Mechuggun

Mechuggun: noun. A mechuggun is a firing weapon used to target insane people or insane animals. During the relatively recent mad cow epidemic, mechugguns were used to shoot laughing gas at cows, making them seem even more insane than they already were. This expedited the process of getting compensation from the state, as some relief programmes involved distributing monetary 'refunds' proportionate to the perceived insanity of the cow. Entire committees dedicated to determining compensation were thus fooled, leading to the bankruptcy of several British villages.    

Indianer

Indianer: adjective. To be Indianer is to have more characteristics associated with Indians than another person. The word is a bone of contention for many Indians, as those inland claim to be Indianer than those on the borders and on the coast, owing to their geographical position in the "heart of India." As well as this, many Native Americans calling themselves Indians resent the argument amongst Indian Indians, claiming that they themselves are Indianest - the reason for which is not quite clear.

Tennisy

Tennisy: adjective. To be similar to tennis. The word can be used in sentences such as the following, found in Encyclopaedia Athletica: "Sports using racquets, such as squash, badminton and racquetball are all remarkably tennisy. Other sports in which objects are used to hit balls, such as cricket, croquet and billiards, are somewhat less tennisy but still more tennisy than sports in which balls are handled without objects to hit them with (football, basketball and rugby). The least tennisy sports are the ones in which balls are not used at all, such as judo, darts or chess and even less tennisy than these sports is everything other than sport. But for those who do not like sport, there is sport."

Kentuckyucky

Kentuckyucky: adjective. To be kentuckyucky is to be similar to Kentucky, in the same way that to be kentucky is to be similar to Kent. The US states all vary in their levels of kentuckyuckiness with Kentucky being the obvious leader in this area and Tennessee being a relatively close second.

Illinoise

Illinoise: noun. An illinoise is a sound that makes people feel sick or somehow unpleasant. What is or isn't an illinoise varies from person to person, as people have different tastes in tones as well as their amplitudes. Thus, whilst some people find cacophonous accords unpleasant to the point of being illinoises to them, others willingly pay to see the live version of American Idol.

Ohigho

Ohigho: noun. An ohigho is something high in the middle and round on both ends, such as not Ohio. Something that qualifies as an ohigho is a monster truck from side view or an anaconda that is defecating a bowling ball, eating another one and trying to digest a vertically positioned tree.

Verimont

Verimont: adjective. The word verimont is used to describe something very mountainous, for example Nepal or Austria. There are multiple ways to determine whether an area is verimont, as opposed to not so mountainous and not mountainous at all. One of these is simply counting up the number of mountains in a given area, but that is largely deemed a very lazy method by most geographers. The preferred method of measuring how verimont an area is is dividing the number of mountains by the extent of the area itself. The only weakness of such definition is that a number of geographers don't know the difference between a mountain and a hill.    

Vampsheer

Vampsheer: verb. To vampsheer is to harvest the canine teeth of a vampire, usually by sawing them off. Whereas in the past, vampsheering was a precaution ensuring that vampires would not be able to suck the blood out of people, modern mass-production has made it possible to keep vampires in pens and vampsheer them about twice per year. Vampire enamel can reach up to one US dollar per kilogram and is often used to make those little thingies on the ends of shoelaces. 

Mainia

Mainia: noun. Mainia is a medical term for abnormally elevated arousal levels owing to the awesomeness of Maine. Maine is the Northernmost part of New England and, as any truly patriotic American would tell you, it borders on nothing and more nothing up until the North Pole where Santa Claus lives. Such proximity to eternal Christmas, of course, naturally predisposes individuals to Mainia. 

Chusette

Chusette: noun. A chusette is the female equivalent of a chuser, an archaic version of the modern word "chooser" - someone who has the power to choose or someone who unnecessarily prolongs the process of choosing. According to new historical evidence, the name Massachusetts derives from a very unlikely but possible sequence of events related to this word. When John Smith was saved by Pocahontas from being killed in 1607, one of Smith's comrades built a memorial bearing the words "To Pocahontas, the massive chusette" in reference to Pocahontas' unclear affections towards men and her race in general. However, during the 1608 flood in the area of Virginia, part of the stone with the engraving "massive chusette" was carried by torrents of water all the way to Plymouth where it was found in 1620 by an unknown pilgrim and mistakenly taken to be the name of the area. The pilgrims, religious as they were, did not question the origins of the writing, as they were convinced that God himself gave them the land and decided to name it "Massive Chusette" in his everlasting wisdom.  

Rhodeo

Rhodeo: noun. The rhodeo (which fittingly originated in Pennsylvania, which is right next to New York, which is right next to Connecticut, which is right next to Rhode Island) is a game of uncertain etymology. The game consists of jumping on the back of a Rhodesian ridgeback and spanking it with the palm of one's hand for as long as possible until the ridgeback shakes its rider off. Despite the sentiments of the authors of this blog, the rhodeo has been criticised more often for the unfairness of its rules than for the blatant animal abuse it entails. This is because only one Rhodesian ridgeback is used for the entire competition and thus wears out completely by the time the third contestant mounts it. This is why the highest level of the podium for the winners is extremely wide so as to house everyone who went after the second contestant, with the first and second contestants usually ranking second and third, irrespectively.  

Connectacut

Connectacut: verb. To slash, rip or tear someone or something in a way that connects cuts, rips or tears incurred at an earlier time. For example, if a rug is torn in two places and a dog bites at it until there is a ridge connecting the two torn tears, we can say that the dog has connectacut the rug. In a similar way, if a murderer stabs someone in the left hand and then in the right hand, he can connectacut his victim by tracing along the body with a sharp object in a fascinatingly lively game of "connect the dots."  

NY-hate

NY-hate: verb. To NY-hate is to despise and act in a spiteful manner towards the city of New York or anything directly associated with it. People who NY-hate are called NY-haters and the word itself can be pronounced either "En-why-hate" or "knee-hate." Overwhelmed by the massive propaganda in the form of t-shirts, caps and cups bearing the words "I love NY," people who have had a more negative experience of this city (me and my sister, for example) have been pushed towards the edge of society and convinced that there must be something profoundly wrong with their brains. Luckily, the internet age has enabled this minority to gain international recognition, leading to the WHO erasing NY-hatred from the list of psychological diseases in 2010 and elevating it to the status of a "remarkable genetic trait" in the year 2014.      

Pensinveinia

Pensinveinia: noun. Pensinveinia is the medical term for having pens or parts of pens in your veins. Doctors tend to distinguish between temporary pensinveinia (for example when a tattoo artist's hand slips and jabs a vein with ink) and long-term pensinveinia (for example when someone comes up to you and sticks a pen in your artery). Pensinveinia can be very dangerous, especially when the pen is inserted into the vein in its complete length, width and height, thus causing death.  The process is quite complicated, so we won't examine it at length; just take advice from the doctors we consulted and never write again.  

Gnujersey

Gnujersey: noun. A gnujersey is, contrary to popular belief, a type of warm attire worn by gnus. While at hearing the word, most people assume that a gnujersey is a jersey made of gnu skin, this is rather silly as gnu skin is not a good material and the word is consequently rendered useless. Gnus themselves, on the other hand, need jerseys for the cold mornings on the plains.

Deliwear

Deliwear: noun. The word deliwear has two common meanings:
1. The clothes one wears while in a delicatessen shop.
2. The wrappers on the products in a delicatessen shop.
While it would appear that the name Delaware has something to do with deliwear, the sound of these two words is a complete coincidence. In fact, the word deliwear is more closely related to the word delhiwear, the clothes one wears in Delhi.

Marryland

Marryland: verb. To marryland is, as the word indicates, to marry land. This word is usually meant to be taken in a strictly metaphorical sense, as demonstrated by a sentence found in The Complete Encyclopaedia on the Chechen Life by Bulat Bulataev. It states that a Chechen woman is, from the very day of her birth, locally marrylanded and subsequently expected to stay within ten kilometres of her village for the rest of her life.This word is not to be confused with the noun merryland, which denotes a land with a high percentage of happy people, i.e. not Chechnya.

Huhwhy

Huhwhy: interjection. The word huhwhy is a contraction of the words "huh" and "why" and is usually followed by one question mark and one exclamation mark. Used to express surprise and bewilderment, the word huhwhy is where the name of Hawaii comes from. According to sources whose anonymity we are legally bound to protect, the name stuck following a conversation of the first white colonist with a Hawaiian tribal leader. This conversation has been reconstructed by the US department of culture and can be found here:

Tribal leader: Here, we worship the gods of the volcano.

Colonist: Huhwhy?!

Tribal leader: Because they are the ones hold the power to destroy us.

Colonist: Huhwhy?!

Tribal leader: Because our country is found on a tectonic plate passing over plumes of heightened volcanic activity (which are also known as hot spots) and the rising magma from beneath the earth's crust often bursts through, thus forming a volcano with gently sloping sides, as opposed to Plinian volcanoes which are cone shaped and occur on destructive plate boundaries.

Colonist: Huhwhy?!  

Tribal leader: Nevermind. Would you like to ride a plank of wood on the top of twenty feet tall waves?

Lasker

Lasker: verb. To lasker is to dance in order to get warm. Similar to the tarantella, the lasker is the name for the dance done by laskerers while laskering, the conjugations for this action being "I lasker, you lasker, he/she/it laskers, we laskeren, you laskeren, they laskeren." Devised in the north of Alaska on a cold winter evening in 1969, the lasker is in three-four time signature and is usually played prestissimo.

Merecat

Merecat: noun. A merecat is only a cat. Do not worry, it is a mere cat. It is not a meerkat, but a merecat and it does not usually stand on its hind legs. Truly, I say to you, merecats are not meerkats and woe be to him who says otherwise, for he doth defy the holy covenant between felines and suricates. Where were we?

Backmammon

Backmammon: noun. A backmammon is someone who hoards parts of the game backgammon and not, as popular belief has it, people's backs. Within the game itself, backmammons attempt to collect both their own pieces as well as the pieces of their opponents, often tipping the game against themselves by doing the latter first. The only accepted form of backmammony within the official rules of the game is revelling in the collection of game pieces that are not on the board anymore. Outside the game, backmammons collect backgammon sets or the parts thereof and put them around their house in prominent places.  

Asfixia

Asfixia: noun. The medical term for inability to fix things. It is customary to distinguish between physical and psychological asfixia. Physical asfixia is when a creature has no means to fix a particular problem. For example, people suffering from haemophilia have physical asfixia in regard to their blood not clotting. Psychological asfixia is when a creature has the means to fix a particular problem, but is mentally unable to do so. For example, some psychologists argue that Jehovah's Witnesses have psychological asfixia in regard to blood transfusion as a method of saving lives.    

πRomania

πRomania: noun.  The word πRomania has several commonly used meanings, the most frequent of which, as indicated by a survey filled in with the help of a minstrel and a wee white bunny, are the following:
1. Half the circumference of Romania. That is to say, one half of Romania's circumference, no more no less. Three quarters are too many, while one third is too little, excepting that it is part of the half already. Five sixths are far out.  
2. Immolating round objects. Usually, such phenomena are indicators of the violence inherent in a largely autocratic system and do not occur in anarcho-syndicalist communes.  
3. A constant urge to set fire to Romania.

Inflamingate

Inflamingate: verb. The word inflamingate is perhaps the most misused word of all time. Some use it to denote the inflammation of a particular object using a flamingo. Some use it to describe the inflammation of the flamingo itself. Some even go as far as using the word as a preposition, the meaning of which is either meant to be "inside a flamingo in a gate" or "inside a flaming gate." However, the real meaning of the word inflamingate is to emulate the behaviour of a flamingo. Inflamingating is to flamingos what impersonating is to humans, with the sole exception that flamingos do not shoot each other to death with automatic rifles and seldom eat rotten fish. 

Mishappen

Mishappen: verb. To mishappen is to happen in a wrong, bad or unplannedly negative fashion. The word can be used in sentences like "the fireworks mishappened; they did not want to go off and when dad came to relight them, they exploded in his face." It is also very useful for commenting on the political status of quite a few countries, for example: "Despite high hopes, democracy mishappened in Russia following the year 1991." 

Unplannedly

Unplannedly: adverb. The word unplannedly is the adverb derived from the more commonly used adjective "unplanned." It can be used in sentences such as "the authors of this blog unplannedly came up with this word whilst writing tomorrow's post." The word unplannedly is synonymous with the words "inadvertently," "unintentionally," or "unwittingly," but covers a somewhat larger scope in meaning, as exemplified by the previous sentence which would convey a slightly different message if the word unplannedly was replaced by any of these.  

Swaglish

Swaglish: noun. Contrary to popular belief, Swaglish is not an amalgam of English and Swahili. Nor is it a language spoken exclusively by hipsters with a lot of swag. In fact, Swaglish is a combination of the two: A hip and trendy cross between English and Swahili used by very cool people (to whose coolness the creators of this blog can only look up to with their mouths wide at a 45 degree angle). An example of Swaglish in a conversation is the following:

"Habari gani?"
"Very njema"
"So yesterday usiku was gani?"
"Oh, like, sooo nzuri."
"I nahitaji to talk nawe 'bout the big habari: my dada's gettin' married."
Notice that the second speaker does not confuse "dada" for a hip and trendy word for "father" and correctly assumes that it refers to the first speaker's sister.
"Well it was 'bout nafasi. She's almost ishirini na tano - that's almost menopause!"
The conversation very appropriately ends here, as the first speaker is duly offended and leaves.  

Postsident

Postsident: noun. A democratically elected leader of a country which no longer exists. To be a postsident, one can be elected as a president and then lose the country one was elected in, or one can be directly elected as a postsident (though no one is quite sure what that might be good for). An example of a postsident was Edvard Beneš who, after the Nazis invaded Czechoslovakia, fled to Britain where he headed a government in exile and was incorrectly addressed by everyone as 'president.'

YOLAMTAITYTAN

YOLAMTAITYTAN: noun. A Hindu, Jain and Buddhist life philosophy founded on the teaching "You Only Live As Many Times As It Takes You To Achieve Nirvana." Being an Asian rendition of the Western YOLO (You Only Live Once), the philosophy of YOLAMTAITYTAN teaches that we should live our lives to the fullest, as there is a limit to how many lives we will receive. The only difference to the idea of YOLO is that YOLAMTAITYTAN stresses the importance of a second chance based on the assumption that an unfulfilled person will reincarnate over and over again until he or she is fulfilled and achieves Nirvana.

Cobaltic

Cobaltic: noun. A country other than Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania that has a shore on the Baltic sea. With the term "Baltic State" confiscated and rabidly protected by the Estonians, Latvians and Lithuanians, other countries with Baltic shores have come up with the term Cobaltic to distinguish their individuality. The Cobaltic States are Finland, Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Poland and Russia.

Cobalt

Cobalt: noun. A new and popular music style created by the synthesis of blues and heavy metal. With the trademark characteristics of strong rhythm, a melancholic vibe, screeching singers and devil-worship, Cobalt is very popular among depressed rebelling teenagers who want to show their parents their discontent in a slightly more moderated way than by becoming full-fledged heavy metal listeners with faces of devils tattooed on their bums.     

Glueb

Glueb: noun. The remnants of glue inside a glue-stick, once the glue has been exposed to air for too long and is no longer usable as glue. The material retains its adhesive capabilities, but it is no longer in a fine consistency inside being in a strange globular or congealed state. Various inventors have tried to create uses for glueb such as fuel or vaseline, but those have all so far ended in fire, explosions or painful rashes.

Enginering

Enginering: noun. The subset of engineering, which consists solely of the study and development of engines, whether they be steam, diesel, nuclear or hamster. Enginering was pioneered by Aurel Stodola, who didn't really believe in the validity of the other parts of engineering as being worthy of study or investigation.

Pearsimmon

Pearsimmon: noun. A hybrid fruit created by geneticists in 2011, which combined the impossibly annoying shell of persimmons with the awful taste of pears. They were subsequently declared the 'Genetical Failure of 2011' by the International Committee for Human Achievement and Failure, which is chaired by Richard Dawkins.

Carsea

Carsea: noun. The joint commuting of at least 15 people together in a bus. The only difference between a carpool and a carsea is in the number of people that are encompassed in the two different activities. Carseas are particularly popular in the more rural parts of India, where the bus may be the only form of transportation for the entire area and so the carsea may be a necessity for many of the people.

Cryptophony

Cryptophony: noun. The study of the conveying of secret or hidden messages in speech. The field was developed to help the already existing study of cryptography, which however only had meager attempts at actually analyzing speech. Individuals have excelled at making ambiguous phrases convey hidden messages. Cryptophony is based around the analysis of individual fragments of speech, which are referred to as 'trapped cryptophonemes'.

Irrigatation

Irrigatation: noun. Being annoyed about things to do with the artificial watering or land or soil. This is a problem farmers often suffer from, especially if some stupid, GOD-FORSAKEN rodent decides to chew through their pipes and hose so that all of his stupid, stupid plants withers before he has time to go and fix the ENTIRE IRRIGATION SYSTEM.

Poelemization

Poelemization: noun. Polemization about one or more poems. This is a term originating in the 17th century, when the discussion of poetry in literary circles became particularly popular and the term emerged to refer to the monologue delivered by a single person at the beginning of such meetings, which would set the tone and topic for the discussion. Later poets and authors would try to prevent poelemizations by creating seemingly banal poetry, such as 'Sacred Emily' by Gertrude Stein.

Prerequiment

Prerequiment: noun. A requirement or criterion for a presentation. This word is an amalgam of two other words, that has become increasingly popular in recent times, especially in the business world, where a growing need for efficiency has condensed various phrases into single words, with prerequiments being only one example of the multitude of new vocabulary.

Battlemint

Battlemint: noun. A sugary-sweet pill that was taken by knights in the middle ages to calm their nerves and aid them before an upcoming battle. It was believed that the mints had mystical and magical properties, and thus would provide them with the strength necessary to overcome their enemy in battle. In reality, battlemints were one of the most successful and prosperous market ventures that made their creator a John of Reading one of the richest men in the world at the time. In fact it is thought that accounting for inflation and currency development, his wealth at the height of his power would be equivalent to the total GDP of Belgium for 2015.

Stape

Stape: noun. A staple which is coated in a thin film of adhesive, which also makes it sticky. This office supply was developed in the 1950's in the US by Herbert Williams of Reno, Nevada and became an instant success. It was only later discovered that the adhesive Williams was using emitted a surprising amount of beta particles, despite not containing any radioactive substance and to this day remains one of the greatest scientific office-related mysteries.

Horcruxcrux

Horcruxcrux: noun. The important part of a horcrux, which actually contains the part of someone's soul/living essence. Taking a real-world example, when Voldemort used the locket that formerly belonged to Salazar Slytherin, it was only the inside of the locket that contained the actual horcrux, and thus the inside of the locket was the horcruxcrux.

Intravel

Intravel: noun. An interval within an interval. For example, recording the volume of a scream at 1 minute intervals within 10 minute intervals. Intravels are used by scientists especially when measuring complex variables, such as human emotions, bad news and the amount of plastic cups in a plastic cup dispenser. It is thought that Newton was particularly opposed to intravels, as he saw them as unscientific and far too confusing to be worth the hassle.

Intergument

Intergument: noun. In biology, the internal covering of an organ. In Ancient Egypt the intergument of a pig's liver was used to create the equivalent to modern day candy wrappers, which were used to contain particularly savory pieces of honeycomb. This is known from the surprisingly intricate depictions of these in hieroglyphics, and some have theorized that these depictions are the earliest known examples of advertising, which would explain the level of detail and amount of these hieroglyphics.

Beight

Beight: noun. An alternate measurement of a dimension of an object. It was developed by John Dalton as a measurement for the relationship between the radius and the Gaussian Curvature of a sphere. It is now commonly used in topology to confuse puny non-topological mortals, who do not understand the beautiful complexities and intricacies of topology.

Porlific

Porlific: adjective. Describing something which contains multitudes of minute openings in its surface or integument. The term is used mostly by biologists to describe for example various types of fungi and coral. The term has been in recent years expanded to the noun porlifity, which is now an important category in fungus classification.

Imbellishment

Imbellishment: noun. The process of making a bell more durable and sonorous, a process very common in the bell-making industry. The process was actually created by Alexander Graham Bell in a rather hilarious example of nominative determinism. This was after his brilliant invention of the telephone, in what is commonly referred to as his 'Lost Period', when overcome by the success of the telephone, he was unsure how to further himself as a person.

Stelth

Stelth: noun. The careful and inconspicuous removal of a single vowel from a word in someone's document in a word processor. This is a technique often employed by someone's rival in an attempt to discredit or ridicule them in the eyes of someone else. Studies have been conducted to measure the success of stelth in this intended aim, but the results have as of yet been inconclsive.

Alionce

Alionce: noun. A trope often used in science fiction writing is the alliance between an invading alien force and lions, who as the kings of the animals, have dominion over the fauna of Earth. Thus they are able to defeat even the humans. A major part of this trope is the important role of the insects in the defeat of the humans, where they are led into battle by the Prince of Locust. It has been theorised that thanks to the great strength of the insects, the aliens are not in fact necessary to defeat the humans and so the only reason humans are alive today is because the animals have not been given the proper incentive.

Helsinker

Helsinker: noun. This term originates from the now largely forgotten myth/legend of when the god Poseidon entered the realm of Hades in retaliation for losing one of his mortal daughters to Hades' underworld realm. Poseidon used the deadly waters of river Styx to flood Hades' realm, showing clearly that he was the more powerful brother. He then left with his no longer mortal daughter and Hades and Persephone spent the next few centuries with a mop and a bucket.

Dowageress

Dowageress: noun. A woman who has married a dowager, thereby gaining her titles and responsibilities through marriage, and thus entirely legally. A dowageress has yet to exist and is currently only hypothetical in nature, mainly due to the restrictions on same-sex marriage in many countries. This is however due to change quite soon and thus a dowageress is no longer a ludicrous idea, as it may have been viewed in the past.

Sallem

Sallem: noun. This is the unique mixture of herbs and spices developed by Cotton Mather and used to season the witches who were burned at the stake during the Salem Witch Trials. The minister did not encourage cannibalism, but believed that using his unique blend of seasoning the evil witch spirit could be prevented from turning another poor, helpless, innocent and servile woman from also becoming rebellious, independent and free-thinking.

Neroic

Neroic: adjective. A word to describe a suicide, which is preceded by the killing of over a thousand people and includes quoting from a over-quoted work of literature and then proceeding to end a dynasty by the suicide, instilling chaos and panic in the country. An obvious example of a neroic death is the suicide of William Smith who killed himself after having started the Great Fire of London, quoting from Hamlet and then by killing himself ending a long dynasty of Sewer Kings, who had maintained peace in the London canals for centuries.

Beingmas

Beingmas: noun. The festival proposed by Maximilien Robespierre to replace Christmas in Revolutionary France after having removed all other religions and replacing them with the Cult of the Supreme Being, which was obviously better than the Cult of Reason. Beingmas was meant to include such highlights as bread with powdered sugar and water with a slight touch of gooseberry. The idea became an instant hit with the people of Revolutionary France.

Crusaddle

Crusaddle: noun. The specially designed saddles intended for the heroes of the First Crusade, which were specially commissioned by Pope Urban II and meant as a reward. The saddle were decorated by half of all the jewels available to the Vatican at the time. Later realising its mistake the Church bought or demanded most of the saddles back in later years, so that now there are only 3 examples in the world, that do not belong to the Catholic Church. The whereabouts of one of these remains unknown except to a select few, who have guarded it for centuries as the Order of the Bestudded Saddle.

Collapsming

Collapsming: noun. This word refers to the sudden and shocking collapse of the Chinese Ming Dynasty in the 17th century. It also refers to the often used TV trope in which a character accidentally knocks down a priceless Ming dynasty vase, causing embarrassment for himself and awkwardness for all, which is for some reason amusing to the viewers of the television programme.

Pickle

Pickle: verb. To have been defeated by any one of the 8 HMS Pickles. Since 1800 there has been a HMS Pickle serving in the royal navy, however all of them have been so famously small and quite pathetic that being defeated by one became a sign of a truly horrendous captain. Therefore the verb has been used most commonly in the phrase, "You've been pickled!" This is also ironic due to the way in which Admiral Nelson's body was transported to England after the Battle of Trafalgar, in which one of the HMS Pickles took part, but was too small to fight.

Roquefortfort

Roquefortfort: noun. A castle or bastion built entirely out of Roquefort cheese. These structures are most popular in the commune of La Roque-Sainte-Marguerite in an attempt to spite their neighbours of Roquefort-sur-Soulzon, who have a silly monopoly on that awful, awful cheese that nobody eats anyway, so why not use it for forts, huh?

Increedible

Increedible: adjective. The two meanings of this word are in fact completely unrelated:

1. This word was shouted after the Cree chieftain Big Bear fled the North-West Mounted Police in the last military engagement on Canadian soil. Really the word should be shouted at Canadians in modern times for their lack of military engagements.
2. Referring to a personal motto which is so ridiculous and ludicrous or blatantly disregarded that it appears impossible. Examples of this include claiming one's creed to be "I am loving and kind and welcoming of all" while committing genocide.

Funtire

Funtire: noun. 
1. Satire which is aimed to cause verbal or psychological harm to a person. One may think that quite illogical due to the composition of the word, but in fact the word in itself is an example of funtire and after experiencing the word in this way, one should feel some discomfort and drowsiness.
2. A tire which has somehow escaped the wheel it was previously attached to and is consequently roaming the streets free like a bird, ignoring any duties and requirements, living life to the fullest. Funtires are some of the most envied objects in certain US states.

Coulogual

Coulogual: adjective. Referring to something that occurred during the discussion between two zucchinis. According to legend before the arrival of fire, people would produce heat and warmth for protection by encouraging heated discourse between two courgettes, which would eventually become so heated that the zucchinis would quite literally produce heat and keep the people warm. Thus various possible topics of discussion became referred to as coulogual. 

Papear

Papear: noun. An easily combustible, green, biotic material used for inscribing things in green pens. This pea product is essential for the functioning of secret services in countries such as Saudi Arabia and Mauritania, where green papers (being regarded as unfinished flags) do not arouse any suspicion and can well be used for sending secret messages.

Peariod

Peariod: noun. A length of time (usually between the end of winter and early summer) during which a pea plant begins and ends its life cycle. Contrary to popular belief, a pea does not "have an issue" monthly during its peariod and does not, therefore, have to be locked up for seven days and proclaimed unclean. 

Peadophile

Peadophile: noun. A person with a strange attraction to young peas. More often than not, this attraction will be strictly culinary (or at least "that's what they all say") but there are cases of people admitting to having wished at some point in life to take their young peas to "the next base." Thankfully for legislators around the world, peadophiles tend to squish their young peas when attempting to propose to them, which saves quite a couple of pages on wedding laws.

Hippea

Hippea: noun. A hippea is a pea adhering to a counter-cultural movement rejecting the mainstream values of Western society. Hippeas will jump out of pea soups, fight for their brothers and sisters of different pod skins and smoke one's marijuana to no end. Which reminds me: where did I put the pink fluffy dragon that almost killed the neighbour's unicorn?

Chickenpea

Chickenpea: noun. A pea used for chicken-fodder.Yes, this is how low this blog has sunk. In fact, anyone reading this blog must not only come to the conclusion that the authors are insane, but that anyone reading the blog regularly must be insane as well. We would, therefore, be very much obliged if you could donate to our foundation "Insane Bloggers in Need" to help us overcome our absinth, marijuana, cocaine and Baltic tea problems. 

Chicpea

Chicpea: noun. A pea with a smart, casual and understated fashion sense that some would describe as trendy or even trendsetting. First cultivated some eight thousand years ago, chicpeas have developed an impressive variety of styles from gangpea (cool and chilled) and sporpea (active and optimistic) to pemo (depressed and masochistic) and peath (depressed and bloodthirsty).

Sahoarder

Sahoarder: noun. Someone who selfishly hoards the Sahara desert for reasons not entirely understood by the Western scientific community. The word Sahoarder became popular in the world of journalism after Mohammed VI of Morocco proclaimed the following memorable line on the Moroccan occupation of Western Sahara: "We shall not give up one inch of our beloved Sahara, not a grain of its sand." This rather cliche quotation earned the king the title of the number one Sahoarder in the modern world.

Merloin

Merloin: noun. While many people are of the opinion that merloin is simply a misspelling of the word merlion (a mythological creature which has gained substantial popularity in Singapore), a merloin is actually a body part of merpeople and sea cows. In merpeople (at least according to Walt Disney), the merloin is the lowest part of the body with recognisably human characteristics. In sea cows, the merloin is said to be the most delicious part of the animal. This is a hoax. Sea cow meat is incredibly disgusting, which is why angry sailors drove Steller's sea cows extinct in the belief that such unholy excuse for food should not roam the seas. A similar fate met the dodo bird.  

Pimpess

Pimpess: noun. A pimpess (sometimes also called a pimpette) is a woman that provides her customers with prostitutes. Contrary to one popular misconception, a pimpess is not the same thing as a 'madam,' as pimpesses are generally regarded to be more masculine and more obsessed with golden chains. Contrary to another popular misconception, pimpesses do not just provide females with access to male prostitutes - they do transgender too.  

Flankre

Flankre: verb. To flankre (or flanker in US English) is to feign a blankre - a blank stare - in order to either avoid conversation or to get a look at something one should not be looking at, all the while appearing to be deep in thought about something else. The word flankre can be used in sentences such as "I sat in my car flankering at the dead body on my windshield, hoping that the policeman would not come over to make conversation" or "the woman flankered at her boss' flawless abs and slobbered a little."

Blankre

Blankre: noun. A long expressionless gaze in one direction caused by absent-mindedness, often also called a blank stare. Blankres (or Blankers as they are called in America for God knows what reason) are an oddly frequent occurrence especially among children, married couples, unmarried couples, people in contact with idiots, senile people and the dead. Often, blankres are associated with having no clue what is going on, which is quite frequent among the aforementioned people, particularly the dead.  

Powlured

Powlured: Adjective. For a word to have a new plural for every power of 2 that defines the quantity of the word. For example: 1 spouse, 2 spise, 4 spises, etc. This was originally used as a military tactic to quickly communicate the size of enemy forces; an example of how this is used to communicate size: instead of saying that there are 13 boxes; one would say that there are boxeses, boxes and a boc.

Promoice

Promoice: verb. Supporting the right of a person or animal to make a choice in a matter concerning them. Many promoicers will support a convict's right (or promoice a convict) to choose between a death sentence and a life sentence. Staunch promoicers, however, will break into barns asking chicken if they want to be set free.

Prolactactive

Prolactactive: adjective. Controlling a situation with the cunning use of lactation. The word prolactactive can be used in sentences such as the following: "The prolactactive mother was able to settle the uncomfortable situation involving annoyed plane passangers and a crying infant by stuffing her breast into the child's face." 

Clothesbury

Clothesbury: verb. A religious practice involving the day to day burial of clothes for exhumation the next time they are needed. Clothesburying continues to be very popular among cultures in which people who are hanged, and consequently clothes that are hung, are a reprehensible insult to the earth. Whereas in the modern world, people use clothes hangers to hang their clothes, people espousing clothesburial use special clothesburiers - special sealed containers that can survive in the ground for hundreds of years.  

Crispianity

Crispianity: noun. A religion worshipping the wonderfully soft crunchiness of crisps. According to crispianity, all idolatry concerning this heavenly meal is welcome, as it reportedly encourages greater love for the almighty crispessence, a holy force in all humans which (when sufficiently nurtured) enables them to become one with the almighty crunchiness.  

Jugnaut

Jugnaut: noun. An unstoppable force with a jug on its head. Most jugnauts come into being after people attempt to stop juggernauts by restricting their vision with containers. However, jugnauts soon turned out to be far more dangerous than juggernauts, as they had even less foresight than the latter and would run around in wild fury. Luckily, they soon died of starvation due to their inability to remove the aforementioned jugs from their heads, instead attempting to force food through different orifices.

Horrorosous

Horrorosous: adjective. The word horrorosous is one of the first words with which Spanish enriched the English language. The adjective, coined by Spaniards and Latin Americans struggling with learning English, at first denoted the state of something being horrible or horrifying. However, as time went on and the word was assimilated into English, it gained the meaning of "something so horrible or horrifying that it might as well have originated from a horror film."

Bunburied

Bunburied: adjective. One of these two mutually non-exclusive events:
1. The state of a bun under the surface of the earth.
2. The state of temporarily being rid of one's responsibilities through the invention of a dreadful invalid.

Leggy

Leggy: noun. An organised military force with a specialisation in kicking and firing arms using their legs. Leggies are most commonly used by countries where animal warfare plays an important role in foreign conflicts and in countries with high amounts of radiation. It is a common misconception that leggies fight using other people's legs. Such warfare would be very unhygienic and morally questionable, especially if the legs are still connected to their owners.

Mobileisation

Mobileisation: noun. One of the ultimate signs of the end of the world: the mobilisation of mobile phones into Satan's army to fight against their righteous owners (or alongside their rebellious ones) in an epic battle. Mobileisation was a relatively late addition to the unofficial Prince Philip Bible and is still rejected by the majority of the Christian world with the exception of the Anglican denomination which has stated that "the belief in mobileisation is an individual decision among our adherents."

Stabbilisation

Stabbilisation: noun. The act of making someone or something less prone to overturn by stabbing it (often from different sides). The word stabbilisation originates from the defence of Brutus and other Roman senators after their collective murder of Julius Caesar, saying that they were merely trying to prevent Caesar from bleeding too much in one way or the other so as to achieve his standing upright. The defence of the first senator who stabbed Caesar is unknown.

Incensitiveness

Incensitiveness: noun. A state of detachment from worldly pains and pleasures due to excessive oral consumption of incense. People temporarily in the state of incensitiveness are called incensitive. People in a state of permanent incensitiveness are most probably dead.

Wrungle

Wrungle: verb. To wring something so forcibly that it turns into a figurative jungle. The word wrungle is most commonly associated with compulsive hand-wringing, a neurotic dysfuntion causing people to tangle their fingers together in such a manner that it often becomes necessary to surgically remove them. That is, the people from the hands, not the hands from the people. After all, the fingers do not deserve to be punished for their owner´s idiocy. 

Uranation

Uranation: noun. The word uranation has two quite commonly confused meanings:
1. The act of transforming something into uranium.
2. The act of turning someone (such as Abraham, Isaac or Jacob) into a nation, uranation being derived from the words "you´re a nation" which sounds an awful lot like some sort of strange spoof phone call you get at twelve o´clock in the evening: "We haaaave a winner! Congratulations, Isaac from the Land of Canaan, God has just confirmed uranation!!!"  

Critterion

Critterion: noun. An official requirement in the annually revised Guidelines for Critter Categorisation - a document used to distinguish critters from non-critters - ensuring that non-critters do not creep into the Critter International Association. The critterions are as follows:
1. Must be living.
2. Must do things that a critter usually does as defined by the newest copy of the Collins dictionary. 

BiYOLOgy

BiYOLOgy: noun. The science dealing with the living of two lives according to the rule "you only live once." While the connection would seem paradoxical at first glance, most modern philosophers acknowledge that certain specific cases do make biYOLOgy relevant to the real world. This attention from the great minds of the philosophical world also happened to lead to the inadvertent creation of the word biYOLOlogy: the study of the science dealing with the living of two lives according to the rule of YOLO.

The cases in which biYOLOgy is relevant to the real world are the following:
1. When a person leads two parallel lives.
2. When Hindus are right... but wrong.
Clearly the second case is the far more frequent one.   

Bullymea

Bullymea: noun. A medical condition manifesting itself in overt willingness and even strong desire to be bullied by someone, hence the words "bully me" being contained in this highly scientific term. While modern psychologists are quite agreed that the main causes of bullymea include masochism and conformity, psychologists such as Sigmund Freud were of the opinion that "penis phallic object ****ing penis and much more penis is penis squared."

Brabanter

Brabanter: noun. The exchange of playful and friendly remarks with the senator Brabantio from Shakespeare's play Othello. Other than that, there is very little to say about this word as it does not seem to describe a realistic scenario - Brabantio is in a bad mood from the beginning to the end of the only act he appears in. 

Airid

Airid: adjective. Regions labelled as airid have very large areas of open space. It is no coincidence that most regions considered airid will also be arid. In fact, the popularity of the latter word in characterising practically the same area has led to the de facto extinction of the word airid in the English language.

Malariarea

Malariarea: noun. An area with a limited or higher risk of malaria transmission. The vast majority of malariareas (collectively known as the Malariamegarea) is within the tropics of Cancer and Capricorn with relatively few incursions northwards or southwards. However, it would not be correct to view the entirety of the area enclosed within the tropics as a malariarea. In fact, the geographic term Malariamegarea takes into account countries within the tropics which have successfully combatted malaria and altitudes (such as the high slopes of Mount Kilimanjaro) at which the risk of contracting malaria is as high as the risk of contracting it in Switzerland.  

Nominative misdeterminism

Nominative misdeterminism: noun. The theory that to avoid the significance of one's name a person chooses a profession which is as far away from the role of his name as possible. Examples of this include a Mr. Baker working in McDonalds' or a Mr. Tailor working as a life guard. The theory has been proposed and supported through studies by researchers at the University of Montana, namely Dr. Hunt, Prof. Spear and Mr. Slaughter.

Transgrass

Transgrass: noun. This refers to the grass in parks, which no one is allowed to step on, despite it being a public space meant for relaxation and the wooden benches aren't really the most comfortable are they? This does not apply to grass one is not allowed to step on in botanical gardens or some such, because there it's understandable. Of course it is a transgression to step on transgrass, one that is punishable by chareing.

Adsorp

Adsorp: verb. To cover one's surface or the surface of an object in a thin layer of honey, so as to attract bees or bears, either will do. This action was perfected in medieval times as a reward for particularly excellent service to the king, usually involving treason or attempted murder. It proved to be economically unfeasible due to the price of honey and so the practice was abandoned by the time of feudalism.

Funtire

Funtire: noun. This word of course first emerged from a misspelling of the word 'furniture' but has since then come to mean various things.
1. The attraction in a playground, which resembles a swing but is much less effective or fun. It's cumbersome and difficult to swing properly and yet bafflingly remains popular in modern playground, despite the elements of 'play'.
2. A joke tire created by the company Dunlop, which when inflated to a certain point would cause the car to feel as if it were on water and driving through waves, rather than on a flat road. The tire was created to cater to people who were bored of regular driving and also seamen, who had unfortunately found themselves ashore.

Libromania

Libromania: noun. The utilisation of books in every piece of furniture in one's home. This is of course caused by an excess of books in one's home and the necessity to 'do something with'em'. There is a surprisingly large number of ways in which one can incorporate books into one's furniture, if one is sufficiently creative. It has also been discovered through libromania that even with the best protection money can buy, books are not water-resistant.

Chare

Chare: verb. To burn slightly or scorch with a candle. Linguists and etymologists have long debated about the origins of the specifications within the word. The current and most prevalent theory is that it originated with the first victim of chareing. It is thought that the man was retelling a rather dull story of a someone being slightly burned or scorched and a particularly bored member of the audience decided to conduct an experiment of his own. Thus the storyteller finished his tale with: "And so the man was chareeeeee..."

Apeary

Apeary: noun. A storage for the apehives of jungle apes. As is commonly known apes like to spend a portion of every year relaxing without having to fear for their lives or gather food. Thus they have very conveniently created a hierarchical system, in which apes work together to create resting apearies for some apes before then rotating, so that by the end of the year each ape has had an opportunity to rest. This complex system created by nature and evolution rivals in quality many of the so-called resorts of the so-called humans in their so-called civilised world.

Meercurial

Meercurial: adjective. Describing a person who is subject to sudden and unpredictable changes of mood or mind, whilst in the Netherlands or its vicinity. The word has been used repeatedly to describe the royal family of the Netherlands, but most definitely does not refer to any form of a debilitative genetic disease, which may have been caused by certain persuasions of royal families.