Catted

Catted: adjective. People described as catted display a very nonchalant, uncaring attitude towards achieving their goals. Similarly to cats, catted people are unlikely to work hard for a pay raise, instead preferring to wipe their bum on the leg of their boss. Catted people show little tenacity and persistence, which is why they tend to end up running state-owned organisations. 

Dogalogue

Dogalogue: noun. A dogalogue is a haphazard mishmash of information thrown together in an inappropriate way without any regard for potential readers. As most teachers will tell you, 95% of the assignments they read are dogalogues, with the remaining 5% comprising plagiarisms. To call any work of literature or art a dogalogue is generally considered to be a scathing review, equivalent to exactly 0% on Rotten Tomato. 

Catterel

Catterel: noun. A catterel is a posh, rhythmically precise and noble poem - the complete opposite of a doggerel. Catterels do not necessarily have to be written by cats, in the same way that doggerels do not always have to be written by dogs, but it is preferable because cats are creatures well versed in the art of aesthetics. Famous catterels include poems such as "I Wandered Lonely as a Crab."

Dogaract

Dogaract: noun. A dogaract is a clearing of the lens in the eye leading to an improvement of vision. The scientific community is not entirely sure what causes dogaracts, but many eye-surgeons willingly take the credit and ascribe such improvements to their psychic powers. Oddly enough, they refuse to answer the question of how cataracts form. 

Fairiness

Fairiness: noun. Qualities associated with a fairy. We are posting this word because it seems that the first three words of this month were somehow misconstrued by people with very dirty minds who were convinced we meant to write about breasts. We hope that no such thing will happen to words like fairiness, so we are starting over with newfound innocence. Now about those perverted fairy poofs: do you think they use their wands as --- 

Jugged

Jugged: adjective. Someone referred to as jugged is gifted with abnormally large or abnormally many jugs. The most jugged group of people is traditionally the female part of the rural populace of Sub-Saharan Africa. In these communities, it is not uncommon to find jugged females not only with a jug in each hand, but also carrying an extra jug on the head. It is customary to pronounce the word jugged in a way that rhymes with "rugged," but it is becoming more and more common to hear people pronounce jugged in a way that rhymes with "bugged."

Boobying

Boobying: noun. Boobying (not to be confused with the word boobeyeing) is the funny waddling exhibited by boobies, classified as an example of intangible world heritage by the UNESCO. Boobying is a phenomenon of particular interest because boobies are naturally more comfortable in water and thus, any effort they dedicate to waddling on land becomes seriously hilarious. An example of boobying used in a sentence is the title and first verse of the famous poem by Gilliam Gourdsworth, "I Boobied Lonely as a Clown."

Subtitute

Subtitute: verb. To subtitute is to replace a tit with another tit. The most common subtitution is the replacement of a tit from one tit family with a tit from the same tit family. During serious tit epidemics, however, it is not uncommon to witness natural subtitutions such as grey tits replacing great tits and invasive blue tits replacing yellow tits, particularly in countries such as Taiwan. Most subtitutions are monitored by the Truly International Titwatchers (The TITs) who affectionately call themselves titties.

Usa

Usa: pronoun. The word usa is a modern day jarjarism, a figure of speech adopted from the expressions used by Jar Jar Binks. Most people who use this word do so unintentionally and tend to mean the USA, but the structure of the English language tends to reveal the intended meaning before substantial damage can be done. The word usa is roughly equivalent to the word "you," but it takes years of practice in jarjarism and jarjarian behaviour to develop a fine sense of hearing for when the word is appropriate and when it isn't.

Vir

Vir: conjunction. The word vir is a very curious word as it is never used outside circumstances in which one wants to be understood by some, but not by others. Vir is effectively a code meaning "with" and is specifically used in restaurants and accompanied by a wink. Thus, one can secretly order an alcoholic drink whilst maintaining the appearance that the drink is alcohol free. All one has to do is ask the waiter for a "mojito - vir gin" and make sure that the waiter registers the winking.  

Virginianity

Virginianity: noun. Virginianity is adherence to the Virginian demonym. There is not much to say about this, which is why we recommend our readers to think about something else instead. For example, you could think about Count Dracula visiting a restaurant and screaming at the terrified waitress: "I want your virgin tea!"

Carolining

Carolining: noun. Carolining is the science of designing, creating and maintaining the borders of either North or South Carolina. There are several types of Carolining, the most difficult to learn being Naval Carolining - the science of designing, creating and maintaining interstate and international maritime borders of the two Carolinas - with Interstate Carolining coming at a close second. The third and easiest type of Carolining is Intercarolina Carolining - the science of designing, creating and maintaining both maritime and land borders between the two Carolinas - which is the simplest because no one really cares.

Carolliner

Carolliner: noun. A carolliner is a person who arranges carols in sequences. Carolliners are most frequently found in the music industry and they determine the order in which carols are played on Christmas CDs, Youtube playlists and so on. Their hobbies include fishing and putting the fish in order based on size, dancing to rhythms with ascending time signatures and reading books from the first page to the last. 

Florrid

Florrid: verb. To be florrid is to be fancy to the point of ugliness. While the word was originally used to describe architecture (particularly that of the Baroque era), the simplicity that architecture embraced in the early twentieth century effectively gave the word a choice between change and death. The word florrid survived thanks to the advent of plastic surgery and is now mostly applied to people with bad 'face-jobs.'

Regeorgiatate

Regeorgiatate: verb. The word regeorgiatate has several meanings which are derived from the degree to which the word is taken literally.
1. At the most literal level, to regeorgiatate is to bring the swallowed parts of Georgia back into the mouth. This is a quite natural reaction to eating soil.
2. At at an intermediately literal level, to regeorgiatate is to give back parts of Georgia without really understanding them. An example of this would be a farmer returning a field to another farmer without realising that it sits on top of a massive oil well.
3. More abstract is the regeorgiatation of the state itself - a process whereby Georgia cleanses itself of foreign parts and becomes fully Georgian once more. While this tends to be associated with abstract socio-economic notions, it is sometimes also taken at face-value to denote processes like the water cycle.

Allobama

Allobama: verb. To allobama is to blame everything worth blaming on the US President Barack Obama. An example of this word used in a sentence is: "The citizens of Alabama were very keen on allobaming. From the economic situation to granny's broken fridge, everything was Obama's fault." Less frequently, the word allobama can also be used to refer to the US First Lady Michelle Obama in sentences such as the following: "The Southern Club of Anti-Feminists met for a very productive night of allobaming, during which they arrived at the conclusion that she not only plants 'hardcore stuff' on the lawn of the White House, but also plans to turn the Senate into lizard-men." 

LouisiBANANA

LouisiBANANA: noun. LouisiBANANA is the scientific term for what happens when someone tries to say something interesting about Louisiana, but is interrupted with the exclamation BANANA. These interruptions get faster with every sentence BANANA, and make you think that BANANA the person you are speaking BANANA is a BANANA. Needless to BANANA, it BANANA BANANA BANANA!!!

Kansate

Kansate: verb. To kansate is not, as is commonly assumed among Spanish speakers, to make someone tired, but to rate someone or something according to his/her/its severity in comparison to Kansas. The most famous thing that underwent the process of kansation is Arkansas, the name of which quite evidently derives from the concept of an "R rated Kansas." According to the committee that enacted this decision, Arkansas contains too much adult material to allow the entry of seventeen-year-olds without the accompaniment of a guardian. This adult material includes wheat, rocks, tornadoes, and easily accessible copies of literature with explicit sexual content, such as the Bible.

Homa

Homa: noun. A homa is the mother of a harlot. The word was created by the merging of a very naughty word and the word "ma," making it one of the shortest and smallest "mergers" in the history of English. The word was to be included as a pun in the musical Oklahoma, with the sudden arrival of a confused Spanish speaking tourist claiming that "la homa" is o.k., but it was deemed too daft and was dropped, thus robbing the English-speaking public of a word that never made an appearance anywhere.    

Tex

Tex: noun. The Tex is a special add on tax imposed on Texans whilst in other parts of the USA. Although such discrimination is officially illegal, it continues because of the super-secret Operation Burrito, which was put into action as the result of a dirty and dishonest compromise between the local Texan government and the government of the USA. By consenting to the addition of a secret extra tax on Texans in the other 49 states, Texas hoped to bolster national spirit and prove Texan supremacy by demonstrating how high the Texan purchasing power parity was in comparison with the rest of the USA. The US government, on the other hand, sought to use the Tex to curb separatist tendencies in the rest of the USA by limiting Texan travel, thus convincing the US electorate that Texans don't really exist.

New-Mexicanisation

New-Mexicanisation: noun. To be turned into something somehow resembling New Mexico. When one talks of social New-Mexicanisation, one usually means a change in the number of Hispanic inhabitants and Native Americans to levels resembling those of New Mexico. Cultural New-Mexicanisation, on the other hand, means the adoption of Hispanic, indigenous and American values. There is also geographic New-Mexicanisation, which involves relocation to the US border with Mexico. The variety of meanings this word has is a source of frequent confusion, as demonstrated by a conversation I overheard on a train once between a child and his grandmother:

"Granny, did you know that uncle Jack has been New-Mexicanised?"
"Good heavens! Has he started wearing a poncho and turned 3.5% Navajo?"
"No, he's on holiday in Southern Texas."
"Oh... well that's a bummer." 

Uter

Uter: noun. Whereas officially, citizens of the state of Utah are called Utahn or Utahan, it is common practice, especially in neighbouring states, to call less educated and dim Utahans Uters because of the guttural sounds they produce. The first and only mention of the word Uter is in the title of a poem misattributed to John Keats for unknown reasons. It is a quite naughty limerick, so reader discretion would be ill-advised: naughty limericks are always the best of limericks.  

The Uter

I slept with a girlie from Utah,
I thought that my sister was cuter,
She told me "hey mister,
I'm really your sister"
So I had no choice but to shoot her. 

Arizonation

Arizonation: noun. Whereas zonation is a word describing either the arrangement and formation of biogeographic zones or the distribution of organisms in such zones, Arizonation is a word describing either the location of Arizona or the distribution of anything within it. The former meaning of the word is by far the less used one, as few people describe the position of Arizona as Arizona's Arizonation. However, the latter meaning saves redundant words in sentences such as "the Arizonation of votes for the Democratic party is traditionally haphazard," making the word very useful indeed.    

Nevadnik

Nevadnik: noun. A person who doesn't bother anyone. Derived and punned from the Czech word "nevadit," which means "not to bother," the word Nevadnik was originally the demonym for all Nevadans until people got to know them. 

Caulifornication

Caulifornication: noun. The creators of this blog feel very lazy today, which is why - in an attempt to satisfy our selfish cravings for a little peace and quiet - we finally decided to post a year-old suggestion for a word submitted by an anonymous member of the Hillsboro Baptist Church:

"Caulifornication is a despicable - dare I say almost Satanic - act of Sodomy with a cauliflower plant. It is not, as those liberal Sons of The Devil (also known as STDs) would have you believe, the act of transforming something into a cauliflower, because that would be witchcraft and witchcraft is prohibited by our Lord Almighty unless you prove your identity with a divine permission card issued by God to people whose magic was completely legal, such as Moses and Elijah. Oh daughter of Babylon, thou shalt soon be punished for thine harlotry. Hashtag: a puppy dies every time you touch your wiener."   

Oregone

Oregone: adjective. To be oregone is to have become devoid of all mineral resources. Derived from the despondent exclamations of latecomers to the 1860s-1870s Eastern Oregon Gold Rush, the word oregone found its way into the English dictionary following the report of the chronicler Symeon of Seattle in 1884, an excerpt of which has been sold to our website for two pennies and a piece of grit:

"And did those feet in ancient time walk on the oregone mountains green? Yes, they did."

Washingtonne

Washingtonne: noun. In the same way that a baker's dozen comprises thirteen instead of twelve loaves of bread, a washingtonne is 1050 kilograms of washing to do rather than 1000. The history of wahingtonnes is quite similar to that of the baker's dozen, which traces its origins back to the need to ensure a very low probability of selling only eleven faultless products when the customer payed for no less than twelve. In a similar way (though converse in terms of the customer-service relationship), a person would give a whole washingtonne to a dry cleaner in hopes of receiving at least a regular tonne of washed clothes back.   

Idahose

Idahose: noun. An Idahose is anything that is artificially or superfluously extended all the way to Canada, such as the state Idaho. Most commonly used to refer to objects or organs that transport fluids, the word idahose is a very popular exaggeration of just how big IT is (as in "mine is a real idahose"). The word can also be used to shed light on a number of practical situations: for example, a flight from Havana to New York is an idahose when it includes a layover in Toronto.   

Montanous

Montanous: adjective. Contrary to popular belief, to be montanous does not equate to being similar to Hannah Montana. She is a made up persona and her real name is Miley Stewart, so get your facts straight. To be montanous is to be similar to the state of Montana, as in the case of the famous Helena Billings who always made sure to keep Canada exactly North of herself by never leaving contiguous USA. Billings is ranked as the second most montanous person/animal/object/area in history, beating Montana Wildhack who came third and losing by only 0.02% to the state of Montana itself.   

Wyome

Wyome: verb. To wyome is to question the purpose of one's journey. Derived from the words "why" and "roam," wyoming is a quite common practice, though somewhat unpopular because of its existential nature. First detected amongst the Native American redfoot tribe, the word wyoming came into common use thanks to the son of Chief Big Compensator, Questioning Calf, who was so persistent in asking "are we there yet" during seasonal migrations that he was thrown into a river and left to float to the closest city. He ended up marrying a seamstress in Buffalo, had eighteen children and was featured in Humans of New York.     

Minnesofa

Minnesofa: noun. A minnesofa is an upholstered seat filled with water. Derived from the Dakota word "minne" (water) and the word sofa (which originally comes from Arabic), the word happens to be subject to a very witty interlingual pun:

A tourist goes to a store in Dodoma and points at a couch behind the shop window. "I want this one," he says resolutely. "The minnesofa?" Asks the shopkeeper. "No," says the customer, "one will do just fine."

The joke is that whereas "minne" means "water" in Dakota, it means "four" in Swahili when modifying words belonging to the class "m/mi" - a grammatical class containing many wooden products. However, it is a mistake on the part of the tourist to assume that sofas belong to the class, as they actually belong to the class of "n," also known as the class of animals but better defined as the class of grammatical leftovers. Thus, the tourist ostensibly buys the sofa for four times the price, leaving the shopkeeper very confused. What a joke indeed!   

Wizcouncil

Wizcounsel: noun. A wizcounsel is a free service offered to wizards by the International Wizcouncil, providing customers with advice on which spells to use in various situations and tips on how to use them. Upon signing the contract for wizcounselling, a wizard also gets a free wizcounsellor who helps the wizard deal with the immense responsibility that being a wizard brings. Each EU country, US state and Canadian province has its own Wizcouncil branch that a citizen can turn to when in need of such help. Service is offered in over twenty languages. 

Iower

Iower: noun. An iower is someone who owes someone his, her or its own self. The concept of iowing is best illustrated by the story of Faust who, in return for the services of the devil, promised to give the devil his soul upon his death (the terms of this contract, however, contained a very ambiguous clause which the devil should have payed more attention to before agreeing to it. It goes to show just how careful you should be when you download software that asks you to sign the terms and conditions). Anyway, Faust de facto owed the devil himself for the time the devil worked for him, but succeeded in annulling his status as an iower by making use of the loophole mentioned previously.

Duckcoater

Duckcoater: noun. A duckcoater (as opposed to a duckoater - a person who stones ducks with oats) is someone skilled in the art of coating ducks with various objects. The most popular objects used by duckcoaters to duckcoat include winter coats, summer coats and coats of ermine, as well as honey. Vegetarians tend to prefer the winter and summer coats, as they make the task of eating a duck remarkably difficult and far more guilt-inducing.  

Duckiota

Duckiota: noun and verb. Contrary to popular belief, a duckiota is not a very small piece of a duck, but a very small lowering of one's head or body in order to avoid being struck by something. Similarly, to duckiota is to lower one's head or body a tiny bit; this action is a very popular dance move that usually brings down the house. The conjugations of this verb in the present tense are "I duckiota, you duckiota, he/she/it duckiotas, we duckiota, you duckiota, they duckiota." The past forms of this verb are just a little too complicated, but we will inform you that they involve geese.

Nebrassker

Nebrassker: noun. A nebrassker is a Mid-Western, notoriously off-key trumpet. A source of extreme national pride, the nebrassker can only produce about five notes when played by a semi-skilled player and one broken toot when played by a beginner, making it very useful in playing compositions that do not use brass instruments, such as Schubert's String Quintet or Beethoven's piano sonatas.   

Colorado

Colorado: noun. The word colorado is a very naughty ethnic slur used against people of any colour (i.e. people who are not transparent). It can most often be heard in the US south, where farmers have been known to complain of "them darned colorados coming in from the North, South, East and uhh... not East, to steal our jobses and womens." Colorado can also be used in a metaphorical sense to denote people or groups and organisations with unclear financial transactions.

Kansass

Kansass: noun. Kansass is a discontinued type of dog food made from the canned buttocks of donkeys. The word was at the peak of its popularity when several dogs sued the manufacturer for bad spelling and grammar, after which the executive committee of donkeybuttocksareus decided that rather than making proper corrections, it was more feasible to start making cat food instead. They named the product Katfewd.  

Missourable

Missourable: adjective. To be very sad about being from the state of Missouri or about being its citizen. The word can be used in sentences such as: "When the state of Missouri bet on the wrong presidential candidate, Jack was at his most missourable point since the year 1956." The word should not be confused with the word miserabble, a group of lower class, miserly people.   

Mechuggun

Mechuggun: noun. A mechuggun is a firing weapon used to target insane people or insane animals. During the relatively recent mad cow epidemic, mechugguns were used to shoot laughing gas at cows, making them seem even more insane than they already were. This expedited the process of getting compensation from the state, as some relief programmes involved distributing monetary 'refunds' proportionate to the perceived insanity of the cow. Entire committees dedicated to determining compensation were thus fooled, leading to the bankruptcy of several British villages.    

Indianer

Indianer: adjective. To be Indianer is to have more characteristics associated with Indians than another person. The word is a bone of contention for many Indians, as those inland claim to be Indianer than those on the borders and on the coast, owing to their geographical position in the "heart of India." As well as this, many Native Americans calling themselves Indians resent the argument amongst Indian Indians, claiming that they themselves are Indianest - the reason for which is not quite clear.

Tennisy

Tennisy: adjective. To be similar to tennis. The word can be used in sentences such as the following, found in Encyclopaedia Athletica: "Sports using racquets, such as squash, badminton and racquetball are all remarkably tennisy. Other sports in which objects are used to hit balls, such as cricket, croquet and billiards, are somewhat less tennisy but still more tennisy than sports in which balls are handled without objects to hit them with (football, basketball and rugby). The least tennisy sports are the ones in which balls are not used at all, such as judo, darts or chess and even less tennisy than these sports is everything other than sport. But for those who do not like sport, there is sport."

Kentuckyucky

Kentuckyucky: adjective. To be kentuckyucky is to be similar to Kentucky, in the same way that to be kentucky is to be similar to Kent. The US states all vary in their levels of kentuckyuckiness with Kentucky being the obvious leader in this area and Tennessee being a relatively close second.

Illinoise

Illinoise: noun. An illinoise is a sound that makes people feel sick or somehow unpleasant. What is or isn't an illinoise varies from person to person, as people have different tastes in tones as well as their amplitudes. Thus, whilst some people find cacophonous accords unpleasant to the point of being illinoises to them, others willingly pay to see the live version of American Idol.

Ohigho

Ohigho: noun. An ohigho is something high in the middle and round on both ends, such as not Ohio. Something that qualifies as an ohigho is a monster truck from side view or an anaconda that is defecating a bowling ball, eating another one and trying to digest a vertically positioned tree.

Verimont

Verimont: adjective. The word verimont is used to describe something very mountainous, for example Nepal or Austria. There are multiple ways to determine whether an area is verimont, as opposed to not so mountainous and not mountainous at all. One of these is simply counting up the number of mountains in a given area, but that is largely deemed a very lazy method by most geographers. The preferred method of measuring how verimont an area is is dividing the number of mountains by the extent of the area itself. The only weakness of such definition is that a number of geographers don't know the difference between a mountain and a hill.    

Vampsheer

Vampsheer: verb. To vampsheer is to harvest the canine teeth of a vampire, usually by sawing them off. Whereas in the past, vampsheering was a precaution ensuring that vampires would not be able to suck the blood out of people, modern mass-production has made it possible to keep vampires in pens and vampsheer them about twice per year. Vampire enamel can reach up to one US dollar per kilogram and is often used to make those little thingies on the ends of shoelaces. 

Mainia

Mainia: noun. Mainia is a medical term for abnormally elevated arousal levels owing to the awesomeness of Maine. Maine is the Northernmost part of New England and, as any truly patriotic American would tell you, it borders on nothing and more nothing up until the North Pole where Santa Claus lives. Such proximity to eternal Christmas, of course, naturally predisposes individuals to Mainia. 

Chusette

Chusette: noun. A chusette is the female equivalent of a chuser, an archaic version of the modern word "chooser" - someone who has the power to choose or someone who unnecessarily prolongs the process of choosing. According to new historical evidence, the name Massachusetts derives from a very unlikely but possible sequence of events related to this word. When John Smith was saved by Pocahontas from being killed in 1607, one of Smith's comrades built a memorial bearing the words "To Pocahontas, the massive chusette" in reference to Pocahontas' unclear affections towards men and her race in general. However, during the 1608 flood in the area of Virginia, part of the stone with the engraving "massive chusette" was carried by torrents of water all the way to Plymouth where it was found in 1620 by an unknown pilgrim and mistakenly taken to be the name of the area. The pilgrims, religious as they were, did not question the origins of the writing, as they were convinced that God himself gave them the land and decided to name it "Massive Chusette" in his everlasting wisdom.  

Rhodeo

Rhodeo: noun. The rhodeo (which fittingly originated in Pennsylvania, which is right next to New York, which is right next to Connecticut, which is right next to Rhode Island) is a game of uncertain etymology. The game consists of jumping on the back of a Rhodesian ridgeback and spanking it with the palm of one's hand for as long as possible until the ridgeback shakes its rider off. Despite the sentiments of the authors of this blog, the rhodeo has been criticised more often for the unfairness of its rules than for the blatant animal abuse it entails. This is because only one Rhodesian ridgeback is used for the entire competition and thus wears out completely by the time the third contestant mounts it. This is why the highest level of the podium for the winners is extremely wide so as to house everyone who went after the second contestant, with the first and second contestants usually ranking second and third, irrespectively.  

Connectacut

Connectacut: verb. To slash, rip or tear someone or something in a way that connects cuts, rips or tears incurred at an earlier time. For example, if a rug is torn in two places and a dog bites at it until there is a ridge connecting the two torn tears, we can say that the dog has connectacut the rug. In a similar way, if a murderer stabs someone in the left hand and then in the right hand, he can connectacut his victim by tracing along the body with a sharp object in a fascinatingly lively game of "connect the dots."  

NY-hate

NY-hate: verb. To NY-hate is to despise and act in a spiteful manner towards the city of New York or anything directly associated with it. People who NY-hate are called NY-haters and the word itself can be pronounced either "En-why-hate" or "knee-hate." Overwhelmed by the massive propaganda in the form of t-shirts, caps and cups bearing the words "I love NY," people who have had a more negative experience of this city (me and my sister, for example) have been pushed towards the edge of society and convinced that there must be something profoundly wrong with their brains. Luckily, the internet age has enabled this minority to gain international recognition, leading to the WHO erasing NY-hatred from the list of psychological diseases in 2010 and elevating it to the status of a "remarkable genetic trait" in the year 2014.      

Pensinveinia

Pensinveinia: noun. Pensinveinia is the medical term for having pens or parts of pens in your veins. Doctors tend to distinguish between temporary pensinveinia (for example when a tattoo artist's hand slips and jabs a vein with ink) and long-term pensinveinia (for example when someone comes up to you and sticks a pen in your artery). Pensinveinia can be very dangerous, especially when the pen is inserted into the vein in its complete length, width and height, thus causing death.  The process is quite complicated, so we won't examine it at length; just take advice from the doctors we consulted and never write again.  

Gnujersey

Gnujersey: noun. A gnujersey is, contrary to popular belief, a type of warm attire worn by gnus. While at hearing the word, most people assume that a gnujersey is a jersey made of gnu skin, this is rather silly as gnu skin is not a good material and the word is consequently rendered useless. Gnus themselves, on the other hand, need jerseys for the cold mornings on the plains.

Deliwear

Deliwear: noun. The word deliwear has two common meanings:
1. The clothes one wears while in a delicatessen shop.
2. The wrappers on the products in a delicatessen shop.
While it would appear that the name Delaware has something to do with deliwear, the sound of these two words is a complete coincidence. In fact, the word deliwear is more closely related to the word delhiwear, the clothes one wears in Delhi.

Marryland

Marryland: verb. To marryland is, as the word indicates, to marry land. This word is usually meant to be taken in a strictly metaphorical sense, as demonstrated by a sentence found in The Complete Encyclopaedia on the Chechen Life by Bulat Bulataev. It states that a Chechen woman is, from the very day of her birth, locally marrylanded and subsequently expected to stay within ten kilometres of her village for the rest of her life.This word is not to be confused with the noun merryland, which denotes a land with a high percentage of happy people, i.e. not Chechnya.

Huhwhy

Huhwhy: interjection. The word huhwhy is a contraction of the words "huh" and "why" and is usually followed by one question mark and one exclamation mark. Used to express surprise and bewilderment, the word huhwhy is where the name of Hawaii comes from. According to sources whose anonymity we are legally bound to protect, the name stuck following a conversation of the first white colonist with a Hawaiian tribal leader. This conversation has been reconstructed by the US department of culture and can be found here:

Tribal leader: Here, we worship the gods of the volcano.

Colonist: Huhwhy?!

Tribal leader: Because they are the ones hold the power to destroy us.

Colonist: Huhwhy?!

Tribal leader: Because our country is found on a tectonic plate passing over plumes of heightened volcanic activity (which are also known as hot spots) and the rising magma from beneath the earth's crust often bursts through, thus forming a volcano with gently sloping sides, as opposed to Plinian volcanoes which are cone shaped and occur on destructive plate boundaries.

Colonist: Huhwhy?!  

Tribal leader: Nevermind. Would you like to ride a plank of wood on the top of twenty feet tall waves?

Lasker

Lasker: verb. To lasker is to dance in order to get warm. Similar to the tarantella, the lasker is the name for the dance done by laskerers while laskering, the conjugations for this action being "I lasker, you lasker, he/she/it laskers, we laskeren, you laskeren, they laskeren." Devised in the north of Alaska on a cold winter evening in 1969, the lasker is in three-four time signature and is usually played prestissimo.

Merecat

Merecat: noun. A merecat is only a cat. Do not worry, it is a mere cat. It is not a meerkat, but a merecat and it does not usually stand on its hind legs. Truly, I say to you, merecats are not meerkats and woe be to him who says otherwise, for he doth defy the holy covenant between felines and suricates. Where were we?

Backmammon

Backmammon: noun. A backmammon is someone who hoards parts of the game backgammon and not, as popular belief has it, people's backs. Within the game itself, backmammons attempt to collect both their own pieces as well as the pieces of their opponents, often tipping the game against themselves by doing the latter first. The only accepted form of backmammony within the official rules of the game is revelling in the collection of game pieces that are not on the board anymore. Outside the game, backmammons collect backgammon sets or the parts thereof and put them around their house in prominent places.  

Asfixia

Asfixia: noun. The medical term for inability to fix things. It is customary to distinguish between physical and psychological asfixia. Physical asfixia is when a creature has no means to fix a particular problem. For example, people suffering from haemophilia have physical asfixia in regard to their blood not clotting. Psychological asfixia is when a creature has the means to fix a particular problem, but is mentally unable to do so. For example, some psychologists argue that Jehovah's Witnesses have psychological asfixia in regard to blood transfusion as a method of saving lives.    

πRomania

πRomania: noun.  The word πRomania has several commonly used meanings, the most frequent of which, as indicated by a survey filled in with the help of a minstrel and a wee white bunny, are the following:
1. Half the circumference of Romania. That is to say, one half of Romania's circumference, no more no less. Three quarters are too many, while one third is too little, excepting that it is part of the half already. Five sixths are far out.  
2. Immolating round objects. Usually, such phenomena are indicators of the violence inherent in a largely autocratic system and do not occur in anarcho-syndicalist communes.  
3. A constant urge to set fire to Romania.

Inflamingate

Inflamingate: verb. The word inflamingate is perhaps the most misused word of all time. Some use it to denote the inflammation of a particular object using a flamingo. Some use it to describe the inflammation of the flamingo itself. Some even go as far as using the word as a preposition, the meaning of which is either meant to be "inside a flamingo in a gate" or "inside a flaming gate." However, the real meaning of the word inflamingate is to emulate the behaviour of a flamingo. Inflamingating is to flamingos what impersonating is to humans, with the sole exception that flamingos do not shoot each other to death with automatic rifles and seldom eat rotten fish. 

Mishappen

Mishappen: verb. To mishappen is to happen in a wrong, bad or unplannedly negative fashion. The word can be used in sentences like "the fireworks mishappened; they did not want to go off and when dad came to relight them, they exploded in his face." It is also very useful for commenting on the political status of quite a few countries, for example: "Despite high hopes, democracy mishappened in Russia following the year 1991." 

Unplannedly

Unplannedly: adverb. The word unplannedly is the adverb derived from the more commonly used adjective "unplanned." It can be used in sentences such as "the authors of this blog unplannedly came up with this word whilst writing tomorrow's post." The word unplannedly is synonymous with the words "inadvertently," "unintentionally," or "unwittingly," but covers a somewhat larger scope in meaning, as exemplified by the previous sentence which would convey a slightly different message if the word unplannedly was replaced by any of these.  

Swaglish

Swaglish: noun. Contrary to popular belief, Swaglish is not an amalgam of English and Swahili. Nor is it a language spoken exclusively by hipsters with a lot of swag. In fact, Swaglish is a combination of the two: A hip and trendy cross between English and Swahili used by very cool people (to whose coolness the creators of this blog can only look up to with their mouths wide at a 45 degree angle). An example of Swaglish in a conversation is the following:

"Habari gani?"
"Very njema"
"So yesterday usiku was gani?"
"Oh, like, sooo nzuri."
"I nahitaji to talk nawe 'bout the big habari: my dada's gettin' married."
Notice that the second speaker does not confuse "dada" for a hip and trendy word for "father" and correctly assumes that it refers to the first speaker's sister.
"Well it was 'bout nafasi. She's almost ishirini na tano - that's almost menopause!"
The conversation very appropriately ends here, as the first speaker is duly offended and leaves.  

Postsident

Postsident: noun. A democratically elected leader of a country which no longer exists. To be a postsident, one can be elected as a president and then lose the country one was elected in, or one can be directly elected as a postsident (though no one is quite sure what that might be good for). An example of a postsident was Edvard Beneš who, after the Nazis invaded Czechoslovakia, fled to Britain where he headed a government in exile and was incorrectly addressed by everyone as 'president.'

YOLAMTAITYTAN

YOLAMTAITYTAN: noun. A Hindu, Jain and Buddhist life philosophy founded on the teaching "You Only Live As Many Times As It Takes You To Achieve Nirvana." Being an Asian rendition of the Western YOLO (You Only Live Once), the philosophy of YOLAMTAITYTAN teaches that we should live our lives to the fullest, as there is a limit to how many lives we will receive. The only difference to the idea of YOLO is that YOLAMTAITYTAN stresses the importance of a second chance based on the assumption that an unfulfilled person will reincarnate over and over again until he or she is fulfilled and achieves Nirvana.

Cobaltic

Cobaltic: noun. A country other than Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania that has a shore on the Baltic sea. With the term "Baltic State" confiscated and rabidly protected by the Estonians, Latvians and Lithuanians, other countries with Baltic shores have come up with the term Cobaltic to distinguish their individuality. The Cobaltic States are Finland, Sweden, Denmark, Germany, Poland and Russia.

Cobalt

Cobalt: noun. A new and popular music style created by the synthesis of blues and heavy metal. With the trademark characteristics of strong rhythm, a melancholic vibe, screeching singers and devil-worship, Cobalt is very popular among depressed rebelling teenagers who want to show their parents their discontent in a slightly more moderated way than by becoming full-fledged heavy metal listeners with faces of devils tattooed on their bums.     

Glueb

Glueb: noun. The remnants of glue inside a glue-stick, once the glue has been exposed to air for too long and is no longer usable as glue. The material retains its adhesive capabilities, but it is no longer in a fine consistency inside being in a strange globular or congealed state. Various inventors have tried to create uses for glueb such as fuel or vaseline, but those have all so far ended in fire, explosions or painful rashes.

Enginering

Enginering: noun. The subset of engineering, which consists solely of the study and development of engines, whether they be steam, diesel, nuclear or hamster. Enginering was pioneered by Aurel Stodola, who didn't really believe in the validity of the other parts of engineering as being worthy of study or investigation.

Pearsimmon

Pearsimmon: noun. A hybrid fruit created by geneticists in 2011, which combined the impossibly annoying shell of persimmons with the awful taste of pears. They were subsequently declared the 'Genetical Failure of 2011' by the International Committee for Human Achievement and Failure, which is chaired by Richard Dawkins.

Carsea

Carsea: noun. The joint commuting of at least 15 people together in a bus. The only difference between a carpool and a carsea is in the number of people that are encompassed in the two different activities. Carseas are particularly popular in the more rural parts of India, where the bus may be the only form of transportation for the entire area and so the carsea may be a necessity for many of the people.

Cryptophony

Cryptophony: noun. The study of the conveying of secret or hidden messages in speech. The field was developed to help the already existing study of cryptography, which however only had meager attempts at actually analyzing speech. Individuals have excelled at making ambiguous phrases convey hidden messages. Cryptophony is based around the analysis of individual fragments of speech, which are referred to as 'trapped cryptophonemes'.

Irrigatation

Irrigatation: noun. Being annoyed about things to do with the artificial watering or land or soil. This is a problem farmers often suffer from, especially if some stupid, GOD-FORSAKEN rodent decides to chew through their pipes and hose so that all of his stupid, stupid plants withers before he has time to go and fix the ENTIRE IRRIGATION SYSTEM.

Poelemization

Poelemization: noun. Polemization about one or more poems. This is a term originating in the 17th century, when the discussion of poetry in literary circles became particularly popular and the term emerged to refer to the monologue delivered by a single person at the beginning of such meetings, which would set the tone and topic for the discussion. Later poets and authors would try to prevent poelemizations by creating seemingly banal poetry, such as 'Sacred Emily' by Gertrude Stein.

Prerequiment

Prerequiment: noun. A requirement or criterion for a presentation. This word is an amalgam of two other words, that has become increasingly popular in recent times, especially in the business world, where a growing need for efficiency has condensed various phrases into single words, with prerequiments being only one example of the multitude of new vocabulary.

Battlemint

Battlemint: noun. A sugary-sweet pill that was taken by knights in the middle ages to calm their nerves and aid them before an upcoming battle. It was believed that the mints had mystical and magical properties, and thus would provide them with the strength necessary to overcome their enemy in battle. In reality, battlemints were one of the most successful and prosperous market ventures that made their creator a John of Reading one of the richest men in the world at the time. In fact it is thought that accounting for inflation and currency development, his wealth at the height of his power would be equivalent to the total GDP of Belgium for 2015.

Stape

Stape: noun. A staple which is coated in a thin film of adhesive, which also makes it sticky. This office supply was developed in the 1950's in the US by Herbert Williams of Reno, Nevada and became an instant success. It was only later discovered that the adhesive Williams was using emitted a surprising amount of beta particles, despite not containing any radioactive substance and to this day remains one of the greatest scientific office-related mysteries.

Horcruxcrux

Horcruxcrux: noun. The important part of a horcrux, which actually contains the part of someone's soul/living essence. Taking a real-world example, when Voldemort used the locket that formerly belonged to Salazar Slytherin, it was only the inside of the locket that contained the actual horcrux, and thus the inside of the locket was the horcruxcrux.

Intravel

Intravel: noun. An interval within an interval. For example, recording the volume of a scream at 1 minute intervals within 10 minute intervals. Intravels are used by scientists especially when measuring complex variables, such as human emotions, bad news and the amount of plastic cups in a plastic cup dispenser. It is thought that Newton was particularly opposed to intravels, as he saw them as unscientific and far too confusing to be worth the hassle.

Intergument

Intergument: noun. In biology, the internal covering of an organ. In Ancient Egypt the intergument of a pig's liver was used to create the equivalent to modern day candy wrappers, which were used to contain particularly savory pieces of honeycomb. This is known from the surprisingly intricate depictions of these in hieroglyphics, and some have theorized that these depictions are the earliest known examples of advertising, which would explain the level of detail and amount of these hieroglyphics.

Beight

Beight: noun. An alternate measurement of a dimension of an object. It was developed by John Dalton as a measurement for the relationship between the radius and the Gaussian Curvature of a sphere. It is now commonly used in topology to confuse puny non-topological mortals, who do not understand the beautiful complexities and intricacies of topology.

Porlific

Porlific: adjective. Describing something which contains multitudes of minute openings in its surface or integument. The term is used mostly by biologists to describe for example various types of fungi and coral. The term has been in recent years expanded to the noun porlifity, which is now an important category in fungus classification.

Imbellishment

Imbellishment: noun. The process of making a bell more durable and sonorous, a process very common in the bell-making industry. The process was actually created by Alexander Graham Bell in a rather hilarious example of nominative determinism. This was after his brilliant invention of the telephone, in what is commonly referred to as his 'Lost Period', when overcome by the success of the telephone, he was unsure how to further himself as a person.

Stelth

Stelth: noun. The careful and inconspicuous removal of a single vowel from a word in someone's document in a word processor. This is a technique often employed by someone's rival in an attempt to discredit or ridicule them in the eyes of someone else. Studies have been conducted to measure the success of stelth in this intended aim, but the results have as of yet been inconclsive.

Alionce

Alionce: noun. A trope often used in science fiction writing is the alliance between an invading alien force and lions, who as the kings of the animals, have dominion over the fauna of Earth. Thus they are able to defeat even the humans. A major part of this trope is the important role of the insects in the defeat of the humans, where they are led into battle by the Prince of Locust. It has been theorised that thanks to the great strength of the insects, the aliens are not in fact necessary to defeat the humans and so the only reason humans are alive today is because the animals have not been given the proper incentive.

Helsinker

Helsinker: noun. This term originates from the now largely forgotten myth/legend of when the god Poseidon entered the realm of Hades in retaliation for losing one of his mortal daughters to Hades' underworld realm. Poseidon used the deadly waters of river Styx to flood Hades' realm, showing clearly that he was the more powerful brother. He then left with his no longer mortal daughter and Hades and Persephone spent the next few centuries with a mop and a bucket.

Dowageress

Dowageress: noun. A woman who has married a dowager, thereby gaining her titles and responsibilities through marriage, and thus entirely legally. A dowageress has yet to exist and is currently only hypothetical in nature, mainly due to the restrictions on same-sex marriage in many countries. This is however due to change quite soon and thus a dowageress is no longer a ludicrous idea, as it may have been viewed in the past.

Sallem

Sallem: noun. This is the unique mixture of herbs and spices developed by Cotton Mather and used to season the witches who were burned at the stake during the Salem Witch Trials. The minister did not encourage cannibalism, but believed that using his unique blend of seasoning the evil witch spirit could be prevented from turning another poor, helpless, innocent and servile woman from also becoming rebellious, independent and free-thinking.

Neroic

Neroic: adjective. A word to describe a suicide, which is preceded by the killing of over a thousand people and includes quoting from a over-quoted work of literature and then proceeding to end a dynasty by the suicide, instilling chaos and panic in the country. An obvious example of a neroic death is the suicide of William Smith who killed himself after having started the Great Fire of London, quoting from Hamlet and then by killing himself ending a long dynasty of Sewer Kings, who had maintained peace in the London canals for centuries.

Beingmas

Beingmas: noun. The festival proposed by Maximilien Robespierre to replace Christmas in Revolutionary France after having removed all other religions and replacing them with the Cult of the Supreme Being, which was obviously better than the Cult of Reason. Beingmas was meant to include such highlights as bread with powdered sugar and water with a slight touch of gooseberry. The idea became an instant hit with the people of Revolutionary France.

Crusaddle

Crusaddle: noun. The specially designed saddles intended for the heroes of the First Crusade, which were specially commissioned by Pope Urban II and meant as a reward. The saddle were decorated by half of all the jewels available to the Vatican at the time. Later realising its mistake the Church bought or demanded most of the saddles back in later years, so that now there are only 3 examples in the world, that do not belong to the Catholic Church. The whereabouts of one of these remains unknown except to a select few, who have guarded it for centuries as the Order of the Bestudded Saddle.

Collapsming

Collapsming: noun. This word refers to the sudden and shocking collapse of the Chinese Ming Dynasty in the 17th century. It also refers to the often used TV trope in which a character accidentally knocks down a priceless Ming dynasty vase, causing embarrassment for himself and awkwardness for all, which is for some reason amusing to the viewers of the television programme.

Pickle

Pickle: verb. To have been defeated by any one of the 8 HMS Pickles. Since 1800 there has been a HMS Pickle serving in the royal navy, however all of them have been so famously small and quite pathetic that being defeated by one became a sign of a truly horrendous captain. Therefore the verb has been used most commonly in the phrase, "You've been pickled!" This is also ironic due to the way in which Admiral Nelson's body was transported to England after the Battle of Trafalgar, in which one of the HMS Pickles took part, but was too small to fight.

Roquefortfort

Roquefortfort: noun. A castle or bastion built entirely out of Roquefort cheese. These structures are most popular in the commune of La Roque-Sainte-Marguerite in an attempt to spite their neighbours of Roquefort-sur-Soulzon, who have a silly monopoly on that awful, awful cheese that nobody eats anyway, so why not use it for forts, huh?

Increedible

Increedible: adjective. The two meanings of this word are in fact completely unrelated:

1. This word was shouted after the Cree chieftain Big Bear fled the North-West Mounted Police in the last military engagement on Canadian soil. Really the word should be shouted at Canadians in modern times for their lack of military engagements.
2. Referring to a personal motto which is so ridiculous and ludicrous or blatantly disregarded that it appears impossible. Examples of this include claiming one's creed to be "I am loving and kind and welcoming of all" while committing genocide.

Funtire

Funtire: noun. 
1. Satire which is aimed to cause verbal or psychological harm to a person. One may think that quite illogical due to the composition of the word, but in fact the word in itself is an example of funtire and after experiencing the word in this way, one should feel some discomfort and drowsiness.
2. A tire which has somehow escaped the wheel it was previously attached to and is consequently roaming the streets free like a bird, ignoring any duties and requirements, living life to the fullest. Funtires are some of the most envied objects in certain US states.

Coulogual

Coulogual: adjective. Referring to something that occurred during the discussion between two zucchinis. According to legend before the arrival of fire, people would produce heat and warmth for protection by encouraging heated discourse between two courgettes, which would eventually become so heated that the zucchinis would quite literally produce heat and keep the people warm. Thus various possible topics of discussion became referred to as coulogual.