Regreat

Regreat: noun. A feeling of great sadness, repentance, or disappointment that is usually experienced either at the end of a year or at the end of one's life. It is very uncommon for a person to not experience regreat during these times and someone who does not come across this should seek out a doctor immediately. The most famous recorded usage of this word is in the last words of the famed poet John Keats, who on his death bed famously uttered: "Such regreat, were it not for my poetry, I'd have..."

Subnay

Subnay: noun. A preternatural fear of the underground and underground transportation that is found in about 0.0948% of the world's population. This fear is identifiable by a reluctance or outright refusal to enter subways or metros, accompanied by a distrust of basements and manholes. The disorder can be treated by small doses of dopamine injected while the patient is listening to John Cage.

Qyxz

Qyxz: preposition. This word was created in 1998 by Scrabble Extraordinaire Jonathan Squizzle, who needed a way to beat the previous record of most points earned for a word in Scrabble, which he succeeded in doing by combining this word with qualms and earning an extraordinary 1673 points in the game altogether. Mr Squizzle promised to explain to everyone what the word actually meant, but unfortunately he was found dead only 5 minutes after the game ended in a nearby lavatory. The cause of death was never revealed to the public and to this day remains a source of some controversy.

Pleisure

Pleisure: noun. A calm and relaxing experience. That's it.

Ghoat

Ghoat: noun. A phantom goat. Ghoats appear most commonly cheese. It doesn't have to be a specific type of cheese or even goat cheese, any cheese will do. The ghoats will then proceed to surround the cheese with an atmosphere of utter despair and hopelessness leading anyone who approaches the cheese to become suddenly mellow and inattentive. Ghoats have been observed since the late 1800's by various ghost-hunters, but none have yet managed to catch a ghoat. 

Quaintance

Quaintance: noun. A person you know but try not to associate with, because they're a bit strange and not in a good way. This word was created by C.S. Lewis in his later years after he'd had a falling out with J. R. R. Tolkien and needed a word to describe and degrade him amongst their Oxford colleagues. He thus created the word and then publicised it and its definition across the university before flying a poster claiming "Tolkien is my quaintance" from the Radcliffe Camera.

Christunkind

Christunkind: noun. As is commonly known in educated places full of wise people, in many parts of Mainland Europe on Christmas Eve the presents are delivered by Christkind, rather than Santa or something ridiculous like that. What is less commonly known is that if the person was naughty or the positives simply didn't outweigh the negatives, then their presents will be delivered by the Christunkind and the presents can include anything from coal, scorpions, poisoned apples, Bob Geldof to coal coke.

Present in air quotes

Present in air quotes: noun. You know...one of those presents that you have to then smile and thank the person for, even though it's totally gonna be a regift or end up in the bin or back of a closet. You can usually recognise presents in air quotes by the fact that they are soft when wrapped, oddly-shaped, smell kinda funny or that aunt you never talk to is shaking her head vigorously while you open it and when you get the seventh piece of tape off she smiles so wide that you can see the back of her tongue.

Bóbl

Bóbl: verb. To create a word with an excessive number of vowels and then proceed to ignore the majority of the vowels anyway, in some cases even substituting in invisible vowels, that originally weren't even in the word. Bóbling is a tradition that was adopted into English from French during the Norman Conquest and has since been a pain in the neck for all sensible people.

Tinsle

Tinsle: verb. To cover all surfaces and the insides of all objects with annoying, glittery madness (not intentionally, mind you) while trying to create an atmosphere of love, peace and harmony. Tinsleing is usually a risky process and should only be attempted while wearing at least a level 4 Hazmat suit. There have been at least 8 recorded cases of people suffocating or suffering major bruises and haemorrhages caused by tinsleing. 

Christmas hedge

Christmas hedge: nouns. In certain arid countries/counties/regions/towns/communes/villages/hamlets/conglomerates/arrondissements the plants do not grow nearly tall enough to function as Christmas trees and since import tax would be crippling to such economies, Christmas hedges are instead the preferred solution. They even have their own traditional decorations, such as the giant lamb made of pudding, tears and balsa wood that is placed on top of the hedge.

Yuletide

Yuletide: noun. What happens when you open a cabinet of Christmas decorations and remember that earlier in the year you'd 'cleaned' it all up simply by shoving all of the decorations into the cabinet and then quickly closing the door. As the yuletide comes rushing up at you, you think about the holidays, family, whether it's all really worth it and just how much eggnog one is legally allowed to buy in one go.

Wester

Wester: noun. The proper name for Christmas, as proposed and supported by the bishopric of Antioch. There are various fascinating things about this that we could enlighten you with, but perhaps the most interesting, is the fact that although Antioch was abandoned 500 years ago, the Bishopric of Antioch somehow manages to continue to support Wester to this day. How exactly it manages to do this remains a mystery.

Myrrrh

Myrrrh: interjection. The sound that a motorcycle, powered by the aromatic resin from a number of small, thorny tree species of the genus Commiphora, makes when running over an elderly gentleman with a walker and someone else's liver in his back pocket. If there is no elderly man involved, then the interjection used there is simply "Myrrrr"

Cometh

Cometh: noun. A small solar system body composed entirely of illegal drugs, which when coming close to a star heats up and begins to spew a gas, which could give a herd of hippopotami a high. These unique objects are extremely rare, astronomers have so far observed (and remembered) only 4 in all of history. The closest one is the Leibeck-Strauss-Donald Comet near Alpha Centauri. This fact also puts an interesting spin on the well-known O'Neill play "The Iceman Cometh"

Resursection

Resursection: noun. The ability that a select few people have, in that they are able to make a specific part of a dead creature come back alive. This part can then remain living indefinitely, if the superpowered human remains focused on it, but the moment the concentration lapses, the part of the being returns to being very much dead. This power was employed to determine that Prince Philip really had nothing to do with that crash.

Mange

Mange: verb. To do that thing with your hands, where you kinda cup them together so that they hold liquid, but only for like 5 seconds, because surprise, surprise there are holes (your fingers don't fit perfectly together) and so it's practically useless, unless you're transporting the liquid like two feet.

In reality, mange is a terrible skin disease common amongst mammals and can even affect humans. No joke. This is serious guys.

Menger

Menger: noun. The phenomenon when a farmer can no longer have a trough act solely as a trough and so adapts it to have multiple other uses, such as holding clothing or a saddle, split into two halves with one half for oats and the other for 5% milk, carrying a baby or reinforcing it so that it holds liquid iron.

Raindeer

Raindeer: noun. A species of deer known to only emerge from their cave burrows during rain or thunderstorm. It has been reported that during particularly powerful storms, raindeer come out into meadows and perform a ritualistic dance, which then extends the duration of the storm for an additional 47 seconds. Interestingly raindeer do not come out during typhoons, hurricanes or tornadoes and it is not known why that is.

Thistletoe

Thistletoe: noun. An unpleasant inflammation of the foot caused by stepping on some thistles or stinging nettles. There is no known scientific cures, but there are multitudes of folk treatments. These include placing your foot on a hedgehog, inhaling dried cow's milk, pouring lukewarm water into one ear and out the other, or the least popular method, being intimate with an orangutan.

Advantage

Advantage: noun. Yet again, an incorrect definition has been spread amongst the masses. The actual definition of this word is the fact that age is a boon in almost all social situations and in interacting with other people. Advantage is the fact that it is more likely you will be more respected or it's more likely you will be taken seriously if you are older. Advantage is social tenure.

Adventage

Adventage: noun. This word has two mega-super interesting meanings.

1. The period before the advent, which signals the coming of the Advent, as cardboard full of chocolate and bagels of pine needles begin to appear in supermarkets.
2. A characteristic of the advent that makes it better than other times of the year. For example, snow.

Subtculture

Subtculture: noun. A type of culture, which is extremely hard to spot or notice, making it seem as if there isn't any culture at all, when in fact it very carefully and stealthily permeates everything, enveloping all in a cloud of subtculture. Countries which are thought to have subtcultures, include the USA and yeah...

Singuessing

Singuessing: noun. A form of singing, where the singer can't actually remember the words to the song, so simply makes sounds that vaguely resemble the song, but in reality make no sense whatsoever. Singuessing is common in karaoke bars and in cars with radios all over the world. Interestingly it has been found that singuessing is mocked in every culture in the world, making it part of one of the few truly global phenomena.

Portmantneau

Portmantneau: noun. Also sometimes spelled "portmantno". This is the word used, when someone takes two words and combines them in an absolutely horrifying manner, creating a lexicological abomination that causes hernias in dictionary-writers everywhere. The word is usually exclaimed at a volume of at least 500 dB, megaphones can be used if necessary or if your vocal chords are puny! Har har.

Active paranoia

Active paranoia: noun. A psychological distinction, which merits hospitalisation or institutionalisation. Someone exhibiting active paranoia is one, who acts upon his paranoia, for example by developing securitis or raving on about secret government helicopters and the sheriff's secret police. Passive paranoia on the other hand, is perfectly normal and in fact expected in all humans; it is though to be the ninth characteristic of a life.

Securitis

Securitis: noun. A common disease affecting middle-aged men, characterised by an uncontrollable desire to triple or even quadruple the security of their abodes, houses, flats, apartments, caravans, bungalows or villas. The disease was first identified by the World Health Organisation in 1995 and has since been extensively studied. These studies found that the disease does not seem to occur in Botswana and that the aetiology of the disease seems to biological in origin.

Scrabble

Scrabble: noun. A collective noun describing people, who make no effort in the game of Scrabble to come up with interesting or unique words, but instead look for easy opportunities to score points by taking advantage of the bonuses and making short, but point-heavy words. The scrabble were forbidden from entering the French National Scrabble Championships, which was made very clear by the large sign above the door, which looked similar to the following:

CHAMPIONNATS NATIONAUX SCRABBLE

NATIONAL SCRABBLE CHAMPIONSHIPS

ALL WELCOME

NO SCRABBLE ALLOWED

Missspeech

Missspeech: noun. When you are speaking and accidentally say a word incorrectly, instead saying a word that sounds similar or is in some way connected. The first recorded occurrence of missspeech is from the Bible, when Noah says to his wife: "How many cows do we need? Obviously, spoon." Now the missspeech is very much understandable, Noah clearly meant to say 'four', and forks have four prongs, forks are also a type of cutlery, just like spoons. So there.

Misspeech

Misspeech: noun. A word, phrase or sentence that is simply wrong and doesn't at all fit into the context of a prior conversation. For example, imagine the following conversation between 'M' and '3':

M: D'ya know there are olives that grow underground in South Sudan?
3: Really? That's amazing! Do they still taste like olives?
M: What the hell are olives?

In the above conversation, M's response to 3's question is a misspeech, because it is clearly wrong and makes little sense.

Mopy

Mopy: adjective. Describing something which has the characteristics of, or resembles a mop. This word was created by the renowned author Jeanne Rejaunier, who employed it in her pivotal work: "The Ghost of Broom Closet 9", which focused on the protagonist, John Henry William, attempting to understand the complexities behind the apparent haunting of a public library by the ghost of a mop with a severed hand attached.

Segregation

Segregation: noun. Contrary to popular belief, this word actually refers to the process of separating people named 'Greg' from all other people in a given room. This practice was first put into place in Moroccan airports, when the government received word that a Greg S. would attempt to bring a highly dangerous bowling ball into an airport in Morocco. Segregation was employed to try and deal with this potential threat. It ultimately proved to be a false alarm and merely caused a hassle and for all people named Greg to never return to Morocco.

Examplery

Examplery: noun. A glass case full of shelves for specific categories, where each shelf contains slips of paper with examples pertaining to the category of said shelf. For instance, one of the shelves in the examplery may be labelled "moss", in which case the little slips of paper will have, amongst others, the following written on them: "takakiopsida", "bryopsida", "Kate", "Carrie-Anne", "oedipodiopsida" and others.

Credencial

Credencial: adjective. Describing someone who believes or accepts that something is true. For example, a little known fact is that Franklin D. Roosevelt was credencial of the idea that Shakespeare had never existed and his plays had in fact been written by cavemen in 403 BC. There was also the famous credencial Conner Candle, who spent his lifetime convincing people not to eat apples, since they were clearly designed by aliens to offer them a picture of the inside of the human body.

Creedance

Creedance: noun. The ritual, tribal rhythmic movements performed around a fire by members of the Cree tribe during their spring and autumn festivals. The creedance was first observed by a non-Cree during the well-known student exchange of the Year of the Beaver, when Little Big Toe was sent to the Assiniboine, who in return sent Massive Tree Tooth, who then had the honour of being the first non-Cree to observe the creedance. 

Convenience-apathy

Convenience-apathy: noun. The state of mind of most cats for the majority of their lives. Cats spend their days being conveniently apathetic to all of your actions, desires, dreams and hopes, that is until they themselves desire something, at which point the apathy seems to disappear and cats become extraordinarily loving creatures. SCIENCE has shown that convenience-apathy is what makes cats such popular household pets.

Schare

Schare: verb. It was the spring of the year 1973 and Willam Thornton Kenningworth III is sitting in the cafeteria of his school, the only upper class student in the entire precinct, as he is approached by his classmates and perhaps for the billionth time in his schooling years so far, he hears the phrase: "Sharing is caring you know." Later that evening, tired of the phrase he hears so often, 15-year-old Willam creates the word schare to simplify the whole matter. The fact that the word resembles the word 'scare' to such a degree, is probably just a happy coincidence, or a cruel joke on Willam's part...we may never know.

Prejudie

Prejudie: noun. A singular form of the word "prejudice", or the six-sided cube rolled daily by every person in the universe every morning, to determine who they will have an unusual distaste for. Interestingly, every person's prejudie has different options on it, in other words it is impossible for a any two people in the word to have the same range of potential enemies. Of course, as everyone knows, the punishment for forgetting to roll your prejudie in the morning is spending 15 minutes with Richard Dawkins in a theology class.

Loove

Loove: noun. An abnormal appreciation for coarse, fibrous, cylindrical objects used as bath sponges for washing. An affinity for these washing devices was first observed in the late 1890s by the psychiatrist William Wallace, who categorised loove as a specific form of affective disorder, similar in symptoms to bipolar disorder.

Pathematic

Pathematic: adjective. Describing something, which is very relevant to a current issue or topic being discussed, but holds virtually no value or worth. For example: if someone is discussing the best albums of the Beatles, then if someone interjects with the fact that Rubber Soul was the first Beatles album recorded continuously, then their contribution can be described as pathematic. One can discern if their comment was pathematic, because you are then given *that* look, you know...*that* look. An important question you should be asking yourself is how much of this blog is pathematic...

Stupithy

Stupithy: verb. To make someone unable to think or feel properly using extremely concise and forceful language, or using a fruit, usually some kind of citrus fruit. The word is pronounced so as to rhyme with 'amplify' or 'southern cabbage butterfly'. The word originated somewhere in Surrey, potentially on the crossword section of a Daily Express newspaper belonging to Ms. Edna Green of Woking.

Prophishy

Prophishy: noun. A prediction that doesn't seem quite right, and you're not entirely convinced that what it suggests will actually happen. Famous prophishies include that time Paul the Octopus thought Marlon Brando would score the winning goal in the Malaysia - East Timor match or the occasion during which the Wicked Witch of the East believed that Dorothy was actually controlled by a sentient aubergine.

Renegale

Renegale: noun. A wind or gust that has disobeyed the great Anemoi, who are therefore very angry and likely to cause a hurricane near New Orleans. Every once in a while, some silly tuft of air will get all uppity and decide that he's better than his masters and that he can do whatever he wants. He then runs off, usually to the Pacific ocean, wherein he loses steam and dies, sad and alone, while the great Anemoi laugh. Interestingly, it is usually Notos' winds that become renegales, probably because he's a bit incapable.

Deamon

Deamon: noun. A demon, the name of whom is Damon, or a person who has been decided to be so vile and repulsive that he must be a demon. In a very Dr. Faustus scenario, in 1764 a demon named Damon was charged with taking the body and soul of a Mrs. Pritchard, who was considered a deamon by her entire neighbourhood, to hell for punishment.

Aron

Aron: verb. To attempt to iron an article of clothing, using something that isn't an iron. This word was created after two events, which occurred in 1897 and 1903. In 1897 a maid from Kensington attempted to use a steam-powered toothpaste dispenser as an iron, which is an understandable mistake, since the two objects were very similar in appearance; unfortunately the maid did not succeed in ironing the clothes and in fact suffered significant burns. In 1903 a man in Kigali successfully used fresh elephant excrement wrapped in linen to aron his clothes.

Streem

Streem: verb. To appear to be flowing in a downwardly direction, while also remaining quite narrow and svelte. Unsurprisingly, this word is more commonly used to refer to things, rather than people or animals. Nevertheless, there is record of an incident involving an anaconda, badger and merry-go-round, during which the word streem was used.

Peeramid

Peeramid: noun. Part of the gymnastic routine performed by the House of Lords at the Commonwealth games, in which the hereditary peers and life peers compete to stack themselves in the highest possible triangular formation. The activity was briefly abandoned in 1965, when it led to the untimely demise of Baroness Heathford of Dumfries at the age of 95, when she was mistakenly and entirely accidentally positioned at the bottom of the peeramid by her ex-husband.

Dean

Dean: verb. To behave as if your name is Dean. Examples of this include answering when someone calls out "Dean! Where are you?" or picking up a name tag with the name 'Dean' on it, even though your name clearly isn't Dean and you don't even look like a Dean. Interestingly, this is the only name in the English language that this occurs with (except for Jeremy of course).

Deanily

Deanily: adverb. Describing an action, which has been performed in a way, which would resemble the actions of a person in charge of a significant academic unit at a university or college. The word was first used in 1694 at the University of the East-Middle Midlands as part of a satirical play about the university management and the lack of funding given to the IT department.

Deany

Deany: adjective. Describing someone who behaves in a manner similar to how the person in charge of a significant academic unit in a university or college would behave. The word was first used in 1785 in the University of Cambridge to describe an upstart professor, who seemed to view himself as far above his station. He was later stoned to death.

Prosect

Prosect: noun/verb. There are various definitions, which have been attributed to this word:

1. A particularly excellent bubbly wine, which isn't necessarily Prosecco, but probably is.
2. The supporter or believer in of a cult or sect; most probably a complete and utter lunatic.
3. To guard a person or thing, by inciting a group of fanatics to religiously worship the person or thing and not allow any 'normal' human being to approach the person or thing.
4. The head of a chapter in a cathedral, which does not have an appointed bishop or archbishop, but is in the diocese of a archbishop, who had served as a cardinal in at least 3 papal elections before passing the age limit for voting.
5. The area in a rink or stadium reserved for those who favour the home team, but aren't 'really that into sports, ya know...?'

Pubertie

Pubertie: noun. This word has two very distinct meanings:

1. The time in the life of a Bertie (boy or girl or neither), when he/she/it becomes sexually mature. Statistics have shown that pubertie occurs most often between the ages of 12 and 26.
2. The stage of the battle between hormones during puberty in which none of the sides can make any headway, leading to a confused, dazed, uncontrollable-urge ridden, human who doesn't really understand what's going on.

Cessant

Cessant: adjective. Describing something which ends, has an ending. For example, your life is cessant. The world is cessant. This universe and all other universes are cessant. In the end everything is cessant. Except pondering the finite nature of all existence, that is most definitely incessant.

Slangerous

Slangerous: adjective. Describing something which is false, malicious and definitely misconstrued, but also presented in improper language and using terms that definitely would not appear in the vocabulary of a perfectly respectable gentleman, good day sir!

Excemption

Excemption: noun. The state of being free from a principle or rule that does not follow a more general or commonly established rule. For example with the common mnemonic rule "i before e, except after c', the 'after c' clause is the exception to the general rule, however words such as 'science' and 'species' do not follow this exception, hence they are the excemptions in this scenario.

Birdplane

Birdplane: noun. A name proposed in the initial development stages of the airplane that eventually became known as the Concorde. This name was heavily favoured by William E. Boeing, which is very interesting, because his company had nothing to do with the development of the Concorde and the man had been dead for 13 years before the first flight of the plane.

Oldly

Oldly: adverb. To perform something in the manner of an old person (senior citizen), such as walking with a slight (or significant) hunch, not being to use a computer (or technology in general) appropriately (or at all). The word is considered offensive (or unacceptable) in most English speaking countries (essentially the Commonwealth and former assets of the Commonwealth), except for Belize (where it's apparently ok (they probably hate old people (who clearly shouldn't move to Belize), but what do I know)).

Lynation

Lynation: noun. The linguistic name for the process of taking an adjective and adding the suffix '-ly' to turn the verb into an adverb. Common examples of this include taking the word 'complete' and producing 'completely' or 'old' becoming 'oldly'. The term was first coined by Miriam Webster in the first edition of her eponymous dictionary.

Requit

Requit: verb. To end or terminate an activity after having already once (or more) having terminated or ended the activity in the past. This is a phenomenon particularly common amongst cowards and generally people without a backbone. It was used in the famous novel 'Holes' by Louis Sachar, in the sentence "And thus Stanley yet again requit his attempts at being a decent sort of fellow."

Litterally

Litterally: noun. A person who aids someone else in creating or causing a mess or disturbance. The word has been used in academic papers as a laymen's term for something which increases the overall entropy of a system, while in itself not changing, but instead remaining wholly annoying and completely unreasonable, honestly.

Flashee

Flashee: noun. The person at the receiving end of a promiscuous exposition and revelation by someone else. If you or someone you know is a flashee, then the United Nations Human Rights Commission asks us to inform you that the FA (Flashees anonymous) holds daily meetings for those, who have experienced psychological damage or feel vulnerable due to what they experienced.

Lantern o'jack

Lantern o'jack: noun. On the eve of October 31st at 9pm, four children (Jack, Kathy, Wilhelm and Boris) were kidnapped from the streets of Akron, Ohio by a solitary man in his fifties, who then whisked them away to his solitary farm on the border of Ohio and Pennsylvania. The police conducted a state-wide search for the missing children, but it nevertheless took them almost two months to discover the lonely farm, by which time it was far too late for the children. And so on the eve of December 24th, Jack and Kathy's parents received the wondrous gifts of a Lantern o'jack and a game of 'Bobbing for organs'.

Bet you were waiting for that to become funny at some point...trick or treat?

Spuke

Spuke: noun. Eject matter from the stomach through the mouth, where the eject matter consists entirely of Halloween candy. Parents throughout the world gain great insight into spuke on the night of October 31st - November 1st and all those not in America curse the Americans for introducing such an awful holiday to their formerly peaceful, content and spuke-free country.

Slowa

Slowa: interjection. This word was never actually popular at any point in history, but when the word 'louda' was officially recognised, the Oxford English Dictionary decided that for the sake of consistency and symmetry they needed to include slowa as well, despite the fact it had probably never been uttered before then. This is in fact a practice performed by the OED multiple times in the past and has led to such words as 'incomplete', 'undead', and 'left'.

Louda

Louda: interjection. A deformation and cannibalisation of the word 'louder' used so often in the 1960s and 1870s that it became necessary for the word to become part of common speech. In fact it was voted the word of the year in 1965. It was preceded by 'khaki' in 1964 and 'chartreuse' in 1966.

Pageination

Pageination: noun. The process of converting a poor, helpless boy into a traditional young male servant. Pageination experienced its renaissance in the early 19th century, where the only people protesting against the practice was the National Women's Girls Association, which felt that it was unfair that only boys had the opportunity of undergoing pageination. 

Chanteuse

Chanteuse: verb. To say or shout repeatedly to an audience of businesspeople, who have absolutely no sense of humour or fun. Chanteusing is particularly common at new product presentations and developer conferences, where, as it is commonly known, those people, that you see roaming the streets seemingly half-heartedly searching for something funny or something they could laugh at, congregate.

Deselytise

Deselytise: verb. To try and dissuade people from from joining a religion, cause or group. This is often employed by members of the Church of Atheism, who try and prevent perfectly normal people from exercising their freedom of choice and the ability to do with their lives whatever they like. There are some cynics who would argue that atheism in itself has become a religion, but those guys are just wackos.

Strifle

Strifle: noun. A prototype gun created in Google's secret labs, which instead of shooting a projectile, causes the target to feel a bitter and angry disagreement and disappointment with whatever he is doing at the time. Really we shouldn't be telling you about this, because it is still very much a secret project. In fact, WHY WOULD I TELL YOU ALL THIS? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS!! WHAT HAVE I DONE?????

Threshould

Threshould: auxiliary verb. Used to indicate either that a person must or ought to step over a barrier or obstacle or that three people ought or must to do something. The past tense of threshall. It is used in such sentences as: "Jamie, Michael and Philomena threshould go talk to the police about the body they found in the forest yesterday, but they're afraid to admit they first tried to cook it over a campfire, thinking it was a doe.

Kurtness

Kurtness: noun. The extent to which someone is like a Kurt. This is based on an extensive longitudinal study conducted in 1996, in which the extent to which all males, based on their names, are close to being a Kurt. As a baseline, the name Kurt was given a Kurtness number of 100. All names following then will have a lower Kurtness number and the closer to a 100 their score is, the more they are like a Kurt. The name Karl for example has a Kurtness score of 94, while both the names Geoff and Kanye have a Kurtness score of 24.

Craul

Craul: verb. An alternate spelling for the word 'crawl', used particularly on the Shetland islands and in Namibia. It is thought by etymologists that this wasn't simply a natural change from Old and Middle English, but instead it was a conscious change by the Shetlanders and Namibians to differentiate them in at least some aspect from everyone else.

Savisage

Savisage: noun. The face and expression of a person presenting fierceness and hatred. This word emerged out of the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language, and was used specifically to describe the faces of the opponents of the movements, as they observed the continued successes of the movement in removing ridiculous words and phrases from the English language.

Contitent

Contitent: noun. A term used in science-fiction to describe a large land mass that is satisfied with its shape and location on its planet and so does not have any wish to move or change. This word was first used by Isaac Asimov, although his literary agent immediately claimed that the word was simply a spelling error. Asimov continued to claim the novelty of the word and a bitter rivalry developed between the author and his agent. The feud hasn't been solved to this day and it continues amongst their respective estates.

Entschuldigah

Entschuldigah: noun. A word often exclaimed by tourists in German-speaking countries after having accidentally run into someone, stepped on someone's toe, or spilling someone's drink, but realising that in their current state of not quite-sobriety they'll never make it to the end of the word and might as well give up now. Due to the popularity of the word amongst English speakers, it has been added to various official dictionaries, such as that of the University of Northumberland.

Fwee

Fwee: interjection. A word exclaimed by someone who has just been kicked in the rear end by a donkey or ass whilst also being on a bus heading for El Paso either from Dallas, TX or Anchorage, AK, having the previous night stayed in a hotel that only showed reruns of terrible TV sitcoms from the 2020s and also having spent at least 43.24 minutes in the company of at least 2 Speakers of the United States House of Representatives.

Staye

Staye: noun. Accommodation or a period of staying as a visitor or guest in an inne. This word was created by a Richard Murphy, who was angry at the abuse of silly suffixes preserved from Middle and Old English, which were being abused by the proprietors of expensive, but flimsy accommodation establishments and created this word as a mockery of their supposed wit.

Trape

Trape: verb. To trap someone or something using only tape and one other object of the person setting the trap's choice. There is only one account in all of history of someone being trapead. It occurred in 1987, when a man was caught and subsequently mauled by a liger after being caught in a vending machine, which contained a cleverly concealed bear trap, secured in the vending machine using a large amount of tape.

Examplary

Examplary: adjective. Referring to a test, assessment or quiz that has been particularly well-created and should be used as a standard to uphold other forms of assessment to, due to its superior quality. The most examplary quiz in history was created in a public school in Bedfordshire, but it is believed that due to its almost unattainable perfection, it was confiscated by the global government to be used when the global education crisis final reaches its climax.

Aforeaforementioned

Aforeaforementioned: adjective. Referring to something, which has already been mentioned in a sentence or conversation twice before and hence the word 'aforementioned' isn't satisfactory for explaining the relevancy and recurring nature of the word in the conversation. The word was first introduced by William Shakespeare in one of his many lost plays, this one specifically from the historical tragedy 'Hammurabi and Code', where the tragic heroine Code sacrifices herself and protects her lover Hammurabi from the oncoming Assyrian armies by throwing herself with her spears and daggers into the midst of the battle.

Extrapole

Extrapole: verb. To rescue a Polish person from a tricky or unpleasant situation and then subsequently explain said tricky and unpleasant situation to those who caused the aforementioned tricky and unpleasant situation, whilst utilising the aforementioned Polish person as a prop to explain the aforeaforementioned tricky and unpleasant situation.

Ciclycal

Ciclycal: adjective. Referring to something that occurs in backwards cycles or is backwardly recurrent. For example, consider a Phoenix, who is born old from a flame and then grows younger and younger until he hides himself in an egg, at which point the egg erupts in flames and an old phoenix is born from the flame once again. The life of this phoenix could be called ciclycal from the point of view of a regular, quite ordinary phoenix.

Redract

Redract: verb. To remove a dragon from a scenario or situation, where he was deemed to have been erroneously placed. Redraction is often employed by non-fantasy writers who suffered from a brief case of phantasmagoria and included a dragon in their otherwise perfectly sensible story. Nevertheless this has sparked the creation of an online community dedicated to imagining works of literature before they were redracted. The highlights include the dragon that east Raskolnikov in Dostoevsky's seminal work, as well as the Chocolate-breathing dragon in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Prisee

Prisee: noun. The poor soul that is at the receiving end of being prised out of/from something. The earliest example of this is from a news report published in 1934 in an undisclosed country, wherein the following sentence appeared: "After being rescued from the lavatory, the thankful prisee rewarded his rescuer by running naked through the streets of REDACTED naked while screaming the true name of Lucifer."

Catastroclysm

Catastroclysm: noun. Quite literally the biggest disaster that could possibly, imaginably happen ever.  No event in history has even come close to being apt for this word to be used to describe it. If the super volcano underneath Yellowstone Nat'l Park ever does erupt, then the word may be a suitable choice, but even then it would be debatable. A potentially sufficiently-dangerous scenario would be if a meteor was crashing into the Earth as a pandemic was spreading across the globe, the super volcano was exploding and the Spice Girls were considering reforming for a come-back tour.

Withe

Withe: conjunction article. This is yet another, and the newest, creation of the modern trend to condense the English language as much as physically and literally possible. As is hopefully obvious to the ordinary reader withe is a combination of the words 'with' and 'the'. Thus it can be used in sentences such as: "I went to the zoo to observe the vultures withe guy I'd met in the torture museum."

Sumday

Sumday: noun. 'Sumday, bloody Sumday' is a phrase in the banker jargon, which refers to the ominous day when the precarious and largely imaginary foundation that the world economy is built upon collapses and the banking community finally has to sum up and own up for the colossal disaster that they will have at that point caused. There are various theories, of varying scientific verisimilitude, as to what will happen after Sumday. Some particularly apocalyptic fanatics believe that communism will rise in its ultimate form and take over the world, while more realistic folk believe that the world will simply cease to exist, except for  a bowl of petunias and a sperm whale.

Cicadian

Cicadian: adjective. This word is only found in natural language in conjunction with 'rhythm' in the phrase 'cicadian rhythm'. This refers to a person's sleep-wake cycle, when it is completely in the control of stupid, bloody-annoying angry crickets that just won't shut up. People with a cicadian rhythm are known to wake up at godforsaken hours of the night, due to incessant buzzing and chirping. Psychologists are currently investigating the apparent correlation between increase in violence and a cicadian rhythm.

Aspecial

Aspecial: adjective. Describing something which is entirely not special; a synonym for the word 'normal'. Legend claims that the word was created by the Knights of the Round Table as a cunning form of cypher, which they then employed to insult Sir Lancelot, without him realising he was being insulted. Since then the word has been employed to great success by bullies around the globe.

Askbomb

Askbomb: noun. A sudden and wholly unexpected query asked by someone in a non-chalant manner. The word is commonly used in the following sentence, usually by someone telling a story of a humorous, but slightly distressing event that occurred in their past: "And then he/she dropped the askbomb!" Askbombs are considered abominations of etiquette by the Venezuelan Gentlemen's Club.

Palindrone

Palindrone: noun. An unmanned combat aerial vehicle designed to target Sarah Palin and commissioned by the Union of Slightly Angry Democrats in Idaho (USADI). The crafts were commissioned by the USADI back in 1998, during her tenure as the mayor of Wasilla. However the factory commissioned to create the craft went out of business early in 1999 and so the USADI had to wait until 2006, when they finally found another manufacturer willing to produce the vehicles.

Epitomy

Epitomy: noun. Pity for someone or something who/which is the perfect example of a particular quality or type. This is very common amongst the bourgeoisie, who look upon the pinnacles of human existence or creation and pity them for having the difficult task of being the greatest thing/person ever born/created. Epitomy resonates so much with the middle class that it has been classified by some as the defining trait of the common people.

Suffrajet

Suffrajet: noun. A suffrajet is an aeroplane belonging to a women's rights movement. While suffrajets tend to be painted pink and are usually flown for amusement, some Republicans assert that suffrajets are in fact used to spread the feminist agenda of evil bisexuals led by the Antichrist. The antiductivity of such jets is unknown.

Antiductivity

Antiductivity: noun. The exact opposite of productivity, antiductivity is a measurement of how a certain object or action decreases the value of another object. For example, whereas we tend to define factories in terms of their productivity, as their purpose is to bring valuable items to the market, we look at things like Kamikaze pilots in terms of their antiductivity, as their main goal is to destroy the value of certain objects. The adjective derived from this word is antiductive and both can be used in sentences such as: "I was very antiductive today - I blew up a couple of buildings. I would have been even more antiductive had I not won the prize for antiductivity, which I guess is sort of productive."

Harlotrious

Harlotrious: adjective. To be harlotrious is to have the qualities of a harlot (namely promiscuity) and to behave like one (namely by being a prostitute). The word harlotrious can be used to denote men, women and people of another or no sex, but in this world, it is obviously used more in relation to women. Indeed, harlotrious men are more commonly referred to as "players," which broils the blood of more than a one feminist.

Buttox

Buttox: noun. A buttox is a bovine regularly engaging in headbutting other buttoxen. The highest proportion of buttoxen to the rest of the ox population can be found among muskoxen, as there is a high level of competition between males in muskox communities for mates. In contrast, buttoxen make up a far smaller percentage of the regular ox population, as bulls are frequently kept in solitude and have little opportunity to display their physical prowess through headbutting.

Philadauphia

Philadauphia: noun. Contrary to popular belief, philadauphia is not a term for being half horse and half dauphin, but a term for the state a horse is in while ridden by a dauphin. A horse ridden by a dauphin is thus said to be “currently experiencing philadauphia” – a pleasure which might be uplifting for lovers and concubines but less so for horses unless they are in quite unconventional positions. 

Philadollphia

Philadollphia: noun. Philadollphia is a word used to denote two slightly different ideas. The more commonly used sense of the word philadollphia is connected to the horse figurine industry – in this sense, philadollphia is the state of being a horse doll. On the other hand, philladollphia could also refer to horses with artificial body parts – animals that are partly horses and partly dolls. These are also called horsedroids by science-fiction writers.  

Philadolphia

Philadolphia: noun. Philadolphia is a relatively uncommon phenomenon artistically depicted by some ancient civilisations and frequently so by the Greeks. The word describes the state of being part horse and part dolphin – a state, some historians argue, that is characteristic of the legendary hippocampus. While many historians hold the traditional view that the hippocampus is part horse and part fish, thus challenging its claim to philadolphia, modern revisionists of Greek art and culture often come to the conclusion that since many ancient civilisations did not distinguish between fish and marine mammals (and since the body of a horse is more biologically compatible with the body of a dolphin than with that of a fish), the hippocampus is more likely than not a prime example of philadolphia in fiction.