped to bolster national spirit and prove Texan supremacy by demonstrating how high the Texan purchasing power parity was in comparison with the rest of the USA. The US government, on the other hand, sought to use the Tex to curb separatist tendencies in the rest of the USA by limiting Texan travel, thus convincing the US electorate that Texans don't really exist.

New-Mexicanisation

New-Mexicanisation: noun. To be turned into something somehow resembling New Mexico. When one talks of social New-Mexicanisation, one usually means a change in the number of Hispanic inhabitants and Native Americans to levels resembling those of New Mexico. Cultural New-Mexicanisation, on the other hand, means the adoption of Hispanic, indigenous and American values. There is also geographic New-Mexicanisation, which involves relocation to the US border with Mexico. The variety of meanings this word has is a source of frequent confusion, as demonstrated by a conversation I overheard on a train once between a child and his grandmother:

"Granny, did you know that uncle Jack has been New-Mexicanised?"
"Good heavens! Has he started wearing a poncho and turned 3.5% Navajo?"
"No, he's on holiday in Southern Texas."
"Oh... well that's a bummer." 

Uter

Uter: noun. Whereas officially, citizens of the state of Utah are called Utahn or Utahan, it is common practice, especially in neighbouring states, to call less educated and dim Utahans Uters because of the guttural sounds they produce. The first and only mention of the word Uter is in the title of a poem misattributed to John Keats for unknown reasons. It is a quite naughty limerick, so reader discretion would be ill-advised: naughty limericks are always the best of limericks.  

The Uter

I slept with a girlie from Utah,
I thought that my sister was cuter,
She told me "hey mister,
I'm really your sister"
So I had no choice but to shoot her. 

Arizonation

Arizonation: noun. Whereas zonation is a word describing either the arrangement and formation of biogeographic zones or the distribution of organisms in such zones, Arizonation is a word describing either the location of Arizona or the distribution of anything within it. The former meaning of the word is by far the less used one, as few people describe the position of Arizona as Arizona's Arizonation. However, the latter meaning saves redundant words in sentences such as "the Arizonation of votes for the Democratic party is traditionally haphazard," making the word very useful indeed.    

Nevadnik

Nevadnik: noun. A person who doesn't bother anyone. Derived and punned from the Czech word "nevadit," which means "not to bother," the word Nevadnik was originally the demonym for all Nevadans until people got to know them. 

Caulifornication

Caulifornication: noun. The creators of this blog feel very lazy today, which is why - in an attempt to satisfy our selfish cravings for a little peace and quiet - we finally decided to post a year-old suggestion for a word submitted by an anonymous member of the Hillsboro Baptist Church:

"Caulifornication is a despicable - dare I say almost Satanic - act of Sodomy with a cauliflower plant. It is not, as those liberal Sons of The Devil (also known as STDs) would have you believe, the act of transforming something into a cauliflower, because that would be witchcraft and witchcraft is prohibited by our Lord Almighty unless you prove your identity with a divine permission card issued by God to people whose magic was completely legal, such as Moses and Elijah. Oh daughter of Babylon, thou shalt soon be punished for thine harlotry. Hashtag: a puppy dies every time you touch your wiener."   

Oregone

Oregone: adjective. To be oregone is to have become devoid of all mineral resources. Derived from the despondent exclamations of latecomers to the 1860s-1870s Eastern Oregon Gold Rush, the word oregone found its way into the English dictionary following the report of the chronicler Symeon of Seattle in 1884, an excerpt of which has been sold to our website for two pennies and a piece of grit:

"And did those feet in ancient time walk on the oregone mountains green? Yes, they did."

Washingtonne

Washingtonne: noun. In the same way that a baker's dozen comprises thirteen instead of twelve loaves of bread, a washingtonne is 1050 kilograms of washing to do rather than 1000. The history of wahingtonnes is quite similar to that of the baker's dozen, which traces its origins back to the need to ensure a very low probability of selling only eleven faultless products when the customer payed for no less than twelve. In a similar way (though converse in terms of the customer-service relationship), a person would give a whole washingtonne to a dry cleaner in hopes of receiving at least a regular tonne of washed clothes back.   

Idahose

Idahose: noun. An Idahose is anything that is artificially or superfluously extended all the way to Canada, such as the state Idaho. Most commonly used to refer to objects or organs that transport fluids, the word idahose is a very popular exaggeration of just how big IT is (as in "mine is a real idahose"). The word can also be used to shed light on a number of practical situations: for example, a flight from Havana to New York is an idahose when it includes a layover in Toronto.   

Montanous

Montanous: adjective. Contrary to popular belief, to be montanous does not equate to being similar to Hannah Montana. She is a made up persona and her real name is Miley Stewart, so get your facts straight. To be montanous is to be similar to the state of Montana, as in the case of the famous Helena Billings who always made sure to keep Canada exactly North of herself by never leaving contiguous USA. Billings is ranked as the second most montanous person/animal/object/area in history, beating Montana Wildhack who came third and losing by only 0.02% to the state of Montana itself.   

Wyome

Wyome: verb. To wyome is to question the purpose of one's journey. Derived from the words "why" and "roam," wyoming is a quite common practice, though somewhat unpopular because of its existential nature. First detected amongst the Native American redfoot tribe, the word wyoming came into common use thanks to the son of Chief Big Compensator, Questioning Calf, who was so persistent in asking "are we there yet" during seasonal migrations that he was thrown into a river and left to float to the closest city. He ended up marrying a seamstress in Buffalo, had eighteen children and was featured in Humans of New York.     

Minnesofa

Minnesofa: noun. A minnesofa is an upholstered seat filled with water. Derived from the Dakota word "minne" (water) and the word sofa (which originally comes from Arabic), the word happens to be subject to a very witty interlingual pun:

A tourist goes to a store in Dodoma and points at a couch behind the shop window. "I want this one," he says resolutely. "The minnesofa?" Asks the shopkeeper. "No," says the customer, "one will do just fine."

The joke is that whereas "minne" means "water" in Dakota, it means "four" in Swahili when modifying words belonging to the class "m/mi" - a grammatical class containing many wooden products. However, it is a mistake on the part of the tourist to assume that sofas belong to the class, as they actually belong to the class of "n," also known as the class of animals but better defined as the class of grammatical leftovers. Thus, the tourist ostensibly buys the sofa for four times the price, leaving the shopkeeper very confused. What a joke indeed!   

Wizcouncil

Wizcounsel: noun. A wizcounsel is a free service offered to wizards by the International Wizcouncil, providing customers with advice on which spells to use in various situations and tips on how to use them. Upon signing the contract for wizcounselling, a wizard also gets a free wizcounsellor who helps the wizard deal with the immense responsibility that being a wizard brings. Each EU country, US state and Canadian province has its own Wizcouncil branch that a citizen can turn to when in need of such help. Service is offered in over twenty languages. 

Iower

Iower: noun. An iower is someone who owes someone his, her or its own self. The concept of iowing is best illustrated by the story of Faust who, in return for the services of the devil, promised to give the devil his soul upon his death (the terms of this contract, however, contained a very ambiguous clause which the devil should have payed more attention to before agreeing to it. It goes to show just how careful you should be when you download software that asks you to sign the terms and conditions). Anyway, Faust de facto owed the devil himself for the time the devil worked for him, but succeeded in annulling his status as an iower by making use of the loophole mentioned previously.

Duckcoater

Duckcoater: noun. A duckcoater (as opposed to a duckoater - a person who stones ducks with oats) is someone skilled in the art of coating ducks with various objects. The most popular objects used by duckcoaters to duckcoat include winter coats, summer coats and coats of ermine, as well as honey. Vegetarians tend to prefer the winter and summer coats, as they make the task of eating a duck remarkably difficult and far more guilt-inducing.  

Duckiota

Duckiota: noun and verb. Contrary to popular belief, a duckiota is not a very small piece of a duck, but a very small lowering of one's head or body in order to avoid being struck by something. Similarly, to duckiota is to lower one's head or body a tiny bit; this action is a very popular dance move that usually brings down the house. The conjugations of this verb in the present tense are "I duckiota, you duckiota, he/she/it duckiotas, we duckiota, you duckiota, they duckiota." The past forms of this verb are just a little too complicated, but we will inform you that they involve geese.

Nebrassker

Nebrassker: noun. A nebrassker is a Mid-Western, notoriously off-key trumpet. A source of extreme national pride, the nebrassker can only produce about five notes when played by a semi-skilled player and one broken toot when played by a beginner, making it very useful in playing compositions that do not use brass instruments, such as Schubert's String Quintet or Beethoven's piano sonatas.   

Colorado

Colorado: noun. The word colorado is a very naughty ethnic slur used against people of any colour (i.e. people who are not transparent). It can most often be heard in the US south, where farmers have been known to complain of "them darned colorados coming in from the North, South, East and uhh... not East, to steal our jobses and womens." Colorado can also be used in a metaphorical sense to denote people or groups and organisations with unclear financial transactions.

Kansass

Kansass: noun. Kansass is a discontinued type of dog food made from the canned buttocks of donkeys. The word was at the peak of its popularity when several dogs sued the manufacturer for bad spelling and grammar, after which the executive committee of donkeybuttocksareus decided that rather than making proper corrections, it was more feasible to start making cat food instead. They named the product Katfewd.  

Missourable

Missourable: adjective. To be very sad about being from the state of Missouri or about being its citizen. The word can be used in sentences such as: "When the state of Missouri bet on the wrong presidential candidate, Jack was at his most missourable point since the year 1956." The word should not be confused with the word miserabble, a group of lower class, miserly people.