Narture

Narture: noun and verb. The answer to the age old question of nature versus nurture. Narture is a combination of both, therefore it should not be surprising that it shares the properties of a noun (like nature) and a verb (like nurture). This means that using it in sentences is far easier than using any other verb, as it can be put in the position of either, for example: "PETA´s followers try to narture our narture, but continually fail at doing so." The word was invented by the British polymath, Francis Galton, who resolved his internal argument over nature versus nature by fusing them into one thing, making the whole dispute irrelevant.

Browngrocer

Browngrocer: noun. A man who sells vegetables that are predominantly brown in colour, usually because of rotting. Unlike a greengrocer who sells all vegetables green or not, a browngrocer is bound by the law (Paragraph 26, line 2) to sell exclusively brown vegetables and can be given an unlimited fine for disobeying this law. In most cases, the gravity of this crime is judged by how much of the vegetable is brown. Anywhere from 95 to 100 per cent is deemed perfect by the law. In between 80 and 95 per cent, the browngrocer has to throw the vegetable away. 60 to 70 per cent brown-coverage can result in a court case and anything below 60 leads to the already mentioned unlimited fine and the confiscation of the browngrocer´s licence. Oddly enough, there are no other colours accepted by international law that restrict the variety of vegetables one can sell. After all, having a yellowgrocer wouldn´t really work, would it? 

Dvojacking

Dvojacking: verb. To mispronounce the name of a foreigner, often in a rather offensive, unpleasant or simply stupid way. The victims of Dvojacking are, in the majority of cases, people whose names contain diacritic or clumps of unpronounceable letters, for example first names like Žibřid or Khongordzol and last names like Schrödinger and Štadlmajer. In rare instances, people can be Dvojacked by their fellow countrymen, although this usually happens as a result of immigration and an unwillingness to conform to the language of a country. The etymology of Dvojacking should be fairly obvious to anyone who spends their time with Slavs or people of Slavic descent. This is because the word is derived from the name Dvořák; the most famous bearer of the name being called Antonín "Dvojack," "Dvourghak" or just "Dvorak."

Thursty

Thursty adjective. To experience a thirst that could only be quenched on a Thursday. This condition was most common in the members of an ancient religion found scattered throughout Europe with no apparent pattern or place of origin. Members of this religion believed that their God (a three winged eagle) passed 80 tests by dark forces before being able to grant the world the tangerine; this gift was believed to be given to the Earth on a Thursday. In celebration of this, members of the religion had feasts of tangerines every Thursday and for the rest of the week they thursted for the fruit’s juices.

Refungus

Refungus: noun. To either give someone back their mushrooms or to reintroduce the population of certain fungi in an area. The word´s history, like the history of almost all other words on this blog, is quite interesting. Refungus was actually coined by mistake. The story goes that in the 1930s, shortly after the Wall Street Crash in 1929, a Honduran-American salesman of mushrooms lost a giant portion of customers. This would not have gone down in history in any way though, if there hadn´t been a few other factors involved. Firstly, this particular mushroom salesman, Pedro de San Seta, was the biggest salesman of mushrooms in the world. Secondly, unlike in the case of many other businessmen, the shareholders in his company demanded their money back, threatening Pedro de San Seta with a lawsuit. He, however, was slightly short of hearing and at one press conference, he replied to the question “When will you refund us?” with the words: “Sí, I vill refungus my mushroom plantations as soon as posible, pero first, you hev to stop bovering me wis da moolah.”        

Enotional

Enotional adjective. This word describes someone who has become/ is very excited about ideas he/she has about the world around him/her. There are several stages to enotionalness, ranging from very calm with only a few signs of giddiness, to extreme panic/ecstacy and overall exuberant behaviour. The first ever recorded case of someone being enotional dates back to the 2nd century BC. The great thinker and mathematician Archimedes, when bathing in his bathtub, had a brilliant idea. He then ran around the streets naked, screaming "Eureka!". This is known as the first recorded case of enotionalness.

Bumblebeer

Bumblebeer: noun. Distilled liquor made of bumblebee juice extract. The beverage was first consumed by the Celtic population in modern day Ireland where bumblebeer is, to this day, called “beoir ó Na súnna an ollphéist Ag eitilt,“ roughly translating to “beer from the juices of the flying monster.” It´s history can be given with some precision and several sources from chronicles written by Viking scribes describe bumblebeer as particularly disgusting, especially when combined with mushrooms prepared for ritual purposes by Celtic druids. In the modern day, there are many organisations campaigning against the consumption of the liquid, saying that the way in which it is obtained (a way that is too gruesome for this blog to go through without getting censored) is unfathomably inhumane.  

Ehemate

Ehemate verb. 1. To utter sounds, which sound not dissimilar to "ehem", instead of giving a proper answer to a question or query, which has been presented.
2. To bleed suddenly from more than one orifice.
3. To hate a friend or mate
The word was first used by celebrated the celebrated waste collector Benjamin Pell, also knows as "Benji the Binman". People would often rather than speak to him ehemate, which led him to the creation of the word.

Telvisneurotism

Telvisneurotism: noun. A degenerative syndrome that causes TV addicts to shout at a TV screen, wishing to change the outcome of a film, series or reality show. Not to be confused with the similarly pronounced elvisneurotism, a painful anxiousness for the health of Elvis Presley. Telvisneurotism was, rather strangely, coined before the introduction of the television – a good two thousand years ago. Originally, the word described the anxious feelings the public felt for a popular gladiator when he was doing badly. Looking at the stadium, they often tried to change the outcomes of the match telekinetically, obviously without too much success. In the modern day society, telvisneurotism has received a large amount of attention from various psychiatrists and researchers. A study by Spanish scientists conducted in May 2013, showed that over one half of all telvisneurotists were football fans, one third was comprised of soap opera addicts and the rest were the people yelling at the contestants of a certain TV show, saying “don´t take the box! Don´t take the box!”      

Baguetteer

Baguetteer: noun. A type of musketeer that uses a baguette instead of ordinary weapons. A baguetteer is not only unique when it comes to his weaponry, but also in his siegology. The tactic he uses consists of disguising as a baker and then pounding the unsuspecting opponent to death with a stale piece of bread. Yes, imagine that now if you want to. And while you’re at it, make sure that your imaginary baguetteer has a hat solely made up of a piece of bread with a few feathers sticking out the end. Seen him before? No? If you ever watched the film The Three Musketeers from 1993, you will have probably not noticed that look Tim Curry gives to one of his guards. In fact, that guard was a corrupt baguetteer in disguise and the Cardinal was instructing him to pound D’Artagnan to death slightly earlier. However, the baguetteer’s morals got the better of him and he fled the scene a few minutes later, never to return again.    

Flouse

Flouse noun. A flouse is the feeling one has, when one thinks or feels as if there are louse in his hair. The plural of the world is obviously falice, and if one has falice, one is expected to scratch at ones head furiously, often manically. The word was first used by William Glasser, the well-known U.S. psychiatrist, who focuses on reality therapy and choice theory. Early in his research Glasser was looking at hallucinations people often have and such other phenomenona, and discovered that falice were surprisingly popular in the American population.

Phiphiphilia

Phiphiphilia: noun. An immense addiction or attraction to the Thai Phi Phi Islands. Phiphiphilia was a major mass-mania psychological occurrence that happened in the last century when Thailand was experiencing a touristic boom. The invention of the word dates back to that time when His Majesty, King Phrabat Somdej Phra Paramindra Maha Bhumibol Adulyadej Mahitaladhibet Ramadhibodi Chakrinarubodindara Sayamindaradhiraj Boromanatbophit, wrote a letter to one of his secretaries in the capital city, Krungthepmahanakhon Amonrattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharatratchathaniburirom Udomratchaniwetmahasathan Amonphimanawatansathit Sakkathattiyawitsanukamprasit, saying that the newly discovered phiphiphilia was a gift from heaven. After a rapid destruction of the Thai ecosystem though, phiphiphilia gradually sunk into something more like phiphiambivalence and authorities are working very hard at the time not to let it get as far as phiphiphobia. 

Siegology

Siegology noun.The study of different forms of siege as well as different machines of siege. Siegology  is a sub-subject of history and someone who studies it, is called a historian-siegologist. Siegology is a respected field amongst historians and siegoloogists are very popular and famous visitors or guests of honour to different shows and performances. The word was first used by Jack Nicholson when he was preparing for his movie "The Broken Land". This is strange because the movie is a Western and therefore has no relation to castles or sieges.

Okayer

Okayer: adjective or noun. Something that is more mediocre than another thing. On a scale of one to ten, okayer has no firm location, though it is universally acknowledged that since okayer describes something more ok than another thing, it cannot be positioned at one. In the same way, okayer cannot be assigned to something that is less ok than what it is being compared to and there is absolutely no adjective to describe something less ok than something else. As a noun, an okayer is someone who is rather mediocre and finds everything around himself mediocre too. At being asked how he is doing, an okayer always retorts “ok” and when describing his meal, he will never use anything but this word.