Exexistence

Exexistence: noun. The state of being permanently wiped from existence. Some philosophers believing in the immortality of the soul have argued that exexistence is impossible, while a few others believe that exexistence is the only logical effect of death. In the material world, exexistence can be used on several different levels. The first of these is when a compound changes form to such extent that it can no longer be called by its previous name, such as when a table burns - it is no longer a table but a pile of ashes and that what had previously been a table is now in exexistence. The second of these is when matter itself ceases to exist by being converted into energy. The third, and largely hypothetical, use of the word exexistence is when matter or energy ceases to exist entirely - a phenomenon that goes contrary to the laws of thermodynamics but is nevertheless theorised by physicists who have almost entirely stopped living in the real world and return from their sphere of numbers and irrational rationality (or was it rational irrationality?) for breakfast, lunch, dinner and an occasional bath.

Marineate

Marineate: verb. To become or make something/someone into a marine, or a marine creature. This does not mean that if you throw a cow into the ocean, that is marineating. However if you attach gills to the cow and then throw it into the ocean, then that is marineating. The process of making a person a marine is actually extraordinarily complicated as it requires not only drafting by a proper military officer, but also arduous exercise, an extensive portfolio, an excellent knowledge of knots and an innate ability to recognise individual seagulls. A popular example of someone marineating comes from Finland, which in an attempt to make pork their most popular export marineated 54,000 pigs and dumped them into the North Sea. Let's just say that the Sea Cucumbers were more effective at existing underwater.

Babyloam

Babyloam: Babyloam is a type of very fertile soil with a good proportion of sand, clay, silt and biotic materials obtained from babies. A normal loam can be simply turned into babyloam by adding babies to it (whether alive or dead should not matter, as if they are alive, they will fertilise by defecating and if they are dead, they will simply decompose). It is, however, far easier to purchase babyloam from the black market than to make it manually, as the former is not illegal. It is an interesting fact that babyloams are, at least according to an American poll conducted last week, most frequently made after long car rides and plane flights. One can only wonder why.

Scrab

Scrab: noun. A hard coating on skin formed during the healing procedure after a wound, which is made of paper (not the wound, the coating). The biology and physiology of scrabs is really quite complicated, as it involves the pancreas, pastellets (as opposed to platelets) and in some cases the human is required to have an entire separate organ to produce scrabs. This organ is generally known as a papier bladder and is found between the heart and the superior vena cava. Scrabs are notorious for taking a long time to disappear, the only sure way of getting rid of them involves a certain type of bacteria, which grows in Mangrove forests and can lead to an infection of the wound, if applied improperly.

Fragment 7:

Jumping out the window, Herb landed on a carfield, which was surprisingly but understandably painful. Herb spent some time narturing his wound, hoping it wouldn't develop a scrab. Running along the street, Herb passed several people offering him snuffins. Herb ran hope as fast his puny little legs could carry him, slammed through the door and locked all 65 bolts after him. He was happy to find that everything in his house was quite normal, including the incessant chicketting from Bob, his pet chicken.

Imfusion

Imfusion: noun. The removal of an element or quality from something, as well as a drink prepared by the grounding of the leaves of a plant or herb into a liquid. The process of imfusion is very popular and important in the petrochemical industry, where something happens with oleum or something and then something else and you know...The liquid imfusion is very popular in a certain part of Cambodia, where the entire local culture is based on the process of destruction, which is why imfusion is the perfect drink for the people.

Malsai

Malsai: noun. A quite ugly looking miniature tree fashioned in a Japanese manner or at least slightly resembling it. A malsai used to be the traditional counterpart to a bonsai; bonsai obviously being the pretty tree, malsai the ugly one and nonchasai something in the middle. However, after Japan´s Meiji Reforms and its opening up to the West, its industry and economy was strengthened to such an extent that it was no longer profitable to make pots for malsais and nonchasais and so they were quickly disposed of in the process of their making. This eventually led to these words being completely eliminated from the vocabulary of ordinary humans and the tradition was only kept alive by the efforts of Japan´s traditional bonsai-producing families such as the Kaba from Osaka, the Yanagi from Honshu and the Unmei-no-ki from Hokkaido. It is also worth mentioning that some linguists have put forward the idea that malsais should be renamed to mauvaisais, but these propositions were rejected for their obvious attempts at surreptitiously establishing French cultural dominance over the bonsai industry.

Flinsult

Flinsult: noun. A flattering insult. This is a common form of pleasantry exchanged in arguments with a mortal-enemy or a very good friend. The Oxford Dictionary of Conversational Etiquette states that "a flinsult can only be used when at least 3 other people are present in the room along with the speaker, it isn't snowing outside and no werewolves have been spotted in the last month." However these rules are often disobeyed, as can be seen from the case reported in Romania, where two werewolves threw flinsults at each other alone in a forest in the middle of winter. A statistician from the University of Botswana reported that a flinsult is the highest form of wit and anyone capable of using it must be an intellectual equal to at least Galileo.

Pole

Pole: verb. To pole is to slowly and surreptitiously occupy an area by moving up poles that mark the end of one's property and the beginning of another's. This occurrence was obviously begun in Poland, where neighbours would compete against each other in this odd sport, eventually taking over each other's houses by sticking poles inside and moving them along the floor without anyone noticing. Some historians suspect that the reason why Poland is so oddly giant for a country of less than forty million is exactly large-scale poling, in which territory is not only expanded by moving poles and changing signs, but also by building settlements on wheels that are slowly moved in the general direction of expansion. According to the Polish government, the practice was outlawed in 1989, but some suspect that it is still happening, especially considering the strangely incongruous amount of Polish people on the British isles.

Presalent

Presalent: adjective. This word has two distinct, which will be briefly summarised now:

1. Describing something, where presents are the prevalent object. This is especially true of the rooms of people under 18, old-people homes, homeless shelters and the homes of upper-class citizens of Miami Beach at Christmas. A word used very often in National Geographic, an infographic published by National Geographic in June 2004, showed that the word is used as often in National Geographic as the word "truth".
2. Describing something which is prevalent in the present but is subject to change very soon. A common example given to students of Orthography and Ornithology is snow in late March, it's prevalent now, but by tomorrow it's going to probably be slush.

Vakuum

Vakuum: noun. A place devoid of the letter K, such as not Slovakia or car park. It is, however, quite difficult to find a place devoid of the letter K entirely, for example, China is an almost complete vakuum, though there tend to be some rare occurrences of the letter in fast food restaurants, such as KFCs which are almost like oases in an otherwise K-less place.  

Pung

Pung: noun. A pung is a truly and utterly terrible pun that on a scale from one to ten goes into negative numbers. The first recorded occurrence of the word was in a Budapest journal commenting on a show of a certain British comedian who came to the capital in 1992, his opening line for the night of pung being: "I was talking to a friend recently and 'e asked me where I was going for the 'olidays. I told 'im 'ungary. And 'e said: 'wut, you 'ung Garry?'" The only audible response the comedian received for the whole night came from a small child that broke out crying once it realised that its parents had abandoned it in an almost empty hall with the comedian and a newsreporter from the aforementioned journal (this newsreporter was the only person who remained by the time the first fifteen minutes passed, as the child then proceeded to run away screaming).

Fragment 6:

It must have been at least fifteen minutes that Herb, Albert and the hidden Draculaic hummbug spent hidden from the hambourgeoisie. The time they spent waiting was used by Albert to make some unintelligible pungs (or at least that is what Herb presumed they were meant to be after hearing the one about the mlmth that mlmlmlmuuum the mmmmnnn to mnmumnmn). However, after some time passed and Albert's allergic reaction subsided, Herb realised that the pungs he was laughing at out of kindness weren't in fact stupid puns, but Albert admitting to his thesbianity, which made Herb feel slightly ashamed - not because of his own laughter at this profound moment of self-revelation, but rather because he felt ashamed for Albert who evidently didn't realise that his partiality towards chicken would only make him a thesbian if he were an actor. As the case stood, Herb decided that he would leave Albert behind, as he himself had a pet chicken at home and being around Albert made him feel a bit awkward. With a swift movement, he jumped through the first floor window of the rather forty building and ran for his life. 

Greta

Greta: adjective. A euphemism for the word great. In some cultures it has supplanted the common word "great" and is used on a daily basis by the entire population of the culture. Commonly thought to be a simple misspelling there are many conspiracies surrounding this seemingly innocent mistake. Since the authors of this blog value their lives, they will not delve into these conspiracies and instead here is an interesting fact about slugs: Only 5% of the slug population is above ground at any one time. The other 95% is underground digesting your seedlings, laying eggs, and feeding on roots and seed sprouts.

Slove

Slove: noun. A slove is, quite conventionally put, a slave to love - a person who cannot imagine life without being constantly infatuated with romance. However, the former meaning of the word was far more prosaic. Up until the 1980s, a slove was simply a slowly working stove - something that, however, became so rare by the end of the decade that in order to save the word, the MREL decided to change its meaning to make it suitable for more widespread use. This change was very welcome by a nation up in the Balkans that was for a long time unsure what to call itself. It just so happened that the recent change of the word's meaning made the Yugoslavian headlines and a new nation was born - Slovenia, the land of the sloves (it seems that they must have misinterpreted the word, thinking of it far more positively than it truly was).  

Anacondise

Anacondisation (British sp.), Anacondization (American sp.): noun. Being constricted, suffocated and consumed by an anaconda. The first recorded case of anacondisation/anacondization comes from the middle 1850's from the Amazon Rainforest near Manaus, Brazil. It occurred to a native of the region, who happened to disturb the strangling of someone else, thereby having snake's wrath move onto him and being strangled himself in the end. See also deanacondisation/deanacondization and reanacondisation/reanacondization.

Crat

Crat: noun. The word crat has so many unbelievable meanings that... that you wouldn't even believe them:
1. A rat in a crate.
2. A crate in a rat.
3. A crate specifically designed for a rat.
4. A rat specifically designed for a crate.
5. A crabby rat.
6. A ratful crab.
7. A Croatian rat.
8. A ratty Croatian.
9. A euphemism for a rat's excrement.
10. A euphemism for an excrement's rat.

Lolspeak

Lolspeak: noun. The language used by the current generation in an attempt to make communication shorter. Examples of dis be including liek such wow, but jk not rly. Thnx grd dis hasnt bekom pop. Doge. Oneth rekrds of dis languge r frm 1999 aftr it origin8d in Trenton. Mah homies in Trenton b liek waddup, we has langeuage, lols. Dem fools in dem bookhousz b liek it be no speak, but we aint carin.

Herzegovernor

Herzegovernor: noun. A Herzegovernor is an archaic term for someone who is culturally far more Herzegovine than Bosnian. What is interesting about this is that in modern terms, Herzegovernor is not a demonym and the Herzegovine part of the name for the country of Bosnia and Herzegovina itself is derived from a region called Herzegovina and not from an ethnically distinct minority. Still, though there is no evidence that any true Herzegovernors exist, the word has survived to be used about 1.02 times per year in professional publications.

Stickly

Stickly: adjective. To have the properties or appearance of a stick. Among these are being brown and sticky, as a stick is both the color brown and capable of sticking things. Human limbs have an average of 0.82 on the stickly scale, as it does share many similarities to a stick but is also too flexible and covered in a soft material to get a higher stickliness rating. this scale is based on an ancient stick taken from an oak tree, this branch is kept underground and will be preserved indefinitely in a vacuum, this was thought to give the perfect example to define a stick but it has an issue where some sticks will score as low as 0.992 on the scale

Fragment 5:

Herb soon remembered that he was quit hungry and realized for the first time that day that he was quite thrusty. He turned to Albert to ask if he happened to have the ability to change the day from Wednesday to Thursday or at least had a tangerine on him, but Albert was grabbing his mouth. With a quick inspection Herb deduced that Albert was bitten by a hummbug, which it would seem he was allergic to. His tongue swelled to an impressive size, unintelligibilizing him. The hummbug could not be seen could have crawled anywhere. This did not concern Herb though; what did concern him was that his friend's tongue was at such a size that he would be unable to eat anything larger than micaroni making an invitation to lunch awkward.

Curmuffin

Curmuffin: noun. The breakfast food being eaten by your person at this very moment. This is only applicable if it is currently breakfast. This does not have to be in the morning, simply at a time, when you break fast after having fasted for a period of time. Originally the word was used to refer only to muffins being eaten by your person at this very moment, however the International Bagel Society opposed this and so had the definition expanded.

Bellgrade

Bellgrade: noun. Bellgrade is a measure of the quality of the tuning of bells of different shapes and sizes. In technical terms, the Bellgrade scale goes from one to eighty four with one being the highest tuning quality and eighty four being the absolute worst. However, this scale is rather theoretical as there have been no bells so far that have been tuned so badly as to earn a bellgrade of eighty four and there have been none that have gained a bellgrade of one either. The worst recorded bellgrade was given to a bell in Serbia which was tuned so badly that it only made a "clunk" noise, thereby earning a grade of sixty two. The best bell, on the other hand, exists in Kathmandu with a bellgrade of four, but its sound has only been estimated as no one ever dared to ring it because of its extreme holiness. The reason for the lowest bellgrade being eighty four is not too scientific though. In fact, the absolute minimum was completely arbitrary just like forty two, the answer to the universe.  

Acycle

Acycle: noun. A cycle without without any wheels. One can imagine that an acycle looks like a bicycle without wheels, or maybe a monocycle without wheels, or maybe a tricycle without wheels, we aren't entirely sure. It is however important to remember that when racing in a marathon an acycle is a permitted companion and can be used to gain an advantage over all the other racers and beat all those losers, I mean who'd want to run in a marathon, honestly?

Undermountain

Undermountain: noun, adjective or verb. Depending on its use, undermountain has a variety of pronunciations. As a noun, it is read simply as "under-mountain." As an adjective, it could be read either as "under-mountained" or "under-mountainous" where the obviously unwritten "ed" and "ous" act as a counter-balance to the many times when English has silent letters. As a verb, on the other hand, the word is read as "under-mountayn." These varying pronunciations, though they may be confusing, serve to distinguish the different meanings listed below:
1. As a noun, the word simply denotes a place that is under mountains. We can use it in sentences like the following "In the undermountains of Switzerland, there was a village where dogs ate cats, horses ate dogs and humans ate (and still eat) the horses."
2. As an adjective, the word refers to a place that is deemed to have too few mountains to function properly, for example Holland.
3. As for the verb, to undermountain means to be creating too few mountains in an area, which is what the Dutch have often been complaining to God about in several public letters. 

Dreath

Dreath: noun. A death in a dream. There have been various theories about dreaths which have originated in different cultures and pseudosciences. The infamous-psychologist Sigmund Freud firmly believed that if one suffers a dreath he himself must die in real life in the upcoming week. The majority of the scientific community has agreed that this is utter poppycock and leans more towards the belief of the Ndebele people of Botswana, who belief that a dreath is the promise of double rainbows in the upcoming weeks. Statistically speaking, they're probably more correct than Freud.

Woop

Woop: verb. For the first time in the history of ever, this blog has finally come up with a word relevant to... well anything (giant gasp!)... perhaps except for suckerfish. Some people might actually use that. Anyway, take notice of this momentous ... moment, citizens of the internet! Now as for the word, anyhow, to woop is to evade a topic like one evades poop on the ground - gracefully and often pretending that one did not see it. The reason for this is that if poop is found in one´s own house, it is the traditional rule that whoever sees the poop first has to clean it. To evade cleaning it, of course, one simply has to woop and expect the next person not to do the same, which can obviously lead to mutual wooping that could last months upon months until the poop rots away completely and there is nothing left to woop around. Wooping, of course, isn´t just related to poop though, politicians do it all the time while visiting China and other countries where there are many topics that are to be -Tibet- eva -freedom of expression- ded.

Triantroupe

Triantroupe: noun. A group of triangles. It is a scientific fact that triangles are happier in groups and are indeed often found in nature in groups. These have become known by naturalists and polygonologists as triantroupes. Careful examination of the groups has resulted in some well known and established facts about them. For example triantroupes will only attack when in danger of being separated or being attacked by a wild heptagon. They are also never found in the vicinity of hendecagons and can sometimes be heard squealing, what is thought to be their group mating call.

Fragment 4:

Having failed to destroy the hambourgeisie, Herb decided that the best course of action would be to run, so as to avoid the possible retaliation. Herb wasn't known as a chamberlinger and was often found roaming the hallways of the laboratory, so it wasn't particularly strange when he stormed through them at an astounding speed. However he must have taken a wrong turn near Albuquerque, because the hambourgeisie had him cornered. It was a classic example of calicornithologicalisation without the bird and the cat. He was rescued just in the nick of time by his good friend Albert, known for being constantly overpapered. Herb and Albert had met at a feastivity but that's completely irrelevant to the story, so moving on. Albert saved Herb by unleashing his pet suckerfish on the pursuers. Albert also had a moath which made conversation with him slightly awkward, but that didn't matter to Herb when they escaped over the moath. They hid in John's office, who was away recovering from waltzerdation. 

Pacement

Pacement: noun. This word has two separate meanings, both very important in the modern world:

1. The cement used on pavements. There is a very special and top secret formula used to make pacement there are only two people on every continent who know the formula and every time a new batch of pacement is to be made, one of them has to come to the location to supervise. This has at times caused problem, espcially in Georgia, where the first pavement was finished in 1999.

2. The process of selecting a pace while walking. Pacement is a professional technique used by speed walkers to help them determine the right speed in order to increase the likelihood of their winning. Pacement was taken under investigation by the International Olympic Committee, whether or not it should be an allowed technique, however the committee realised in time that there was literally nothing they could do about it.

Tirant

Tirant: noun. There are many different definitions for the word tirant, the most common of which are the follwing:
1. (In American English) An absolute and oppressive ruler over the ring shaped covering around a wheel of a vehicle such as a car or a motorcycle. We won´t insult the intelligence of our readers by proceeding to explain when this definition of the word is relevant to anything, so let us move on.
2. An individual perpetually causing another individual´s fatigue, usually through constant harassment. While young children are the most frequently cited examples of tirants, it should not be forgotten that the Biblical God also had some quite enervating ideas like making his chosen people wander forty years around a desert.
3. An inhabitant of the city Tirana.
4. A lover of tiramisu. It is a little known fact that an Italian man named Francisco Gelato married a bowl of tiramisu in January 2010. However, his spouse proceeded to melt during the spring, leaving Francisco with brown mush that his mother threw away for the terrible stench it left behind after decomposing for several months.

Nonomatopoeia

Nonomatopoeia: noun. A word that specifically describes what something does not sound like. This can be very useful to describe how something doesn’t sound the way it should, or to describe how normal the sound of something is for example “’meow’ the table didn’t say as it hit the floor in frustration”. The word “nonomatopoeia” was first discovered on a VHS tape; the identities of the people in the tape are unknown and the topic of the video is also unknown as the tape was confiscated by a group of well-dressed men before it could be finished.

Banduo

Banduo: noun. A musical term used to describe a band, which is composed solely of two members. Examples of this include The Black Keys and The White Stripes. However originally the word was used to explain the machine used to give rubber bands their stretchiness and bendiness. It is unknown why the meaning of the word changed so radically, but it did so around 1822. The word has also been used in some parts of Vatican City as an alternate spelling of the banjo. The Papal Office has on many occasions refused to give any explanation as to why this is and it shall probably forever remain one of life's mysteries.

Abtract

Abtract: adjective. Describing something or someone who or which comes from an area of indefinite extent. Generally this word is used to describe either people who come from the American "Mid-West" or fauna and flora from rainforests. The word was first used by the humorist Mark Twain in a speech he gave to the newly founded University of San Francisco which was titled: "On the Nature and Philosophy of Benign Cacti and Abandoned Box Cars in the vicinity of Nevada". The speech holds the record for greatest number of hospitalisations due to the speech to this day.

Pristiner

Pristiner: adjective. From the often unused words belonging to a group of redundant expressions, the word pristiner seems to be the least used and the least known. Unlike the more common words like idealer, gooder or normaler, pristiner is actually the only one that was ever accepted as a proper expression. In fact, it wasn´t too long ago that everything was judged on a scale from pollutedest to pristinest, but with the influence "the greens" have had over popular media, all of the stages in between these two polar opposites were destroyed in the minds of the public, leaving only the superlatives that soon degraded into simple adjectives, remaining lifelong enemies at opposite ends of the spectrum. Pristiner, therefore, is only one of the words in the long list that involves words such as polluteder, moderately impristined and semipollutedlike, all of which have dropped out of common use when the already mentioned greens managed to convince everyone that there is no such thing as partially polluted and partially pristine. This deviated black and green view of the world has, according to professor Sprout of Cucumbershire University, led to the retardation of the English speaking public in the same way that Waltzing destroyed the Austro-Hungarian Empire with its decadent movements and inappropriately seductive closeness of dancing pairs.  

Verdurate

Verdurate: verb. To verdurate is to turn green, whether this change is permanent, temporary or moderately temperate. Verduration is quite common in plants during early stages of growth and spring, and also in some species of tree frogs which gain their bright green colour as time progresses. Contrary to popular belief, simply painting something green cannot be classified as verduration - this process requires chemical change, meaning that even some types of oxidising metals could be termed as verdurating. Verduration is no less common in humans than it is in plants - some would even say that it is more so, as people have been known to verdurate when sick, jealous, disgusted, frightened or when suffering from rare skin diseases. Though mostly impermanent, these examples of verduration are so common that some have forgotten that the word verdurate can also be used in connection to plants and metals.  

Fragment 3:

He missed. It is not surprising though that he failed at disposing of the hambourgeisie with his invention. The fact is that the scientist was a nerb with modern technology, which was quite the disadvantage in school as his name was coincidentally Herb and other children would always call him "Herb the nerb." No wonder he took an immediate dislike to the hambourgeoisie - their delicately patterned bread seeds on their deliciously baked crusts filled Herb with verdurating envy because of the knowledge that he could never be as legsome as this wonderful societal class. It was in his failure that he realised what he had stowed away in his brain a long time ago - he wasn´t nartured to become a scientist. Nor was he nartured to even be named Herb. How often had he asked himself if his name couldn´t have been Nettle or Bush or Tree... or even Fungus! But to no avail. After all, some questions aren´t meant to be answered (which in Herb´s case was very true as there was no one to answer it for him - his parents died in an unfortunate accident involving several infuriated aggronauts and a stolen snuffin).

Antihypothesis

Antihypothesis: noun. A prediction which will with absolute certainty not occur in an experiment or simulation. Antihypotheses are the foundation of chaos-simulation, a fairly new and modern branch of mathematics and computer science, which many hope will lead to the discovery of a self-replicating tomato as well as an infinite toilet. No one is certain how these brilliant inventions will be used, but there are several laboratories on each continent (including Atlantis and Antarctica) which are working to develop the technologies. It is thought that the self-replicating tomato could potentially solve the tomato-famine, which has plagued Uzbekistan.

Macedonical

Macedonical: adjective. The potential word was subject to several discussions before the final ruling of the Movement for the Rationalisation of the English Language decided that Macedonical would indeed be a word and should be used in whichever documents relevant to it. To be quite clear, Macedonical and the name derived from it denoting a Macedonical person, Macedont (not to be confused with mastodont), refers to the country of Macedonia, also called FYROM (Former Yugoslav Republic Of Macedonia). It was created in an attempt to mediate the dispute between Greece and Macedonia over the name Macedonia as both the country and a region in Northern Greece are called Macedonia. To the dismay of the Macedonians, the Macedonts have, according to the claims of the former, quite callously stolen the name and historical figures associated with it, like Alexander the Great, and used it for their own evil schemes. The MREL decided that to satisfy both Greece and Macedonia, the latter could retain the name Macedonia, but its people would have to be renamed to Macedonts and any adjectival usage would have to be changed to Macedonical which is why the decision was boycotted by the FYROM government, which said that the costs of changing road signs would be far too high for the Macedonical economy to cope with. Good ideas are simply not welcome in this world.

Macrophone

Macrophone: noun. A device that converts sounds into electrical signals, unlike a microphone these devices are enormous and are only capable of detecting sounds at a volume that standard speakers are unable to reach. Similar, smaller, devices that would allow extremely loud noises to be recorded can be made but they are not truly macrophones but are modified microphones, similarly a 10m by 10m by 10m that was capable of recording sounds at volumes that can by recorded by the average microphone would be a modified macrophone.

Greak

Greak: adjective. The alternate, more efficient and more linguistically congruent way to say (or write) the word greasy. There is not much deep logic behind the word; the same way there is Greece, there is also Greek and therefore, there is also grease followed by greak. Don´t dig deeper than that. Please. Spare yourself the nerves. And the feelings of invisible lemurs. 

Proversation

Proversation: noun. A formal, and often forced, exchange of thoughts and ideas. This term is most commonly used when referring to an uncomfortable exchange of information with one’s self, this is likely because the speaker would like to avoid conveying the idea that they are generally awkward or are uncomfortable speaking to others present. Those lacking in proversation skills will often be experienced in areas such as small-talk. The world’s longest recorded proversation was between Paul, John, Stephen, Roger, and Edward (All 1 person referring to himself with these names, no last names were given). This man talked for 36 hours, witnesses explained that every second of it felt like there was some ulterior purpose to the conversation and that the very few pleasantries were quick and didn't have the slightest pretense of sincerity.

Twolip

Twolip: noun. We were wondering for a long time whether we should really put this word on the blog for its offensiveness to the human race, but after finding out that it is a very tuned down translation from the universal bird language, we decided that it was way less offensive than some other words we already posted or mentioned anyway. A twolip, therefore, is the English translation of the bird insult to humans stemming from the fact that we have two lips as opposed to a beak. In fact, twolip seems to be the only thing birds ever say when humans are around, so no one´s actually sure if twolip is really an insult or whether it is just something trendy they´ve picked up and repeat for the fun of seeing humans getting very annoyed at it.

Istanbulate

Istanbulate: verb. To invade a city and rename it to Istanbul, a suprisingly common phenomenon throughout history, as the name Istanbul translates to "in the city," which, when one doesn´t know what to name a city, often seems to be the most popular alternative to ... well... nothing. 

Fragment 2: 

 

This particular first of January instead, this scientist faced a great obstacle in the presence of a very obnoxious group of hambourgeiosie, desperate to sell their deliciously-artificial products. As one who believed in the freedom of hot dogs and the potential of the proletariat, the scientist was quite disconcerted by this and prepared to shoot the hambourgeiosie to the moon with his newest invention.

Bulgeate

Bulgeate: verb. This word has two possible and widely different meanings:
1. The first is the more common one, but not the original one: to grow a bulge or become bulging in either a literal or figurative sense.
2. The second is far less used but the word was invented with this meaning: to suddenly turn Bulgarian without any former warning. This phenomenon used to be quite common in the previous century and scientists have never quite understood it - perhaps because all those studying it either disappeared or Bulgeated themselves. 

Amitanity

Amitanity: noun. The state of being someone's aunt. Although one might think that this could be one of the most useless words ever to exist, one would be wrong to think that. Amitanity is extremely important in some cultures, such as the Fon people and the Bariba people of Benin. In those cultures amitanity can determine marriage, education, social status and size of papaya. Whether one's aunt is a good or bad aunt to have is determined by the amitanity of that aunt and so on. This means that at some point it all lead back to one or two aunts, but that is all just speculation.

Mold

Mold: verb. To mold is to do the opposite from moulding: to make something incompatible with its surroundings or turning it unsmooth (or perhaps doing the former through the means of the latter). One can, for example, mold a militant Atheist child by putting him in a Christian school, or perhaps even better, putting a militant Christian into Saudi Arabia. Both actions would most probably result in a grave form of molding beyond repair. The word was invented after the disintegration of the USSR, when it was found that the country of Moldova would most probably not go back to rejoining Romania as it had been, as foreign press reporters said, molded by Russia.

Micaroni

Micaroni: noun. A form of dry pasta made from durum wheat. These are usually cut into miniscule hollow pieces. This is less common than the larger version, macaroni, due to the fact that macaroni is larger and generally less frustrating to handle. The first recorded use of Micaroni was in 1646 as a result of OCD: a man accidentally cut a piece of macaroni and had to cut all the other pieces to the same size. He found that pieces of this size were very hard to deal with as they were difficult to manipulate with an eating utensil, so he made sure never to make that mistake again.

Expensive

Expensive: adjective. Describing someone who had been thoughtful in past, but now refrains from the painful process of thinking and instead enjoys the freedom of an empty mind, potentially with some elevator music. Being expensive was especially frowned upon in 18th century France, nevertheless some of the greatest thinkers and minds of that era were proponents of being expensive and greatly profited from doing so.

1-Year Anniversary

As some of you may have noticed, if you were observant enough, today marked the 1-year anniversary of our blog. This means we have invented/created/rediscovered/updated 365 words (there wasn't a leap year). Through this we would like to thank you for enjoying our blog, whether you'd followed from the start, or had picked it up somewhere along the way. We hope we've provided at least some merriment and amusement to you and will continue to do so in the coming year as well. As a special bonus we will be posting not only a new word, but also sections of a convoluted and confusing tale each week, with each section containing one of the words from the previous year.

Anniverse: noun. A parallel universe discovered by Galileo Galilei in the year 1641 and the first universe discovered that is directly (as opposed to twistedly) parallel to ours. What is specific about this universe is that in it, every event has to have been preceded by the same event which has happened infinitely-many times before and has a period of exactly one year.

Fragment 1: 

On the first of January, there is always a scientist (whose name is sadly untranslatable to our language unless, of course, you are fine with stuffing your tongue into your appendix) who spends two hours in the lab ununununiumising and then decides to go out for lunch.

Flagship

Flagship: noun. Contrary to popular and naval belief, flagship is not the leading ship of a navy, but rather the worship of a flag, often conducted by the members of various nations who are to a certain extent super-patriotic. There are various rituals which can be considered flagship. Amongst these is the bowing down to a flag after waking up, sacrificing newborn calves to a flag at sundown or the covering of a landscape with a single flag. Some people consider flagship dangerous, but the police has issued reports which assure that flagship and flagshipers are completely and entirely harmless. 

Wallrus

Wallrus: noun. A slug-like animal known to live inside walls and feed on wallpaper. These creatures were first discovered in the wreck of a house in 1973 in Colorado. A house had collapsed under mysterious circumstances, which were explained when an infestation of wallri had been discovered in the walls of the house, having eaten the supports out of desperation and lack of wallpaper. Since then the animals have been included on various lists of most hideous creatures in the Universe, easily competing with Vogons, Bith and the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. The leading expert on these critters is Dr. T. Apeworm, who has published various academic papers on the topic of these dangerous and yet fascinating beasts. 

Convertionsation

Convertionsation: noun. A discussion or speech about the possibility of a changing of beliefs or ideals. Convertionsations are most commonly held in churches, mosques, gurdwaras, synagogues, temples and Fla coffee shops. They generally involve two people solely, the convertionsationist and the convertionsationee. A large number of studies have been performed on convertionsationees and various infographics and statistics have been produced. These include: the average age of an convertionsationee is 23.432 and they most often come from Poland.